


Blue Lotus, White Lotus

by shions_heart



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - Royalty, Angst, Eventual Happy Ending, Family, Fluff, Forced Prostitution, Found Family, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Major Character Injury, Slavery, Smut, Violence, dark themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-28
Updated: 2015-08-02
Packaged: 2018-04-06 17:02:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 108,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4229799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shions_heart/pseuds/shions_heart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all.”</p><p>Rei Ryugazaki is a soldier in the great army of royal Matsuoka family with aspirations of becoming a kingsguard.</p><p>Nagisa Hazuki is a slave from the northern country, raised and groomed to pleasure Prince Rin Matsuoka.</p><p>When Rei returns wounded from the battlefield and finds himself in the new position of palace guard, he is saddled with the duty of escorting Nagisa to and from the prince’s chambers (a task he expects to be dull and unfulfilling). However, he finds himself drawn to Nagisa in a way he never expected to be. </p><p>Desert AU based on <a href="http://hubedihubbe.tumblr.com/post/122183301415/reigisa-desert-au-with-prince-rin-incomplete">this post</a> by hubedihubbe on Tumblr</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue: The Seed is Planted

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! So this is the multi-chaptered Reigisa fic I promised! I got permission by hubedihubbe on Tumblr to use their fanart as an inspiration and starting point for this fic. It was originally a roleplay that they were a part of, and they gave me the entire story to work with. :) I've tweaked it some (added things, left out others) but I hope you all like it!
> 
> (There will also be some heavy implications toward MakoHaru and SouRin, but the main focus of the fic is Reigisa. :) )
> 
> Warning: this will deal with some dark themes, as you can probably tell by the original fan art. I'm going to try my best to write everything as tastefully as I can, but please don't read if it's going to seriously upset you. <3

Nagisa was only eight years old when the soldiers from Makuria came to his village in Nekor. As the shouts came from the outskirts of town, warning families to hide their children, Nagisa’s father took him aside. He knelt in front of him, his face grim.

“Nagisa, listen to me, these men . . . they’re going to take you. But whatever you do, don’t give them reason to hurt you. Be charming. Smile. Do what they say.”

Nagisa, frightened, clung to his father. “B-but I don’t want to go!” he wailed, tears streaming down his pale cheeks.

“My boy; my dear, sweet Nagisa.” His father pulled him close, stroking his fair hair. “Be strong.”

The soldiers marched down the streets, calling for all those with young boys between the ages of eight and ten to bring them forth to be inspected. Every year it was the same. In order to ensure this conquered Nekoran tribe did not rise against them, did not attempt a revolution, the Makurian kingdom demanded hostages, young boys to serve the kingdom in various capacities.

A popular rumor in the village was that Nagisa’s mother had killed herself out of grief when Nagisa was born, knowing that such a beautiful child would surely be taken. His father had been quick to reassure Nagisa that this was not the case, that it had simply been complications during his birth. Still, Nagisa often looked at his own reflection and wished the gods hadn’t given him beauty.

Nagisa and his father stood in the center of the room, as the Makurian soldiers entered by force. A scary one with a long beard pointed to Nagisa, barking a question to his father. Nagisa couldn’t understand their harsh language, but his father seemed to, as he answered despondently. Apparently he’d given them the answer they wanted, for they simply pushed him aside and grabbed Nagisa.

“No! No! Papa! Papa, don’t let them take me!” Nagisa screamed, struggling against the strong arms of the man who started to carry him away.

But his father didn’t move from where he stood, tears streaming down his cheeks.

 

***

 

They brought him to a long building that didn’t seem elaborate enough to be the official palace. Nagisa didn’t stop crying until three days after his abduction, but the soldiers had seemed used to it, and none of them made him stop, though they seemed irritated by the noise. Nagisa did his best to stay quiet and make himself as small as possible. Other boys had been taken as well, about a dozen others, and some of them tried to escape and were beaten for it. Nagisa remembered what his father had told him and remained meek and humble, going where the soldiers gestured for him to go, doing his best to stay out from underfoot.

A man with fair hair and a stern expression stood in the doorway of the building. As the boys left the caravan, guided by the soldiers to stand in a single line before the man, he stepped forward to inspect them. His hands massaged fingers, pried open mouths, checked ears and eyes. It was invasive and humiliating, especially when he lifted their loincloths to observe their private parts. Nagisa endured the inspection quietly, staring straight ahead and biting his lip to keep it from quivering.

He seemed impressed by them all, though, and said something to the soldiers. Evidently it was an order to bring the boys inside, because they were prodded with the ends of spears and made to walk forward into the building.

Nagisa couldn’t help but be in awe of the lavish decorations indoors. There were bright reds and purples and golds in every tapestry and curtain. The floor was made of cool marble, and magnificent columns held up the painted ceiling above. Never before had Nagisa seen such extravagant décor. But the spectacle wasn’t enough to reassure him, and he twisted his fingers together in anxiety, as he and the other boys came to a stop in the middle of a large, circular room. Dozens of boys of various ages stood against the walls, their heads bowed, dressed in flimsy tunics.

The stern man stepped up to each boy, asking every one several questions in that harsh language that sounded nothing like the sweet, melodic one of Nagisa’s people. Most of the boys answered haltingly, but when he came to Nagisa, he could only stare up at the man uncomprehendingly, his knees trembling.

Frustrated, the man asked his question again, this time louder. Nagisa flinched, but couldn’t speak, terrified of what might happen if he didn’t reply in the correct language.

One of the boys from the wall ran forward, saying something quickly to the man, who appeared surprised. But he stepped back and allowed the boy to turn to Nagisa.

“He wants to know if you have any special talents,” the boy said with a small, reassuring smile. He had kind green eyes and light brown hair and appeared to be a couple years older than him.

Nagisa blinked, stunned by the fact that he could understand him. “You . . . you speak Nekoran?” he asked softly.

“I’m from a town on the border,” the boy said. “Now quickly, he needs an answer.”

“Why? Why am I even here?” Nagisa asked despairingly.

“Shh, shh I’ll explain everything later,” the boy said, patting his shoulder gently. “Now, please, before he gets angry.”

“I-I . . . I like to dance,” Nagisa admitted softly, not sure if that was the correct answer or not. But the boy was smiling again, and he turned to repeat his answer to the man.

He asked Nagisa a couple more questions (how old he was, if he had any disabilities that weren’t visible, if his family had any history of disease), and the boy remained beside Nagisa to translate. When the interrogation was complete, and the man completed the same questioning with the others, they were dismissed. The boys along the wall came forward to take the new ones back to the barracks, and the boy beside Nagisa grabbed his hand, pulling him close.

“My name is Makoto,” he said softly, as he led Nagisa through several large double doors, following the others. As they walked, a striking dark-haired boy the same age as Makoto joined them, falling into step beside Makoto. He wore a solemn expression, but looked at Nagisa with some interest.

“This is Haruka,” Makoto introduced. “He’s from an island colony. We arrived here on the same day.”

“I-I’m Nagisa. Where . . . where is here?” He clung to Makoto’s hand, focusing on his face instead of the narrowing walls.

“This is where they send all the boys from Nekor and the colonies. They train us here; teach us palace etiquette and some basic fighting skills. When we turn sixteen, they give us our official positions. Most of us go on to become soldiers in the army, but some are taken to the palace to serve the royal family.”

Nagisa swallowed, thinking neither of those options sounded pleasant, but at least as a servant he’d be far away from the war and safe. He hoped he’d get that job. Cleaning up after royalty didn’t sound so painful.

They came to the barracks, a single room lined with rows and rows of bedding on the floor. Makoto didn’t let go of his hand, but instead led Nagisa over to where two mats had been pushed together. Haruka sat down on one, while Makoto lowered onto the other one, pulling Nagisa down beside him. He wrapped his arm around Nagisa’s shoulder then, pulling him close.

“Don’t worry, Nagisa. We’ll take care of you,” he said gently.

And for the first time since Nagisa left his homeland, he wondered if maybe he’d be okay.

 

***

 

Nagisa stuck close to Makoto and Haruka as his training began and the years passed. The stern man who’d inspected him turned out to be a palace official named Goro Sasabe, and he was the one in charge of their education. He taught them the proper ways to address and treat royalty, how to correctly serve tea, how to dress, and how to act. They were all taught dancing, storytelling, and seduction. This last part confused Nagisa, but he thought maybe it was just a part of the acting he needed to know to flatter his superiors and make sure they never felt the need to get rid of him.

Every evening, Makoto would teach Nagisa the language of Makuria. He had undying patience, and Nagisa was grateful for the help. Haruka would stay with them during these lessons, reclining on Makoto’s mat behind the taller boy, sketching. Nagisa had quickly learned that Haruka’s best talent was art, and Makoto often bragged about how Sasabe frequently took Haruka’s work to the palace for the king himself.

Haruka never seemed that impressed by his skills, but he continued drawing. For the palace and Sasabe, he drew landscapes and still-lifes. But for Makoto and Nagisa, he drew portraits of the three of them, or sometimes simply one or the other. Nagisa had a small collection underneath his pillow.

Although he’d received his own mat, he preferred to sleep nestled between Makoto and Haruka. It was how they’d fallen asleep his first night there, and as the years passed, Nagisa didn’t feel like breaking the tradition. He felt safe and warm with the older boys on either side of him: Makoto’s arm wrapped around his waist, Haruka’s resting on top of Makoto’s.

One day, when Nagisa was twelve, after Haruka had to be taken to the palace physician for his yearly inspection (a procedure they all were required to take), he ventured a personal question.

“Why doesn’t Haruka ever talk? Does he not know how?”

Makoto blinked, appearing surprised by the question. He quickly recovered though, and tapped Nagisa’s shoulder. “In Makurian, Nagisa,” he admonished gently.

Nagisa frowned in frustration, but switched to the foreign language, hating how stupid he sounded and the way the harsh sound felt on his tongue and in his mouth. “Haruka . . . not . . . speak?” he managed. “Why?”

Makoto sighed. “He knows how to talk,” he admitted in Nekoran. “But when he was eight, his colony was raided by soldiers. His family resisted, fought against the soldiers when they tried to take Haruka. So the soldiers they . . . they killed his parents. Right in front of him.”

Nagisa paled, feeling his stomach turn unpleasantly. “Poor Haruka!” he exclaimed.

Makoto nodded, pain etched on his features. “I first met him on the caravan over here. He was the only boy not crying. I knew that he must have experienced something terrible to be so in shock. My heart ached for him.” Reaching up, Makoto placed his hand on his chest, curling his fingers into the thin material of his tunic. “So I went to him. I sat with him. I told him stories of my village. I’ve been by his side ever since. Sometimes he speaks to me, but it’s not often. But I think he’s better now, if only a little.”

This subdued Nagisa, and when Haruka returned from his inspection, Nagisa flung his arms around him, crying. He couldn’t help it. He felt so bad for the solemn older boy.

“Haru-chan!” he cried, resorting back to Nekoran, as he clung to him. “I’m so sorry you lost your parents! It must have been so awful for you!”

Haruka appeared confused; he patted Nagisa’s back gently, looking over at Makoto for an explanation.

Makoto smiled, as he stood. “-Chan is a term of endearment in Nekoran,” he said. “Reserved for close friends, lovers, and small children. There’s not really an equivalent in Makurian.” He scratched the side of his head, looking thoughtful.

Nagisa reached out, pulling Makoto into the hug. He buried his face in his chest, thinking about his own parents now, how he’d lost them. It wasn’t in as horrific a way as Haruka, but he supposed it the grand scheme of things it didn’t truly matter. They were all orphans, and all they had was each other.

Nagisa never wanted to be apart from them.

 

***

 

Makoto and Haruka turned sixteen when Nagisa was fourteen. Sixteen was the age when Makurians became men. They could join the army. They could marry. They could begin employment. Therefore, all of the boys who’d been taken from Nekor and the colonies were selected for their lifetime duties at age sixteen.

The night before the selection, the three gripped each other tightly on their mats, Nagisa between Makoto and Haruka as always. Haruka’s face was buried in Nagisa’s hair, and Nagisa pressed his own face against Makoto’s chest. Makoto tried to reassure them everything would be okay.

“None of us are very skilled with a blade,” he said as optimistically as he could. “So we’ll probably all wind up working in the palace. We’ll still be together, even if we’re leaving before you, Nagisa.”

Nagisa wondered if that was possible. He felt Haruka’s arm tighten around his waist, and tears filled his eyes. He curled his fingers into Makoto’s tunic, holding it tightly.

“I don’t want you to go. You’re the only family I have,” he said miserably.

Makoto’s hand rested on the side of Nagisa’s head, and he stroked his thumb across his cheek. “We won’t be apart for long,” he promised softly.

But Nagisa doubted he could promise such a thing.

The next day, all the boys gathered in that large circular room. Nagisa stood against the wall with the other boys who were still too young to be chosen. Those that had turned sixteen stood in the center of the room. They’d been washed and adorned with colorful kaftans. Their hair had been combed until it lay silky against their necks, and their skin gleamed with scented oils.

From where he stood, Nagisa could tell that Haruka was the most beautiful of the group. But Makoto, with his broad shoulders and kind face, was different from the rest. He had an air of warmth that radiated from him and drew people to him. Nagisa knew with certainty that both of them would be chosen, he just hoped they would be able to remain together. Makoto’s hand reached for Haruka’s, and they stood side-by-side, fingers interlocked tightly. Nagisa felt his chest ache for them, knowing they had to be terrified.

The door opened and Sasabe entered with a man Nagisa didn’t recognize. He was tall and stately, with maroon colored hair and red eyes. He wore jewelry around his neck and on his fingers, and his kaftan was made with intricate brocades. On his head was an elaborate turban, with a large red ruby in its center above his forehead. Nagisa realized with a start that it was the king himself. Sasabe reminded them all to bow, and the boys prostrated themselves before King Matsuoka. Nagisa couldn’t help but peek though, and he watched as the king made his way toward the boys lined in the center of the room.

“You may rise,” he said, and Nagisa was shocked to realize he understood him perfectly.

“Fine looking young men you have here, Sasabe,” the king said with a nod toward their educator.

“Only the best for you, mi’lord,” Sasabe said with a short bow.

“I believe I have enough servants for now, so I suppose they should be sent to the military. Pity. They are very beautiful. This one in particular.” He stepped up to Haruka, touching the young man’s chin to lift his head 

Nagisa saw the way Haruka’s jaw tightened, and how he gripped Makoto’s hand. A feeling of trepidation spread through him, but he remained on the floor, not wanting to draw attention to himself.

“My son’s sixteenth birthday is fast approaching,” the king mused. “I’ve been meaning to find him a gift. He’ll want to start his harem soon, and I don’t see why I shouldn’t give him a boy to begin with.”

Nagisa saw Makoto stiffen, but he was confused. He didn’t recognize the word “harem.” What had the king said to elicit such a reaction? What was he going to do with Haruka?

King Matsuoka stepped back, nodding to Haruka. “Take this one to the palace. Send the rest to Mikoshiba to be trained for battle.”

Nagisa could only watch in horror, as two soldiers stepped forward to take hold of Haruka, pulling him away from the rest. Haruka’s eyes were wide, and he clung to Makoto’s hand, resisting.

“Makoto!” he cried, and Nagisa flinched at the panic in his voice.

Makoto stood where he was, tears sliding slowly down his cheeks. Although he didn’t move, his grip never faltered on Haruka’s hand. Haruka struggled against the soldiers, and one of them grabbed Makoto’s shoulders, yanking him back in an attempt to break their hold. It didn’t work, and finally the guard drew his sword, slamming the hilt of it down on Makoto’s arm.

Nagisa heard a sharp crack, and Makoto yelled in pain, dropping to the floor.

“No! Makoto! _Makoto_!” Haruka’s desperate voice carried through the room, echoing even as he was dragged out of the doors.

Nagisa didn’t wait for the king to leave. He ran forward, dropping to his knees beside Makoto. He wrapped his arms around his friend, kissing the tears that continued to fall.

“Mako-chan,” he murmured. He had no idea what was going on, or where they’d taken Haruka, but he knew that the two had been separated, and that was bad enough.

Makoto cradled his broken arm, burying his face in Nagisa’s shoulder. Nagisa frowned up at the king, as the man observed the scene.

“And who is this?” King Matsuoka asked with interest.

“Ah, that is Nagisa. He is still a child, not yet sixteen,” Sasabe said, stepping forward quickly. “Pay him no mind, mi’lord. The three of them . . . they were close.”

“I see.” King Matsuoka crouched in front of Nagisa, regarding him with those sharp red eyes. “I am sorry for your loss.”

Nagisa’s frown vanished, replaced by shock. He stared at the man, as he stood and walked away. He hadn’t expected sympathy from the king, and he wondered why he’d felt the need to apologize.

Later, Nagisa and Makoto lay on their mat, feeling keenly the missing presence of Haruka. Makoto’s arm had been splinted, and he was to wait until it healed before he left for his military training. Makoto lay on his back, and Nagisa pressed against his side and gripped his tunic, shivering as his back registered the chill of the night.

“What’s going to happen to Haru-chan?” he asked softly.

Makoto closed his eyes in pain, but Nagisa knew it wasn’t because of his arm. “He’ll be made to entertain and-and pleasure the prince.”

Nagisa felt his skin grow hot, though his blood felt cold rushing through his veins. “P-pleasure? Y-you mean . . .”

Makoto nodded, opening his eyes. “Why did you think we were taught the art of seduction? Some of us become concubines in the palace. I feared he would be chosen for such a position, but I’d . . . I’d hoped I’d be able to work in the palace as well. To . . . to at least be near him . . .”

Nagisa swallowed, watching as the tears fell down Makoto’s face again. “He’ll be okay though, won’t he?”

“Knowing Haruka, he’ll make trouble for himself soon enough.” Makoto sighed, sniffling some. He reached up with his good arm to wipe his face on the back of his hand. “I just hope they’re patient with him.”

Nagisa pulled himself closer to Makoto, moving his head to the older boy’s chest.

Two months later, Sasabe sent Makoto away, and Nagisa was left alone. Every night, he gripped the portraits Haruka had drawn of the three of them, pressing them to his chest, as he curled into a ball and shivered in the lack of warmth from his friends’ bodies.

 

***

 

Two years passed, and Nagisa turned sixteen. After Makoto had been taken, Nagisa realized that Makoto was strong and would probably become powerful and a great fighter while in the army. Nagisa had to believe that his abilities would keep him alive in battle. But as for himself, Nagisa knew that he wouldn’t last a day. So that meant he had to try his best to get into the palace.

More specifically, he had to get into the prince’s harem. At least then he’d be with Haruka.

So he threw himself into his dancing, swiftly becoming the best dancer of his age group. He also improved his acting skills, his seduction techniques. He practiced on the other boys, pleased when he could make them stutter or blush, even those who didn’t have a preference for men. Sasabe seemed impressed by how quickly Nagisa had developed his talents.

Finally the day came when it would be decided where Nagisa would be placed. He stood in line with the other boys his age, waiting with a heart thudding wildly in his chest for the doors to open and reveal his fate.

When they did, it wasn’t the king who came striding into the room. It was Prince Rin Matsuoka himself. Beside him stood a tall, handsome man with blue eyes and dark hair. For a moment, Nagisa thought it was Haruka, and he inhaled sharply. But then he realized this man was much too tall, his build too wide, and the blue of his eyes were tinted with green.

“What do you have for me, Sasabe?” the prince asked. “I’m looking for another harem boy. Sousuke got rid of my favorite one.” Here he sent an exasperated look back at the man beside him.

“He attacked you, my prince.” The man, Sousuke, spoke in a low, respectful tone, but Nagisa could sense his frustration.

“I goaded him into it,” Prince Rin said, waving his hand dismissively. “But no matter. I’m sure I can find a new favorite.” His red eyes scanned the line of boys before him, before settling on Nagisa. He grinned, and Nagisa was shocked to see teeth that had been filed into sharp fangs.

“You! What’s your name?” he asked, and it took Nagisa a moment to realize he was pointing towards him.

He bowed quickly. “Nagisa, mi’lord,” he said.

“Nagisa. I like your look. What skills do you have?”

“I dance, mi’lord.”

“He’s very skilled,” Sasabe said, stepping forward. “You will surely be impressed by him.”

Prince Rin snapped his fingers. “I want to see. Show me!”

Sasabe nodded. “R-right away, mi’lord!” He turned to some boys against the wall. “Fetch your instruments! The prince wants to see Nagisa dance!”

Nagisa stood where he was, as the boys moved out of the way and the others ran to get instruments. He looked down at the floor, steadying his rapidly beating heart. This was the moment he’d been preparing for. He had to impress the prince if he was ever to see Haruka again.

The boys returned, and as the music started, Nagisa closed his eyes, allowing the melody to move through him. Slowly, he started to dance. He thought of Makoto’s smile, of Haruka’s eyes. He thought of his family, and he danced for them.

Opening his eyes, he saw the way the prince was watching him. The gleam in his eyes. When their gazes met, Nagisa gave him a coy smile, and felt a sense of accomplishment when Prince Rin smiled in return. There was a hunger in his, but Nagisa had readied himself for that. He knew exactly what he was getting into; it was the only way to try to get his family back together.

He danced closer to the prince. Noticing how Sousuke stiffened, his hand moving to the hilt of his sword, Nagisa was careful to keep his disarming smile and make no sudden movements. Reaching out, he twirled his wrist, brushing the side of his hand against Prince Rin’s jawline. The prince reached up quickly to grab his arm, halting him. His eyes were dark with desire, and Nagisa smiled again, lowering his gaze respectfully.

“I want this one,” the prince said in a low voice.

Sousuke didn’t appear pleased by this decision. “Are you certain, my prince? There are others you’ve barely glanced at.”

“I am certain.”

Nagisa remained still, until Prince Rin released his arm. He took a step back, bowing once more. “It is my honor to serve, mi’lord,” he said in his best Makurian.

Sousuke sighed. “Have him ready to go within the hour,” he told Sasabe, placing his hand at the prince’s elbow then. “Let’s go, my prince.”

Nagisa kept his smile until the heavy doors closed behind them. Then it slipped from his face, and he solemnly walked back toward the barracks to gather his things.

_Mako-chan, Haru-chan . . . we won’t be apart for long._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up Next: A two-year time jump and Rei Ryugazaki is introduced.


	2. Rei - The Great Butterfly

Rei stood outside his general’s chamber, feeling the sweat trickle from his turban down his neck and into the back of his tunic. He brushed at it in annoyance. While it was difficult to remain dignified and attractive while living in the desert, Rei always tried his best to keep himself well put together. In a profession where he was just one of many, appearances were important. He had to find some way to stand out, otherwise how was he supposed to rise above his lowly rank and reach the prestigious title of Kingsguard?

“Well, if it isn’t the Great Butterfly!”

Rei grimaced, but resumed his composure, as he turned to greet his fellow soldiers.

“Bunji, Itaru. What business could you possibly have with the general? Looking for longer swords, perhaps?” He kept his voice light, masking the anxiety that had risen in his chest.

At first the insult didn’t seem to register but then the men frowned.

“Our _swords_ are just fine. Want a demonstration?”

Bunji drew his sword, and Rei sighed, unsheathing his own.

“You really shouldn’t challenge me,” he cautioned. “You both know my skill with a blade.”

“I know you’ve got a big head with a mouth to match! You flitter around with your colorful clothes like a vain butterfly, trying to get the general to notice you. Well it won’t work! You’ll always just be a filthy foot soldier like the rest of us!”

Rei frowned. Itaru was the smarter of the two, and his words struck a cord. Tightening his grip on the hilt of his sword, he took a step forward.

“Now, now, what’s this? I can’t have fighting among my own men. What would the other generals think?”

Rei, Itaru, and Bunji all snapped to attention, as General Mikoshiba approached. He observed them for a moment, before chuckling.

“I can guess why you’re here, but I’m sorry to say that we have no new orders. We must still remain here and defend the fort. If it falls, the Nekorans will have access to our fields. They’d be able to starve us into surrender.”

“But the Nekorans have made no move toward us!” Itaru pointed out. “Wouldn’t our skills be better put to use on the frontlines?”

“You’d think so,” Mikoshiba said, stroking his chin. “But a strong defense is just as important as a good offense. Our men are doing their best at the front, but we must defend the back just as well.”

Rei hesitated, before stepping forward. “Sir, I mean no disrespect, but you’ve seen my skills. You know what I’m capable of. I do believe I’m wasting my time here. I could better serve the kingdom in a capacity where my talents are utilized more frequently.”

He could practically hear Itaru and Bunji rolling their eyes at him, but he kept his gaze on Mikoshiba’s face. The general raised an eyebrow, as he looked down at Rei.

“You’re the one they call the Great Butterfly, yes?”

Rei bristled but remained calm, knowing it wouldn’t do him any good to get angry with his superior. “Yes, sir.”

Mikoshiba crossed his arms. “You’re ambitious, and I like that. However, you are also vain and self-centered. Of course I know how gifted you are, but to abandon your fellow soldiers in order to pursue your own aspirations? That doesn’t seem very wise or very loyal, now does it? And a member of the kingsguard must be both those things.”

Rei, duly admonished, hung his head, knowing that his general was right. “I understand,” he said softly.

“You’re still young. You have plenty of time to further your career,” Mikoshiba said. “But for now, get back to your posts. All of you.”

Rei turned, walking off as elegantly as he could. Inwardly, he burned with shame. To be scolded by his general in front of those two idiots . . .

Rei ran a hand over his face, wiping away the sweat and adjusting his eyeglasses. He walked toward the wall of the fort, climbing the stairs to the top. He leaned against the stone, looking out over the sand and dirt that made up the land before him. The fort protected the only oasis for miles, and Makurian farmers used the land for their crops. Rei knew that his duties at the fort were vital to the survival of the country, but he grew tired of standing around, doing nothing but staring out into the wasteland that spread before him.

So far, Nekor remained busy at the border, and Makuria was holding them back valiantly. But everyone knew something had to give eventually, and it would either be Nekor gaining control, or Makuria. If Makuria’s soldiers didn’t eat, they wouldn’t survive. Rei knew this.

Even so, he couldn’t help but dream of palace life. Of standing beside his king, or even the prince or princess, guarding them with his life, gallantly saving them from assassins. He’d seen the kingsguard in action only once, when he was younger, only thirteen years old, three years before he joined the military.

There’d been a parade, and the prince and princess had ridden through the streets on white horses, throwing flowers and coins to the people. Rei had caught one himself, and when he’d waved, Prince Rin had actually waved back at him with a smile.

But then an assassin attacked the parade, going straight for the prince. Rei could only watch in terror, as the man swung a sword directly toward Prince Rin’s head. But then a young man, no older than sixteen or seventeen, had leaped forward, countering the blow with his own sword. He’d worn the red and white uniform of the Kingsguard, and Rei remembered being in awe of his skill and beauty.

The young guard had fended off the assassin with a single blade and no shield, keeping the man from moving closer to the prince on his horse. After a few minutes, the rest of the Kingsguard had arrived and they took the man down in seconds. Rei had watched, transfixed, as the young guard turned and bowed to his prince, and Prince Rin had looked down at his guard with such admiration and trust that it’d caused Rei’s chest to ache.

He wanted someone to look at him in that way. He wanted the _prince_ to look at him in that way.

But how was that supposed to happen if he was stuck in the desert?

“Rei!”

Rei started, turning to look over his shoulder, as his fellow soldier and friend Sera Tadanori walked up to him. He was smirking, and Rei could feel his face growing hot. He turned back around, focusing on the road ahead. He frowned faintly then, adjusting his glasses.

A cloud of dust had risen in the distance, but he couldn’t tell what it held. Before he could decipher it, he felt the weight of Sera’s arm across his shoulders. He sighed, moving out from under it.

“Don’t touch me. You’re disgusting.”

“It’s not like you’re not covered in sweat as well,” Sera pointed out with a laugh.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Rei said, shaking his head. “I am beautiful.”

“Sure you are, Great Butterfly,” Sera teased, but Rei had a hard time getting angry with him when he grinned so brightly.

Shaking his head, Rei turned back to the dust cloud that had grown bigger and was drawing closer. He frowned, taking Sera’s arm and pointing to the cloud. “What do you suppose that is?”

Sera stepped up beside him to get a better look. “A dust storm perhaps?”

Rei shook his head. “It’s too small and concentrated for a dust storm.”

Sera’s eyes widened. “Could it be—”

“Nekorans,” Rei finished with a grim expression. He turned to his friend then, gripping his shoulder. “Go sound the alarm. Quickly!”

Sera nodded, taking off in the direction of the large gong they kept on top of the wall to signal the rest of the fort. So far they’d had no occasion to use it, and Rei hoped Sera remembered the sequence for an attack. He turned back toward the road, watching as the dust cloud dissipated enough for him to see men on horseback, charging for the gates.

Drawing his sword, Rei’s jaw tightened. This could be his moment. His time to prove to Mikoshiba and the others that he was worthy of a promotion, that he had the talent and fortitude to be a kingsguard.

The sound of the gong echoed throughout the fort. Rei counted the beats. Three for a Nekoran attack. The rest of the soldiers began to scurry out of their barracks, grabbing weapons and shouting orders. Sera ran back over to where Rei stood, his own sword already in his hand.

“How far are they?” he asked breathlessly.

“They’ll be upon us at any moment.” Rei corrected his grip on his sword; the sweat on his palms had caused it to slip. That wouldn’t do.

“They won’t be able to get past the gate without a battering ram.” Sera leaned forward from the wall, peering toward the Nekoran warriors that charged toward them.

“Tch, they barely have any clothes on. Such barbarians.” Sera shook his head, but Rei didn’t reply. His focus was on the men coming up behind the initial unit. They were on foot, but they carried on their shoulders a large tree trunk. Rei’s eyes widened, wondering where they’d even found a tree that size in the desert. He realized it must have been a mast of a ship. There were those island colonies . . .

“They have a battering ram!” he shouted down to the soldiers below, who waited inside the gate. “Prepare for impact in three! Two! One!”

The wall trembled as the ram slammed against the wooden doors of the gate. Rei stumbled, but Sera was quick to steady him. “I’ll get the archers ready! You get to the ground. You’re a better swordsman than I!”

Rei nodded, turning and racing down the steps. He ran to where his company had taken position in ranks before the gate. It shook as the Nekorans rammed into the doors over and over again, until the wood began to splinter. Rei took his place beside Itaru, grimly surveying the scene. Although the attacking army of Nekorans was small, the fort’s regiment wasn’t much larger. It would be a close battle.

“Archers! Fire!” Sera’s strong voice carried down from the wall.

The battering ram halted, shouts of pain sounding faintly from behind the doors. Rei couldn’t help but smile. Sera’s archers were renown for their skills. He didn’t doubt that they’d be able to quickly thin out the Nekorans; perhaps they wouldn’t even make it through.

But then a shout from above made him look up, and he saw several archers fall, arrows buried in their heads and chests.

“Damn, they have archers too!” Itaru grumbled.

Rei didn’t have time to respond. As the archers recovered from the attack, the battering ram burst through the splintered wood of the gate. Rei bent his knees, bracing himself.

The Nekorans came in a wave of screaming bodies, each with a sword in one hand and a spear in the other. The men on horseback hung back closer to the gate, the archers still firing toward the battlements, where Sera and his men were pinned down. Rei didn’t wait for the first line of Nekorans to attack. He leaped forward, running straight through them toward the archers.

He cut down the first two Nekorans who stood in his way. After that, they gave him a wide berth, distracted by the other men who had charged forward after Rei. He could hear Mikoshiba giving orders, but his focus was on those archers. If he didn’t take them out, Sera would be in trouble. He had to give his friend time to recover, so his archers could start firing once more on the Nekorans.

Dust swirled around him, kicked up by dozens of stomping feet, but he blinked the particles out of his eyes, refusing to waver. Sweat dripped into his mouth, but he licked his lips and kept going.

The men on horseback saw him coming and threw their spears. Rei managed to dodge them, though one took off his turban. He grimaced, guessing he’d have to make another one. Perhaps this one could be purple, with a feather. That would look fetching.

With a soft grunt, Rei jumped, allowing his adrenaline to propel him forward, knocking one of the men off their horse. He landed on top of the Nekoran, and he made a point to not look at the man’s face as he slew him. Leaping to his feet, Rei turned to face the other Nekoran, who’d lowered from his horse. His enemy’s blade was drawn, and Rei lowered into a fighting stance.

“Rei! Behind you!”

Rei heard Sera’s warning, but before he could turn, he felt the hot burn of metal pierce his left shoulder, slicing through muscle and tendon as it dragged down his back. With a cry of pain, Rei staggered forward, his sword arm hanging uselessly by his side.

Something slammed against his back, pushing him forward. The white sand rushed up to greet him, but he barely registered the impact. Fire covered his shoulder and back, though he knew there were no flames. But he couldn’t give into it. He had to stand, keep fighting. He was one of the best swordsmen in Mikoshiba’s company. He had to prove his worth to his superiors. He had to prevail.

His head swam, and his limbs felt numb, cold. Slowly, he dragged his right arm up, bracing it against the ground, but before he could push himself off the ground, the pain overwhelmed him and everything went dark.

 

***

 

A soft, damp warmth pressed against his forehead. Rei opened his eyes slowly. He was lying on his stomach on a firm mattress heaped with bedding. Directly in his line of vision was the blurred outline of a window. Outside was dark, but without his eyeglasses, he couldn’t tell if it was the sky he stared at or an inner courtyard. Regardless, he didn’t recognize it. Frowning slightly, he moved to sit up.

Immediately, searing pain shot through his shoulder and down his back. Hissing, he fell back against the bed. A worried face appeared before him. A young man with silvery hair and bright blue eyes stared at him, distress written over his features. In his hands he held a wet cloth.

“Don’t try to move! You were badly injured.”

“Where am I? Who are you?” Rei asked his voice strained, grimacing at the throb that still pulsated through his shoulder.

“Please calm down,” the young man said. He bit his lip then, moving to sit on the edge of the bed. “You’re in the palace of King Matsuoka. I promise you’re safe. You were badly injured and General Mikoshiba sent you here. My name is Aiichiro Nitori. I’m a member of the kingsguard.”

Rei’s eyes widened. “The kingsguard . . .”

Aiichiro nodded. “General Mikoshiba told my captain that you were highly skilled with a blade. He said it would be a waste to simply let you die. So he asked if we would care for you, help you get better and grow in strength. I’m afraid right now you can’t move your arm much.”

Rei looked down at it, flexing his fingers slowly. As the muscles moved, he felt a twinge in his shoulder. He knew better than to lift his arm. “What about my company? Did the fort hold?” he asked, worried for Sera.

Aiichiro nodded. “It held. They managed to push the Nekorans back.”

Rei breathed a sigh of relief. “You have my gratitude,” he told Aiichiro with a small nod. “But what am I to do while I’m here? I can’t simply lie around and wait for my shoulder to heal. I’ll be no good to anyone like that!”

Aiichiro smiled. “Captain Sousuke assigned you to a task already,” he said. “Something that won’t hinder your healing, but it’s rather important.”

Rei’s eyes widened. “Will I become a member of the kingsguard then?” he asked, unable to keep the hopeful tone out of his voice.

“Oh. Um, no not exactly,” Aiichiro admitted apologetically. “You’re to escort the prince’s favorite concubine to and from his chambers whenever the prince desires him. I say it’s important, because if anything happens to the boy, the prince would be very upset.”

Rei felt his heart sink to the bottom of his chest. His new position was as an escort? How disgraceful. He was worth more than that, even with only one arm. He could fight well enough with his right; he’d taught himself how to handle a sword with both hands. How was the prince to recognize his skills and ambition if he was stuck merely chaperoning a slave?

Aiichiro must have realized Rei’s disappointment, because he leaned forward, trying to catch Rei’s gaze. “I know it might not seem like a very glamorous assignment,” he said sympathetically. “But I think you’ll like Nagisa. He’s very charming.”

Rei scoffed. “Nagisa? Must be Nekoran. I’ve never met any savage from that land who was charming.”

Aiichiro smiled, tilting his head. “You’ve probably not met very many Nekorans who weren’t trying to kill you,” he pointed out. “I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised. There’s a reason why he’s Prince Rin’s favorite.” 

Rei highly doubted that he would find anything attractive about a sex slave from Nekor. The very profession made his stomach queasy. Of course he knew about Prince Rin’s appetites, it was common knowledge that he had a preference for beautiful boys, but Rei couldn’t imagine anything beautiful coming from Nekor. So what could the prince possibly see in this Nagisa?

 

***

 

Once Rei could stand and move about with minimal pain, it was time for him to begin his new position as escort. Rei struggled with dressing, but he’d managed to make himself look presentable, with a feathered turban wrapped around his dark indigo hair. His left arm hung uselessly in a sling, so he tied his belt with his sheath on his left hip. At least he tried to. Rei wound up picking up and then dropping his belt over and over again as he attempted to tie it around his waist with only one hand.

He stopped when he heard chuckling in the doorway. Flushing, he turned to see a tall, broad-shouldered man standing at the threshold of his room. How embarrassing to be caught in such an undignified position! He quickly dropped the belt in order to stand at attention.

“Sir!”

“Would you like some help with that?” the man asked, stepping further into the room.

“I-I . . . I couldn’t ask you to do that, sir,” Rei stammered, his eyes wide.

“Perhaps we should get you a servant,” the man mused, picking the belt off the floor and swiftly tying it around Rei’s waist so the sheath settled at his hip. He took a step back then, bowing slightly. “I am Sousuke Yamazaki, Captain of the Kingsguard and personal bodyguard to Prince Rin. I am here to take you to your new assignment.”

Rei bowed quickly, completely flustered and hating how the blood rushed in his ears, making him dizzy. “It is my honor to serve,” he said automatically.

Sousuke chuckled. “Yes, well, let’s see how honored you feel after meeting your charge.”

Wondering what the man meant by that, Rei followed Sousuke out of his room and across the courtyard toward the west wing of the palace, which held the prince’s harem. Two guards were posted outside the large wooden doors, but at a nod from Sousuke, they stepped aside and allowed them to enter.

Immediately, Rei’s nose was assaulted by the scents of many different flowers and perfumes. Gauzy cloths with red and gold hues hung from the ceiling in draping loops, winding down the marble pillars that stood three by three on either side of the room. Between each pillar was a doorway, which led into bedrooms. Rei could hear the soft whispers of the concubines, as he and Sousuke passed. He ventured a glance into a couple of the rooms but saw no one.

The two men walked down the center of the room to the doorway at the very end of the hall. This had a thin pink curtain hanging as a partition, which Sousuke brushed aside gently, as he stepped into the room.

“Nagisa,” he said in a low voice. “The prince has summoned you.”

Rei wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting, but it certainly wasn’t the sight of a petite young man, with hair as golden as a desert sunflower, skin tanned and stretched over toned muscle. He sat on a mountain of silk pillows, dressed in a periwinkle vest that did nothing to cover his chest, and filmy pantaloons the same color of his vest that rode low on his hips.

As he raised his head, Rei found himself staring into large magenta eyes in a youthful face, unmarred by any moles or pockmarks. The smile that spread across his face at the sight of Sousuke dazzled Rei, and he blinked, wondering if this boy was truly from Nekor.

Surely nothing so beautiful could come from that wretched country.

“Sousuke-senpai!” the boy, Nagisa, cried happily, jumping to his feet in a single, fluid motion. Rei recognized the honorific as Nekoran in origin, but hearing it didn’t bother him as much as it would have normally.

Baffled, he simply stood there and watched as Nagisa launched himself at Sousuke, wrapping his arms around the taller man’s waist. Rei noticed how small and vulnerable he seemed next to the muscular guard. It looked almost comical, the way Nagisa clung to him. But Sousuke seemed unperturbed, as though this happened every day.

“You come fetch me?” Nagisa asked in broken Makurian. “Not Ai-senpai?”

Sousuke smiled faintly, patting the top of Nagisa’s head. “No, I’m afraid I have other duties to attend to this evening. I’ve brought with me your new escort. This is Rei Ryugazaki.” He gestured to the man beside him. “You must treat him with respect. I will know if you do not.”

Nagisa looked over at him curiously, and Rei realized he was still staring. Blinking, he adjusted his glasses, taking a step back as Nagisa released Sousuke and approached, looking him over with interest.

“Your arm hurt?” he asked then, pointing to Rei’s sling.

“Oh. Um, no it’s my shoulder,” Rei said, his voice breaking on the words. He quickly cleared his throat and straightened. “This position is merely temporary while I recover.”

Nagisa looked to Sousuke for an explanation.

“He was wounded in battle,” Sousuke said, placing his hand on Nagisa’s shoulder. He pushed his torso down then, forcing Nagisa to bow. “Show respect, Nagisa.”

“It is honor to meet you, Ryugazaki-senpai,” Nagisa said. He kept his gaze on Rei, however, even as he bent forward. Those magenta eyes regarded him intently, and Rei felt unnerved. He backed away once more, swallowing hard. His head felt hot under his turban, but he didn’t remove it, knowing how disheveled his hair would be if he did.

Sousuke released Nagisa and stepped forward, pulling a short chain with a steel manacle at the end of it off his belt.

“This is what you will use to escort him,” he told Rei. “You attach it like so.” Here he turned to Nagisa, who offered his arm without prompting. Sousuke attached the manacle around the young man’s wrist, clicking the shackle into place. He then turned and handed the chain to Rei. “This is to unlock it,” he said then, setting a small key into Rei’s palm. “Make sure you restrain him before you leave the harem, and you do not release him until you are in the prince’s chambers. The same goes for when you return him here.”

Rei looked down at the chain in his hand, following the metal links down and over to where they attached to the circle around Nagisa’s delicate arm. For some reason, his chest felt heavy. Nagisa was watching him closely, though, so he simply nodded and gripped the end of the chain in his fist.

“I understand,” he said.

Sousuke ruffled Nagisa’s hair gently. “Go easy on the novice, hm? None of your wicked jokes or pranks.”

“I am angel always,” Nagisa insisted, his eyes wide. The perfect picture of innocence.

But something flashed in those dark pink eyes, something obscure that startled Rei and caused his heart to begin pounding more rapidly. Chewing on the inside of his mouth, Rei adjusted his glasses once more and gave the chain an experimental tug. Nagisa moved forward automatically, his gaze shifting to Rei. 

Unsettled, Rei turned to Sousuke. “So I simply take him to the prince, wait outside his chambers for them to finish and then bring him back here?”

Sousuke nodded. “Nagisa knows where the prince’s chambers are. And I suggest you go now. Our prince is not accustomed to waiting.”

“Right.” Rei nodded, turning toward the door.

He began to walk, finding that he didn’t need to pull on the chain, as Nagisa fell into step beside him. Once they exited the harem doors, Nagisa turned to him.

“You are soldier?” he asked, his eyes never leaving Rei’s face, even as they walked. “You fight in war?”

“Yes, I was in a battle against the Nekorans when I was wounded,” Rei said, turning his face away. He realized that Nagisa had every reason to despise him, so he was surprised when the next question wasn’t full of anger or hatred; instead it held longing and hope.

“You know soldier named Makoto? Eyes color like leaf of tree and smile like light from sun?”

The eager look on his face made Rei almost disappointed by the fact that he had to shake his head. “No, I’m afraid I don’t know any soldier by that name.”

Immediately a change took over Nagisa’s expression. The open vulnerability that had shone on his face vanished, replaced by an easy smile and eyes that held no emotion. “Ah. It is big army. You must be much um, big man to recover here!”

Rei couldn’t help but laugh. “Big man? I don’t think so.” He shook his head. “I’m just a foot soldier.”

“Foot soldier get fancy hat?” Nagisa reached up to tug on the feather in Rei’s turban, causing it to slip to the side.

Rei quickly pushed his arm away, readjusting the turban. “No, I just . . . You wouldn’t understand.” He shook his head, pursing his lips. He wasn’t sure why he was even engaging in conversation with the boy. It was his duty to simply escort the slave to and from the prince’s chambers. Conversing with him was not a part of his job description.

“You want to look beautiful?”

At this question, Rei stopped short, inadvertently yanking Nagisa to a halt beside him. He turned to look down at the young man, into those wide eyes staring up at him. The slave’s face was completely innocuous, but he had somehow pinpointed the exact reason why Rei felt the need to dress himself elegantly every day. How? They’d barely met.

“I suppose . . . I would like my superiors to notice my potential,” he admitted after a moment. “I want to set myself apart from the rest.” He sighed, looking away. “They call me the Great Butterfly because of this.”

“I can call you Butterfly?”

Rei flushed, quickly shaking his head as he frowned down at Nagisa. “No.”

“I think it good name,” Nagisa said with a grin, starting to walk, this time pulling Rei along behind him. He skipped across the marble floor, arms swinging at his sides. “Butterfly beautiful, Ryugazaki-senpai beautiful. Ryugazaki-senpai beautiful butterfly!” he sang.

Rei felt the blood rush to his cheeks, but he did his best to hide it, covering his face with his hand, as he adjusted his eyeglasses again. “You are acting childish,” he complained. “How old are you anyway?”

“I have eighteen years,” Nagisa said, still in that lilting voice. “But acting like old man not fun.” He shook his head, golden locks brushing against his forehead.

Three years his junior, and yet Rei remembered that dark glimmer in the boy’s eyes. Nagisa wasn’t as immature as he seemed, Rei was sure of that fact. He had to keep up his guard around this one.

He had no doubt that Nagisa’s cheerful demeanor was a mask, but for what, he couldn’t comprehend.

He decided he would keep an eye on the boy. Just in case he was planning anything nefarious.

It had nothing to do with the graceful way the boy walked or the slender curve of his neck where it met his shoulder. It had nothing to do with the tilt of his smile or the soft look of his skin.

No, his observation would have nothing to do with those things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up Next: Nagisa's POV and we meet Princess Gou


	3. Nagisa - A Simple Slave

“Nagisa! Get back here with my sandal! I _need_ that!”

Nagisa laughed, running faster and pulling ahead of Aiichiro, where he struggled to catch up in only one shoe. Although most slaves would get in trouble for pulling such stunts, Nagisa could get away with more than the others. Not only was he Prince Rin’s favorite and everyone feared what would happen if they ever punished Nagisa without his consent, Nagisa’s own charm and charisma had most of the guards eating out of his hand.

It hadn’t started out that way. When Nagisa first arrived at the harem and discovered that Haruka had been the favorite concubine Sousuke had “gotten rid of,” he’d shut down. He’d felt despair creep into his heart, and he’d cried every night after visiting the prince’s chambers. Although he’d known what he was getting into, he hadn’t expected it to hurt so much, and it was all for nothing. Haruka wasn’t there. His family was still lost to him.

Slowly though, over the course of two years, Nagisa had learned to endure. He quickly realized that he was the prettiest concubine of the small harem, and he used this fact to his advantage. At first it was simple requests for extra fruit or sweet bread. He’d smile disarmingly, toss his hair, stroke an arm here and there, and his wish would be granted. Knowing he could get almost anything he wanted lessened the sting of his situation. Gradually, he grew to respect most of the guards, even like some of them. And once he’d learned that Sousuke hadn’t killed Haruka, simply transferred him elsewhere, he began to cozy up to the guard in the hopes that he’d tell him where Haruka was.

As for Aiichiro, Nagisa liked to consider him a friend. The young man was closest to him in age out of all the other kingsguard, and Nagisa enjoyed teasing him because he became flustered so easily. It was amusing to watch, and Aiichiro never seemed angry with him for it. In fact, Nagisa thought Aiichiro enjoyed the attention, having noticed how he seemed to shrink into Sousuke’s shadow whenever he and the other man stood guard over the prince.

He’d also gained another unexpected friend during his time in the palace.

Princess Gou, Prince Rin’s younger sister, found him one day playing in a fountain and had joined him, despite her bodyguards’ protests. Although she was two years younger than Nagisa, he’d liked her laugh and the way she attempted to speak Nekoran to him. She was curious about his home country and soon began to ask for him almost as often as Prince Rin did. Nagisa had been surprised by how easy it was to talk to her. He soon found himself telling her about Haruka and Makoto, about his life before Makuria, what he could remember of it. He helped her with her Nekoran, teaching her all the dirty words. They spent their nights swapping stories and jokes, giggling into the early morning. However, their meetings were kept secret, lest the prince grow jealous. The only people who knew about them were Sousuke and Gou’s handmaiden, Miho.

Now he supposed Rei Ryugazaki would know about it too.

“Nagisa!” Aiichiro’s exasperated voice echoed down the hall, and Nagisa snickered, glancing behind him to see how far ahead he was.

He rammed into a hard, muscular chest, bouncing back and hitting the floor with a wince. Looking up, he stared into the stern face of Sousuke. The man crossed his arms, staring down at Nagisa with a slight frown.

“Nagisa,” he said firmly. “Are you causing trouble again?”

“No?” Nagisa tried, though he knew it would be pointless to protest, seeing as he still clutched Aiichiro’s sandal in one hand.

Aiichiro arrived then, immediately doubling over as he panted for breath. He pointed a shaking finger at Nagisa, frowning.

“Stole . . . my . . . sandal . . .” he managed to report.

Nagisa grinned. “He left outside bath room. I take only for fun. No trouble, yes?” He held the sandal out to Aiichiro with a placating smile.

“No, very much trouble,” Aiichiro complained, though he took the shoe without malice. He set it on the ground and slipped his foot into it, before quickly turning to bow respectfully to Sousuke. “My apologies for the disruption, captain.”

Nagisa resisted the urge to push Aiichiro over with a nudge to his backside, jumping to stand instead. Sousuke relaxed his arms, shaking his head.

“Nagisa,” he said, and the disapproving tone caused Nagisa to look up somewhat guiltily. “You know you’re not to be running through these halls at this hour. The prince is resting from his sword training.”

Nagisa felt his smile falter. “I go to him?” he asked hesitantly, a twisting knot of uneasiness growing in his stomach.

Sousuke’s expression softened. “He did not request you,” he said gently. “So I don’t believe that’s necessary.”

Relief eased against the knot, unraveling it as Nagisa suppressed a sigh. Sousuke watched him closely, and Nagisa forced a grin.

“I wait until necessary then,” he said brightly.

Sousuke regarded a moment before turning to Aiichiro. “Nitori, go relieve Nakagawa. It’s his turn for the baths, I think.”

“Yes, sir!” Aiichiro bowed once more, before hurrying off in the direction of Prince Rin’s chambers.

Sousuke turned back to Nagisa. “Come with me,” he said, reaching for the chain that hung from Nagisa’s wrist.

Nagisa bit his lip as he followed the taller man, wondering if he was going to get a lecture or something worse. He knew he wasn’t allowed outside of the harem without a guard, but he’d bribed the harem door guards with sweet bread, asking them to not go looking for him for at least an hour.

“I am punished for taking shoe?” he asked softly, looking up into Sousuke’s face as he walked beside him. He couldn’t read the man’s expression, and that frightened him. Sousuke was known for being harsh when he needed to be, but Nagisa had never seen him angry or cruel. At least not toward himself.

“No, you’re not going to be punished,” Sousuke said, shaking his head. He chuckled softly then. “Nitori could use some more exercise.”

Nagisa laughed, taking that as permission to continue to harass the young guard. Feeling better, he bounced on his toes as he walked. “I come with you where?” he asked, his curiosity piqued.

Sousuke glanced down at him, a fond smile crossing his features. “The princess wants to give you a gift. She asked me to bring you to it.”

Nagisa’s eyes widened. “A gift? I get gift?” A genuine grin spread his lips, as excitement filled him. He was used to getting gifts from the prince: a bracelet here, a necklace there, earrings and soft silk garments and jewels for his hair. But those were just trinkets that felt like payment for performances and duties that he despised. Prince Rin always told him that the gifts were to show his affection for the slave, but Nagisa doubted they meant much to him in the first place.

A gift from the princess, however, held an entirely different meaning, and Nagisa felt his heart beating faster, as Sousuke led him down toward the palace kitchens.

“I get sweet bread?!” he asked excitedly once he realized where they were heading. It wasn’t as though he didn’t eat said treat whenever he could, but they tasted so delicious that he still looked forward to eating more.

Sousuke laughed outright. “I think you’ll like this a little better than sweet bread.”

Nagisa highly doubted this, but when Sousuke opened the door to the kitchens, he saw immediately that Princess Gou’s gift _was_ better.

In fact, it was the best gift she could have given him.

There, standing in an apron in front of a wooden table, rolling dough across a surface covered in flour, was a solemn, dark-haired young man. Though his face was thinner, and his blue eyes didn’t shine the way they used to, there was no questioning who it was.

“H-Haru-chan?”

Nagisa’s voice was barely audible, but the young man froze. As he turned, Nagisa felt as though someone had reached into his chest and wrenched out his heart. Tears blurred his vision, but he could still see Haruka’s eyes widen, the way his lips parted in astonishment.

Something snapped in Nagisa, breaking through his composure, and he hurtled himself forward, throwing his arms around Haruka’s neck, knocking him backwards into the table. But Haruka held him tightly without complaint, and Nagisa felt that familiar warmth of Haruka’s face pressed against his head.

“Haru-chan!”

Nagisa couldn’t stop his tears from spilling down his cheeks. An ache throbbed in his chest, but it felt different from the one he’d felt when Haruka had been taken away. He didn’t mind this pain.

Sousuke stepped forward to place his hand on Nagisa’s back, but he barely registered it.

“I’ll return in an hour,” he spoke softly into Nagisa’s ear.

Then he was gone, and Nagisa pulled away from Haruka just enough to see his face. Wondrously, he reached up to touch the gaunt cheek, his fingers memorizing the features he’d thought he’d never see again. Haruka took a step back after a moment, eyes looking over Nagisa’s attire. The sharp gaze took in the gold rings in Nagisa’s ears, the silver threaded brocade of his small vest, the delicate fabric of his billowy pantaloons, the bracelets and the anklets, the diamond ornament that pierced his navel.

A frown darkened Haruka’s expression. “Nagisa,” he said quietly, and that one word held multiple layers of anguish.

“I-I wanted to find you. To be together again,” Nagisa explained, slipping into Nekoran easily. “I couldn’t stand being without you and Mako-chan. I felt like I was dying.”

At the mention of Makoto, Nagisa saw the pain deepen in Haruka’s eyes.

“Have . . . have you seen him? Do you know where he is?” he asked in a desperate whisper, and for a moment Nagisa was too stunned by the amount of words to properly respond.

Then he shook his head, swallowing hard. “No. I ask and ask but nobody seems to know anything.”

Haruka slid to the floor, sitting against the leg of the table. He drew his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. Without another word, he buried his face in his knees, and Nagisa knelt beside him, resting his head against Haruka’s shoulder.

“We’ll find him,” he said softly, curling his fingers into Haruka’s sleeve.

They sat in silence for a few moments, but Nagisa’s questions burned against his tongue until he could hold them back no longer.

“What happened to you, Haru-chan? Why did you attack Rin-san?”

Haruka didn’t reply, simply curled further into himself. Nagisa chewed on his lip, tugging on the sleeve in his hand. “Where did you go?”

“The dungeon. As a prisoner, and then to work.”

Nagisa swallowed hard, not wanting to imagine Haruka alone in a dungeon cell, pale and shivering in the night. He closed his eyes briefly, lifting his head then to kiss Haruka’s cheek lightly. “You’re safe now, Haru-chan,” he said earnestly. “I’ll make sure nothing bad happens to you ever again." 

Haruka lifted his head, staring at Nagisa’s hand on his sleeve, the metal cuff that encircled his wrist. Reaching over, he lightly ran his fingers down the links of the chain. The distress in his face was easy to read, or maybe it was easy because Nagisa knew those features so well.

“It’s not so terrible,” Nagisa said to reassure him. He forced a smile. “Rin-san is usually gentle with me. I’m his favorite. I’m everyone’s favorite. They treat me well.”

Haruka didn’t seem entirely convinced, and his expression remained miserable. His lips turned downward, his brows furrowing. Nagisa lifted his hand to caress the side of Haruka’s, brushing his thumb over the sharp cheekbone.

“I’m _fine_ ,” he insisted, making his smile more convincing. He pressed his head against Haruka’s shoulder once more, nuzzling against it, returning his hand to Haruka’s sleeve. “Better now that you’re here,” he added quietly. 

Haruka’s fingers slid back up the chain, moving to stroke the side of Nagisa’s arm. Neither of them spoke again, and as the minutes passed, a sickening feeling of dread crawled its way into Nagisa’s belly, as he knew Sousuke would soon come to fetch him. He didn’t want to leave Haruka’s side, not after four years of only seeing his face in dreams and nightmares.

But eventually the time came, and Sousuke stepped into the kitchen. Nagisa couldn’t read his expression, as he stood looking down at the two of them, but he seemed to regret needing to be there. He held both hands out to them, helping them up off the floor.

“You’ll be able to visit,” he assured Nagisa. “The princess has ordered it so.”

“I go to her?” Nagisa asked hopefully, the Makurian stumbling worse against his lips, as he made the uncomfortable switch. “Say thank you?”

Sousuke smiled faintly. “Yes, I can take you to her. But then you must return to your room and remain there until Ryugazaki fetches you, do you understand?”

Nagisa nodded, realizing suddenly that with Haruka there, anyone could punish him by hurting the other young man. Nagisa didn’t think the kingsguard would stoop so low, but Prince Rin might. Turning quickly toward Sousuke, he grabbed the man’s belt, clinging to it.

“You not tell Rin-san?” he begged. “Not tell him I have Haru-chan?”

Sousuke shook his head. “The princess thought of everything,” he said gently. “Nobody knows he’s here. He’s to remain in the kitchens, unseen and unheard.” Here he glanced over at Haruka, who gave a simple nod.

Nagisa pressed his forehead against Sousuke’s chest, sagging with relief. Air came more easily to his lungs, and he sighed deeply. He felt Sousuke’s hand rest against his back, before it moved to take his chain.

“Let’s go.”

Nagisa allowed Sousuke to lead him out of the kitchens, glancing back at Haruka before the doors closed behind them. He caught a brief glimpse of what might have been tears, but he was gone before Nagisa could fully register what he saw.

 

***

 

Nagisa tackled Princess Gou in a hug the second he saw her, lifting her off her feet slightly. She laughed, patting his hair gently.

“I take it you liked my gift?” she asked with a grin.

“It is wonderful,” Nagisa murmured, tightening his grip. “Thank you.”

The princess waved off the anxious guards, waiting for the room to be cleared before detangling herself and taking Nagisa’s hands in her own. She looked earnestly into his face, giving his hands a squeeze.

“I’m still working on locating Makoto,” she told him. “My father’s army is very big, and there are a lot of regiments. But I’ll find him. I promise.”

Nagisa took Gou’s face in his hands, looking seriously into her eyes. “Gou-chan, I love you.”

She laughed, patting his cheeks in response. “Just my luck that you prefer men,” she said, shaking her head.

Nagisa blinked. “I not say I prefer men,” he said, letting his hands fall to his sides.

Gou blinked back at him. “Do you not?” she asked blankly.

Nagisa shrugged. “I maybe prefer men, I maybe not. I not think much about these things.”

“But you’re eighteen. Surely you’ve fallen in love, or at least felt an attraction to someone before.”

Unwittingly, the memory of beautiful purple eyes rose to Nagisa’s mind. A feathered turban. Long, elegant fingers adjusting eyeglasses. Frowning inwardly, Nagisa banished these images quickly. What good would an attraction to Rei do? It wasn’t as though Nagisa could act upon it.

For all his high-ranking friends and acquaintances, he was still a simple slave. Property of Prince Rin. People in his position didn’t get the luxury of having an attraction towards anyone aside from their masters. It was better to ignore such feelings, expel them the second they appeared.

He shook his head at Gou. “No. Never.”

Gou tilted her head, studying him. “I hear that new guard of yours is very handsome,” she said, a sly smile curling her lips. “I predict you falling hopelessly in love within a month.”

Nagisa laughed. “You make good joke, Gou-chan,” he said, grinning faintly.

It faltered when he noticed the determination in her eyes. “I’m not going to let you give up on love and happiness, Nagisa,” she said firmly. “I don’t care if you’re just a slave. You deserve those things just as much as the rest of us.”

Nagisa stared at her, taken-aback by her ferocity. “It is no matter,” he said, shaking his head slowly. “If I have Haru-chan, I am happy. I not need other love.”

But Gou was also shaking her head, holding up a finger. “Just wait. If you open yourself up to the possibility, I think you’ll be surprised.” She smiled brightly at him, and for the first time since he arrived in Makuria, he wondered if maybe finding that type of love wasn’t such a preposterous idea after all.

 

***

 

“Please stop staring at me.”

Nagisa started, not having realized he’d been staring. Rei Ryugazaki stood in the doorway of his room, looking distinctly uncomfortable. His left arm was still in a sling, and Nagisa noticed he was wearing the feathered turban again. The rest of his clothing was bright and colorful, draping across his body in flattering ways. He truly did resemble a giant butterfly. Nagisa grinned at the mental picture of Rei sprouting great, vibrant wings and flying about the room.

The man cleared his throat awkwardly, and Nagisa blinked, his grin widening.

“I am sorry,” he said. “You are such beautiful butterfly, I not want to look away.”

He winked and was pleased when a light flush colored Rei’s cheeks. Part of his mind cautioned against this flirtation, but Nagisa did his best to disregard it. It was harmless fun, no different from when he flustered Aiichiro or any other guard. Still, Princess Gou’s words echoed in his ears. He’d been unable to forget them all day.

Rei pulled the cuff and chain from his belt, stepping forward before stopping. Realizing that the man would have trouble securing the manacle with only one hand, Nagisa moved to help, snapping the ring shut around his own wrist. Looking up into Rei’s eyes, he thought he detected a flicker of discomfort.

“It not hurt,” he assured him, shaking his wrist as though to prove it.

Rei appeared surprised, and he adjusted his glasses. “Yes, well, we should be going now.”

He turned, tugging gently on the chain. Nagisa followed obediently, watching the way the feather bounced as Rei walked. It was such a large, magnificent feather, that Nagisa couldn’t resist reaching up to give it a tug.

Rei quickly fixed the turban as it slid, glancing down at him with a frown. “Please don’t do that.”

“I like it,” Nagisa stated, widening his eyes innocently.

“I . . . that doesn’t mean you have to touch it!”

Nagisa grinned, swinging his arm as they walked. He stole glances at the man out of his peripheral, admiring the graceful way he walked, the stately way he carried himself. He truly was beautiful; Nagisa couldn’t deny it. Perhaps even more so than Prince Rin.

An indistinct feeling tickled his stomach. Doing his best to ignore it, Nagisa hummed under his breath, focusing his gaze on the familiar sight of the marble pillars that they passed.

“What is that?”

Startled, Nagisa abruptly stopped humming, turning his head to look up at Rei. “What is what?”

“That song you were humming.”

Nagisa stopped walking abruptly, realizing he wasn’t sure. He knew it was from his past, from his life before Makuria, but he suddenly couldn’t recall where he’d first heard it or what the words even were. Rei halted as well, leaving a sag in the chain between them.

Masking his growing distress, Nagisa smiled. “A song from my country,” he said lightly. “I not remember words.”

Rei studied him, thinly veiled interest glinting in his eyes. “It is very beautiful.”

Nagisa’s smile widened. “Thank you.”

They began walking once more, and Rei seemed preoccupied with some thought. Nagisa poked his side with a finger, causing the man to twitch.

“Don’t do that!”

“You think very hard.” Nagisa gave him a pointed look. “I want to know what you think.”

Rei shook his head. “It just surprises me that so many beautiful things could come from Nekor.”

Nagisa probably should have felt offended by this, but honestly he was too distracted by the fact that Rei had placed him together with his song in that description.

_He thinks I’m beautiful?_

_But of course he does, Nagisa,_ he scolded himself. _Everyone always says so. Even Rin-san calls you beautiful._

So why did it feel different when it came from Rei’s lips? He could feel his blood rushing to his cheeks, so he quickly laughed, adding a bounce to his step.

“There are many beautiful things in Nekor,” he boasted. “My family owns farm with big birds, black and white, fluffy babies. They not fly but have feathers. Very beautiful.”

Rei blinked at him. “Penguins?”

“Yes! That is word. Penguins. A penguin farm!” Nagisa grinned.

“Penguins don’t live in the desert.”

“Eh?” Nagisa blinked. The truth was, he couldn’t seem to remember where his family had lived exactly. It could have been on a farm; he got the feeling that his house had been in a remote location. But he couldn’t recall anything else about it. His chest felt tight, but he did his best to stifle the panic before it could rise into his throat and affect his speech. “Hm. They are sandy penguins.”

Rei appeared nonplussed. “There are no such things.”

Nagisa nudged the man’s side gently with his elbow. “How you know? You see Nekor?”

Flushing, Rei shook his head quickly. “No, but—”

“Aha! So you not know.” Nagisa smiled smugly, focusing on how warm Rei’s skin looked to distract himself from the worry that gnawed on his heart. His fingers itched to touch the man’s cheek, to feel the heat of the blush, but he kept them at his sides.

“You’re teasing me,” Rei complained, a slight pout curling his bottom lip.

Nagisa almost tripped over his sandals, quickly righting himself with a shake of his head. “I am angel always,” he insisted.

Rei gave him a dubious look, but before he could say anything else, they arrived in front of Prince Rin’s bedchamber. They stopped, and for a moment neither of them moved. Nagisa looked up into Rei’s face, noting the color that remained there. Rei stared back at him, blinking slowly, before clearing his throat and turning away. He knocked on the door, waiting until Aiichiro opened it before quickly unlocking the cuff from around Nagisa’s wrist.

“I’ll be waiting out here,” he said unnecessarily.

Nagisa smiled. “Alright, Rei-chan.”

It was only once the door had closed behind him that he realized he’d used the wrong honorific.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up Next: Sousuke's POV and an assassination attempt


	4. Sousuke - Just the Bodyguard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this fic is updating MUCH faster than I thought it would. Everyone's been so encouraging, I just can't wait to share the rest of the story with you all! Thank you for being so wonderful! <3

Twilight was Sousuke’s least favorite time of day. It was the time Rin always called for a concubine, and the entertainment sometimes lasted late into the night. Every day as the sun began to set, Sousuke felt his stomach twist, his chest tighten. And every night, he stood inside Rin’s chamber doors, watching the spectacle with a furrowed brow.

Aiichiro quickly found he was much more comfortable facing the door while Rin’s visitors pleasured him, but Sousuke couldn’t bring himself to turn away. The one time he’d turned his back the slave had almost killed his prince. He wasn’t about to let that happen again.

So he stood stiffly, facing the interior of the room, with one hand on the hilt of his sword, the other clenched behind his back. A gossamer curtain surrounded the bed, but in the dim light from the lanterns, Sousuke could make out the silhouettes of the two behind the curtain. And of course such a flimsy barrier did nothing to muffle the sounds Rin and his slave made.

Tonight in particular his prince was quite loud. Aiichiro flushed beside him, staring intently at the designs carved into the wooden door that he faced. Sousuke’s own face remained stony, his hand tightening on the shaft of his sword’s hilt.

He could easily tell Rin’s body from Nagisa’s. His prince’s form was lean and long, and he moved with a fluidity that showed years of athleticism. Strands of hair always fell forward in front of his face, as he moved, and Sousuke ground his teeth whenever the small hand of Nagisa pushed them back.

“Ahh, Nagisa,” Rin moaned, and Sousuke watched that slender neck arch back, the angular hips move back and forth over Nagisa’s slighter ones.

Nagisa responded with his own enthusiastic sounds, but Sousuke knew him well enough to recognize that despite being incredibly convincing, Nagisa didn’t truly enjoy this act. It was rare to find a slave that did. They were all captives, hostages from colonies and other countries, bound to serve Prince Rin lest they be killed or sent to the army. Really, the boys had no choice, and Sousuke often wondered if Rin honestly believed their amiable words and deeds. Surely his prince wasn’t that ignorant.

Then again, it was rare for Rin to think about anyone aside from himself. Sousuke wouldn’t have been surprised if it’d never crossed Rin’s mind that the concubines might not be enjoying themselves. To his prince, his slaves lived and loved to serve him.

Sousuke breathed a soft sigh, earning him a glance from Aiichiro.

“Captain?” the young guard ventured, a worried look furrowing his brow.

Sousuke shook his head. “It’s nothing,” he assured him.

His heart faltered in his chest, as he saw Rin’s body begin to tremble. Clenching his jaw, he felt the blood rushing up his neck, crashing loudly in his ears, as Rin cried out in ecstasy, climaxing into Nagisa, who replied with another loud moan. Sousuke felt his breath catch in his throat, his eyes scanning over the curves of his prince’s figure. The fact that Rin was incredibly attractive did nothing to make Sousuke’s job easier.

The curtain parted, and Nagisa slid off the bed. Before he could grab his clothes from the floor, Rin stood behind him, catching him around the waist and pressing a kiss to the side of his neck. Nagisa giggled, obligingly tilting his head to allow more access.

“Mm, I love the salty taste of your skin after I take you,” Rin said, and Sousuke swallowed hard, as he watched Rin’s tongue slither out to lick along Nagisa’s jugular. Rin’s dark red eyes flickered over to meet Sousuke’s gaze, and the man saw a devious glint in them, as his prince grinned slowly.

“Don’t you think Nagisa looks delicious, Sousuke?” he asked casually, running his hands slowly up the slave’s chest, holding him closer to his own.

“Entirely ravishing, my prince,” Sousuke said drily, not missing the way Nagisa’s eyes turned toward the floor now that Rin’s gaze was no longer focused on his face.

“Perhaps I will let you taste him yourself one day.” Rin caught a strand of Nagisa’s hair in his finger, twirling it.

“How generous of you.”

Finally, Rin released Nagisa, and the slave gathered his clothing, slipping them on quickly. Yawning, Rin lay back upon his bed, resting both hands behind his head. Sousuke stepped to the side as Nagisa approached the doors, allowing him to exit. He didn’t admonish the boy for not bowing before he left. The poor kid had been through enough that night.

“Nitori,” Rin said sharply. “I’m thirsty. Fetch me some wine.”

Aiichiro jumped. “R-right away, my prince,” he said, hurrying from the room.

Sousuke shook his head, turning back toward Rin, who was now sitting up on his elbows, observing Sousuke. The guard stepped forward, picking up his prince’s robe from the back of the chair he’d tossed it over earlier. He held it out to Rin.

“Cover yourself. You’re indecent.”

“It’s nothing you haven’t seen before,” Rin pointed out, but he took the robe anyway, standing to slip it on.

“You know you have servants who can bring you wine. You don’t need to order Nitori about like a common house slave. He’s one of your kingsguard.”

Rin smirked. “How else was I supposed to make sure we’re alone?”

Sousuke cursed his quickening heartbeat. Outwardly, he lifted a single eyebrow. “Is there something you’d like to tell me?”

“Yes,” Rin said, nodding as he tied the robe in place with a loose knot. Sousuke tried not to think about how easy it would be to simply reach forward and tug on the cord to unravel it. Instead, he attempted to focus on what Rin was saying, but he only caught the last word, which was “celebrate.” 

“Eh? Celebrate what?” he asked, dragging his gaze back up to Rin’s face.

“Pay attention, Sousuke,” Rin said, reaching up to flick his fingers against Sousuke’s forehead. It was a gesture no one could get away with, except for Rin.

Sousuke allowed Rin to get away with many things for which he’d admonish others.

“I want to have a party to celebrate the six-month mark of my last year as crown prince. Once I turn twenty-one, the throne will pass to me, as is tradition.”

“I know,” Sousuke said, frowning faintly. “But I don’t think a public celebration is a good idea. There are still many who would try to keep you from ever obtaining the kingdom. In fact, you are probably in more danger now than ever before.”

Rin rolled his eyes. “Tch. Sousuke, you’re such a worrier.” He crossed over to the chair, sitting down and folding one leg over the other. The robe slipped to the side, revealing Rin’s leg to his thigh. Again, Sousuke struggled to keep his eyes focused on his prince’s face. “How long have you been a member of my kingsguard?”

“Eight years, my prince.”

“And how many times since you began your duties as my personal bodyguard has an assassin managed to touch me?”

Sousuke sighed. “Not once, my prince.”

Rin looked up at him pointedly. “Exactly. Not once. I have full confidence in your abilities to protect me, Sousuke. I am never not safe with you by my side.” He extended his hand toward the man.

For a moment, Sousuke hesitated. Then he stepped forward, kneeling in front of his prince and taking the offered hand, placing a gentle kiss to the back of it. “It is my honor to serve,” he said quietly, gazing down at the manicured nails resting lightly in his palm.

He closed his eyes, as he felt Rin’s other hand move to lie against the back of his head. The slender fingers of his prince moved through his hair, and Sousuke barely managed to suppress a shiver. Rin’s knee and thigh were directly in front of him. All he had to do was lean forward in order to press his lips against the warm skin. Briefly, he allowed himself to imagine pulling those legs apart, taking hold of his prince’s member, sliding it into his mouth.

But then he quickly banished the thought from his mind, knowing how inappropriate it would be. Such actions could get him removed from his position in the kingsguard, or worse it could lead to his banishment or death.

Sousuke felt he preferred death to banishment.

“You shouldn’t worry so much, Sousuke,” Rin said softly, still stroking his fingers through the man’s dark hair. “It can be a simple party. Only the palace household and a few guests. Nagisa can dance for us. Nothing too extravagant.” 

Sousuke breathed a sigh of relief. He nodded then, lifting his head to look up into Rin’s face. “I believe I can approve of that,” he said with a faint smile.

Rin tilted his head, studying Sousuke’s face with an expression that Sousuke didn’t recognize. His lips parted, but before his prince could speak, Aiichiro came stumbling back into the room, a platter clutched in both hands. On it were two goblets and a jar of wine that teetered dangerously in Aiichiro’s unsteady grasp. Standing swiftly, Sousuke moved to catch the jar before it could topple onto the floor.

“S-sorry!” Aiichiro said, his eyes wide.

Sousuke gave him a smile to calm him. “There’s no need to apologize. Thank you for retrieving it.” Turning, he handed a goblet to Rin, pouring the wine carefully.

Aiichiro set down the platter. “D-do you require anything further, my prince?” he asked, bowing deeply.

Rin waved dismissively, not looking at them as he lifted the goblet, concealing his face. “No, that is all. You may go.”

Sousuke tried to read his prince’s expression but found he couldn’t. Perturbed, he bowed shortly, before taking Aiichiro’s arm and pulling him from the room. As the door shut behind him, Sousuke wondered at the tightness in his chest. Dismissing it as pointless anxiety, he released Aiichiro, told him to remain on duty outside the prince’s chambers, before turning to leave for his own.

 

***

 

As the preparations began for Rin’s celebration, Sousuke took the time to visit Rei Ryugazaki. He knew from General Mikoshiba that the young man had aspirations of becoming a member of the kingsguard, and he was curious to learn more about his skill set. Unfortunately, the young man’s wounds were still healing, so Sousuke knew he couldn’t see him at his full potential. Still, he made a point to stop by the young man’s room.

“Are you proficient with your right hand in combat?” he asked directly.

Rei blinked from his spot by the window where he’d been reading. He set down his book and adjusted his glasses, standing to bow slightly. “I was trained to use both hands in battle, though my right hand is the weaker one of the two.”

“Hm, if you’d like to remedy that, you can join me for my morning training sessions,” Sousuke offered.

It was almost embarrassing to watch how Rei’s eyes lit up at this offer.

“S-sir!” He bowed again, deeper this time. “It would be an honor to train with you! The mere thought of standing by the side of such a prestigious member of the kingsguard fills me with gratitude! I will do my utmost best to not be a hindrance and to follow your every order! I am—”

“That’s enough,” Sousuke said, fighting a chuckle as he held up a hand to silence him. Rei quickly shut his mouth, his cheeks reddening. “Just don’t prattle on like that during the session and you’ll be fine.”

“Of course, sir. My apologies,” Rei said quickly, bowing once more.

Sousuke glanced toward the book that Rei had placed on the windowsill. “That’s all you’ve been doing in your down time? Reading?”

Rei glanced at the book. “I enjoy it, sir,” he admitted. “And as my only duties are to escort Nagisa to and from the prince’s chambers, I’ve been rather listless during the daylight hours.”

Sousuke stroked his chin thoughtfully. “And how is that going? Your duties with Nagisa.”

He briefly wondered if he should be surprised, as he watched Rei’s gaze shift to the side.

“He is, ah, he is very interesting,” the young man said, fidgeting with his eyeglasses. “The other night he tried to convince me that there were such things as desert penguins.”

Sousuke laughed. “He is quite the character, our little Nagisa.”

“If you don’t mind my asking,” Rei began hesitantly. “Has Nagisa always been the prince’s favorite concubine?”

Sousuke’s smile died quickly. He pursed his lips, feeling that familiar guilt and shame squeeze at his heart. He shook his head, hand resting on the hilt of his sword. “No. There was one before him. A slave from one of our island colonies.” 

“What happened to him?” Rei asked, purple eyes wide behind his glasses.

Sousuke grimaced inwardly. “He only lasted a few months. Prince Rin received him as a gift from his father on his sixteenth birthday. He was young and inexperienced in dealing with slaves on such an intimate level. He was rough with him, demanded things from him that the boy obviously didn’t wish to do. The slave endured everything for longer than I expected, but finally Prince Rin pushed him too far and he snapped, attacking him. Such a crime is punishable by death, but the prince asked for his life to be spared, so he was sent to the dungeons instead as punishment.”

Rei swallowed, his throat constricting tightly. “And Nagisa . . .”

Sousuke couldn’t stop the smile that formed at the name. “By the time Nagisa was chosen, Prince Rin had learned his lesson. He’s never been too rough with him. Nagisa is also a much more willing participant. He knows well how to charm a person.”

Rei appeared flustered at these words. “Well! He hasn’t charmed me,” he said quickly, shaking his head. “I find his antics quite irritating.”

Sousuke chuckled. “All of us thought the same at first, but he grows on you.” He turned toward the door, knowing he had to move on to his next task. He lingered in the doorway, looking back at the young guard who stood frowning thoughtfully at the floor.

“I suggest you come to Prince Rin’s celebration tomorrow night,” he said. “Nagisa will be dancing.”

Rei’s lifted his face, an expression of interest flickering over his features. “Dancing?”

Sousuke smirked faintly. “Yes, dancing.” He turned forward again, stepping out of the room. “I train at dawn,” he called over his shoulder. “Don’t be late.”

He felt a sense of smug satisfaction; something that he knew should probably worry him. He knew that if Nagisa took a lover of his own, Rin would descend into a jealous rage and both Nagisa’s and Rei’s lives would be in danger. And while he didn’t have much of an opinion yet on Rei, he’d grown fond of Nagisa over the past two years. It wouldn’t be right to set something up that he knew would end in pain for the slave.

Still, the thought of Rin needing someone new to hold and kiss and taste made Sousuke’s heart stutter pathetically. Though he knew it wouldn’t likely be himself his prince would turn to for such comfort, the image of embracing that lithe body, feeling Rin’s lips against his own, having his prince all to himself . . . it burned in his mind with such ferocity that Sousuke needed to take a short respite in his own chambers before moving on to go through the security measurements for the event with his fellow kingsguard.

 

***

 

Once the festivities began, Sousuke was glad he’d doubled the amount of guards stationed throughout the large room. At least a hundred people were present, most of them dignitaries from all over Makuria, greedy men and women who wanted nothing more than to befriend and take advantage of the young prince. Princess Gou had many admirers present as well, though Sousuke knew it was for a different reason.

He couldn’t help but be amused at the flustered way her personal bodyguard, the younger brother of General Mikoshiba, Momotarou, attempted to organize the suitors so they didn’t all crowd around the princess and overwhelm her. Sousuke ended up sending Aiichiro over to help, which led to some bickering between the two young guards over how exactly to herd the eager young men into manageable groups.

Rin appeared to be enjoying himself despite the fake smiles on many of his allies’ faces. He did have one or two real friends among them, and he remained close to them, laughing genuinely at their humorous tales. Sousuke kept a close eye on the cupbearer and food-taster, both of whom sampled every goblet of wine and every tray of food before handing them to his prince. It would be much too easy for a would-be assassin to try and slip something into the refreshments, especially since Sousuke didn’t recognize everyone who was there. The dignitaries had brought along their own personal servants, guards, and slaves, and the confusion of bodies made Sousuke uneasy.

“You don’t appear to be enjoying yourself, sir,” the respectful tone of Rei Ryugazaki brought him out of his worrying thoughts.

“I dislike parties,” Sousuke admitted, his eyes never leaving Rin. “Too many things can go wrong.”

“But you’re the kingsguard,” Rei said confidently. “You would never let anything happen to the prince.”

Sousuke smiled thinly, not thinking Rei had a very good grasp on what it took to be a member of the kingsguard. How terrifying it truly was.

Before he could correct the young man, however, the concubines entered the room. They were greeted with cheers and applause, as they smiled and waved, parading gracefully toward the center of the room. Nagisa led the group, looking striking and sensual in a tiny dark red vest, his thin, low-riding pantaloons the same deep color. His feet were bare, and the gold bands that adorned his ankles jingled together with every step. His wrists were also decorated with gold, and a large ruby sparkled in his navel. On top of his head he wore a headdress, from which fell a filmy veil to obscure his face. Sousuke knew the purpose of this was so the focus would be on his body, and as the music changed to a faster beat and he began to dance, it was clear that nobody’s focus could possibly be anywhere else.

Sousuke heard a sharp intake of breath from Rei next to him, as Nagisa writhed and spun in pace with the music. His movements were graceful and provocative, his arms and legs rising and falling with practiced ease, his hips moving in hypnotizing circles. Even Sousuke was transfixed momentarily, before he remembered himself and quickly turned his gaze back toward his prince.

Rin watched Nagisa with hungry eyes, his lips parted, tongue set lightly against his teeth. Beside him, the cupbearer sipped from a new goblet. He gauged the taste a moment, before slowly passing it to Rin.

Rin took it, but was too distracted by Nagisa to drink. Sousuke was about to turn back to the performance, when he noticed the pale look upon the cupbearer’s face. The boy stumbled back, clutching at his throat. His face turned red and then purple, and Sousuke leaped forward, snatching the cup out of Rin’s hand and throwing it to the floor.

_CLANG!_

Everyone froze, as the music stopped abruptly. In the growing silence, the cupbearer’s gurgling could be heard, and all eyes watched in horror as the boy twitched and seized, foam gathering at his lips. He died with a shudder, and Sousuke grabbed Rin’s arm, pulling him to his feet.

“The prince’s wine has been poisoned!” Sousuke shouted to his kingsguard. “Spread out and find who did this and bring him to justice immediately!”

Without waiting to see his orders carried out, he turned Rin. “We must get you out of here, my prince,” he said, ignoring the stunned look on the young man’s face.

Quickly, he dragged Rin toward the back entrance of the room, behind the dais where the musicians sat, too shocked to continue playing. He briefly glanced back in order to ensure that someone had ushered the concubines out of the room, before shoving Rin through the doors and out into the hall.

“Sousuke, wait! I can’t leave my subjects in this way! It’s undignified!” Rin protested, struggling to free himself from Sousuke’s grasp.

“I don’t give a damn whether or not it’s dignified,” Sousuke barked. “It’s my job to ensure your safety, so that’s what I’m doing.”

Rin fell silent, allowing Sousuke to pull him back toward his chambers. Once they reached it, Sousuke pushed his prince inside, shutting the doors behind them. He quickly drew his sword then, crouching into a fighting stance, his eyes fixed on the entrance.

“Sousuke, I think we’re safe,” Rin said, sounding surprisingly calm. “Poison is a coward’s weapon. I highly doubt he’d follow us back here to attack me physically.”

Sousuke clenched his jaw, his heart hammering in his throat. He didn’t relax from his stance, glaring a hole into the doors before him, his grip tightening on the hilt of his sword.

“Sousuke, you’re overreacting,” Rin said with a soft laugh. “I’m fine, am I not?” He stepped up to his bodyguard, resting a hand on his arm. “Relax.”

Without thinking, Sousuke whirled on his prince, grabbing his arm and flinging him against the wall beside the door. “Don’t tell me to relax when you were so close to death!” he exclaimed, pinning Rin between him and the wall. “Did you not see what happened to your cupbearer? That could have been _you_ writhing on the floor! Choking. Dying.”

Rin’s eyes were wide, as he stared up at Sousuke.

Sousuke’s chest heaved, as he struggled for breath, his chest only tightening further as the memory of what had just occurred played over and over in his mind. To think he’d come so close to losing Rin . . .

“But it wasn’t me,” Rin said then softly. With his free hand, he reached up to touch the side of Sousuke’s face. “You saved me, Sousuke.” He smiled then, sharp teeth glinting.

Sousuke blinked, momentarily forgetting everything else he was thinking as his body registered the warmth and feel of his prince against it. His hand still clutched Rin’s arm, holding it against the wall firmly beside them. Their faces were close, too close. He could see the faint glaze in Rin’s eyes; glassy from the alcohol he’d already consumed that night. He could decipher the light flush of his cheeks; feel the pounding of his heart, matching the rapid beat of his own.

Realization of what he’d done suddenly hit him, and Sousuke leaped back, releasing Rin and dropping to the floor in front of him. His sword clattered to the floor beside him, as he prostrated himself.

“Forgive me, my prince!” he managed, exhaling shakily. “I forgot my place.”

“There’s nothing to forgive,” Rin replied gently, and when Sousuke chanced a glance up at his prince’s face, he saw only trust and admiration in his expression.

Rin lifted a hand toward him, and Sousuke rose slightly to take it, kissing the fingers gently. The ache in his chest both relieved and strengthened anew.

_You’re an idiot, Sousuke Yamazaki. A pathetic fool._

“I’m tired,” Rin said then, helping Sousuke to his feet. “Could you send for Nagisa? I don’t think I can relax on my own after tonight’s excitement.”

Immediately, Sousuke clenched his fist. A protest sprang to his lips, but he swallowed it back, bowing stiffly instead.

“Of course, my prince,” he murmured, snatching up his sword before quickly exiting the room. He decided he would check on the status of the search for the assassin first, hoping Rin would fall asleep before he had the chance to send Nagisa to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up Next: Rei's POV and more of Nagisa's antics


	5. Rei - The Blooming Lotus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry I didn't have this up last night! By the time I finished it was 2am, and I was too tired to do a thorough read-through. But I'll start on the next chapter right away, so hopefully you all will have two chapters today! <3

After all the excitement at the prince’s party, the first thing Rei did when he saw Sousuke the next morning was ask if Prince Rin was all right.

“He’s fine,” Sousuke said irritably, and the dark circles under his eyes indicated just how well his night had gone.

Rei bit his lip, not wanting to annoy the man, but also incredibly curious as to what exactly had happened. He hadn’t been able to get a good look at the cupbearer, and in all the chaos following Sousuke’s order to find the culprit he’d been jostled out into the hall. He’d been unable to flag down anyone who knew what was going on, so in the end he’d simply retired to his room.

“Were you able to capture the man responsible?” Rei asked, immediately regretting it as Sousuke’s expression darkened.

“No. We interviewed everyone in the room, but we weren’t able to find out who poisoned the wine or where the jar even came from.” He shook his head, moving to strip out of his kaftan then, down to only a pair of white pantaloons.

Rei tried not to stare at the scars that marred the skin of Sousuke’s chest, side, and arms. It was quite obvious that he’d been in many fights.

“Excuse me, I hope you don’t mind my asking, but did you get those from protecting the prince?” he asked hesitantly, afraid of a sharp answer.

But Sousuke just looked down at the scars briefly, before looking back at Rei. “Yes,” he said simply.

Rei bit his lip. “Does it not trouble you that they disrupt your natural beauty?”

Sousuke blinked at him a moment before an abrupt laugh escaped his lips. “No, it does not,” he said, shaking his head with a small smile. “Each of these scars is proof that I’ve been successful in my duties as a member of the kingsguard. Every time I see them, I remember that because of them my prince is safe and unharmed.”

As he spoke, Rei realized that because of the way he carried himself, wore the scars proudly, Sousuke remained beautiful despite the mutilation. Rei couldn’t help but wonder if he’d ever be able to obtain that much confidence. As of now, the mere thought of the scar that ran from his left shoulder down across his back made him shudder inwardly.

“I understand. Thank you.”

Reluctantly, Rei removed his own kaftan, wincing at the pain that flared in his shoulder at the movement. He clutched at it, slowly turning his left arm. He’d removed the sling for the training session and was already wishing he hadn’t. Biting his lip, he walked over to where the wooden practice swords hung on the wall.

They were inside the palace still, though this room had an open ceiling. Light streamed in directly above a mosaic on the floor that depicted the cycle of the moon. Rei could only admire the artwork briefly, before Sousuke moved to stand in the center of the circle, raising his own wooden sword.

“Now, let’s see just how skilled you are,” he said with a smile.

Nervously, Rei approached the circle. Already sweat was beginning to gather on his palms, and the sword slipped from his grasp, clattering to the floor. Grimacing, Rei quickly bent to pick it up. Without waiting for Rei to steady himself, Sousuke struck out with his own sword, knocking the wooden blade from Rei’s hand.

He yelped involuntarily, but Sousuke just shook his head.

“Never let your guard down in front of your opponent,” he instructed.

Rei frowned slightly, nodding his understanding, before picking up his sword once more. Again Sousuke attacked, but this time Rei was ready, and he countered the blow. He felt the impact reverberate up his arm, and he clenched his jaw, putting all his strength into his weaker limb. He wasn’t able to force Sousuke back, but he held his position until Sousuke moved to swing his blade toward Rei’s head.

Rei jumped back, lifting his sword to block. He saw the approval in Sousuke’s eyes, and that invigorated him. He quickly spun away, ducking underneath Sousuke’s next attack, thrusting his blade toward the man’s chest. Sousuke leaped to the side, smacking the sword away from his body. Despite his larger size, Rei found that the man was quick on his feet.

Around and around they went, until Rei’s arm began to tire, and the strength of his blows deteriorated. Eventually Sousuke managed to disarm him again, and they both paused, breathing heavily.

Sousuke smiled. “Not bad for your first day,” he complimented. “Keep it up and perhaps one day you’ll be able to hold your own against my dominant hand.”

Rei’s lips parted in astonishment, as Sousuke tossed his sword into the air, catching it in his other hand and giving it an intricate twirl. At the shock on Rei’s face, the kingsguard laughed, shaking his head.

“You’re still favoring your left shoulder. Are you in any pain?”

Rei couldn’t deny it. Still, his pride forced him to bow deeply, ignoring the throbbing agony that spread over his back and shoulder. “I’ll survive. Thank you for taking the time to spar with me. I promise that I’ll improve quickly.”

Sousuke bowed in return. “I look forward to our next session,” he said genuinely.

A pleased flush colored Rei’s cheeks, but before he could thank the man again, a guard came running through the doors, stopping to pant in front of them for a moment. Sousuke regarded him with some impatience, but Rei noticed he said nothing, instead waited for the man to catch his breath.

“Sir! Nitori requests your assistance with the slave Nagisa,” he reported finally.

Sousuke chuckled, turning to Rei. “I believe that’s your cue,” he said pointedly.

Rei blinked. “Me? But I thought my only duties were to escort him to and from the prince’s chambers.” In his indignation, Rei forgot his manners. Realizing this, he bowed quickly. “I-I mean no disrespect. I’m simply confused, sir.”

Sousuke bent, picking Rei’s kaftan off the floor to hand it to him. “It’s not Nitori’s job to supervise Nagisa. He’s a member of the kingsguard and belongs at Prince Rin’s side. You, on the other hand,” he lifted the point of his wooden sword into Rei’s face, “are still just a harem guard. And it is the duty of the harem guards to look after the slaves in the harem. To make sure they are treated well and keep out of trouble.”

Rei wondered when he’d been promoted from simple escort to harem guard. Frowning faintly, he swallowed back further protests, realizing that there’d be no point in arguing with Sousuke of all people. Bowing once more, he turned to the man who’d approached them.

“Where are they?” he asked.

“In the east wing courtyard,” the man reported.

Sousuke sighed. “He knows he’s not supposed to be over there,” he muttered, and Rei wondered if he was talking about Aiichiro or Nagisa.

“I’ll see to it immediately,” Rei said, slipping the kaftan over his head. His shoulder screamed at him, but he suppressed any whimpers of pain.

Keeping his back as straight as possible, Rei walked out of the room with what he hoped was a dignified air. It was only when he left the two men behind that he hunched forward, grasping at his left shoulder. He leaned up against the wall momentarily, closing his eyes tightly, as he waited for the pain to pass. It felt like someone was shoving a dozen shards of jagged pieces of glass into his skin and muscle, and he gasped for breath. The entire length of his scar burned, and he bit down on his knuckle to stifle a sob.

After what felt like hours but he knew was probably only a few minutes, the sharp sting subsided to a dull ache. Breathing a sigh of relief, he pushed away from the wall, lifting his eyeglasses briefly to wipe the tears from his eyes. He cleared his throat and began walking, careful to keep his left arm close to his side. He wanted to go back to his room to get his sling, but he’d already wasted enough time.

When he arrived at the east wing courtyard, he saw immediately why Aiichiro had entreated Sousuke for help.

In the center of the courtyard was a large fountain. Multiple lotus flowers floated on the surface of the water, and it was deep enough to hold several types of fish and other wildlife. A statue of maiden stood in the middle of the fountain, and in her hands she held a jar, from which flowed a steady stream of water.

And beneath this stream, sans clothes and holding a large toad in his hands, stood Nagisa.

“Ai-kun! This look like Sousuke-senpai, yes?” He pulled his face into an expression similar to the toad’s, and Rei had to admit that it did somewhat resemble Sousuke’s features when he was irritated.

Aiichiro stood outside the fountain, wringing his hands anxiously. “Nagisa, _please_ get out of there! You know you’re not supposed to play in the fountains!”

“I not play. I explore!”

Nagisa dropped the toad, turning back to the water to search for something. Rei tried not to stare at the slave’s slender form, exposed without any care for modesty. No one was allowed in the fountains, nude or otherwise, so Rei wondered how Nagisa had managed to get away from Aiichiro in order to strip and enter this one. He still wore the cuff and chain around his wrist, which meant Aiichiro must have let go of it at some point.

“What’s going on here?” Rei asked, approaching the scene with as much poise and austerity as possible.

Aiichiro turned quickly, relief flooding his features. “Ryugazaki! Please help me. He said he just wanted to look at the flowers, but the next thing I knew he was naked and swimming in the fountain! Now he won’t get out!”

“Rei-senpai!” Nagisa called, waving from his place in the fountain. “You swim with me! It very refreezing!”

“I think you mean refreshing,” Rei corrected, adjusting his glasses and doing his best to fight the flush that began to heat the back of his neck and ears.

Nagisa’s tanned form dripped with water, which glistened against his skin in the light from the sun overhead. His hair practically glowed, and his smile was dazzling. For a moment Rei found himself staring, watching the droplets of water as they slid down the boy’s lean chest and stomach, making their way toward his pierced navel and then to the darker hair beneath it . . .

Rei quickly pulled his gaze back up, unable to suppress the blood that rushed to his cheeks.

“I can’t swim with you!” he said, much too loudly. He cleared his throat and tried again. “You shouldn’t even be in there. You need to get out right now.”

Nagisa shrugged. “Yes, Rei-senpai,” he said compliantly, moving to exit the fountain.

Aiichiro sputtered indignantly. “B-but I-I . . .”

Rei placed his hand on the younger guard’s shoulder. “I think I can take things from here,” he said gently. “Go to your prince.”

Defeated, Aiichiro nodded, turning to leave the courtyard. Rei watched him go, before turning back to Nagisa. He jumped back a step, as the boy was suddenly in front of him, still naked.

“Rei-senpai, you not like water?” he asked innocently, his eyes wide.

Nagisa leaned forward slightly, causing Rei to take another step back.

Swallowing hard, Rei adverted his gaze once more. “Y-You should get dressed,” he said thickly.

“But my clothes get wet—”

“ _Please_.”

Nagisa hesitated for a moment, before turning away to gather his clothes, slipping them on without further protest. Rei felt the tension in his stomach begin to diminish, and he turned back to the slave once he felt it was safe. Nagisa stood watching him, dressed now in a small light blue vest with matching pantaloons, his expression unreadable.

For a moment neither of them spoke, as Rei’s mind blanked on what exactly he should do next. Did he take Nagisa back to the harem? Or was he supposed to be somewhere specific, and he’d taken a detour to the courtyard? He stared back at Nagisa dubiously, completely at a loss.

Nagisa grinned slowly, stepping closer again. “You take me back to room?” he offered, lifting the chain around his wrist, holding it out to Rei.

“Er, yes,” Rei said, taking the chain in his hand, curling his fingers around it.

Turning, he began to walk toward the west wing of the palace, keeping some slack in the chain, as Nagisa walked beside him.

“Why were you in the east wing in the first place?” he asked finally, his curiosity getting the better of him.

Nagisa bounced on his toes. “I see flowers. I like them. I want to see closer.”

“And then you just decided to go swimming?” Rei asked skeptically.

Nagisa grinned up at him. “I see frog that look like Sousuke-senpai, so I must catch it and show Ai-kun.”

Rei ruminated on that a moment, guessing that seemed plausible. He frowned slightly then, noticing the difference in honorifics. He knew enough about the Nekoran language to know that each honorific held a certain level of respect and signified alternate depths of a relationship. “-Senpai” was used for older men and women, but was less formal than the usual “-san.” And then “-kun” was used for peers and friends.

And “-chan” . . . Rei felt a nervous flutter in his chest, remembering how Nagisa had called him “Rei-chan” that one night.

“Why do you call Nitori ‘Ai-kun’?” he asked to distract himself. “Is he not your superior?”

Nagisa shrugged. “I call Ai-kun ‘Ai-kun’ because he is friend to me,” he said. He cast a sly smile toward Rei. “You call me Nagisa-kun, yes?”

Rei wondered why his face insisted on reddening so frequently. He never used to be this disconcerted. “I won’t,” he said quickly, shaking his head. He set his lips in a firm line. “We’re not that close.” 

Nagisa laughed. “We get closer. You see.” He added a skip to his step, swinging the chain between them.

Rei wasn’t sure he wanted to grow closer to Nagisa. He felt such an act would be dangerous. He still couldn’t read Nagisa that well, but he knew there was more to the slave than what he allowed to show on the surface. And Rei feared that if he saw what was underneath that mask, he’d lose himself. Already Nagisa seemed to cause his heart to palpitate out of rhythm, and that perturbed him. If he learned more, discovered who Nagisa truly was, and if he was still drawn to that person, Rei knew he’d have a greater problem than a stuttering heart.

 _Nekorans are more devious than I first believed_ , he thought, frowning. _I must guard myself against him_.

Walking faster, he quickly dropped Nagisa off at the harem, returning to his room then to grab his sling and rest with his book, feeling as though that would be a good distraction.

 

***

 

Rei thought he did fairly well in resisting Nagisa’s charms in the weeks that followed. He managed this by concentrating on thinking of his morning training sessions with Sousuke and the routines the man suggested to help strengthen his right arm. His left shoulder still gave him pain, but the flares gradually became less frequent.

Rei’s refusal to engage with Nagisa didn’t deter the young man, however. Every night, as Rei escorted him to and from Prince Rin’s chambers, he would tell outrageous stories about his homeland. Rei found them ridiculous, but every once in a while he couldn’t help but chuckle, and the pleased smile that lit Nagisa’s face each time he did made ignoring him more difficult.

Nagisa spoke of flying fish that the sand penguins chased for food, and how the water sometimes ran black during the summer, because penguins molted and scattered their feathers across the water, and how one of his tasks when he was younger was to sit at the table and pick every single feather out of their drinking water. He talked of how it rained upwards sometimes, and how devilish imps called “Iwatobi-chans” came out at night to steal people’s sandals. Rei scoffed at such stories, but found he couldn’t technically prove that they weren’t true, seeing as he’d never actually visited Nekor.

He found himself wearing the feathered turban more often. He told himself that it was simply because he liked how distinguished he looked while wearing it, but he couldn’t help but feel gratified whenever Nagisa reached up to tug on the feather. He dismissed the feeling as simple pride, but he knew there was something deeper there, and as the days passed, he found himself growing more reluctant each time he had to leave Nagisa and return to his room.

 _I enjoy his stories; that’s all_.

But he even as he thought it, he knew it wasn’t entirely the truth.

Nearly two months after almost nightly walks with Nagisa, he arrived at the harem to find Nagisa lying on his bed with his face in his pillow, dressed in a thin tunic. Frowning in concern, Rei approached him.

“Nagisa? Why aren’t you dressed? Your prince is waiting for you.”

Nagisa turned his head to face Rei, squinting up at him. “Rei-kun?” he mumbled.

Rei tried not to let the new honorific make him nervous. Swallowing hard, he knelt beside the bed, pressing his hand to the boy’s forehead. It felt warmer than it should, and Rei’s frown deepened.

“Are you ill?” he asked. “Should I tell them to send a different concubine to the prince?”

Nagisa made a face. “Rin-san not like that. I go to him always.” He moved to sit up, his face flushed, eyes glassy.

Rei’s chest tightened, and he shook his head. “You can’t go to him like this,” he said quickly. “You’ve been overexerting yourself, spending so much time with him. You need to rest. If he cares about you at all, he’ll understand.”

Standing, Rei exited the room, making his way down the hall to the harem doors. He spoke to the guards there, explaining the situation. They agreed that Nagisa should probably rest, and one of them left to tell Sousuke. Rei hurried back to Nagisa’s room, stopping short when he saw the boy starting to remove his tunic.

“St-stop!” he exclaimed, and Nagisa froze, his eyes wide.

Rei hurried over, pulling the tunic back down over Nagisa’s body. “I told the guards to send someone else. You’re not working tonight.”

Nagisa frowned slightly. “But—”

Rei shook his head. “Do not argue. I’m putting my foot down.”

Nagisa giggled weakly. “But Rei-kun, your foot is already down.” He pointed to Rei’s shoe, firmly planted on the floor.

Rei stifled a smile. “It’s an expression. Please, lay back down.”

He placed his hands on Nagisa’s shoulders, pushing him back against his bed gently. Nagisa sat obediently, moving to lie back after a moment. Rei bit his lip, as he watched the boy’s lethargic movements. None of his usual enthusiasm showed in his expression; Rei could only see exhaustion. Without meaning to, he reached forward to brush some of Nagisa’s hair off his forehead, tucking the strands behind his ear.

Nagisa’s eyes watched him closely, and Rei flushed, pulling his hand back. He stood then, fidgeting as anxiety set in.

“I-I should fetch you something to eat from the kitchens. That will help bolster your strength.” He turned to go, but he felt a small hand grab his. Startled, he turned back to look down into Nagisa’s hopeful eyes.

“I go with you? To kitchen?”

Frowning, Rei shook his head. “No, you’re too weak to walk all the way down there. I’ll get it myself. You stay here and rest.”

Nagisa shook his head, sitting up. “I go to kitchens with you,” he said insistently, moving to stand. He wavered on his feet, and Rei quickly reached out to steady him.

“You’re incredibly stubborn,” he complained, earning a weak smile in reply. He sighed. “Alright then, you can come with me. But you’re not going to walk.”

Before he could think better of it, Rei reached down and scooped Nagisa up into his arms, one arm under his knees, the other supporting his back. Immediately, pain seared through his shoulder and back, but he grit his teeth and began to walk out the door and out of the harem.

Nagisa wrapped his arms around Rei’s neck, clinging to him. Rei forced himself to face forward, his heart pounding rapidly in his chest at the feel of Nagisa’s warm body against his chest, the proximity of his face to his own. The tunic slipped down around Nagisa’s thighs, leaving his legs almost completely bare, and Rei could feel the smoothness of his skin against his arm. He dared not look down at them, remembering well how they’d moved with such fluid beauty during the dance at Prince Rin’s celebration.

He’d been utterly transfixed by Nagisa’s dance; it was something he struggled to avoid thinking about when he tried to sleep, the pain in his shoulder preventing easy rest. The way those hips had moved . . .

“Rei-kun!”

Rei came to his senses just in time to avoid colliding with a pillar. Flushing, he quickly moved around it, picking up his pace. Nagisa’s grip tightened around his neck, his warm body pressing further against his chest. Rei was sure he could feel the way his heart beat hastily against his ribcage, but if Nagisa noticed he said nothing.

His scar was throbbing, as he finally arrived at the kitchens. He didn’t think anyone would still be there at this hour, so he was surprised to see a thin, dark-haired young man with striking blue eyes crouching by the hearth, cooking what seemed to be mackerel over a low fire. The young man looked up, as the two came bursting into the room, and Nagisa reached toward him.

“Haru-chan!” he cried.

Swiftly, the young man stood and hurried over, taking Nagisa from Rei. As soon as the weight was gone from his arms, Rei sagged against the wall behind him, gripping his shoulder. He watched as Nagisa nuzzled his face against the side of the cook’s. He spoke to him softly in what Rei recognized as Nekoran, but it was too indistinct for him to make out what he’d said.

The cook (Rei supposed his name had to be Haru), gently set Nagisa down on a chair at the table in the center of the room, going about grabbing a pot and some vegetables, pouring water into the pot and moving the fish off the fire in order to replace it with the pot.

“Nagisa? Who is this?” Rei asked from his spot on the wall, watching everything with confusion.

“This is Haru-chan,” Nagisa explained, gesturing vaguely. “He is friend. Family. He make me special food. Soup now to make me stronger.” He smiled, tearing his gaze away from Haru to look back at Rei. He frowned then suddenly, pointing to Rei’s shoulder. “You are hurt?”

Rei quickly put his hand down, straightening. “I’m fine,” he said, shaking his head. For some reason he didn’t want Nagisa to worry about him. It didn’t make sense, but the thought of causing Nagisa discomfort in any way troubled him. Besides, it was his duty to ensure Nagisa’s well-being, not the other way around. It didn’t matter if he was in pain. He was just a harem guard, wasn’t he? Unimportant and unnoticed by most.

He was lucky someone as prominent as Sousuke had taken an interest in his training. Otherwise, he was sure he’d still be weak and useless. He certainly wouldn’t have had the strength to endure the pain of his scar the entire way from the harem to the kitchens the way he had.

“Sit,” Nagisa said, gesturing to the chair beside him. “Eat with me.”

Rei hesitated, but after a moment he stepped over and sat. As soon as he did, Nagisa reached over and snatched his glasses off his face. Rei barely had time to react before Nagisa had placed them over his own eyes.

“H-hey! Give those back!” he protested, reaching for them but wincing as he lifted his left arm. He quickly lowered it, grabbing at his shoulder once more.

“Whoa,” Nagisa marveled, looking around the kitchen, blinking owlishly behind the lenses. “Rei-kun, you not see good at all!”

“Which is precisely why I need them back,” Rei complained.

Nagisa giggled, lowering them from his face to hand them over. He noticed the way Rei clutched his shoulder, and his smile disappeared. Rei took his glasses back swiftly, settling them on his nose and tucking the bands behind his ears, adjusting them.

Biting his lip, Nagisa reached out to pull at Rei’s kaftan, tugging it to the side to reveal the tip of the scar that rested on the curve of his shoulder. Hastily, Rei grabbed the material, shifting it back into place.

“Don’t,” he said in a strangled voice.

Nagisa’s eyes were wide. “I want to see.” He tugged at the kaftan again, but Rei kept it still beneath his fingers.

He shook his head, fighting back the tears that burned the corners of his eyes. “It is not beautiful,” he whispered, hating that he cared so much. Sousuke’s body was covered in scars, and he didn’t seem to mind at all. So why did Rei tremble at the thought of Nagisa seeing his?

Nagisa stole a glance at Haru, but the cook appeared to be ignoring them. He leaned in close to Rei then, looking directly into his eyes.

“Rei-chan is beautiful always,” he said gently.

Rei’s eyes widened, as he stared back at Nagisa. The boy’s face was so close; he could feel his warm breath brush against his lips and slide past his cheek. Without thinking, Rei leaned forward, his lips parting. Nagisa’s mouth was open slightly as well and looked soft and inviting. Rei felt desire curl through his stomach, dropping further down into his abdomen, pooling there with an intense heat that caused his cheeks to flush. He wanted to taste that mouth. He wanted to so badly his lips trembled in anticipation.

Nagisa’s eyelids fluttered and then closed, as the space between them grew smaller.

Haru cleared his throat loudly, and Rei sprung back quickly, suddenly realizing what he’d been about to do. He blinked quickly, swallowing past the lump in his throat as Haru set two bowls of soup in front of them. Nagisa opened his eyes and leaned back slowly. Did he seem disappointed? Rei couldn’t tell. His heart was beating too fast for him to think clearly.

_I-I was going to kiss him. Prince Rin’s favorite concubine . . ._

It would be impossible for him to become a member of the kingsguard if he were caught fraternizing in this way with the slave. He’d be banished or worse, depending on how poorly the prince took the news. It wasn’t his place to think about Nagisa in this way. His duties were clear: escort the slave, make sure the slave stayed out of trouble, and ensure the health and safety of the slave. That was all.

“This new guard is an idiot,” Haru said to Nagisa in Nekoran.

“H-hey! I can understand you, you know,” Rei exclaimed, flushing indignantly.

Haru’s eyes widened, and Nagisa laughed.

“He’s not so bad,” Nagisa replied, also in Nekoran. He kept his eyes on Rei’s face as he spoke. “I like his smile.”

Rei felt his flush deepen, his face feeling hot. He stared down at the soup before him, picking up the spoon then to begin eating. Nagisa did the same, stealing glances at Rei every so often. Rei did his best to ignore them, grateful for the silence at least. He didn’t understand this ache in his chest, this longing to pull Nagisa closer and kiss him completely and fervently.

Didn’t the boy irritate him? Was he not incorrigible and stubborn and childish?

Yet despite those facts, Rei felt himself drawn to Nagisa. He wanted to know more about him, about his home life before coming to Makuria. He wanted the real story, not absurd tales that made little sense. Yes, they were amusing, but they revealed nothing true about Nagisa.

“How old were you when they brought you here?” he asked suddenly, glancing over at Nagisa.

Nagisa blinked. “Eight summers,” he replied automatically in Nekoran, apparently too startled by the abrupt question to think of a colorful lie.

Only eight years old. Rei turned back to his soup, unable to keep from thinking of a tiny and scared Nagisa riding in a caravan full of intimidating Makurian soldiers. It was enough to make his heart twist painfully.

Only eight years old.

What a horrible tradition this royal family had.

They finished eating and thanked Haru. The cook hugged Nagisa before they left, holding him close for a long time, until Rei became anxious and reminded Nagisa that they had to get him back to the harem before someone came looking for them. Even though he was standing respectfully beside Nagisa, holding the chain the way he should, it made him nervous to think of someone finding them alone in such a remote location.

“You know Nekoran?” Nagisa asked once they left the kitchens and started back to the harem.

Rei bit his lip. “Only a little,” he admitted. “And I can’t really speak it. I was required to learn some as part of my training for the army.”

“Oh.” Nagisa seemed truly disappointed at this. He remained uncharacteristically silent throughout the walk back, but once they reached the harem doors, he turned to grin up at Rei with his usual enthusiasm.

“Thank you, Rei-kun,” he said. “I feel better now. I soon be strong again and make Rin-san feel good. Maybe Rei-kun too, yes?”

He winked, and Rei felt the blood rush once more toward his face, but this time it also traveled south to a very unsuitable place. He swallowed, taking a quick step back. “I-I don’t believe that’s necessary . . . or-or appropriate.”

Nagisa simply laughed, slipping his chain out of Rei’s slackened grip and entering the harem, shutting the door in Rei’s flustered face.

Trying not to think about it, Rei turned and hurried back to his room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up Next: Nagisa's POV and the next step in Reigisa's relationship


	6. Nagisa - Catching the Butterfly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here there be smut.

Nagisa sank his teeth into the silk pillowcase, grimacing. His fingers curled into the edges of the pillow. He could feel Prince Rin’s fingers digging into his hips; hear his soft grunts and moans. The pressure inside him grew and faded, as the prince thrust rhythmically. Nagisa was used to the pain by now, and all he felt was a dull ache that mixed with some pleasure, though Rin never seemed that concerned with making Nagisa feel good.

It was Nagisa’s duty to serve the prince, and Rin was not obligated to return the service, so he rarely did. This led to Nagisa not feeling much of anything during their nights together, physically or otherwise. Still, he faked his enjoyment with practiced ease, and the prince seemed none the wiser.

Rin quickened his movements, his moans growing louder. Nagisa could tell he was close to his climax, so he encouraged him with small whimpers. Closing his eyes, he wondered if he’d feel the same lack of interest with someone else. The prince often teased that he would maybe one day give Nagisa over to Sousuke for his bodyguard to have a turn, and Nagisa would study Sousuke and wonder if he’d feel any different with the man, or if it would be the same dull ache, the same emptiness in his chest.

Somehow, despite his imposing and somewhat gruff nature, Nagisa felt Sousuke would be more considerate.

He bit down harder on the silk, his grip tightening on the pillow.

Briefly, he wondered how Rei would feel inside him like this. Almost immediately, his eyes opened and a gasp escaped his lips.

What was that? A twitch of heat in his abdomen. Closing his eyes again, Nagisa pictured those bright purple eyes behind elegant glasses. He remembered the feel of Rei’s fingers moving through his hair, the way the man’s heart had pounded in his chest as he carried Nagisa to the kitchens.

It had been two weeks since that night, and yet Nagisa couldn’t stop thinking of it. The look of genuine concern on Rei’s features was one Nagisa never truly saw on anyone, aside from Haruka and Gou and sometimes Sousuke. He wasn’t used to feeling that important to anyone else. He told himself that it was just because it was Rei’s job to make sure he was healthy that the man had gone out of his way to care for him that night.

But Nagisa knew there’d been more to it than just a simple sense of duty.

Rin thrust hard once more, before he came, and Nagisa moaned accordingly, listening to the heavy pants of the young man behind him. It took a moment, but then the prince pulled out of Nagisa, allowing him to sink fully onto the mattress.

Nagisa buried his face deeper into the pillow, as Rin’s fingers stroked slowly up the curve of his spine.

“I’ve missed you,” he said softly. “The others just don’t have your beauty. Your sweet taste.”

Nagisa shivered as he felt the prince’s tongue sweep across his shoulder blade. Rin took his arm then, turning him over in order to look down into his flushed face. Nagisa reached up, caressing the side of Rin’s head gently.

“I miss you too, Rin-san,” he murmured, since that was the correct reply.

Rin ducked his head, sliding his lips over Nagisa’s cheek to his ear. He never kissed him on the mouth. That was an intimate touch reserved for actual lovers, and Nagisa was just a slave. Rin flicked his tongue against Nagisa’s ear, before pulling back and sitting up.

“Sousuke,” he called over to his guard, his voice light and casual. “Did you enjoy the show, you perverse old man?”

Nagisa lifted himself onto his elbows, looking over to where Sousuke stood by the door, one hand on the hilt of his sword, his expression stony.

“I don’t watch for my enjoyment. It’s my responsibility to keep an eye on you at all times. Even during intercourse.”

Rin tsked, shaking his head. “How dull. You should join in sometime.”

Nagisa watched as the man’s throat constricted, though his features didn’t shift.

“I highly doubt that’d be appropriate, my prince,” he said flatly.

Rin laughed. “You’re so serious all the time. Nagisa, go use that marvelous mouth on him. See if you can’t crack that mask of his.”

Nagisa felt dread twist his stomach, but he nodded, getting off the bed to stand. “I try for you, Rin-san,” he said with a bow, before trotting over to where Sousuke stood. He reached out, laying his hands on the waistband of the man’s pantaloons, but Sousuke quickly grabbed his wrists, stopping him.

“That’s not necessary,” he said, his voice low.

Nagisa looked up at him, but Sousuke was looking at the prince, his eyes dark with an emotion Nagisa didn’t recognize but which caused his knees to quake. It was something akin to annoyance, or perhaps anger.

Sousuke released his wrists, placing his hand instead on the top of Nagisa’s head. “The boy isn’t some common whore that you can simply pass around,” he continued, his deep voice rumbling. Nagisa glanced at Rin and was surprised to see the prince’s eyes widen with shock.

“I wasn’t—”

Sousuke turned from Rin, looking down at Nagisa. “Go back to your room, little one,” he said gently.

Confused as to what was happening, Nagisa hurried to gather his clothes, slipping into them. He bowed briefly to both Rin and Sousuke, before stepping out into the hall.

Rei stood from where he’d been sitting against a pillar, approaching him to snap the cuff and chain back onto Nagisa’s wrist, though that seemed pointless, since he held the chain lightly with plenty of slack.

As always, Rei didn’t ask how his time with Rin had gone. Instead he commented awkwardly on the weather, and Nagisa tried not to remember how he’d thought about the guard while Rin had been inside of him.

Rei was saying something about how clouds worked when Nagisa stopped, looking up at the man curiously.

“You have kissed person before?” he asked, staring at Rei’s lips as they dropped open in disbelief. They looked soft, just as they had that night in the kitchens. Nagisa had inwardly cursed Haruka for the interruption, but the cook had later admitted that he’d been afraid of the repercussions.

A guard caught kissing one of Rin’s concubines could only end poorly for both the guard and the concubine. Nagisa felt as though he’d heard a story about one such incident before, but he couldn’t recall it now.

“I-I don’t . . . why are you asking me this?” Rei stammered.

“I want to know,” Nagisa said, shrugging. “Just curious.”

Rei’s face was flushed, and he turned his gaze away. “I kissed a girl once when I was twelve. I don’t think it truly counted as a kiss though, as it was on accident.”

Nagisa blinked. “On accident? How you kiss on accident?”

Rei seemed even more uncomfortable. “Well, ah, well . . . a friend of mine went to kiss my cheek, but I misunderstood the situation and turned my head, and our lips touched. It was very embarrassing.”

Nagisa couldn’t stop the laugh that bubbled out of his chest. “Rei-kun, you have much bad luck.”

“I know,” Rei sighed dolefully.

They began walking again, and Nagisa couldn’t help but think over Rei’s unfortunate experience with kissing and find it endearing. At the same time, however, he found himself wondering whom that girl had been and why she’d only gone to kiss Rei’s cheek. Hadn’t she wanted to truly kiss him? He couldn’t think of a reason why anyone _wouldn’t_ want to kiss Rei. He was beautiful and kind, if rather vain and self-conscious. But those faults were so small compared to the virtues he had.

Doubt tickled the edges of his mind, remembering how Rei had been a soldier in the Makurian army. He would have killed many Nekorans before coming to the palace. Many of Nagisa’s people.

But then again, Makoto had been sent to kill Nekorans as well, and Nagisa knew how good a person Makoto was. Good people sometimes did bad things, did they not? What mattered was their reasoning, whether or not they wanted to do it or simply felt as though they had no other choice.

“Rei-kun?”

“Yes, Nagisa?”

“When you are better, you return to army? Leave palace and be soldier again?”

Nagisa watched Rei’s expression change to uncertainty. Several thoughts seemed to war in his mind, and Nagisa waited patiently for a response, doing his best not to hope.

“I’m not sure,” Rei admitted finally. “Do I have a reason to stay?” He looked down at Nagisa dubiously, blinking.

Nagisa felt his chest tighten, torn between what he wanted to say and what he knew he had to say.

“You could be kingsguard? Then stay always,” he suggested, settling on that for an answer that neither revealed his true feelings nor completely hid them.

But would Rei pick up on the subtle compromise?

“I’d like to be one,” Rei said. “But I don’t know if Captain Yamazaki will make me a member. I haven’t yet proven myself worthy of the title.”

“You will,” Nagisa said confidently. “You save prince from bad guy. Save the day! They make you kingsguard as thank you, yes?”

Rei laughed nervously. “I suppose . . . But I’m not nearly strong enough to take on an assassin myself. Not yet, anyway.”

Nagisa grinned. “You be strong soon. You see!”

Rei gave him a grateful smile, and Nagisa felt his heart swell at the sight.

_That girl, whoever she is, was a complete fool._

 

***

 

Gou met him in the kitchens. Earlier Miho had given him the message from the princess to meet her there after he finished with her brother. He’d asked Rei to take a detour, and while the guard had been nervous about breaking protocol, he’d obliged.

Seeing the stunned look on Rei’s face when he saw the princess made all the secrecy worth it in Nagisa’s mind. He looked so adorable while flustered.

“Y-you’re the princess!” he exclaimed, bowing rapidly. “It is an honor to be in your presence, mi’lady!”

Gou giggled. “You were right, Nagisa,” she said. “He _does_ have a certain butterfly-like quality to him.”

Rei sputtered, as Nagisa laughed. From his place by the hearth, Haruka watched everything silently, turning a mackerel over the fire. Nagisa hurried over to give him a hug as Rei recovered.

Haruka touched the sweaty strands of Nagisa’s hair that hung in front of his ears, a worried frown crossing his features. Nagisa shook his head quickly, hastening to assure him that he was all right.

After Gou told Rei he could wait outside, she grabbed Nagisa’s hand and pulled him over to the table, pushing him down into a chair, before settling in the one across from him.

“Nagisa! He’s even more beautiful up close! Why didn’t you tell me?”

Nagisa shrugged, glancing over to where Haruka bent to check the fish.

“Is he as kind as he looks?”

Nagisa bit his lip, remembering the brush of those long fingers, the feel of those strong arms supporting him. “Yes,” he admitted with a nod. “He care for me while I am weak and make me rest.”

Gou sighed, resting her elbows on the table, chin in hands. “That’s so romantic.”

Nagisa rolled his eyes, feeling his chest tighten. “Not romantic,” he said firmly.

“Oh, come now. My brother doesn’t have eyes everywhere,” Gou said, shaking her head. “He doesn’t know about our meetings, does he? You could pursue Rei Ryugazaki if you truly wanted to without him knowing.”

Nagisa curled his fingers into the thin material of his pantaloons, gripping it tightly. “It is too much risk,” he said. “If Rin-san discover us then Rei-kun may die.”

_I can’t let anything bad happen to Rei-chan. I already let them take Mako-chan and Haru-chan from me. And even though Haru-chan has returned to me, I don’t want to lose anyone else._

“But you love him, don’t you?” Gou’s eyes were wide in her young face, staring at him openly.

A flush colored his cheeks, and Nagisa looked away.

Only to meet the stare of Haruka, who watched him, waiting for an answer.

The flush deepened. “Why it matters?” he asked in exasperation. “I am happy with Haru-chan and Gou-chan. I not need other love.” He shook his head, his heart pounding in his chest, working its way up into his throat.

Gou reached out to touch his nose with the tip of her finger. “That doesn’t answer the question,” she sang lightly.

Nagisa swallowed back the lump in his throat, glancing between the two staring at him. He felt the material in his hand give and looked down to see that he’d torn a small hole in his pantaloons. He quickly let go.

“You deserve true love, Nagisa,” Gou insisted. “After everything my brother has put you through, you deserve that. I can help you. I can make sure Rin never finds out. Will that make things easier?” 

Nagisa stared wide-eyed. It seemed preposterous. She was only a sixteen-year-old girl with little to no influence in the palace. Yet she was still the princess, and Rin loved his sister. If he and Rei were ever caught, perhaps she would be able to smooth things over, make it so Rei wouldn’t be harmed or taken away.

“You do that for me?” he asked softly, wondering if he could even dare to hope.

Gou nodded. “You’re my friend,” she said. “I care about your happiness.”

He stared at her until Haruka came over to set plates of mackerel in front of them. Gou glanced down at her plate and wrinkled her nose.

“No, thank you,” she said, shaking her head as she stood. “I need to get back to my room anyway before Miho worries.” She bent to kiss Nagisa’s cheek. “Just think about it, okay? Think about what _you_ want.”

Nagisa watched her go, listening to Rei’s voice as he stuttered out a farewell. Turning to Haruka, he picked up a piece of mackerel to eat.

“Haru-chan? Have you ever kissed anyone?” he asked in Nekoran.

Haruka blinked at him, and Nagisa realized how silly a question it was.

“Sorry! Of course you haven’t,” he said, shaking his head. “You were in the same position as me and then you spent your time in a dungeon . . .” He stopped, realizing how insensitive his words were. He turned back to his food, and a moment of silence stretched between them.

“I have,” Haruka said then softly, startling him.

“Eh?!” Nagisa stared at him, mackerel dropping from his lips back onto the plate.

Haruka kept his gaze to the side, not looking back at Nagisa. “I kissed Makoto the night before the choosing, while you slept.”

Nagisa’s eyes widened. “You and Mako-chan . . .”

Haruka frowned, turning his eyes to the floor. “It was the first and last time.”

A sharp ache pierced Nagisa’s chest, as he watched the pain move across Haruka’s features. “Wh-what was it like?” he found himself asking, before realizing that might be insensitive as well.

“It hurt,” Haruka said softly. “Here.” He pressed his hand to his chest above his heart. “It tasted salty because he was crying. He touched my face . . .” Haruka lifted his hand to rest his fingers against his cheek. He trailed off then, not speaking again.

Nagisa stood, crossing over to give his friend another hug. He pressed his face against Haruka’s chest, remembering that night and hating it. The ache deepened, spreading through his chest until he felt the pressure on his lungs. Tears welled in his eyes, threatening to spill. He fought them back unsuccessfully.

“I-I can’t remember his face,” Haruka said quietly, and the agony in his voice tore Nagisa’s heart in two. “I tried to draw it the other day and I-I . . . I couldn’t.”

Nagisa squeezed his eyes shut, nuzzling his head against his friend. “Don’t worry, Haru-chan,” he said quietly. “I still have your drawings of us. I’ll bring you the one of Mako-chan.”

Before Haruka could say anything else, Rei came into the kitchens. He stopped short when he saw them, fidgeting uncomfortably.

“S-sorry! I can come back . . .”

Nagisa pulled away from Haruka, knowing he should get back before his absence was noticed. He lifted on his toes in order to kiss Haruka’s cheek lightly, before turning to Rei.

“We go now,” he told him, swiping the back of his arm across his face to clean it. 

Rei seemed unsure, but he nodded and picked up the chain, gently leading Nagisa out of the kitchens.

“Are you all right?” he asked after a moment.

Nagisa mustered up a smile. “I am fine. Happy to spend more time with Rei-kun.” He swung his hands, forcing a bounce into his step.

Rei only frowned, however. “Nagisa, if something is bothering you . . . I might not be able to be of much help, but I can at least listen.”

Nagisa didn’t trust the way his heart leapt at the offer. He remembered Gou’s words, but it was much too dangerous out here in the halls of the palace. A guard could be lurking anywhere, ready to send messages to the king. And while one could excuse a midnight trip to the kitchens, finding a way to explain a kiss would be much more difficult.

Rei paused inside the harem doors, as he unlocked the cuff from around Nagisa’s wrist. “I just . . . I’ll be here if you need me. Just ask one of the guards to send for me.”

Nagisa grinned. “You worry too much, Rei-kun,” he said, shaking his head. “You must not frown always. Your face get stuck.” He stuck out his tongue and tilted his head, making a ridiculous expression.

This earned him a small smile, and, feeling better because of it, Nagisa skipped toward his room.

Gou’s words continued to nag at him, however, and after a mere three days, Nagisa found himself sneaking out of his room, only this time it wasn’t to see the princess or Haruka. Instead, he made his way toward the east wing where the guards’ chambers were.

He had to be stealthy, so he’d removed all his jewelry, even the one in his navel, just in case. He dressed plainly, in his tunic from his choosing, which still fit him. He hadn’t grown much taller since then.

Keeping his head down, he ducked through the shadows of the pillars, avoiding the light from the moon streaming in through the windows as best he could. Every once in a while a guard patrol walked by, and he crouched behind a pillar, pressing his hand to his mouth to stifle the sound of his breathing. His heart beat so loudly and frantically against his chest, he thought for sure the guards would hear it. But in the end they never did.

When he reached the hallway that contained the rooms of the palace guards, Nagisa realized he had no idea which one was Rei’s. He quickly and quietly peered into every one, starting to despair when each door neglected to reveal the correct man. He was just about to give up and blame fate for working against him, when he opened the last door in the hall and recognized the feathered turban sitting on the bedside table.

Pulse racing, Nagisa stepped inside, shutting the door behind him. Padding up to the bed, he stood for a moment, looking down at the man sleeping. Rei’s face was peaceful, unmarred by worry. He lay on his back, chest bare, the blankets tangled around his hips and legs. One arm rested against the pillow by his head, the other lay stiffly at his side. Nagisa could see the tip of his scar on the curve of his shoulder, but he found himself focusing more on the lean muscles that pressed clearly against the skin of Rei’s torso.

Swallowing hard, Nagisa moved to kneel on the bed. It shifted from his weight, and he froze, watching Rei’s face.

The man stirred but didn’t awaken. Breathing a soft sigh, Nagisa straddled Rei’s hips, leaning down to press a light kiss against the warm skin of Rei’s shoulder. As he moved to brace one hand against the bed, Rei’s eyes suddenly opened and he sat up quickly, knocking Nagisa backwards. He managed to catch himself from falling off the bed, and he straightened, biting his lip as he looked back at Rei.

The man’s eyes were wide with shock and for a moment he opened and closed his mouth wordlessly.

“You not be angry,” Nagisa pleaded softly.

“W-w-what are you doing?!” Rei finally exclaimed.

“It is what I want.”

Nagisa knew Rei wouldn’t understand this reply, so when Rei began to splutter again, he reached up to press a finger against the man’s lips. Immediately, Rei fell silent. Ignoring the nervous flutter in his stomach, Nagisa moved to kiss Rei’s shoulder once more. Slowly, he trailed his lips down the firm chest, resting his hands lightly against Rei’s sides.

“N-Nagisa . . .”

Rei’s voice was quiet, but it didn’t sound like a protest, so Nagisa continued. He pushed against Rei’s sides, forcing him back down against the bed. Poking his tongue out, Nagisa flicked it across one of Rei’s nipples, and felt gratified when the man gasped softly. Smiling to himself, he continued to kiss down Rei’s torso, stopping here and there to give a small suck.

Rei shuddered, his hands moving to Nagisa’s shoulders, as the young man continued his descent.

“N-Nagisa, y-you don’t have t-to . . .”

Nagisa glanced up at Rei’s face, noticing the concern there. Concern for him. That alone was enough to make up Nagisa’s mind. He shook his head, again pressing his finger to Rei’s lips.

“It is what I want,” he repeated, before reaching down into Rei’s loincloth, wrapping his fingers around the slightly stiff length and giving a small tug. Almost immediately it began to harden further, and Rei moaned quietly.

Lifting his head, Nagisa peered down at Rei’s face. The man wasn’t wearing his glasses, so Nagisa could see his eyes clearly. In the moonlight from the window, they shone dark and beautiful, and Nagisa bit his lip, recognizing the expressions of pleasure that crossed his features, as he moved his hand faster. Somehow though, looking Rei’s reactions to his ministrations didn’t fill Nagisa with shame.

Instead, he felt something akin to pride. He was making Rei feel good. He could feel it in the way Rei’s hips rose off the bed slightly, the way his fingers clutched at his shoulders. He could hear it in the sounds Rei made, soft and eager like a cat mewing for milk.

Once he felt the length hard and firm in his hand, Nagisa tugged down the loincloth to allow it to spring free. He bent his head, giving the tip an experimental lick. Instantly, Rei moaned louder, one hand moving to his hair. Nagisa braced himself for the pain that would follow, used to the way Rin grabbed and twisted his hair when he did this for him.

But Rei didn’t pull, instead his fingers stroked slowly through the strands, causing shivers to run down Nagisa’s spine. Brushing away his confusion at this turn of events, Nagisa slid his lips down over Rei’s member, giving it a small suck. Rei’s hips bucked automatically, and Nagisa had to lean back slightly in order to avoid choking. The man was longer than Rin by a couple inches, so Nagisa found he had to adjust his usual method.

“I-I’m sorry,” Rei gasped.

Nagisa dismissed the apology; starting to move once he felt he had a good angle. The skin tasted salty and warm, not much different from Rin’s, if perhaps somewhat stronger. There was a musky smell to Rei, while Rin usually smelled of flowered perfumes.

_Stop thinking of Rin-san. You are pleasuring Rei-chan. Focus on him._

Heeding his own thoughts, Nagisa closed his eyes, moaning softly around the length in his mouth. He bobbed his head faster, moving one hand to wrap around the base of it, massaging it gently. Rei moaned again, this time louder. Realizing it wouldn’t do to have anyone barge in on them wondering what the racket was, Nagisa reached up with his other hand, lightly pressing his fingers to Rei’s mouth, hoping he’d recognize the request for silence.

Nagisa was surprised to feel Rei’s lips pucker against his fingers, kissing them gently. Quickly he snatched his hand away, his heart starting to pound faster. That wasn’t supposed to happen. He was here to service Rei; that was all. He didn’t need anything in return. He couldn’t receive anything in return. It wouldn’t be right.

He was the slave. His needs were not a priority.

“N-Nagisa,” Rei gasped, his fingers pressing delicately against the back of his head.

Nagisa moved his hands to Rei’s hips to steady them, keeping them still as he continued to move, sliding his lips up and down the hot skin, brushing his tongue against the veins lightly. He hadn’t been doing this long when he tasted the sharp tang of liquid against the back of his throat. Closing his eyes, he relaxed and lowered further, swallowing to constrict around Rei.

“N-Nagisa!” Rei cried out sharply, his hips threatening to arch once more.

Nagisa held them steady, pulling back to focus on the tip where beads of liquid continued to slip out. Sucking vigorously, he felt Rei’s body begin to tremble. The fingers in his hair suddenly gripped hard, and another cry sounded from the man as he hit his climax.

Nagisa ignored the pain in his scalp, concentrating on keeping his head still as he allowed Rei to thrust up into his face a couple times as the man rode out the pleasure. Then, as Rei collapsed, panting, back against the bed, Nagisa leaned away, swallowing the bitter liquid dutifully. He wiped the back of his hand against his lips then, moving to replace the loincloth and cover Rei once more with the blanket before getting off the bed.

“Goodnight, Rei-kun,” he said, his voice hoarse. He bowed quickly, before turning toward the door.

“Nagisa, wait,” Rei gasped, sitting up and reaching toward him. His face was flushed, his eyes wide and dazed, but his expression was earnest and full of something Nagisa couldn’t quite recognize.

Before he could allow himself to stop and figure it out, Nagisa hurried from the room, closing the door behind him. He leaned against it for a moment, disconcerted by how fast his heart was pounding. He felt dizzy, and the ache in his chest made it difficult to breathe. Tears sprung to his eyes, but he blinked them back.

_Why am I crying? I did a good thing. I made Rei-chan feel good. And wasn’t it the best kind of thank you gift for everything he’s done for me?_

So why didn’t he feel any better?

He wanted to turn back, to crawl into the bed beside Rei and pull those strong arms around him. He wanted to cry into Rei’s chest and let the man hold him and make him feel safe.

He wanted to experience that specific happiness Gou spoke about.

But that couldn’t truly exist for him, could it? What he’d just done was as close to it as he would probably get. The fact remained that he was a slave and belonged to Prince Rin.

He didn’t get the luxury of falling in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up Next: Sousuke's POV and a brilliant (if unwanted) plan for peace


	7. Sousuke - The Best Possible Solution

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((Let me just say that I am stunned and extremely humbled by the amount of lovely comments I woke up to this morning. You are all so wonderful and amazing, and I'm so glad to be able to give you a piece of me with this story because you all deserve so much love. <3))
> 
> This chapter is just one giant SouRin mess, to be honest.

Some days, Sousuke had to remind himself that he loved his prince, and would most likely be killed if he strangled the young man.

The night when Rin had told Nagisa to pleasure Sousuke, the anger that had rushed up inside of him had been startling. As soon as Nagisa had left the room, Sousuke had turned on his prince, barely able to hold back the urge to grab Rin and shake him.

“Did you learn nothing from how things ended with Haruka?” he’d demanded. “These boys are raised and groomed in sophisticated arts. They go through years of training in entertainment in order to bring you, their prince, pleasure. To treat them like simple whores from a brothel is both insulting and cruel.”

Rin’s eyes had widened further, his face pale. “I wasn’t treating him like a whore. You’re not just a member of my kingsguard. You . . .” He’d stopped, looking away. “I just wanted to help you relax. You’re always so tense. Nagisa isn’t like Haruka. He’s compliant. He enjoys his time with me. I didn’t think he would mind pleasuring you too.”

Sousuke had run a hand over his face wearily. “You didn’t even ask if that’s what he wanted.”

Rin had frowned then in genuine puzzlement. “But I shouldn’t have to ask. I’m the prince.”

That was when Sousuke had had to leave.

Of course he knew that Rin was used to a certain lifestyle. And the gods knew that King Matsuoka had always spoiled his eldest. The man believed that his children should be given every luxury appropriate to their station, and since they were the crown prince and princess that meant they received everything they wanted. Thankfully, Princess Gou had been given a handmaiden at a very young age, who helped raise her and teach her right from wrong, aided her graceful ascent into maturity. Sousuke was grateful every day for Miho.

But Prince Rin . . . he hadn’t been given such a wonderful influence. The king apparently hadn’t wanted a woman to raise his son, so he’d placed one of his advisors in charge of his eldest, simply telling the man to give Rin anything he wanted.

By the time Sousuke had joined the palace guards, fresh out of training at sixteen, Rin was a twelve-year-old terror. As spoiled a brat as Sousuke had ever seen. Their first meeting had been in front of the king himself, as General Mikoshiba presented his young prodigy to the royal family, mentioning that Sousuke had the talent and the skill to become a member of the kingsguard, despite his young age. 

King Matsuoka asked for a demonstration of these skills and called forth a few of his own kingsguard to duel the boy. Sousuke managed to defeat all three, with Mikoshiba boasting the entire time. Then Prince Rin had decided he wanted to fight this youth who barely seemed old enough to be a guard in the first place. Mikoshiba had paled, but the king had laughed and allowed his son to grab a sword.

Sousuke had known he should let the prince win, but that cocky smirk on the child’s face had irritated him. A pampered prince who thought he could defeat _him_? He who’d spent years of his childhood training and preparing for a life in the army? It was almost laughable.

He disarmed Rin in a matter of minutes, and the boy had been so stunned that at first he only stared at Sousuke in shock. Then the tantrum had started. Sousuke watched stoically as Rin screamed at him that he should have more respect for his prince.

Without thinking of the possible consequences, Sousuke had swept his leg against Rin’s, knocking the boy to the ground.

“You think that just because you’re the prince you can win against a trained solider?” he’d asked flatly. “Such foolishness will get you killed.”

Rin had gaped up at him in silence, before the king rose and applauded.

“I believe you’d be a good influence on my son,” he said with a nod. “I’ll allow you to become a member of my kingsguard, but you must also accept the position of personal bodyguard to Prince Rin. I can think of no one else better suited.”

Sousuke had accepted.

At first staying by Prince Rin’s side day and night had been irritating. The boy wouldn’t stop asking questions about fighting and swordplay and training regimes. In the end, Sousuke began to train the prince himself in an effort to shut him up. But as they spent more time together, Sousuke began to see trust and admiration grow in Rin’s countenance toward him.

And after the parade where he’d saved the prince’s life, those emotions had only grown.

Sousuke found himself slowly starting to enjoy his time spent with Rin. All his life he’d spent his time apart from others, training with his father and his dueling master. His family hadn’t held a very high position in Makuria and wanted him to hold a prestigious title in the military to make up for their poor living situation. It was their dream, which soon became his own. Unfortunately, as a result of this strict routine, he’d never had many friends.

So even though Prince Rin was younger than him, they grew closer as the years passed. Sousuke found he could scold the prince without getting sent to the dungeons, and Rin’s tantrums grew less frequent. He was a friendly, playful boy. And he often dragged Sousuke into pranks that resulted in Sousuke getting a scolding. But the happiness on Rin’s face whenever they spent time together made the rebukes tolerable. Unfortunately, try as he might, Sousuke couldn’t quite get Rin to shake his spoiled nature.

It grew worse after Rin’s sixteenth birthday.

King Matsuoka gave his son the gift of a human being: a boy, young and beautiful, to start his harem. Haruka had been his name. A citizen of one of their island colonies.

The prospect of having someone to entertain and pleasure him as often as he liked immediately went to Rin’s head. Sousuke watched in dismay as Rin treated his new slave appallingly, never asking what the other boy wanted, never checking to make sure he was all right. Still only a boy in many ways, Rin got lost in the excitement and potential of finally having his own slave to do whatever he wanted without questions or protests.

Truly it’d only been a matter of time for Haruka to turn on him.

Sousuke remembered the night clearly, though he often wished he could forget it. A mere three months after his birthday, Rin had gotten a whip from one of the dungeon guards, saying he wanted to play a game. Sousuke had been firmly against it, but Rin had assured him that he would take the glass shards off the ends of the tails and wouldn’t strike too hard. He also said that if it distressed Sousuke so much, he could look away.

Feeling anxiety swirl in his stomach, Sousuke had turned to face the door. Haruka didn’t say a word as Rin explained to him that they’d be doing something different. That they’d be playing “field slave and master.” Sousuke could hear the light smacks of the whip against Haruka’s skin, as Rin instructed him to do various indecent things.

Haruka endured this treatment silently, as he always did, but when Rin told him to put the handle of the whip inside himself, Haruka had refused. Sousuke remembered being just as startled to hear the slave’s voice as Rin had been.

“You don’t get to tell me ‘no!’” Rin had exclaimed, frustrated. “Do as I say! Or I’ll find that boy you like. I hear you murmur his name sometimes. What is it again? Makoto? Maybe I should take _him_ as my concubine instead.”

That’s when Haruka had attacked with a sharp cry. Sousuke turned back around swiftly in time to see Haruka on top of the prince, hands around Rin’s neck, squeezing. Sousuke had rushed over, grabbing Haruka and flinging him off the bed. He didn’t move as he hit the floor, and after Sousuke had checked to make sure Rin was all right, he’d drawn his sword, stepping over to end Haruka’s life.

“D-don’t,” Rin croaked, stopping Sousuke in his tracks. “D-don’t kill him.”

When Sousuke looked over at his prince in disbelief, Rin had given him a crooked smile.

“I deserved that, didn’t I?” he asked, and Sousuke wondered who this young man was who crouched on the bed, since he didn’t resemble the spoiled heartless prince he knew.

That was the first moment that Sousuke felt hope for Rin. That maybe the young man wasn’t as cruel as he’d feared.

In the end, he’d sent Haruka to the dungeons, suggesting that maybe Rin take a break from concubines for a while. Of course the youth had laughed at this, but Sousuke did notice that from then on Rin allayed his appetites. He spent his time with the members of his slowly growing harem less creatively and didn’t lose his temper with the meeker ones.

And thankfully, Sousuke never saw the whip again.

 

***

 

“You’re telling me that it’s been two months since the assassination attempt on our prince, and you haven’t found anything about who it might be?”

Sousuke pressed two fingers into his forehead, fighting a headache. The kingsguard members before him shifted on their feet, looking uncomfortable.

“We do believe that the poison is Nekoran in origin,” Aiichiro piped up after a moment. “But the jar and wine were from Makuria. Everyone at the party has been accounted for, and all of them deny that the gift was theirs.”

Sousuke resisted the urge to snap at him. “Of course they would deny it. They’re not going to admit to a failed assassination,” he said through gritted teeth. He sighed then, looking over the reports that lay on the table in front of him. “Nekoran poison hidden inside Makurian wine. Either this is a Nekoran attempt to win the war, or a Makurian attempt to keep Prince Rin from taking the throne.” 

“But the people love our prince!” Nakagawa exclaimed, his eyes wide. “Why would one of them want him dead?”

Sousuke shook his head. “It’s true that he’s popular with the public, mainly because of his lavish parties and the fact that he’s very generous with his gold. But there are some dignitaries and officials who believe he is too immature to take the throne. All he seems to do is throw parties and parades. He hasn’t yet visited any of his armies, and doesn’t seem at all interested in the war or the state of poverty in the outlying towns. It wouldn’t surprise me if a few of them were plotting to remove him so the princess can rule instead.”

_Damn you, my prince. Can’t you see how you’re hanging by a thread here? When will you learn . . ._

The rest of the kingsguard appeared troubled by this. Sousuke chewed on his lip, frowning down at the papers before him. There was one idea that had started to slip through the creases of his mind. But it was one he knew Rin would hate. It was quite possible that he would loathe Sousuke himself for it. But it might also be the only way to ensure Rin’s safety and the safety for the rest of Makuria as well.

Sousuke dismissed the meeting, telling them all to redouble their efforts in finding the poisoner. Then he and Aiichiro made their way to their prince’s chambers.

“Our prince is still young,” Aiichiro said softly after a moment. “He still has time to mature and become a great king.”

“True,” Sousuke admitted with a nod. “But I’m afraid we don’t have the time to wait for that. His twenty-first birthday is approaching, and we now know that there are some who are willing to commit murder to ensure the crown doesn’t pass to him.”

Aiichiro paused outside of Prince Rin’s room, looking up at Sousuke. “Maybe you can talk to him. Take him to see the armies and the poorer towns. Make him understand his responsibilities.”

Sousuke wondered if that would work. It didn’t seem likely that a person who’d been spoiled and pampered as much as Rin had would suddenly become a selfless and kind person overnight. But he supposed it couldn’t hurt to open Rin’s eyes some.

Rin was reading in a chair by his window. He looked up as Sousuke entered the room, and he smiled tentatively. Standing, he set the book down and walked over to his guard, reaching out as if to touch his arm. Sousuke felt his heart pound faster, but then Rin lowered his hand, and Sousuke exhaled.

“Are you still angry with me?” Rin asked hesitantly, looking up into Sousuke’s face, his dark red eyes studying his expression.

Sousuke was careful to keep his features still. “No,” he admitted. He paused, thinking over Aiichiro’s words. “Come with me,” he said then. “We’re taking a trip.”

Rin’s eyes widened. “You mean . . . outside the palace?” he asked incredulously.

“Yes.” Sousuke paused, looking over Rin’s attire: the gold jewelry, the richly colored garments, the jeweled sandals. “You’ll need to change.”

“Change?”

Sousuke didn’t reply, simply gestured for his prince to follow him. Perplexed, Rin did, and the two of them stepped out of the room and headed down the hall toward the east wing. Sousuke motioned for Aiichiro to follow, which he did at a distance.

“I’ve never been this way before,” Rin admitted, looking around as the adornments grew less frequent, the tapestries and curtains growing plainer.

“You wouldn’t have,” Sousuke said, shaking his head. “This leads to the quarters of the palace guards.”

“We’re going to your chambers?” Rin asked, and Sousuke wondered why he sounded eager.

He remained silent, trying to recall if he’d left anything embarrassing out in his room, but then he realized that was ridiculous, seeing as he barely spent any time in there in the first place. Opening the door, he stepped inside a plain, bare room. The only furniture inside was a chair by the window, a simple bed, a small table beside the bed, and a wardrobe in the corner.

This he crossed over to, opening it and drawing out a plain white kaftan and a large black cloak. He tossed these over to Rin. “Take off what you’re wearing and put those on. Make sure you remove all your jewelry as well.”

He turned his back then respectfully, listening to the sounds of Rin removing his clothing, trying not to imagine it in his mind.

“Why do I need to do this?” Rin complained. “I’m going to look like a commoner.”

Sousuke rolled his eyes to the ceiling, praying to the gods to give him strength. “Yes, that’s the point,” he said. “We don’t want people to recognize you.”

“But I’m their prince!”

Sousuke turned with a frown, pausing momentarily, as he saw Rin dressed now in the simple kaftan, the jewelry in a pile on the bed. In his hands, he held the cloak, and he was frowning at it in disgust.

Without all the decorations, Rin looked almost normal. Of course Sousuke would know those sharp cheekbones and fine jaw anywhere, but hopefully nobody else would. He stepped over, taking the cloak from Rin and placing it over his head before wrapping the extra material around him to cover his neck and shoulders, the rest falling to his waist. A pang entered Sousuke’s chest. Even dressed so plainly, the beauty of his prince shone clearly.

Somehow, in fact, he appeared _more_ attractive, as now there were no shiny objects or flamboyant colors to distract from his face. Without thinking, Sousuke brushed the back of his knuckles across Rin’s cheek.

Rin froze instantly, staring up at Sousuke. “Sousuke?”

Grimacing inwardly, Sousuke pulled his hand away. “Don’t argue with me,” he said firmly then. “These clothes are for your protection. That assassin is still out there. We don’t want your subjects to know you are among them. It will draw attention.” He adjusted the cloak, pulling the hood further in front of Rin’s face. “This will keep you safe.”

“I thought _you_ were supposed to keep me safe,” Rin pointed out with a faint smirk.

Sousuke smiled. “I am.”

He removed his outer kaftan with its design that marked him as a member of the kingsguard, grabbing another cloak from the wardrobe and pulling it around his head and shoulders in a similar fashion as Rin’s. This cloak was longer, however, and obscured the sword at his side. He reached out and took his prince’s hand then.

“Let’s go.”

Sousuke stepped out into the hall. Turning to Aiichiro, he told him quietly to follow but at a distance. He didn’t think anything would happen, but Sousuke was wary enough to take extra precautions. Aiichiro nodded, his expression one of grim determination.

With that, Sousuke left the palace with Rin in tow. He knew that his prince only ever went into the city during parades, so it was amusing to watch Rin’s face as he took in the hustle and bustle of commoner life.

The first couple times he was jostled by a passer-by, Sousuke had to lay his hand on Rin’s arm to stop him from shouting. Eventually, Rin seemed to get used to the crowd, and his shoulders relaxed.

Sousuke, on the other hand, remained tense, scanning the area frequently for any suspicious-looking characters or activity. His hand itched to lie on his sword, but he knew that would only look threatening and could possibly draw attention. So far nobody seemed to recognize his prince, and he intended to keep it that way.

They were almost to the outskirts of the city when Sousuke heard the shout of “Stop, thief!”

Frowning, he glanced about, his sense of duty telling him to apprehend the thief. But he couldn’t see anyone that matched the description of a criminal. Everyone around them was walking calmly, looking about just as perplexed as he, as the shout rang out again.

“You! Stop!”

Sousuke turned to Rin beside him, about to ask if he’d seen anything. Rin looked back at him; mouth full, juice dripping from his chin. In his hand he held a half-eaten apple.

Sousuke stopped short. “Where did you get that?” he asked flatly.

“The stall back there,” Rin said, gesturing vaguely. “I was hungry.”

“You can’t just take fruit off the stalls!” Sousuke yelped, his voice raising an octave. Really, how could Rin be so _ignorant_?

“But I’m the prince,” Rin said, blinking back at him. “Doesn’t it technically belong to me anyway?”

Before Sousuke could come up with a response that wasn’t riddled with exasperated curses, the stall owner caught up to them, panting as she pointed a bony finger at Rin’s face.

“Thief! I’ll have you arrested!” she said shrilly.

Rin stared down at her in disbelief. “For a single apple?” he asked blankly.

“I’ll pay for it!” Sousuke said quickly, reaching into the pocket of his kaftan to draw out his small money purse. He counted out the correct amount, adding a few extra coins for her trouble. Placated, the woman sniffed at them before turning to storm back to her stall.

“It was just an apple . . .” Rin said, still shocked.

Sousuke pinched the bridge of his nose between two fingers. “You’re not the prince right now, remember? You’re a commoner just like them. And stealing is against the law. Even if it was a single apple, those fruit are her livelihood. If she gave away only one apple here and there, don’t you think it would add up to her giving away all her apples? People need money down here, my prince. You’ve never had to worry about such things because of your birthright, but these people . . . some of them struggle to even put a single apple on the table for their families to eat.”

Rin’s eyes were wide. “How could anyone live like that?” he asked.

Sousuke sighed. “It’s difficult, but they endure because they must. Because they have people who care for them, and whom they must care for. They’re going to be your people soon, my prince. Perhaps you can think of a way to make life easier for them.”

Rin fell silent, and they resumed walking. After a moment, Rin nudged Sousuke with his elbow.

“Hey Sousuke, if I’m just a commoner today, don’t you think you should call me Rin and not ‘my prince’?” He grinned.

Sousuke blinked, realizing that his prince was right. It negated their disguises completely if he called Rin “my prince.” Still, the thought of using the young man’s given name felt entirely disrespectful. Wrong, even. But it also wouldn’t do for someone to overhear them and guess Rin’s identity.

“Of course . . . Rin,” he said slowly, fighting a wince.

Rin tilted his head, that shark-like smile growing wider. “I like how my name sounds in your voice,” he said.

Sousuke felt his stomach drop, and a deep flush make its way up his neck.

He coughed and turned his face away. “Come, this isn’t what I wanted to show you.”

He led his prince out of the city and into the outlying towns, the conditions growing worse the further they walked. Rin moved closer to him, pulling his cloak up to cover his nose and mouth, looking about with disgust.

“This stench is horrible,” he complained. “Why did you want to show me this? Are you trying to make me ill?”

“This is how many of your subjects live, my—Rin,” Sousuke said, stumbling over the name. He sighed, straightening his shoulders, as he looked around at the small, dilapidated buildings that lined the street. 

“Why doesn’t Father just give them the money to rebuild everything? He has enough,” Rin said, shaking his head.

“Most of the taxes from the people goes straight into the military funds,” Sousuke admitted. “And with us gaining no ground with the Nekorans, it’s sucking Makuria dry.”

Rin couldn’t seem to find an answer for that, so he fell silent as the two of them walked down the street, past more decrepit buildings and tattered people. One man leered at Rin from an alleyway.

“How much do you want for her?” he asked Sousuke, his voice raspy but his eyes bright and hungry.

Rin clung to Sousuke, and he could feel his prince trembling. He wondered idly if the young man was afraid or simply trying to hold back his anger.

“She’s not for sale,” Sousuke said evenly, deciding to go with the incorrect pronoun, since that would help with Rin’s disguise.

The man laughed, which quickly changed into a cough. “Everything’s for sale down here,” he croaked. “Don’t you know that?”

Sousuke simply wrapped an arm around Rin’s shoulders, quickly leading him out of there. When he looked down at Rin’s face, he saw that the shakes were born of fury.

“How _dare_ he!” Rin spat once they were safely away. “To treat his prince with such disrespect and vulgarity!”

“To be fair, he didn’t know you were the prince,” Sousuke remarked calmly, letting his arm fall to his side.

“That doesn’t matter! The way he looked at me . . . it was disgusting!”

Sousuke raised an eyebrow. “It’s interesting to hear you speak with such indignation when I see no difference between how he looked at you and how you look at your concubines.”

Rin stopped short, staring up at Sousuke. “I don’t look at them like that,” he protested. “I care about my slaves.”

“Hm.” Sousuke halted as well, turning to look down at Rin. “You do treat them better than you used to,” he had to admit. “But you still only see them as property. Objects to use and discard at your whim. Much like how that man saw you.”

Rin’s cheeks flushed, and Sousuke saw resentment flare up in his eyes. “Slaves _are_ property!” he exclaimed. “That’s how the whole concept works, isn’t it? They’re _my_ slaves. _Mine_. I don’t belong to that repulsive man.”

Sousuke glanced up toward the sky, noting how the clouds were starting to change color, the sun beginning to set on the horizon. “So it’s suitable for you to treat your slaves the way you do because they belong to you and you have that right?” He frowned over at his prince.

“I-I . . . well . . . yes,” Rin stammered, his rage depleting. His shoulders slumped, and Sousuke noted this before turning away. 

“I see. We should start heading back. It’s getting late.”

Neither of them spoke as they turned to head back toward the city. Sousuke turned a corner to avoid walking by that man again, thinking he could simply turn the other way to find the main road again. However the next turn he took led him to a different street than before. Frowning faintly, he doubled back and tried a different alleyway. This only opened onto a marketplace that he’d never seen before.

“Damn,” he muttered.

“Are we lost?” Rin asked curiously.

“No,” Sousuke grumbled, spinning around to try and catch sight of anything he recognized, anything at all.

Nothing looked familiar.

“We’re lost,” Rin declared.

Sousuke ground his teeth. How could he have let this happen? He was responsible for his prince and his safety. How was getting them lost in the worst part of the kingdom keeping Rin safe? On his part, Rin looked unperturbed. Hands holding his cloak in place, he peered around the marketplace with interest.

The sky was growing darker, and people began to get lanterns out or return to their homes. Sousuke remained where he was, scrambling to think of what to do. Aiichiro had been following him, so all they needed to do was stay put until the young guard located them.

Sousuke thought of the man in the alley. Rin couldn’t stay out in the open. The night would only bring more seedy characters. He couldn’t let anything happen to his prince. He needed to find them some shelter.

“Excuse me, young man, but are you two lost?”

A tiny wrinkled old woman stepped up to him, holding a lantern in her hand. She smiled up at Sousuke kindly, and he felt the weight of a dozen elephants lift from his chest.

“Yes, we’re trying to find our way back into the city,” Sousuke said, smiling back at her.

“Oh my, it’s much too late to make such a journey now,” the woman said, shaking her head. “Come with me. You can stay at my house until morning.”

Sousuke hesitated, wanting to be sure Aiichiro could find them. “Is it far from here?” he asked.

“Oh dear me, no,” the woman said, shaking her head. “Do you think I could walk far to the market on these old legs? My home is right there above my bakery.” She pointed to a building off to the side, only twenty feet from where they stood.

“Come, I’ll make you some tea,” the woman said, gesturing for Sousuke to follow as she turned away.

Sousuke grabbed Rin’s sleeve, pulling him along as he walked behind the old woman and around to the back of the shop, where a staircase led to the dwelling above. The door opened to an apartment that held two rooms. In the first was a low table surrounded by pillows. A shelf full of books sat against the wall, and a tea tray sat on a table by the window.

A fireplace sat in one wall, and across from it was a door to what appeared to be a bedroom. As they entered, a cat came to greet them, rubbing up against Sousuke’s legs. He crouched to pet it gently, looking over at the old woman.

“Thank you for your hospitality,” he said. “We have someone who will be looking for us, so hopefully we won’t burden you for long.”

“It’s no burden,” the woman said with a smile. “My name is Kumiko.”

Sousuke stood and bowed respectfully. “I am Sousuke. This is my . . . this is Rin.” He gestured vaguely to his prince beside him, not sure what else to call him.

Rin stood there for a moment, until Sousuke nudged him pointedly. Then he flushed and bowed slightly. “It’s an honor to meet you,” he stammered.

“Rin? Like our prince, hm?” Kumiko asked, picking up the cat and heading over to the fireplace to start a small flame.

“Ah, er, yes,” Rin said, looking at Sousuke helplessly.

Sousuke couldn’t help but chuckle. It was amusing to see Rin so completely out of his element. His flustered state was adorable. Sousuke moved to sit on one of the pillows, and after a moment Rin joined him. Kumiko placed the kettle over the flame, turning to them then.

“I’m afraid my old tired bones will need to retire soon,” she said apologetically. “I must be up at dawn to open the bakery. You’re welcome to rest in here until your friend arrives.”

“You’ll be rewarded greatly for your kindness,” Rin offered.

“Rewarded?” Kumiko laughed, shaking her head. “What reward can you give for kindness? No, child, keep your money. The gods know we all can’t afford to part with it during these troubled times. It is my honor and pleasure to simply give shelter to two lovely young men in need of it.”

“We are eternally grateful,” Sousuke said, watching Rin’s surprised expression out of the corner of his eye.

Sousuke supposed Rin didn’t come into contact with very many selfless people at the palace. Everyone wanted something for something else. Bribes and bets during parties were common, and debts piled up day after day. It was unheard of to find someone who refused money for a service.

Kumiko served them the tea before taking her leave, shutting the bedroom door and taking the cat with her.

Sousuke sipped his tea, enjoying the sharp, sweet taste. Rin frowned thoughtfully into his cup, and Sousuke reached over to flick a strand of his hair lightly.

“What are you thinking?” he asked.

“I just . . . this is all so strange,” Rin replied softly. He lifted his head, looking about the small house. “This place. It’s so small. And Kumiko is so old, yet she still has to work. The stall-owner from before . . .” He turned to Sousuke. “Is this what you wanted to show me? That my people are suffering? That I should do something about it?” 

Sousuke shrugged. “Do you feel like you should do something about it?” he asked gently, watching Rin’s face.

“I-I don’t know,” Rin admitted, looking down into his tea once more. “I know that the war is taking up many of our resources, and I can’t just take money away from the military or we could lose to the Nekorans. But I suppose . . . whether it’s Makuria or Nekor who rule doesn’t matter to these people. They’re just trying to get by as best they can.”

“Hm.” Sousuke drank some more tea.

“Sousuke, you came from one of these towns, didn’t you?” Rin was looking at him again, those intense eyes dark and serious.

Sousuke cleared his throat and turned his face away. “Yes, I did.”

“Is your family still living here? Despite your high position in the palace?”

Sousuke studied the flower pattern on his cup, running his thumb along a pale green vine. “I send them a portion of my payment every month,” he admitted. “But I do not know whether or not they’re living comfortably. I haven’t seen them in eight years.”

Rin’s eyes widened. “Why not?”

Sousuke couldn’t help but grin faintly. “I’ve been busy. Protecting you.” He looked over at his prince and was surprised to see tears glistening in his eyes.

“I’ve been keeping you from your family? You must go to them! I might be ignorant of a lot of things, but I know how important family is!” Rin said, his voice growing louder.

Sousuke quickly leaned over to press his hand against Rin’s mouth. “Shh,” he said, not wanting to wake Kumiko. “I don’t regret being by your side. If I could unravel time I would do it all the same.” Slowly, he pulled his hand away, his breath suddenly hitching in his throat as he saw how close Rin’s face was to his own. He swallowed, trying to advert his gaze but unable to.

The words were on his tongue. Those dangerous words that he knew could get him banished or worse. His lips trembled, begging to say them. Just three small words; what harm could they do?

 _Kingdoms have fallen for less_ , his mind scolded him.

“Sousuke . . .”

Rin’s voice was soft, almost inaudible. Before Sousuke could think of a response, before he could drag himself away and distance himself properly, Rin closed the gap between them and kissed him gently.

Immediately, Sousuke pushed him away, his eyes wide. “M-My prince!” he gasped, his heart hammering in his chest. “We cannot.”

Rin smiled that shark grin, the one that both irritated Sousuke and set his blood aflame. “I’m not your prince, remember?” he said softly, reaching up to touch Sousuke’s cheek lightly, and his fingertips scorched across his skin. “I’m just Rin.”

Sousuke felt both fire and ice sweep through him. The ice told him to leap away, to run as fast as he could, to reprimand his prince for such inappropriate action. But the fire urged him forward, and he brought his hand up to caress the side of Rin’s face, capturing his lips with his own with an intensity that frightened him.

Rin shifted closer, deepening the kiss, as he laid a hand on Sousuke’s side. His other hand moved to push back Sousuke’s hood, run his fingers through the dark hair, and grip it firmly. Sousuke leaned into the lithe body of his prince, his hand slipping back to stroke the long strands of Rin’s own hair.

Sousuke felt his lips parting, aching, wanting. And Rin’s responded in kind, sliding over his in a wet, heated mess. The teacups fell to the pillows, spilling their contents, forgotten. Sousuke pushed harder against Rin, forcing the young man back against the floor.

_This is wrong! You are a member of the kingsguard! Know your place!_

Sousuke tried to ignore the voice. This was everything he’d wanted for years now. Couldn’t he be allowed to be selfish? Just this once?

Rin’s body was twitching beneath his, arching into him. Sousuke felt that painful desire coil in his stomach, tendrils reaching out to curl tightly around his lungs. More heat surged south, and he felt his body respond excitedly.

He moaned against Rin’s mouth, doing his best to force his worries into the far recesses of his mind. But even as he felt Rin’s hands tugging at his kaftan, anxiety began to creep into him.

_Why is my prince doing this? Why now? Does he truly want me, or is this another one of his games? What am I to him exactly? Does this mean anything to him or is he simply wasting time?_

Groaning inwardly, Sousuke forced himself to pull away. He looked down at Rin, at the flush of his cheeks in the light from the fireplace. His hair was disheveled, pooling against the floor beneath his head. His lips were parted and slightly swollen. He panted softly, staring back up at Sousuke with eyes dark and incomprehensible.

“What is this?” Sousuke asked in a strangled voice, his arms trembling as he braced his hands on either side of Rin’s shoulders.

Rin blinked. “We’re kissing,” he explained slowly, as though speaking to a child.

Frustration rose up in Sousuke, and he resisted the urge to shake Rin. “I know that,” he snapped, frowning. “But _why_?”

Rin’s eyes darted to the side for a moment, and a sinking feeling entered Sousuke, dragging the heat from his body until he was limp and shaking.

“I suppose . . . because I wanted to see what it’d be like,” Rin said, turning his gaze back to Sousuke.

A derisive laugh forced its way out of Sousuke’s mouth. “Of course.” _Of course._

He moved off Rin, sitting beside his prince. He lifted one knee, resting his arm across it, as he shook his head. “I’m not one of your concubines,” he said flatly. “You don’t get to do whatever you want to me.”

Rin sat up slowly, confusion flickering across his face. “I’ve seen the way you look at me. The way you watch me when I’m with my slaves. I thought this was what you wanted.”

Sousuke clenched his jaw, his fingers curling into a tight fist. “It’s not.”

“I . . . I don’t understand.”

“No. I suppose you wouldn’t.” He sighed, moving to stand. “I’m going to wait outside for Nitori. You stay here.”

“Sousuke . . .”

Ignoring him, Sousuke walked toward the door. He exited, breathing in deep the dry night air. He exhaled slowly, trying to calm his restless nerves. He descended the steps slowly, coming to a stop just outside the bakery. He leaned up against it then, crossing his arms and staring absently into the street.

By the time Aiichiro came running up to him, Sousuke had successfully filed and locked away all those inappropriate emotions. The poor young kingsguard looked positively miserable.

“I’m so sorry, Captain Yamazaki!” he wailed. “I lost sight of you when you turned the corner and when I followed you into the next street you’d disappeared! Where’s Prince Rin? Is he alright?”

“He’s fine,” Sousuke assured him, placing his hand on the guard’s shoulder. “And it’s all right. Just tell me you know the way back to the palace.”

Aiichiro nodded vigorously. “I brought along a map just in case,” he said, pulling it from the pouch at his side. “I figured that with your poor sense of direction the two of you would most likely get lost.”

“My what?” Sousuke raised an eyebrow, and Aiichiro blanched.

“I-I-I mean . . . I meant no disrespect, sir!”

Sousuke waved him off. “Prince Rin is in the room up the stairs. You may go fetch him,” he said.

Aiichiro nodded, bowing quickly, before turning to hurry up to Kumiko’s home. He came back down with their prince in tow, and the three of them set off for the palace, all of them silent.

 

***

 

“There you are!” Nakagawa exclaimed, as they arrived back at the palace. “Captain Yamazaki! The king has summoned you and is growing impatient.”

Sousuke sighed, turning to Aiichiro. “Take the prince back to his chambers,” he said. He could tell Rin was attempting to catch his gaze, but he ignored him.

He hurried to the throne room, where King Matsuoka was getting ready to return to his chambers. He lifted his eyebrows as he noticed Sousuke’s unofficial attire.

“Is there something I need to know, Yamazaki?” he asked.

“No, mi’lord,” Sousuke said with a deep bow. “I’m afraid I neglected to get your summons until now. I apologize for my tardiness.”

“I suppose I can tell you this informally, as I haven’t quite made up my mind yet,” the king said. “But I’m considering offering a marriage contract to King Asano of Nekor. He has a daughter a couple years younger than Rin. We’re getting nowhere with this war, and I believe it might be time to try a compromise.”

Sousuke felt as though lead had been poured over his heart, causing it to sink down into his feet in a long agonizing path. Despite this, he kept his expression carefully composed.

“I’ll . . . admit that I was thinking of such a solution as well,” he said, remembering his thought processes from the kingsguard meeting. He hadn’t accidentally spoken the idea aloud, had he? Then he supposed it wasn’t exactly an entirely original idea. In fact, it was probably the best possible solution any of them could come up with in order to try for peace with Nekor. Still . . .

“The prince isn’t going to like such an offer.”

“No, I suppose he won’t,” King Matsuoka said with a sigh. “But it’s time for him to grow up and take some responsibility. This marriage would benefit both kingdoms, and perhaps my son can have a peaceful reign.”

Sousuke couldn’t deny the logic in this, though the thought of Rin marrying some foreign princess tore his heart in two.

_I can’t be selfish. My prince’s needs come first. The needs of the kingdom come first. My own feelings don’t matter._

“Do you want me to tell him, mi’lord?” Sousuke asked, not thinking the king had simply summoned him to tell him of a random thought he’d had.

“I don’t want to make an official announcement until I draft a letter to King Asano and receive a reply. But I feel he should be prepared for the news in either case.” The king turned to look at Sousuke with a sharp gaze. “You’ve served my son well, Yamazaki. Be gentle when you tell him.”

Sousuke could only bow. “It is my honor to serve,” he said respectfully, before turning and hastening from the room.

His footsteps felt heavy, as he made his way to Rin’s chambers. The prince was seated on his bed, dressed only in his robe. But even this sight couldn’t distract Sousuke from the trepidation he felt. Rin looked up as he entered, and he frowned.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“Your father . . . the king believes it’s a good idea for you to marry the princess of Nekor,” Sousuke said, his words coming out flat and emotionless. He couldn’t think of how to be gentle giving news such as this.

Rin’s eyes widened and his face paled. “But . . . you said no, right? You said it was a horrible idea that won’t work and so he shouldn’t even bother with it. Right?”

Sousuke sighed. “My prince, it is a good plan. Both Nekor and Makuria are running out of resources. With this marriage, you could bring peace to both countries.”

“Why wasn’t I consulted on this? Makuria will be _my_ kingdom soon! My father can’t force me to marry someone I don’t even know! A _woman_ at that? I’m the crown prince! How could you agree with this?!” Rin’s face was red, his hands clenched into fists at his sides.

Sousuke looked away. “I’m thinking of the good of the kingdom, as should you.”

“What about the good of _my_ _life_? Does my happiness mean nothing to you?!”

Sousuke swallowed hard, his hand curling around the hilt of his sword, grasping it tightly. “Of course it does, my prince. This is for the good of your life as well. It could stop the assassination attempts.”

“Look at me!”

Sousuke flinched, as a goblet crashed to the floor at his feet. He pulled his gaze up to look at Rin, seeing the hurt and betrayal in his expression. It stung him to his core. He felt ill, but he held his prince’s gaze.

“If you tell me to marry this princess, I will never forgive you,” Rin said flatly, his eyes flashing.

It felt like Rin had reached into his chest and grabbed his heart, twisting it, goring it with his nails. Still, he kept his look steady.

“I am sorry, my prince.”

Another goblet flew through the air, though this one hit Sousuke’s chest before clattering to the floor.

“Get out!”

Bowing deeply, eyes stinging with unshed tears, Sousuke left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up Next: Rei's POV, a confrontation, and how the marriage contract affects Nagisa


	8. Rei - The Lotus Flower

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the shortest chapter by far, but I didn't want to make you guys wait until tomorrow night. :)
> 
> (Also, please excuse my horrible attempt at lyric writing. XD)

Rei wanted to talk to Nagisa about what had happened, but every time he saw him after that night, Nagisa avoided the subject somehow. The first night, he’d asked Rei if they could stop by the kitchens before they went to the prince’s chambers, as he needed to give something to “Haru-chan.” As they walked, Nagisa chattered on about how he’d dreamed of sheep that looked like Rei and how he’d been trying to herd them, but they kept running away.

On their way back from the chambers, Nagisa was more subdued, but he continued to talk, not allowing Rei to take part in the conversation.

This continued for three more days, until finally Rei grew impatient. As Nagisa left the prince’s chambers, his cheeks flushed and shining with a light sheen of sweat, Rei grabbed his hand instead of the chain.

“We need to talk,” he said firmly.

Nagisa started, looking up at him with wide eyes. Then his gaze skittered to the side. “We look for Sousuke-senpai frogs, yes?” he asked then, grinning as he looked back into Rei’s face.

“What?” Rei asked, his attempt at being stern completely deflating as confusion filled him.

Nagisa’s grin widened. “This way!”

He turned, pulling Rei down the hall and toward the east wing.

“Ack, no, wait, Nagisa!” Rei tried to protest, to get his hand back, but he didn’t want to hurt Nagisa, so in the end he slumped his shoulders and allowed the young slave to drag him into the forbidden courtyard.

“We really shouldn’t be here,” Rei said pointedly, as Nagisa dragged him over to the fountain.

“It is night. No one see,” Nagisa said, shaking his head as he finally let go of Rei’s hand and started to pull off his clothes.

Rei found himself staring, his cheeks and neck growing hot. He turned his head to look away but caught sight of a mark on Nagisa’s hip. Frowning, he looked back to study it. It was a red line, and there were three others below it. They curved over the side of his hipbone, tapering off as they reached his backside. It looked as though he’d been scratched by something.

“What is that?” he asked sharply, pointing.

Nagisa stared at him blankly for a moment, before looking down at the marks. He pursed his lips then, waving his hand dismissively. “It is nothing,” he said, moving to step into the fountain.

Rei hurried forward, grabbing Nagisa’s wrist to stop him. “It’s not nothing!” he exclaimed. “What happened? Did the prince do that to you?”

Nagisa glanced down at Rei’s hand, and Rei quickly let him go. Without responding, Nagisa jumped into the fountain, water splashing over the sides. He waded through the lotus flowers and lily pads, eyes searching beneath the surface. Rei felt ill, his stomach twisting painfully.

He knew that intercourse with the prince couldn’t be very pleasant, since Nagisa never seemed satisfied or happy after his time in Prince Rin’s chambers. But Rei never thought that the prince would actually harm the young slave. To think of _anyone_ hurting Nagisa made Rei simultaneously angry and fearful.

“Nagisa . . .”

“Shh. Frogs not come out if you are loud, Rei-kun.”

Rei sighed, realizing he wasn’t going to get a straight answer out of the young man. He moved to sit on the edge of the fountain then, watching Nagisa as he continued to move carefully back and forth across the water. In the moonlight that shone down into the courtyard, Nagisa looked almost ethereal. His skin shone paler than normal, his golden hair glowed, the lighter strands at the top seeming to form a halo. His slender form glided smoothly through the water, and his hips swayed in a way that was mesmerizing.

Rei forgot to be embarrassed by Nagisa’s nakedness; his beauty overwhelmed anything else.

“You’re so beautiful.”

He spoke before he could stop himself, the words floating on a breathy whisper. Nagisa froze, turning to look at him with a tentative smile.

“Thank you,” he said, bowing slightly. “It is kind of you to say.”

Rei bit his lip, chewing on it, as he wondered if Nagisa truly understood what he’d meant by that, or if he was simply accepting an oft-heard compliment. Rei tilted his head, studying Nagisa’s face, as he returned to his search.

“Your Makurian has improved,” he noted.

“I have good Makurian,” Nagisa said with an absent nod. “I not want to use it much because bad Makurian make me look not, um,” He twisted his wrist in the air idly. “Dangerous.”

Rei laughed. “You’re saying that you purposefully speak poor Makurian in order to appear more harmless?”

Nagisa flashed him a devious grin and a wink. “It is, how you say, technique? Mako-chan say to use it. Before . . .” He trailed off, his smile slipping. It disappeared, as he turned his gaze toward the water.

Rei wasn’t sure what to say to comfort the young slave. As Nagisa drew near, he reached out, curling his fingers gently against Nagisa’s bare wrist. He gave it a light tug, and Nagisa stepped closer. Rei reached out, plucking a lotus flower from its stalk. Wrapping his fingers more firmly around Nagisa’s wrist, he pulled him down to sit beside him. Nagisa didn’t speak, simply watched him quietly, as Rei carefully placed the flower in his hair.

“You remind me of a lotus flower,” Rei said, brushing some of the golden strands from Nagisa’s face. “They’re planted deep underwater, amid the dirt and muck, but they grow and blossom into incredible beauty, despite their sordid surroundings. Their stalks are strong, their lives long. Many believe they hold spiritual significance. They can symbol rebirth and purity . . .” He trailed off then, another flush heating his face, as he realized how sentimental he sounded.

Nagisa tilted his head slowly, a tiny smile lifting one corner of his mouth. “I not think ‘pure’ is good word for me,” he said, shaking his head.

Rei swallowed, realizing just how poorly Nagisa saw himself. His chest ached, and he touched Nagisa’s cheek with the tips of his fingers.

“You are pure of heart,” he said. “And that is what matters.”

Nagisa held his gaze for a moment, those magenta eyes shimmering wetly. Rei carefully brushed his thumb against Nagisa’s eyelashes, catching a tear that lingered there. He leaned forward, knowing he shouldn’t, but just wanting to comfort the young slave, to show him that he was worth something.

But Nagisa turned his face away, jumping up suddenly. “Sousuke-senpai frog!” he exclaimed, diving into the water.

Rei grimaced, as he was abruptly drenched. Frowning slightly, he stood, wringing out his clothes, as Nagisa stood, lifting a large, unamused frog from the fountain. Rei sighed.

“Well done,” he said, as Nagisa grinned at him triumphantly.

“He look like Sousuke-senpai, yes?” Nagisa asked, thrusting the frog in Rei’s face.

Rei pushed Nagisa’s arms away. “I suppose,” he said, eyeing the amphibian skeptically. He tried not to feel disappointed that their moment had been ruined by a scowling frog. He didn’t want to push Nagisa’s boundaries, though he honestly had no idea what those even _were_ , seeing as it’d been the slave who’d snuck into his room to pleasure him.

His neck and ears felt hot, remembering that night.

“Hey, Nagisa . . .” He turned back around, watching as Nagisa released the frog and climbed out of the fountain. He reached for his clothes, but paused when Rei spoke, glancing over at him.

“Yes, Rei-kun?”

Nagisa’s eyes were fixated on him so intently, Rei felt himself grow flustered. His heartbeat accelerated, and his hands felt clammy. He adjusted his glasses, hiding his face with his hand as he did.

“Ah, we should really head back now.”

_I’m a coward. Or perhaps I simply don’t wish to bring any misery to that cheerful face._

Nagisa hopped back into his clothes, waving at the fountain. “Goodnight Sousuke-senpai frog!” he called, turning then to skip back into the hall.

Rei hurried after him, grabbing at the chain. But Nagisa moved his hand, causing Rei to grab it instead. He was about to pull away and apologize, but Nagisa curled his fingers around it, holding it tightly. Rei felt that heat rise up again, but he turned his face forward and tried to ignore it.

“We not have butterflies, but if we got some I would want a Rei-kun butterfly,” Nagisa declared.

“Wh-what’s a Rei-kun butterfly?” Rei asked, inwardly cursing his stammer.

Nagisa tilted his head back, the flower in his hair slipping toward his ear. He grinned broadly. “It is beautiful butterfly with purple and blue wings. I take Rei-kun butterfly and keep it in my room, so I have Rei-kun with me always.”

Rei wondered if it was possible for one’s face to remain permanently red. He cleared his throat awkwardly, walking faster. Nagisa bounced beside him. Rei knew he had to talk to Nagisa about that night, but it didn’t seem appropriate now in the middle of the hallway where anyone could overhear. Thinking of that, Rei realized they probably shouldn’t be holding hands either.

He slid his hand out of Nagisa’s grasp, moving to take the end of the chain then. At Nagisa’s curious look, he shook his head.

“Someone could see us,” he said.

Nagisa nodded solemnly, then grinned. “You are much smart, Rei-chan!”

Again with the “-chan.” Rei wondered if that was a mistake, or if Nagisa had meant to use that honorific. When they arrived at the harem, Rei felt reluctance drag his feet through the doors. His hands moved slowly to un-cuff Nagisa’s wrist, and he took his time with coiling the chain to set it in the pocket of his pantaloons.

“Rei-chan.”

Rei glanced up, pulse racing.

Nagisa was smiling at him, a soft smile that Rei struggled to interpret.

“Goodnight.”

Rei swallowed. “Goodn—”

Before he could finish, Nagisa rose up on his toes, his fingers grabbing Rei’s kaftan, yanking him down. Rei was too shocked to resist. Then Nagisa’s warm lips were covering his own, and all thoughts left him.

It was over in a second. Nagisa turned away, ducking into his room before Rei had a chance to straighten. He remained bent slightly at the waist for a moment, before slowly leaning back. Dazed and wondering what had just happened, Rei turned, walked into a pillar, readjusted, and hurried from the harem.

 

***

 

Rei was teetering on the edge of sleep and wakefulness when he heard his door open softly. His body stilled, as he listened to the sound of quiet footsteps approaching his bed. He could feel the blood rushing to his head, crashing in his ears. His pulse jumped and stuttered, as his bed dipped and creaked and a warm body moved over him. The brush of an eager mouth against the side of his neck sent tingles down his spine.

_No. This can’t happen again. Not like this._

Sitting up quickly, he grabbed Nagisa’s shoulders before the boy could continue.

“Nagisa, stop,” he said as gently as he could.

Nagisa dragged his eyes up to meet Rei’s, and the wounded expression in them sent a dagger through Rei’s heart. But this wasn’t right. He couldn’t use Nagisa like this. He didn’t _want_ to.

“I was not good before?” Nagisa asked in a tiny voice full of anxiety. “You not like?”

Rei felt his chest constrict, and his fingers twitched against Nagisa’s shoulders.

“It’s not that,” he insisted, shaking his head. “It was . . . I-I . . .” He stopped, lifting a hand to adjust his glasses, but they were on the table beside the bed and his fingers grasped empty air. He floundered for a moment, before lowering his hand back onto Nagisa’s shoulder with a sigh. “I don’t want you to do those things for me. It’s not necessary.”

A small wrinkle appeared between Nagisa’s brows. “You are kind to me. I thank you with pleasure. It is what I know.”

The ache in Rei’s chest grew, and he reached up to run his thumb along the soft curve of Nagisa’s cheek. Biting his lip, he shook his head once more. “You don’t need to repay kindness,” he said. “That’s not what it’s for. I don’t expect anything from you, Nagisa. I don’t want you to feel like you’re obligated to-to pleasure me. Doing those things . . . this position you have . . . it’s not who you are.” He moved his hand down to press against Nagisa’s chest, feeling the rapid beat of his heart. “This. This is who you are.”

Nagisa blinked at him, eyes glistening in the moonlight from the window. Slowly, he settled back against Rei’s knees. With a sigh, he turned his face away.

“I not know who this is,” he admitted softly, touching his chest where Rei’s hand still lay, his fingers ghosting over Rei’s knuckles. “For much years I am simply slave. Not Nagisa.”

Rei turned his hand slowly to take Nagisa’s, giving it a gentle squeeze. “Do you ever feel like Nagisa here in the palace?”

Nagisa hesitated, before nodding briefly. “I feel him when I am with Haru-chan and Gou-chan.” He bit his lip then, glancing up at Rei with rare timidity. “I feel him when I am with Rei-chan too.”

Rei tried to ignore the way his heart swelled at the admission. He couldn’t help but smile though, and he moved his other hand to tuck a flyaway strand of Nagisa’s hair behind his ear tenderly. “Tell me about Nagisa. I would like to know him. The real him.”

Nagisa bit his lip, squinting toward the ceiling. “I not remember much from home,” he admitted, his voice small and sad.

“Close your eyes,” Rei suggested. “Concentrate on your life before you came here. What did you hear every day? What did you smell?”

He watched as Nagisa closed his eyes, nose wrinkling as he thought. It was adorable, and Rei had to resist the urge to lean forward and kiss the tip of it. He didn’t want to distract Nagisa from his reminiscence.

“I-I . . . I smell sheep. Much sheep. I think . . . I live in village. Yes, yes a village,” Nagisa said, nodding quickly. “And my Papa . . . he is there. He smell like sheep too. I think he is farmer in village. He also smell like tea. Honey tea. I-I . . . I not see his face.”

Nagisa’s bottom lip trembled, and Rei, afraid he would start crying, quickly spoke, stroking his fingers through Nagisa’s hair soothingly.

“Don’t worry about how he looked. Think about how he sounded. Do you remember anything he used to say?” he asked, lacing his fingers through Nagisa’s.

Nagisa’s face smoothed. He pursed his lips a moment, before he began to hum quietly. Rei realized with a start that it was the same melody he’d hummed the first night Rei had escorted him to Prince Rin’s chambers. He listened, and after a moment Nagisa began to sing softly in Nekoran.

 _“Gently, gently_  
_The wind moves the grass_  
_Quickly, quickly_  
_The darkness will pass_  
_Softly, softly_  
_The loving father sings_  
_May angels shelter you in their wings.”_

The final notes of the lullaby hung in the air, as Nagisa’s voice dwindled to a soft whisper and then ceased. When he opened his eyes, Rei could see tears shimmering in them. His own eyes stung, and when he blinked, he felt the tears escape, slipping down his cheeks.

“I remembered,” Nagisa said softly, smiling through his tears. “Papa sings to me every night. It is my mother’s song, he says.”

“It is beautiful,” Rei admitted softly, slipping his thumb over the tears on Nagisa’s cheeks, wiping them away gently.

“I think I am happy, before I come here,” Nagisa said. “Though I do not understand much things.” He bit his lip, his gaze flickering to Rei’s chest. “When I come here, I am very scared. I think I will die. But Mako-chan and Haru-chan help me. They take care of me. They . . . they love me.” He bit his lip.

“When I first became your escort, you mentioned a soldier named Makoto,” Rei recalled. “He was chosen for the army?”

Nagisa nodded, more tears spilling over silently. Rei carefully wiped these away too.

“Do you think Captain Yamazaki would know in which regiment he was placed?”

Nagisa shook his head. “King Matsuoka say he goes to General Mikoshiba.”

Rei blinked. “Are you sure he said Mikoshiba?”

Nagisa nodded vigorously.

“I know him!” Rei exclaimed. “He was my superior officer at the fort where I was stationed. He’s still there, as far as I know. I could write him; ask him where he placed Makoto.”

Nagisa’s eyes widened to twice their sides. “You-you do this for me?” he asked, his voice strangled.

Rei nodded, determination filling him. “I will. I don’t know if it’ll help, he might not remember if it was very long ago. But I can try.”

Before Rei could react, Nagisa leaned forward, throwing his arms around Rei’s neck in a tight hug. Rei stiffened for a moment, not sure how to respond. But then he slowly laid his hands on Nagisa’s back, sliding them across gently, until his arms encircled the smaller young man. He could feel Nagisa shaking, as well as the hot tears that slid down his neck and shoulder. But he didn’t push Nagisa away, instead held him close.

“Thank you. Thank you,” Nagisa said, over and over again.

Rei couldn’t help but smile, pleased to know that he’d made Nagisa feel better. The boy deserved hope. Perhaps it was foolish to give it to him when Rei wasn’t sure if General Mikoshiba even knew where this Makoto was, but the beaming smile that Nagisa gave him once he pulled back made all of Rei’s reservations disappear.

“I show my thanks now, yes?” Nagisa asked, fingers dipping into the waistband of Rei’s loincloth.

Immediately, Rei’s face grew hot. He shook his head quickly, pulling Nagisa’s hand away and instead lacing his fingers through his. “Why don’t we just . . . lay here together for a while? I can tell you about my home, and you can tell me more about Nagisa and his friends Mako-chan and Haru-chan.”

Nagisa blinked, looking from their joined hands to Rei’s face and then back again. His seemed uncertain, so Rei moved to lay down, shifting to the side and turning to carefully deposit Nagisa on the bed beside him. He grabbed the blanket, pulling it up over their waists. Setting his hand lightly on Nagisa’s side, he breathed a shaky sigh, trying not to be affected by having Nagisa’s body in such close proximity.

“This is . . . good?” Nagisa asked hesitantly, staring into Rei’s face.

Rei smiled reassuringly. “Yes, this is good,” he told him. He stroked Nagisa’s side gently, before moving his hand to Nagisa’s back, pressing against it in order to push Nagisa closer. Their foreheads touched, and Rei bit his lip, suppressing his anxiety as best he could.

“So,” he said, his voice coming out as a squeak. He quickly cleared his throat, flushing as Nagisa began to smile. “Um, so. Uh . . . who should start?”

“I want to hear Rei-chan’s story,” Nagisa said, shifting his free hand underneath his head. A smile continued to play about his lips, as he stared at Rei expectantly.

For a moment Rei’s mind went blank, but the sight of Nagisa slowly relaxing into the pillow helped his tension ease. Exhaling softly, he began.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up Next: Nagisa's POV and Rei's backstory


	9. Nagisa - Blue Lotus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so so sorry for not updating sooner! This week was really rough with a lot of stressful things happening to the point where I actually had a meltdown and needed time to recover. I binge-watched Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun today though, which brightened my mood enough to get this chapter out for you all. XD
> 
> Also! the amazing Danny from [ButterfliesandPenguins](http://butterfliesandpenguins.tumblr.com/) put music to and sang two versions of Nagisa's lullaby from the previous chapter. You can listen to it [HERE](http://butterfliesandpenguins.tumblr.com/post/123683829132/a-nekoran-lullaby-for-chapter-8-of). I think they're both amazing, but the second version is the one I can definitely see Nagisa singing. <3
> 
> ((also I apologize for any typos; it's late and I'm very exhausted so my read-through might not have been as thorough))

Over the next month, Nagisa spent his nights lying awake beside Rei, listening to the soft cadence of his voice, as he told him of his family and life before joining the army. Every time, he had to reluctantly pull himself away to return to the harem, wishing he could stay with Rei until morning. The new schedule made him sleepy during the day, but since Rin usually only wanted him in the evenings, Nagisa took the time to nap and rest in his room. His thoughts typically revolved around Rei’s stories.

“I’ve always been very intellectually gifted. My parents thought that I should become a politician, but the thought of sitting in a room for hours merely arguing didn’t appeal to me.”

“Yes, you much bad at arguing, Rei-chan.”

“N-Nagisa! Please . . . don’t interrupt.” He’d paused then, reaching for his glasses and again floundering as his fingers touched empty air. He looked so adorable, Nagisa had giggled. Rei cleared his throat. “Anyway, when I was ten, I began my apprentice work with a renowned sword-master. In exchange for my daily chores, he gave me lessons. I greatly enjoyed them, and aspired to be a great soldier. And then, when I was thirteen, I saw Captain Yamazaki protect Prince Rin from an assassin, and I was completely in awe of the way he moved and his beauty. I wanted to be like him. I wanted to _be_ him. So began my dream of becoming a member of the kingsguard.”

“And you are here now, and you train with Sousuke-senpai, yes? So this,” here Nagisa had touched Rei’s scarred shoulder lightly, “is good. It brings you to palace.”

Rei had contemplated this for a moment, before nodding. “I suppose. Though I’m not only grateful for the chance to train with Captain Yamazaki. It also led me to you.”

And he’d looked upon Nagisa with such fondness, that Nagisa had flushed and quickly changed the subject.

He learned that Rei grew up in the middle of the city, and that his parents were cloth merchants. Rei told him about the foot races he’d win against the neighborhood boys, about the books he’d read by candlelight every night (which, incidentally was how he’d ruined his eyesight). He regaled him with tails of various misadventures such as the time he’d attempted to capture a kitten, as a gift for his mother, but had been unsuccessful, with hands covered in scratches. His mother had kissed the marks and thanked him anyway.

This story had Nagisa ache for his own mother, though he’d never known her even before his capture.

For his part, Nagisa slowly began to tear down his walls, brick by brick. He told Rei about his time in preparation for the choosing, about Makoto and Haruka and the times they’d spent together. He spoke of Makoto’s undying patience in teaching him how to speak, read, and write Makurian. He boasted of Haruka’s drawing abilities, even showing Rei some of the sketches he still had underneath his pillow, faded and worn with age though they were.

The two of them laughed, as Nagisa described the time Makoto tripped during their dancing lesson and knocked down an entire line of boys. They cried, as Nagisa eventually revisited the day of the choosing and subsequent separation. Rei held Nagisa close, and the ache that formed and grew in Nagisa’s chest sent warning signals to his brain.

He knew what he was doing wasn’t safe. If Rin found out, he didn’t know what the prince would do to Rei. After learning about the marriage contract, Rin grew more aggressive in his treatment of Nagisa. More and more often Nagisa stepped out of the prince’s chambers with marks and bruises defacing his bare skin. So far it hadn’t escalated to anything truly terrible, but Rei’s gaze continued to watch him worriedly. Nagisa didn’t like the thought of worrying Rei, so he kept their conversations light and jocular, as the guard took him back to the harem. And he made sure the subject never came up during their late night story telling.

He also began avoiding the kitchens, not wanting to cause Haruka to worry over him as well. It was also a tactic to avoid Gou, since he knew she wouldn’t be able to stay quiet if she saw the bruises.

But the lack of Haruka soon became too much for him, and Nagisa found himself dragging Rei over to the kitchens one night after his time with the prince.

Haruka stared at him as he entered, and Nagisa immediately felt a wall of guilt slam into him at the relieved expression on his friend’s face. Of _course_ Haruka had been worried. Nagisa hadn’t seen him all month. As far as Haruka had known, he could have been dead.

“I’m so sorry, Haru-chan!” Nagisa wailed, flinging himself on the young cook, nuzzling his face against his chest, wrapping his arms around his waist to squeeze tightly.

He felt a rush of air leave Haruka’s lungs, and felt the warmth of Haruka’s hand against his back. “I’m glad you’re all right,” he said softly in Nekoran.

Nagisa bit his lip; unsure if “all right” was the correct way to describe how he felt. On the one hand, spending practically every night with Rei had him happier than he’d been in a long, long time. On the other hand, his time with Rin was spent in pain and humiliation, and the fact that he could lose Rei at any moment loomed over him heavily.

Haruka noticed his hesitation and pulled back, frowning down at him.

“Nagisa?”

Nagisa squirmed beneath the scrutiny. Haruka’s gaze landed on the discolored area of Nagisa’s side, the bite marks on his neck, the redness of his cheeks. Immediately, Haruka’s lips tightened, and he turned, sliding a giant knife out of its block by the hearth.

He strode toward the door before Nagisa could realize what he was doing. Rei responded faster, leaping in front of the silent young man with one hand raised, the other shifting to the hilt of his sword.

“I know how you feel,” he said slowly, his eyes darting between Haruka’s stony expression and Nagisa’s wide-eyed look of horror. “But think about this for a moment. You won’t make it past the hallway.”

Nagisa gathered his wits long enough to rush forward, grabbing onto Haruka’s arm. “Don’t, Haru-chan!” he begged. “Please! I can’t lose you again.”

He could feel Haruka trembling, as he pressed against him, trying to push him further back into the kitchen. Rei’s hand was also shaking, and Nagisa could see sweat glistening near his temples.

Haruka struggled against Nagisa, but his body was weak, his limbs thin, and Nagisa’s own athletic form was able to keep him steady, despite the height difference. But Nagisa wasn’t sure he could hold Haruka off for long. He cast a desperate look toward Rei, who nodded in acknowledgement, before stepping forward cautiously. Both of his hands were in the air now, which relieved Nagisa.

“Haruka-san,” Rei said, his Nekoran slipping out haltingly but with earnest. His hands fluttered about, as he struggled to say the correct words. “You . . . think for what you do. You do this, you die. You not see Makoto-san.”

At the mention of Makoto, Haruka froze, his eyes widening. Uncertainty shifted over his features, and he looked down at Nagisa, a question in his eyes.

Nagisa nodded, his heart thudding wildly in his chest. “It’s true,” he said quickly. “Rei-chan is helping us find Mako-chan.” He pressed his forehead against Haruka’s arm, nuzzling it gently. “Please. I’m all right. I don’t care about what Rin-san does to me.” He lifted his head again, to look into Haruka’s troubled gaze. “I only care about being here with you and finding Mako-chan. I want us to be a family again, but we can’t be if you do this. Please, Haru-chan. Let it go.” He lifted a hand, brushing his fingers across Haruka’s cheekbone.

Slowly, Haruka lowered the knife, it clattering to the floor, as his grip relaxed. Nagisa felt his heart stuttering back into a regular rhythm, and he released a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. Rei sagged in relief as well, and Haruka slowly turned around to walk back toward the hearth.

Nagisa didn’t allow him to go far, however, as he tackled the young man from behind, wrapping his arms around Haruka’s neck. “Everything will be all right, Haru-chan. You’ll see.”

Haruka still didn’t speak, but when Nagisa slid off, he turned and reached out to touch his shoulder lightly. He turned back to the hearth then, pulling the mackerel off of the fire and moving to set the pieces with some vegetables on two plates, setting them on the table.

Nagisa’s stomach clenched with worry, as Haruka turned toward the door. He leaped forward, grabbing the sleeve of Haruka’s tunic.

“Haru-chan! You’re not supposed—”

A gentle hand on his shoulder caused him to pause, and he looked up at Rei, who shook his head.

“Let him go,” he said softly. “I think he needs some time alone. He doesn’t have a weapon, so he should be fine.”

Nagisa looked skeptical, but when he glanced at Haruka, he noticed how his eyes studied the floor, the way his body stood, tensely coiled, like cornered animal. Slowly, he relaxed his grip, and Haruka slid out of it, quickly leaving the kitchen.

“But—”

Rei carefully directed Nagisa toward the table. “Eat,” he said. “I’ve noticed you’re losing weight. You need to stay healthy.”

“For Rin-san?” Nagisa asked, the bitterness escaping before he could stop it.

Rei blinked in surprise. “N-no. For yourself.”

Nagisa stared and watched, as Rei became more flustered. His hands fluttered about for a moment, before landing on the table, as he looked down at the plate in front of him.

“Mackerel again?” he asked, his voice high and nervous. “Is this the only thing he can cook?”

Nagisa tore his gaze away from the anxious butterfly to look down at his own plate. A corner of his mouth lifted, as he picked up his fork and speared a piece to eat.

“It is Haru-chan’s favorite,” Nagisa explained, slipping back into Makurian as he chewed. He swallowed, twirling his fork in the air, as he tilted his head back to look up at the ceiling. “I remember time when Mako-chan steal mackerel from kitchen for Haru-chan. We eat on mats, but then Sasabe-san come, much angry. It is first time I see him angry at Mako-chan. He yell, and I am afraid he hurt Mako-chan. But Haru-chan stand up in front of Mako-chan. Sasabe-san stop, because Haru-chan is most beautiful boy in group, and he cannot hurt him. So he say not to steal anymore and he leave. It is scary, but I know Haru-chan not let any bad thing happen to Mako-chan.”

Nagisa glanced over at Rei, who was watching him closely. Turning back to his mackerel, Nagisa suppressed the unsteadiness in his chest. Glancing toward the door, he felt his unease grow, as they finished their meal and Haruka never returned.

“We should go look for him,” Rei said, standing.

Nagisa started, looking up at the guard, as he jumped to his feet. “You say he need time?”

“I know, but eventually he’s going to need your comfort. Besides, he shouldn’t be out too late.”

Rei moved toward the door, and Nagisa quickly followed. He noticed that Rei didn’t move to take the chain around his wrist. In fact, he hadn’t held the chain at all in the past month. The only time he touched it was when they passed another guard. Nagisa wondered if Rei truly trusted him that much. Trusted him to not run away.

Then Nagisa realized that the concept of fleeing had never even entered his mind.

Chewing on his lip, he forced a bounce into his step, and Rei glanced over at him.

“You know him well. Where do you think he’d go?” he asked.

Nagisa tapped his chin, thinking. “He is from island colony. He much love water. So perhaps fountain?”

“The south wing courtyard isn’t far from here,” Rei said, picking up the pace.

Nagisa trotted beside him, breaking into a run when they came upon the courtyard. It was designed much like the others, only smaller. It was the one closest to the servant and slave quarters, so the general upkeep was less of a priority to the palace staff. The marble floor was cracked in some places, weeds growing within the faults. And although water came from the hand of the feminine figure in the center of the fountain, it was more of a trickle than a flow. The face of the figure had been worn down from years exposed to the elements, so she stood, expressionless.

Nagisa stopped short, as he saw Haruka sitting on the edge of the fountain, fingers trailing in the water. Nagisa wanted to run forward, to comfort his friend. His family. But what could he possibly say to make things better? There were no promises he could give that he could keep. He reached out with his hand, but what would a hug do? It couldn’t bring Makoto back. Did Haruka even want to be touched?

He faltered, the cruel twist of doubt burrowing its way through his chest.

Rei stepped forward, walking past Nagisa to stand beside Haruka, looking down into the water.

“I can’t imagine the pain you’re going through,” he said softly. “The pain you’ve gone through. I’ve never lost anything as important to me as you have. You and Nagisa.” He glanced over at him, but Nagisa could only stare back, his throat dry. Turning back to Haruka, Rei knelt before him on the floor, bending forward in a slight bow.

“You have no reason to trust me, but I genuinely care about Nagisa and his happiness. I’ve already sent a letter to General Mikoshiba about Makoto’s whereabouts. I know it probably feels foreign to hope, but please do not give into despair. You’ve held strong for so long, and I know you must be tired. But please, hold on a little longer. For Nagisa and for yourself.”

Nagisa’s eyes widened, his lips parting. The wave of gratitude and admiration toward Rei rushed over him with staggering force. He actually had to take a step back.

Haruka turned his head to look down at Rei. His pale skin shone in the moonlight, almost translucent. His dark hair hung forward, obscuring his face from Nagisa’s gaze, but he knew that face well enough to recognize the shock on it. Slowly, he reached out, touching his fingertips to the back of Rei’s head.

“You’re not like the other guards,” he murmured in Nekoran.

“Rei-chan is special,” Nagisa said, finding his voice finally. He moved forward quickly to kneel beside Rei, looking up at Haruka, as his fingers reached out and curled around the edge of his tunic. “Which is why you shouldn’t worry. He takes care of me. He . . .” Nagisa paused, tilting his head to study the man beside him. “He makes me happy.” He watched the flustered movement of Rei’s hand adjusting his glasses, before turning back to look up at Haruka.

Haruka’s eyes shone with unshed tears. “I feel useless down in the kitchens. I’m stuck there and it’s suffocating me. I can’t protect you. I can’t do _any_ thing.”

Nagisa reached for his hand, clasping it firmly. “ _Live_. That’s what you can do. You can stay alive until we’re a family again.”

“And then what? What else is there to live for after that? What future could we possibly have here?!” Haruka asked, his voice rising in volume and emotion.

It startled Nagisa, and for a moment he couldn’t speak, his mind going blank.

“After that . . . I will help you escape,” Rei said firmly.

They both turned to look at him in shock.

“Rei-chan . . .”

“No. I have decided.” Rei stood slowly, adjusting his glasses once more. “I’m not special. I’ve done terrible things. I’ve killed your people. I strove to be the one to protect the man who hurt both of you. And so if by my life or death I can protect you, make a better life for you, I will.”

_This is has gone too far. It’s too much. I can’t let him do this. I don’t deserve the goodness of him. I cannot allow him to throw his life away for someone such as me._

As these thoughts pounded against Nagisa’s skull with the beat of his pulse, Haruka stood, bowing deeply to Rei.

“Thank you,” he said quietly.

All Nagisa could do was shake his head, lips pursed, as tears burned the corners of his eyes.

 

Haruka walked back with them to the kitchens, and once they’d said their goodbyes, Rei led the way toward the harem. Nagisa walked silently beside him, not sure what to say. There were too many things and at the same time not enough.

“I never had a best friend growing up,” Rei mused, breaking the silence.

Nagisa blinked up at him.

Rei adjusted his glasses, continuing to look straight ahead, as he walked. “I had friends, of course; neighborhood children who I raced against and spent time with whenever I wasn’t studying or working. They were enjoyable to an extent, but I never felt a true connection with any of them. The closest thing I had was my comrade-in-arms Sera Tadanori. I met him when I joined the army. We were the same age and went through the new recruitment training together. We didn’t have much in common though, aside from the fact that we both had aspirations to be more than what we were.”

Nagisa wondered what the point of the story was, but he kept silent, not wanting to interrupt, especially when Rei had such a nice voice. Besides, he liked learning more about the man.

“When I came here, I had low expectations of my duties. I didn’t think escorting a slave was a very glamorous job. But when I met you . . . you completely shattered my expectations. Almost immediately I felt drawn to you. I’m still not sure why . . . perhaps it was your beauty. Or maybe it was simply because I’d never met anyone quite like you before. In any case . . . wh-what I’m trying to say is . . . um . . . what I’m trying to say . . .”

Nagisa’s face felt hot, and, as Rei faltered, they stopped outside the harem doors. Nagisa felt equal parts apprehensive and excited, as he stared up at Rei and waited for him to finish his thought.

“What I’m trying to say is that I consider you my best and closest friend, Nagisa-kun!” Rei blurted finally, his cheeks and neck scarlet.

Nagisa swallowed hard, a breath of relief sputtering from his lips in a laugh.

_For a moment, I was afraid he was going to say he . . ._

“Why are you laughing?” Rei asked in a small voice, looking down at Nagisa in despair.

“I am happy you are my friend, Rei-chan,” Nagisa said simply, grinning, as he stepped forward to wrap his arms around Rei’s waist, giving him a firm hug.

Rei stiffened momentarily, before relaxing enough to place a hand on Nagisa’s back, rubbing it gently. When Nagisa leaned back, the look on Rei’s face was calm, and he smiled gently. Nagisa wanted to kiss that smile, a realization that caused him to reel back. Not wanting Rei to ask what was wrong, he reached up and snatched the man’s glasses off his nose.

“Wh-hey! N-Nagisa-kun!”

Grinning, Nagisa put them on and flung open the door to the harem, rushing inside with a laugh. As he took off toward his room, he could hear Rei following close behind. He managed to keep his giggles to a minimum, in an effort to not wake the other concubines.

He slowed as he stepped into his room, allowing Rei to catch up to him. Skipping over to his bed, he stood beside it, placing one hand on his hip, as his other adjusted the glasses imperiously.

“I am Rei-chan,” he said, lowering his voice in his best imitation. “I say smart things but not believe in sand penguins. I not find them beautiful.”

“Nagisa-kun,” Rei pleaded, his face red once more. He held his hand out for the glasses, fingers grasping at air.

Nagisa took them off and twirled them. “Rei-chan look much cute when embarrassed,” he said, just to see Rei’s face flush darker. He smirked as it did.

“N-Nagisa-kun!”

Nagisa flopped down on his bed, wondering if Rei would come and try to forcibly take the glasses from him. He should have known better, however, as Rei simply stood there, fluttering his hands with a face like a radish. Nagisa’s chest swelled with a feeling he didn’t quite understand, but which quickly fell into guilt. He sat up, holding out the glasses.

“I am sorry, Rei-chan,” he said, as genuinely as possible.

Rei looked skeptical, but stepped forward slowly to take his glasses. Swiftly, Nagisa grabbed his wrist, yanking him down on top of him with a laugh. Sputtering, Rei hurriedly leaned back, propping himself up on his hands as he looked down into Nagisa’s smirking face. 

“You are a menace!” he exclaimed, though Nagisa could tell his heart wasn’t in the insult.

“I am angel always,” Nagisa countered, before leaning up to kiss Rei gently.

He did it without thinking, a gesture that shouldn’t have come as naturally as it had. For a moment, both of them froze. Slowly, Rei leaned back; looking at him with an expression Nagisa couldn’t read. It appeared to be surprise, but it could have been circumspection as well.

Nagisa’s pulse pounded in his ears, rushing and crashing like ocean waves. His blood felt cold, though his skin burned. He opened his mouth to apologize, or laugh it off as a joke. He was seriously contemplating the second option, when Rei swiftly pressed his lips against Nagisa’s, effectively silencing him before he had the chance to say anything at all.

The room spun, and Nagisa quickly closed his eyes. Aside from the kiss, this felt familiar: the press of a warm body against his own, the sink of the mattress beneath them. He half-expected to feel manicured nails dig into his wrist, pinning it down above his head. But instead, gentle, calloused fingers stroked against Nagisa’s cheek. Shivers ran through him, confusion nudging his mind.

But the kiss was soft and sincere, and Rei’s lips moved slowly, guiding Nagisa’s into a deeper one. His body was tingling, his heart pounding faster and faster.

_So . . . this is a kiss._

Rei pulled away, breathing softly. Nagisa opened his eyes, studying the older man’s expression. The lines of his features were gentle, and the look in his violet eyes held such affection, Nagisa felt his body tremble beneath the gaze. He couldn’t hold it, and he looked away, face hot.

“Nagisa-kun.”

Nagisa squeezed his eyes shut. This wasn’t right. This wasn’t supposed to happen. It would be better if Rei grabbed his hair, threw him to the floor, tore off his clothes. Nagisa didn’t know what to do with this tenderness.

His chest flamed with a burning sensation he didn’t understand. He felt Rei’s lips at his neck, kissing softly.

“Nagisa-kun, do you wish for me to stop?” The words were a light whisper against his skin, sending a tremor down his spine.

“Wh-why are you—” Nagisa inhaled sharply, curling his fingers into the sheets beneath him.

“I told you. I genuinely care about you, Nagisa,” Rei said, his voice heavy. It broke slightly, and Nagisa turned his face to look up into eyes shining like amethysts, as tears gathered in them. “And you-you deserve this.”

“Deserve . . .”

Before Nagisa could fully process that thought, Rei moved off him, shifting to the side. He propped himself up on one elbow, his free hand touching Nagisa’s chest soothingly. He stroked his fingertips down to the tense muscles of Nagisa’s stomach and abdomen, and they twitched in response.

Nagisa could feel heat gathering there, moving as Rei’s fingers did, swirling around the ornament in his navel, sliding over the curve of his hipbone. Nagisa’s chest felt tight; breathing was difficult. He gasped, eyes widening, as he felt that heat grow stronger and move south to a place he rarely felt movement. But he did now, and he stared, almost in disbelief, as the material of his pantaloons began to tent.

“N-No! St-stop!” he exclaimed, sitting up quickly and pushing Rei’s hand away.

Rei frowned in concern, lifting off the mattress to sit beside him. “Nagisa-kun?”

This was wrong. It wasn’t supposed to go like this. They were in the correct positions, but Nagisa’s body was burning, his heart pounding, his entire being _aching_ with a need he couldn’t comprehend. 

“Wh-what’s going on? I-I don’t . . . I c-can’t . . . this isn’t supposed to be happening!” he babbled, his words rushing out in a mix of Nekoran and Makurian. He buried his face in his hands, trembling.

Rei’s hands rested on his shoulders, gripping them gently. “Nagisa-kun . . . all those times with the prince. You never . . . Have you never . . .” There was a pause, as he fumbled. “You’ve never climaxed?”

Nagisa peered between his fingers at Rei, frowning slightly. “What is climaxed?” he asked hesitantly, not recognizing the Makurian word.

Rei’s face reddened. “Um, f-finished. Ah.” His hands fluttered down, gesturing vaguely in an exploding motion in front of his pantaloons.

Nagisa’s gaze followed the movement, recognizing finally what Rei meant. He shook his head quickly, turning his face away. “Only maybe one, two times,” he admitted. “It was accident. It not my place to finish. I only make Rin-san feel good. Make him finish.”

Rei didn’t speak. For a moment, Nagisa feared he would grow angry (though whether at him or Rin, he wasn’t sure), but then he felt a light touch against his chin, pulling his face back around, forcing him to look at Rei. He flinched automatically, but Rei’s eyes gazed at him with only concern and what might have been affection.

“I think it’s your turn to feel something good, Nagisa-kun,” Rei said quietly, brushing his fingers across Nagisa’s cheek, leaving prickling heat in their wake. “I would like to give you that pleasure, if you’ll allow me.”

He smiled then, a pure, beautiful smile that cut through Nagisa’s chest. He ducked his head, squeezing his eyes shut against the tears that had gathered. His fists pressed into the mattress on either side of him, and his body trembled, as a sob escaped.

Rei’s hand moved to his back, rubbing it gently. Nagisa leaned into the man, burying his face in his chest.

_I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve this. I don’t . . ._

“Please, Nagisa-kun.” Rei spoke softly, lips brushing against Nagisa’s ear. “Let us not be the slave and the guard tonight. Let us simply be Nagisa-kun and Rei-chan.”

The tears came faster, harder. The pressure in Nagisa’s chest didn’t alleviate, but even as he wept, he allowed Rei to lay him back down against the bed. The man’s arm encircled him, and he felt Rei’s lips brush against his face, kissing away his tears as they fell.

He clung to Rei, his fingers gripping the rough material of the man’s kaftan. Rei’s hand rubbed against his back, slipping underneath the small vest in order to press against Nagisa’s skin. Nagisa shivered, as Rei’s fingers ran over every bump of his spine, trailing down to the small of his back to make small, comforting circles there. Eventually, the tears slowed, until they faded to soft hiccups.

“What do you want, Nagisa-kun?” Rei asked quietly.

Nagisa squeezed his eyes shut. It was such a dangerous question. There were so many things Nagisa wanted, things he shouldn’t want. Things that he knew he could lose if he made a mistake.

_A slave shouldn’t desire anything other than to please his master. Isn’t that what I’ve been taught my entire life?_

But if he weren’t a slave, if Nagisa was simply a person, what would he want?

“Rei-chan.”

“Yes, Nagisa-kun?”

A breathless laugh escaped his lips, and he shook his head. Tilting it back, he looked up into Rei’s tender gaze. Nagisa grinned faintly, reaching to touch Rei’s cheek lightly.

“I want Rei-chan to be happy. And . . . I want to be happy with Rei-chan.”

Rei smiled back, leaning into Nagisa’s touch. “It would make me happy to give you pleasure,” he admitted.

Nagisa inhaled shakily, pulling his hand back to wipe at the tears on his face. He leaned away then, rolling onto his back once more. That feeling of _wrongness_ was still prevalent, but he managed to ignore it. It helped to see the affection on Rei’s face. He focused his gaze on it, flinching only slightly, as Rei’s hand slipped past the waistband of his pantaloons.

Very carefully, Rei wrapped his hand around Nagisa’s length, and Nagisa felt a gasp rise in his throat. He couldn’t suppress it, and he bit his lip after it escaped, a flush coloring his cheeks. Rei didn’t seem to mind. He bent, kissing Nagisa’s forehead, as his hand began to move.

Instantly, Nagisa felt that heat from before return with a force strong enough to press his shoulders into the mattress, lifting his hips into Rei’s hand. Ashamed of this reaction, Nagisa quickly lowered himself, curling his fingers once more into the covers of the bed.

“It’s all right,” Rei assured him, peppering his face with tiny kisses.

His hand moved steadily, and Nagisa’s body responded accordingly. His heels pressed into the mattress, sliding against the material before catching in two wrinkles. He used this as leverage, his hips rising once more in slow thrusts that matched Rei’s movements.

His body felt hot, the heat surging and moving with a speed that would have worried him, if he hadn’t forced his mind into a blank state, focusing only on Rei’s hand. Nagisa had never felt anything like this before. Rin never touched him like this, and Nagisa had not once dared to pleasure himself, afraid that it was against the rules for a slave to do so.

Is this what it felt like for Rin whenever Nagisa touched him? No wonder he enjoyed it so much. It felt like a million tiny fires were erupting inside his skin, specifically his stomach and abdomen.

“R-Rei-chan,” he moaned.

Immediately, he clasped his hand over his mouth, but Rei simply shook his head, moving to kiss the tip of his nose. “It’s all right,” the man assured him. “It’s all right.”

Gradually, Nagisa found himself relaxing. Rei’s hand never wavered. A calm confidence seemed to have taken over the guard. When Nagisa moaned a second time, it was with earnest, and he thrust his hips up against Rei’s touch with desperation. Rei understood this request, and began to move his hand faster, his grip tightening. 

“Ah!” Nagisa cried out softly, liquid starting to dribble from the head of his length. He wondered briefly what that was, but he didn’t have time to ask, as Rei ran his thumb over the tip, spreading the liquid down the shaft. Another cry escaped Nagisa’s lips, and his body began to tremble.

“R-Rei-ch-chan,” he moaned, feeling the intense heat growing stronger, consuming him from the inside out.

“Nagisa-kun,” Rei breathed, pressing his forehead lightly against Nagisa’s.

Nagisa trembled, biting his lip hard, his hips twitching, his body aching.

Finally, _finally_ , the release came. It surged out of him, and Nagisa almost sobbed with relief. It felt incredible: like a thousand stars had exploded inside of him. Slowly, he lowered his hips, collapsing against the mattress in a sweaty, quivering state that would have embarrassed him, if he weren’t having a difficult enough time forming coherent thoughts.

Rei slowly removed his hand. Shedding his vest, he used it to clean up the mess Nagisa had made across his stomach and chest and Rei’s hand.

“I-I am sorry,” Nagisa panted, guilt starting to curl into him.

“Don’t be sorry,” Rei said quickly, giving Nagisa a reassuring smile. He bent to kiss him gently. “That’s what is supposed to happen. I promise.”

“This happen to you?” Nagisa asked curiously.

Ah, there was the adorable, blustering Rei. He reached for his glasses, sliding them on and looking away. “I-I . . . I’ve grown to know myself quite well over the years.”

Nagisa grinned suddenly, a devious idea entering his mind. “I want to see Rei-chan know himself,” he said, thinking that sight would be more beautiful than any he’d ever seen.

“Ahhh, I-I don’t . . . I’m . . . w-why don’t we just rest for now?” Rei suggested weakly.

“Rei-chan stay all night?” Nagisa asked hopefully, moving to snuggle against Rei’s chest.

“I . . . I will stay until you fall asleep,” Rei murmured, brushing his lips against Nagisa’s hair.

Nagisa told himself to remain awake, as long as he could, but the stress of the day had taken its toll on him, and he found his eyes struggling to close.

He didn’t want this moment to end. He knew all his fears and doubts would return with the rising of the sun. He would have to face the reality of what he’d done, what he’d allowed to happen. It would eat at his mind; devour his heart.

But for right now, he could lie in blissful contentment, beside the man he . . .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up Next: Sousuke's POV, Gou puts up with zero bullshit, and Rin throws another exciting party


	10. Sousuke - If By My Life or Death

Sousuke stumbled, falling to one knee. He struggled to keep hold of his sword, but the way his arm twisted to the side, he couldn’t adjust his grip. It fell, clattering, to the floor. Frowning, Sousuke turned to look up at the triumphant Rei standing before him.

"I win,” he said, a pleased flush coloring his cheeks.

“You had an unfair advantage,” Sousuke said, snatching his sword off the floor, as he straightened. “I was distracted.”

Rei tilted his head, shaking it then. “Never let your guard down in front of your opponent,” he said. He pointed his sword at Sousuke with a flourish and a rakish grin. “Your words.”

Sousuke grumbled. Turning, he moved to set the wooden practice sword up against the wall, stretching one arm across his chest. He had to admit that he was pleased with Rei’s progress. The young man’s shoulder and back seemed to have healed nicely. The scar had faded to a pale strip across his tanned skin, and Rei seemed to move with more ease and less pain. He was growing stronger, and Sousuke felt as though the guard would soon be ready to resume his duties on the battlefield.

It hadn’t escaped Sousuke’s notice that Rei had grown closer to the young slave Nagisa. He’d caught glimpses of them walking through the halls to Rin’s room, chain dragging on the floor between them. He’d seen the way Rei smiled at the boy, the way Nagisa seemed brighter around him. Sousuke highly doubted Rei would want to return to General Mikoshiba’s fort if he received the summons.

So thus far Sousuke had delayed his status report to the general.

“Ryugazaki,” he said, turning back to Rei. “I’m curious to how things are progressing with Nagisa. The two of you seem to be getting along well.”

He considered the way Rei’s hands fluttered, adjusting his glasses a few times, as his face turned to the side.

“Ah, well, I suppose you could say things are-are better between us than before,” he said nervously.

Sousuke raised an eyebrow. “And here you told me that Nagisa’s charms wouldn’t work on you.”

Rei shook his head. “It’s not his charms . . .”

“Are you lying intimately with him?”

Rei froze, his face flushing a bright red. He coughed, choking on air. It was all the confirmation Sousuke needed.

“N-no!” Rei blustered once he could speak. “Of course not!”

“Hm.” Not entirely convinced, Sousuke studied the young man for a moment, before turning away to pick up a cloth that hung over one of the sword racks, using it to clean his face of sweat.

“I hope you’re not,” he admitted, glancing over his shoulder. “Our prince can be quite vicious when he’s upset. I hate to think of what he’d do if he found out his favorite concubine was spending his nights in the arms of another.”

He saw Rei pale, his throat visibly constricting.

As he pulled his kaftan over his head, he heard Rei’s voice, soft and pained.

“Haven’t you already seen what he’s done?”

Sousuke paused, frowning. He tugged his kaftan down over his hips, before turning to look at Rei. “What has he done?” he asked sharply.

Rei’s eyes widened. “I just meant . . . the way he’s treating Nagisa . . .”

Sousuke felt his chest clench, his lungs aching, as the breath left him. He remembered the look on Rin’s face, as he ordered him from his chambers. He recalled Haruka’s bruised and battered form after every experiment Rin had put him through. Rin couldn’t have reverted back to that state. At least, that’s what Sousuke hastened to tell himself.

Inhaling deeply, he fixed Rei with a hard stare. “If there’s something you want to say, say it.”

Rei blinked. “I thought you knew. Nagisa says he’s been rougher than usual. He comes out of the prince’s chambers with bruises and marks . . .” He trailed off, adjusting his glasses. “I know it’s not my place, but I can’t help but be concerned.”

_Damn. My prince, what are you doing? What are you thinking?_

Sousuke sighed. “I’ll look into it,” he said, not sure what he was going to do exactly. Ever since that night when he’d told Rin about the marriage proposal, his prince had gone out of his way to ensure Sousuke didn’t see him. He’d changed the guard posting at his door, requested for Aiichiro and only Aiichiro to stay by his side as he went to his training sessions, moved about the palace, and entertained his concubines.

Sousuke knew that Aiichiro wouldn’t have the confidence to confront Rin about his treatment of Nagisa, even if the guard was uncomfortable with it. But what could Sousuke possibly say? Rin didn’t seem to be in a mood to listen to him.

After he left Rei, Sousuke made his way to the harem, thinking he probably should have checked in with Nagisa earlier. He’d been so wrapped up in his hurt feelings over Rin’s dismissal, too caught up in the pain of being apart from his prince, that he’d neglected to consider the others that would be affected by Rin’s behavior. Inwardly, he berated himself. A good captain cared for more than his mission. A good _person_ cared for more than the object of his affection.

Nagisa was lying on his stomach on his bed, which was little more than a mountain of pillows and blankets on a raised mat. He was dressed in a simple tunic, and outwardly appeared to be fine, if somewhat thin. As Sousuke drew closer, however, he noticed with a frown the faint bruising on his neck.

The boy had been looking at some drawings, feet kicking the air behind him. He turned to look up at Sousuke as the man approached, and his eyes widened.

“Sousuke-senpai!” he exclaimed, hurrying to his feet to give a quick bow. “I not see you for long time!”

Sousuke reached out, touching the golden strands of the slave’s hair, fingering a couple between his fingers. He’d honestly never intended to grow as fond for Nagisa as he had. There was just something about the boy. He was a ray of sunshine in a cruel, corrupt world. And even though Sousuke knew Nagisa could hardly be called innocent, he had a pure heart. Despite being taken from his home and forced to pleasure a selfish prince, Nagisa remained unbroken.

“I’ve been busy,” Sousuke said finally, his hand falling to his side.

“You find bad man? He try to kill prince?” Nagisa asked curiously, magenta eyes wide in his young face.

Frustration crept into Sousuke’s mind, though he fought back an exasperated retort.

“We found the manufacturer of the wine, who said he sold it to a Makurian named Hisaishi, but we haven’t been able to locate anyone in the city by that name,” he said, before wondering why he was explaining all this to Nagisa.

“Not yet,” he said finally, taking in Nagisa’s blank stare.

Nagisa grinned then, blindingly bright. “You find him! You much good kingsguard.”

Sousuke blinked, eyes once more shifting to the circular bruises on the slave’s neck. That couldn’t be all there was, could it? They were such little things. Hardly noticeable. Nothing to be concerned about. And yet . . .

“Take off your tunic,” he said, rougher than he’d meant to, irritation at Rin clouding his words.

Nagisa’s eyes widened, and his smile froze. “S-Sousuke-senpai?”

“Do as I say.”

Slowly, Nagisa moved to lift off his tunic. Sousuke’s eyes scanned the small, slender body before him, as Nagisa dropped the clothing to the floor, naked before him. Ah, there was a rather large bruise on Nagisa’s side. Had the prince kicked him? And there, scratch marks on the boy’s hips, extending to his thighs. Sousuke’s frown deepened, as he noted more bruising on Nagisa’s shoulders and collarbone that looked suspiciously like bite marks.

He didn’t notice the terror in Nagisa’s eyes until he reached the slave’s face. It’d gone white, and Sousuke blinked, it finally registering that the boy’s body was trembling, his hands clenched into fists.

“What—” Sousuke halted, his confusion morphing into realization.

 _Shit_.

“Nagisa,” he said softly, stepping forward, hand outstretched.

The slave flinched, taking an automatic step back, his eyes closing tightly. “Please,” he said, his voice small. “Make it fast.”

Sousuke stared, his gaze flickering over the petite form in front of him. There was no denying that the boy was beautiful, and Rin wasn’t wrong in calling Nagisa “delicious.” It would be simple, really, to take his frustrations toward Rin out on Nagisa. He was captain of the kingsguard, after all, and Nagisa had to obey him. All he had to do was grab those slim hips, force him onto the bed, and—

Sousuke grimaced, rubbing his forehead, purging his mind of the images that were causing his stomach to twist in disgust. What was _wrong_ with him? He needed to control his thoughts, his urges. He forced them down, taking a deep, calming breath. Then he knelt and picked up the tunic, pressing it into Nagisa’s hands.

“I’m not going to hurt you, little one,” he said gently, even as Nagisa twitched away from his touch.

Nagisa gripped the fabric of the tunic, opening his eyes then to look down at Sousuke in surprise.

“I simply wanted to see what my prince had done to you,” Sousuke explained, realizing he probably should have said that at the start. He was letting his annoyance at Rin dictate his behavior.

Ashamed of this, Sousuke remained on the floor, allowing Nagisa to step back and slip the tunic on quickly. He turned his gaze down, studying the boy’s small toes. He kept his body still, as Nagisa retreated to the bed. Lifting his head, Sousuke watched as Nagisa sat, curling his legs up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them tightly.

“I am fine,” he murmured, looking away.

Guilt gnawed at Sousuke’s heart, and he stood slowly. “It wasn’t my intention to frighten you,” he said regretfully.

Nagisa didn’t turn his head. Defeated and hating himself now more than ever, Sousuke turned toward the door. Before he could push back the gauzy curtain, however, he stopped and turned to look back at Nagisa. He didn’t want to leave things like this.

“You do know that it’s wrong, don’t you? The way he treats you, I mean. He should never have laid his hands on you in that way.” He shook his head, gesturing absently toward Nagisa.

Nagisa looked over at him, blinking. “He is master. I am slave. He treat me how he wants and it is right.”

Sousuke frowned. “No, it isn’t. You’re a person, Nagisa. My prince doesn’t seem to realize this, but you should still know that. You deserve better.” He paused, unsure if he should say the next thing on his mind. But Nagisa’s guarded expression was starting to slip away, revealing the vulnerable boy underneath, and he couldn’t keep the words back.

“You deserve someone like Ryugazaki.”

Nagisa’s lips parted, eyes widening in shock.

Figuring he’d said his piece, Sousuke turned one more to the door. He’d barely stepped out of it, when a small body hit him from behind, arms encircling his waist. He froze, unsure of what to do. Nagisa had hugged him before, but after what had just happened, he was hesitant to touch the young slave.

“You are good man, Sou-chan,” Nagisa said softly, squeezing him tightly and nuzzling his head against him.

_Sou-chan?_

Very carefully, Sousuke patted Nagisa’s arm. “I try to be,” he admitted, not sure how well he succeeded. He turned then, taking Nagisa’s shoulders and pushing him back, in order to look down at him.

Nagisa stared back at him, a small smile flickering over his lips. “You can have me if that is what you want,” he said quietly, a faint flush coloring his cheeks. “I not know what you want before. You frown, look angry. But I know you not hurt me. So if you want me . . .” He reached out, touching the waistband of Sousuke’s pantaloons.

Sousuke sighed, reaching down to take Nagisa’s wrist in his hand, brushing his thumb over it gently, even as he pulled it away. “It’s a tempting offer,” he admitted. How could it not be? He knew how well Nagisa moved, how skilled his hands and mouth were. He was beautiful and talented and enchanting. Any of the guards would most likely leap at the chance to lay with Nagisa. But despite the slave now willingly presenting himself to him, it still didn’t feel right. “But I don’t think this is what either of us wants.”

He moved his other hand to Nagisa’s cheek, running his thumb along the curve of it. “Out of all of my prince’s slaves, you are the one I’ve grown the most fond of,” he said quietly. “If I could give you a better life . . . I would.”

Nagisa blinked, looking at him with an expression Sousuke couldn’t read. He bent, kissing the boy’s forehead tenderly, before letting him go. He turned away, and this time Nagisa allowed him to leave, and he left the harem, a heaviness weighing on his chest. It was unfair, what these young men had to go through, how they had to suffer for his prince’s pleasure. But in Sousuke’s position, he could do nothing to help.

Anger at the helplessness of both his and Nagisa’s situations burned within him, and when Momotarou Mikoshiba, personal bodyguard of Princess Gou, stopped him in the hallway, he rounded on him with a glare that had the young guard leaping back.

“S-sorry, sir!” he stammered. “I just . . . the princess would like to speak to you!”

“Where is she?” Sousuke asked, wondering what she wanted with him. It was rare that the two of them spoke, as she generally stayed in the north wing of the palace with the other female residents.

“The north wing courtyard, sir!” Momotarou exclaimed, much too loudly. He bounced on his toes, full of nervous energy. He looked up at Sousuke expectantly, but Sousuke simply frowned down at him.

“Are you not going to lead me to her?” Sousuke asked finally. He knew where the courtyard was, but the princess had sent Momotarou with a summons, and once he’d completed his task he was to return to her side.

“Oh, right!” Momotarou exclaimed, hopping forward. He strode down the hall, arms swinging in a rather undignified way beside him.

Sousuke wondered if General Mikoshiba had honestly thought it was a good idea to suggest his younger brother to the king, thinking even Aiichiro had more aptitude than this bumbling child. Suppressing the urge to roll his eyes, and fighting a rather massive headache, Sousuke followed.

 

The princess sat beneath a canopy held by four male slaves. Two of her female ones sat on either side of her, one holding a bowl of grapes, which Princess Gou picked at every now and then, her eyes not lifting from the book in her lap. The other stood beside her, hands folded behind her back, watching the area around. Sousuke recognized her as Miho, the woman who’d taken care of Gou since she was a child.

Gou looked up from her book, as Sousuke approached and knelt before her chair.

“Oh, good! Momo found you,” she said happily. “Good job, Momo!”

Sousuke watched, as Momotarou practically squirmed with happiness.

 _Yes, that one is definitely softheaded_.

“What did you want with me, princess?” Sousuke asked as politely as he could. In actuality, he was doing his best not to gripe about how he needed to get back to his duties; already he’d wasted time training Rei and visiting Nagisa (not that he regretted doing those things, he just felt the need to keep busy, to keep himself from dwelling on the fact that Rin hated him).

“My brother’s birthday is approaching, and I want to give him a good gift,” Gou said, tapping her chin with her finger. “But seeing as he barely talks to me, I figured you’d be the best person to ask for advice!”

Sousuke cringed inwardly. “I’ll admit, I don’t exactly know what my-the prince wants for his birthday.”

“You haven’t asked him about it yet?” Gou asked, her eyes widening. “But it’s less than three months away!”

“I . . . have been relieved of my duties as his personal bodyguard,” Sousuke admitted. “So I haven’t had the chance to speak with him about it.”

“Eh?!” Gou stared at him incredulously. “You’ve been _what_? When did this happen?! _How_ did it happen?!”

Sousuke sighed. “It happened a month ago, after I told him about the marriage contract. He didn’t take the news well.”

“He’s blaming you for that?” Gou asked, her eyes wide.

Sousuke wasn’t sure how to respond, since Sousuke knew that the reasons behind Rin’s behavior were more complicated than that. At least, he hoped they were. He was contemplating coming up with an excuse, a plausible reason for why Rin would not want him as his bodyguard anymore, but before he could, Gou stood.

“Come on. We’re going to talk some sense into him,” she said flatly.

Sousuke blinked, moving to stand. “Princess, are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“Are you going to stop me from speaking to my own brother?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

Sousuke suddenly felt very small, despite her being so much shorter than he. He meekly stepped aside, allowing her to stride forward, Miho and Momotarou hastening to catch up to walk alongside her. The other slaves began to tear down the small picnic area, as Sousuke hurried after the princess, both anxious and intrigued to see what was going to happen.

They found Rin sunbathing in the east wing courtyard. He lay on a bronze litter, four young slaves seated behind it. The prince himself wore nothing but a loincloth, and one of the slaves was fanning him with a palm branch, the other feeding him dates by hand. Aiichiro stood at the entrance, looking nervous. He snapped to attention when he saw Sousuke, though he seemed apologetic as he spoke.

“Sir! The prince has requested no one disturb him, sir!”

“Ha,” Gou said, stepping forward. “As if that’s going to stop me.” Before Aiichiro could respond, she stormed into the courtyard, kicking her brother off the litter.

Sousuke had to suppress a chuckle, as Rin rolled off onto the ground with a yelp. He sprang to his feet, indignation boiling over him.

“What do you think you’re doing?!” he exclaimed, glaring at his sister.

“Teaching you a lesson in humility,” she retorted, punching him in the stomach, causing him to double over. As he did, she slammed her elbow into his back, laying him flat on the ground.

Aiichiro started to rush forward, but Sousuke held out his arm to block the young guard from interfering.

“But sir! The prince . . .”

“Will live,” Sousuke said, smirking faintly, as he watched Rin groan, turning over to squint up at Gou.

“Six months and this is the greeting I receive? What a loving sister you are,” he wheezed.

“You are twenty years old,” Gou snapped. “What are you thinking? Throwing tantrums and getting rid of the best bodyguard you’ve ever had? Are you an idiot?!”

Rin frowned sulkily, moving to get back onto his litter, sitting cross-legged. “Who are you to tell me how I should treat my own property?”

Gou slapped him across the face. “Sousuke is _not_ your property! He was appointed as your bodyguard by the king, _our father_ , so technically you’re not even in a position to rid him of his duties! You will apologize to him for your poor treatment of his loyalty, and you will allow him to return to your side or so help me I will go to Father myself and tell him what an incredible, self-centered _brat_ you are!” Hands on hips, the princess glared down at the prince. 

“At this rate, I will weep for our people when the crown passes to you,” she said.

Sousuke stared in disbelief, not having expected such harsh words from the tiny princess. He started as she looked up, beckoning him over. Warily, he approached, noting the petulant look on Rin’s face. One cheek was red from the slap, and he stared toward the ground, scowling.

“Well?” Gou prompted.

“I’m . . . sorry,” Rin muttered.

Sousuke tried to catch his gaze, but Rin kept it fixed on the floor of the courtyard, scanning over the patterns in the marble. It felt strange, to be the one receiving an apology, and from his prince of all people. Despite the fact that it seemed forced, Sousuke couldn’t help but feel a wave of gratitude.

“And?” Gou nudged her brother with her foot.

Rin sighed, reaching up to run his hand down the back of his head, resting it on the back of his neck. “And you may resume your position as my bodyguard, if you so wish it,” he added, and this time he snuck a glance toward Sousuke’s face. In his expression, Sousuke saw a flicker of genuine regret, of shame, even. Perhaps. It was difficult to tell, because immediately afterwards, Rin looked away again.

Sousuke knelt in front of the litter. He reached out, gently taking his prince’s hand in his. He bent, brushing his lips across the warm knuckles. He thought he heard Rin inhale sharply, but that might have simply been wishful thinking.

“It is my honor to serve,” he said softly, lifting his head to look into Rin’s face.

He was surprised to see Rin looking back at him with wide, uncertain eyes. Sousuke held the gaze steadily, until Rin flushed and turned to look up at his sister instead. But he didn’t withdraw his hand from Sousuke’s.

“Are you happy now?” he asked, frowning once more.

“As long as it was sincere,” Gou said. “And I still think it’s a mistake for Father to give you the throne when you’re still so immature.” She pointed to Sousuke. “You should listen to him more. You’re a better person when you do.”

Rin turned his gaze to the floor once more, and Sousuke moved to stand. He gave Gou a short bow, fighting a smile.

“Thank you,” he told her.

“It was my pleasure, honestly,” Gou responded with a grin. “Hopefully you can sort this hopeless idiot out before his coronation.” She reached down to flick Rin’s ear affectionately. He grumbled.

Turning, the princess practically skipped out of the courtyard, and Sousuke watched her go with admiration, before looking back down at his pouting prince.

“I saw what you did to Nagisa,” he said flatly, deciding now was not the time to spare any feelings. He felt gratified when guilt flashed briefly over Rin’s expression. “You will not do those things again.”

“I can do whatever I want,” Rin retorted, but his words lacked strength. He sighed, pulling his knees up to his chest in a vulnerable way that surprised Sousuke. “I’m still angry with you,” he said then. “You knew I would hate the idea of a marriage contract and yet you went along with it.”

Sousuke sighed, settling down into a seated position on the litter beside his prince. “I honestly think it’s the best solution to both end the war with Nekor and keep you safe. But I suppose my delivery could have been better, and I apologize for my insensitivity.”

Rin lowered his legs, moving to lay with his head and shoulders across Sousuke’s lap. Startled, Sousuke could do nothing but sit there stiffly, staring down at his prince.

“I missed you,” Rin admitted softly, picking up Sousuke’s hand to study the lines of it, the callouses.

Sousuke’s throat seemed to have closed, effectively blocking anything he might have wanted to say. But his mind was blank as well, and so it was probably better that he couldn’t speak. He didn’t trust that what would come out would even resemble words.

“I want to throw another party,” Rin said then. “I need to cheer myself up. I’m so depressed right now. I need to celebrate being a free man before I’m stuck in a loveless marriage forever.” He sighed heavily.

Sousuke didn’t like the thought of another party, but in this situation he wasn’t sure he could deny Rin anything. His heart pounded faster, as he looked down at the face in his lap. His prince’s skin glistened in heat of the sun above, his maroon hair splayed against Sousuke’s thighs. Hesitantly, Sousuke lifted a hand, about to run his fingers through those locks, when he heard the soft sound of Aiichiro clearing his throat behind him.

His fingers clenched into a fist, and he pressed it against the litter. Lifting his gaze, he looked into the concerned blue eyes of the young guard. He gave him a short nod of gratitude, knowing that any displays of affection out here in the open could lead to painful consequences.

“Sousuke?” Rin tilted his head back to look up at him more fully. “Did you hear what I said?”

“Yes, my prince,” Sousuke said quickly, looking back down at him. “Normally I would advise against having another gathering so close to your birth date. We haven’t yet found the man who tried to poison you. He may strike again.” He sighed. “But if this is what would truly make you happy . . . I suppose I can allow it. But please, don’t invite anyone you don’t know personally. Anyone you do not trust.”

Rin mused. “Unfortunately, I don’t think many of them would be that upset if I _was_ murdered.” He laughed softly. “They’re all conniving devils, looking for an angle, a way to get money or support from me. I don’t think I trust any of them.”

“That . . . is probably wise,” Sousuke had to admit.

“You think so?” Rin looked pleased at this. Then he paused, lowering Sousuke’s hand to his chest absently, as he looked up at the sky. “It would be a rather small party if I only included those I trusted. So we’ll just have to double the guard and make sure we only use our own food and wine. No gifts. And make sure we screen everyone thoroughly before they enter.”

Sousuke sighed, knowing that would be easier said than done, but he wanted to make Rin happy. Telling himself that he would not leave Rin’s side for anything, he nodded.

“We can do that,” he said, and the smile Rin gave him helped dispel any other worries.

 

***

 

It was a mere three days later when the party commenced. The palace staff worked quickly to ensure everything was in place, and Sousuke posted multiple guards in the hallway leading to the room. He informed them to keep an eye out for anyone suspicious and to act first if they suspected any foul play. They could work out the legal issues later.

Sousuke positioned himself on Rin’s right. He thought about assigning Aiichiro to Rin’s left, but he needed someone he trusted implicitly to stay in the hallway to watch the guests who entered and left. His kingsguard were already spread thin, so in the end he approached Rei Ryugazaki, asking the young man if he’d like to be a temporary member of the kingsguard that night and help him protect the prince.

Rei’s eyes didn’t light up at the prospect as much as Sousuke felt they would have only a couple months prior. But once Sousuke reminded him that Nagisa would be dancing, Rei quickly agreed.

So now they stood, Sousuke to the right of Rin’s seat, and Rei to his left. The music was lively and upbeat, the dancers agile and mesmerizing. It didn’t escape Sousuke’s notice how Rei fixated his gaze upon Nagisa, nor the way Nagisa continued to send small smiles toward Rei. Sousuke hoped his prince thought the smiles were for him, not wanting an outburst to ruin things.

So far the party was going well, and everyone seemed happy to be there. Still, Sousuke felt the unease he always did at Rin’s parties. There were too many people, too much could go wrong. He felt his stomach clench whenever anyone approached Rin’s chair, even sweet Nagisa, though he knew rationally that the slave couldn’t hurt a fly.

“You’re too tense, Sousuke. You should enjoy yourself,” Rin said during a lull in the music. He turned to look up at him with a faint grin. “Find a beautiful girl to talk to. Or a beautiful boy.” Here he winked, and Sousuke wondered briefly if Rin had already forgotten their time in that kind old lady’s home or if he simply hadn’t given it much thought in the first place.

“I’m fine, my prince.”

“You’re so serious.” Rin sighed. “If you don’t want Nagisa, why don’t you take one of my other concubines to help you relax?”

Sousuke pursed his lips, shaking his head. “That isn’t necessary, my prince.”

“I don’t understand you,” Rin admitted, leaning back in his seat. He twirled his hand absently. “I know you feel those urges, I’ve experienced them first hand, yet you never seem to _do_ anything about them. That can’t be healthy for a man your age.”

Sousuke raised an eyebrow. “Are you implying that I’m old?”

Rin laughed. “Not at all. You’re young and healthy and strong, which is why you should let yourself enjoy fleshly cravings.”

Sighing, Sousuke turned his gaze back to the crowd, scanning it for anyone appearing evasive. “Unlike some people, I can control myself when it’s inappropriate to act.”

Rin laughed again. “Was that supposed to be an insult? Do you even know what you’re missing?”

Sousuke frowned, not looking at his prince. The truth was, he did know. Back when he’d first realized how his feelings for Rin were starting to grow into something more than friendship, he’d attempted to rid himself of those feelings by lying with a fellow guard, a young man his own age who’d since been relocated to the battlefield. It’d been a casual fling, fun but insubstantial, and Sousuke hadn’t felt anything change regarding Rin.

That attraction had grown to affection and then to love and no matter what Sousuke did, that never wavered. So he’d given up trying to find something different, resigning himself to a life of agony. It was a life he’d chosen willingly, however, so he couldn’t complain.

“You know you can talk to me about these things if you wish,” Rin said.

Sousuke was about to respond, when he caught movement near the edge of the crowd. A man he didn’t recognize, dressed in the simple tunic of a slave, was making his way toward the raised dais where Rin sat. He moved slow enough that nobody else had noticed him, but Sousuke felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand in a prickling sensation.

The man stepped out into the middle of the dancers, who abruptly stopped, confused by the intrusion. Nagisa moved unconsciously toward the dais, and Sousuke stepped forward, hand moving to the hilt of his sword.

“What is the meaning of this interruption?” he barked, signaling for the guards posted throughout the room to start advancing.

“This is a message from the people of Makuria,” the man shouted, hand moving toward his chest. “We do not want this careless prince to be our king! He knows nothing of our suffering! He cares not for his people! We want our sons back from the war! We want our people to not starve in the streets like dogs! Give us justice! Give us peace!”

The kingsguard moved closer, pushing the partygoers out of the way. But before they could reach him, the man tore open his tunic, revealing a knife strapped to his chest. Sousuke drew his sword, but instead of rushing to attack, the man threw the knife.

It twirled through the air, and its accuracy was undeniable. It was heading for Rin’s heart, and it was going to hit its mark.

Sousuke didn’t have to think, he just moved. He sprang forward, shielding his prince with his body. A flare of pain erupted on his chest, as the knife burrowed into skin and muscle, past the flimsy resistance of his kaftan. He hit the floor heavily, grunting at the impact.

Vision blurring, he blinked, struggling to sit upright, as the rest of the kingsguard surrounded the man, dragging him out of the room. Then his view was blocked by Rin, as his prince dropped to his knees in front of him.

“Sousuke!” His face was pale, his eyes wide as saucers.

Sousuke could see his own reflection in them: he lay on his side, knife protruding from the upper part of his chest. Blood spread from the wound, staining the white of his uniform. He could vaguely hear shouts and panicked yells from behind Rin, but all he could focus on was his prince. His heart pounded rapidly, which did nothing to alleviate the pain in his chest.

“Sousuke, you _idiot_!” Rin choked.

His hands pressed around the protruding knife handle. Sousuke barely felt it, aside from a faint pressure. The room swam, the dizziness causing black flecks to appear before Sousuke’s eyes. He brushed them away with a weak wave of his hand.

“Why would you do something so stupid?” Rin asked, his voice breaking on the tears that had started to gather.

Sousuke lifted his hand again, brushing his thumb against the edge of Rin’s eye, catching a tear before it could fall. A cold sensation crawled through his limbs, causing them to grow heavier. He struggled to keep his hand on Rin’s face, but it fell away after a moment.

“It . . . it is m-my honor . . . to serve,” he managed.

It was becoming more difficult to inhale, and the pain was dulling to an ache, as he felt consciousness slipping from him.

The last thing he saw before everything went dark was Rin struggling against Aiichiro and Nakagawa, as they pulled him away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [whispers] _I'm sorry._
> 
> Up Next: Rei's POV, his reaction to the events of the party, Sousuke's fate, and a confession


	11. Rei - Arpeggio

It was difficult for Rei to hide his disgust, as he stood beside the prince. The way the young man leered at Nagisa made his blood boil. But he kept his composure, taking a cue from Captain Yamazaki. The man was always so well poised; it made Rei envious. So he straightened his shoulders, and looked straight ahead at the mingling of people around the room. Once the dancing started, however, he found his gaze fixating on Nagisa.

The slave wore a pale green outfit this time, which complimented his tan skin and fair hair much better than one would expect. Around his ankles were gold bangles, and resting on his head was a golden circlet, dripping with peridots. Matching jewels were in his ears and navel, and the tassels on his tiny vest and the scarf draped around his hips glittered with every step and leap. In his hands he twirled and twisted a gauzy light blue cloth, using it as a prop to sensualize his movements. His skin gleamed from scented oils, and someone must have found a way to conceal the bruises on his body, because every inch was smooth and unmarked.

Rei’s heart crawled into his throat, and he shifted on his feet, feeling himself coming undone every time Nagisa glanced at him from beneath fluttering eyelashes. His skin felt hot, and he longed to take that agile body in his arms, but he kept them stiff at his sides. He did his best to ignore the hot jealousy that burned in his stomach, every time Nagisa approached the prince’s chair, twisting the cloth around Rin’s neck and bringing their faces close with an easy smile. Despite the fact that Rei knew Nagisa’s true feelings toward the prince, the slave was undeniably a good actor.

If Rei didn’t know any better, he would think Nagisa adored Rin.

But whenever Rei felt despair creep into his chest, Nagisa would glance at him and raise his wrist, where a band of jeweled lotus flowers sat. It was like an unspoken signal between them, and Rei couldn’t stop the smile from turning the corners of his lips every time he saw it.

He was daydreaming about that night when they would be able to hold each other and whisper stories into each other’s ears, when a man jumped into the middle of the concubines’ dance. Rei immediately stiffened, hand moving to his sword. He barely heard the man’s declaration, his gaze following Nagisa, as the young man shrank back toward the dais. There was a shout, and Rei looked up to see a knife hurtling through the air.

He didn’t think, simply leaped down, grabbing Nagisa and turning him so that his back was facing the man, shielding Nagisa from the weapon. But after a beat he realized that Nagisa hadn’t been the intended target. Of course he hadn’t. But that meant . . .

Rei lifted his gaze back to the dais, his eyes widening as he watched Sousuke fall, knife protruding from his upper chest. Nagisa trembled, and he held him closer. Glancing behind him, he saw the rest of the kingsguard take the would-be assassin away.

_I should be with them. I should have grabbed the attacker. Instead . . ._

He looked down at the young man in his arms. Nagisa stared up at him for a moment, lips parted in shock. Before either of them could speak, however, Nagisa turned his gaze toward where Sousuke still laid, his eyes closed, blood dripping onto the floor beneath him. Aiichiro and Nakagawa had picked the prince off the floor from where he’d been kneeling beside Sousuke and were now dragging him from the room, despite his struggles and shouts for them to let him go. 

“Rei-chan!”

Startled, Rei looked back down at Nagisa.

“You have to help Sou-chan!”

Rei didn’t want to release his hold on Nagisa. He wanted to drag him to safety, the same way the kingsguard had with the prince. But Nagisa pressed against his chest, pushing him away, before running toward the dais. Rei quickly followed, not about to let Nagisa out of his sight in the chaos that had erupted around them. People were scrambling about, trying to escape the danger, though the assailant was long gone now.

“Is he dead?” Nagisa asked in a small voice, hands hovering over Sousuke’s prone body.

Rei bit his lip, leaning down to place his cheek close to the man’s lips. A faint breath brushed against his skin, and when he touched Sousuke’s neck, he felt a weak pulse.

“He’s alive,” he said, surprised at the relief he felt. “But he’ll need medical attention immediately if he’s to survive.” He looked at the knife, knowing better than to pull it out. He didn’t recognize the design on the hilt, but it looked vaguely familiar. Before he could think more on it, Nagisa grabbed his arm, tugging on it.

“We must take him to infirmary!” he exclaimed.

Rei looked over Sousuke’s body dubiously. He’d grown stronger in the past few months, but Sousuke was solidly built, and he doubted he had the stamina to carry the man all the way to the infirmary.

“Rei-chan! Help me,” Nagisa said, and Rei noticed that the small slave was already flinging Sousuke’s arm over his shoulder, attempting to lift him.

“Whoa, hey!” Rei quickly reached over to take Sousuke from Nagisa, carefully lowering him back onto the floor. “We need a litter of some sort. We can’t just pick him up and carry him!”

“But—”

“Step aside.”

The two of them jumped, looking up as two members of the kingsguard stepped onto the dais, each holding the handles of a stretcher. Rei grabbed Nagisa’s hand, standing and pulling him away from Sousuke, as the men knelt and carefully moved Sousuke onto the stretcher. They stood then, walking off toward the doors of the room. Rei noticed then that most of the partygoers had dispersed, leaving only them and a few stragglers and palace staff who went about cleaning the room.

“We should leave,” Rei realized, looking down at Nagisa. “Come on.” He tugged on his hand gently, leading him off the dais and across the room. He had no idea where he should take him, but Nagisa was starting to tremble once more, so he knew it had to be someplace where Nagisa felt safe.

They ended up in his room. Nagisa sat on the edge of the bed, as Rei closed the door. Stepping over to his lantern, he lit it, staring down at the flame for a moment. He took a deep breath to steady himself, the stress from the party finally registering. He glanced over at Nagisa, realizing that, despite the fact that the knife’s intended target hadn’t been the slave, Nagisa had been standing so close to Rin that if the knife had curved, if the man’s aim had been off, he could have lost him.

“Nagisa-kun.” The name slipped from his lips with a tightness that matched the one in his chest. He knelt in front of Nagisa, pressing his forehead to the young man’s thighs, as his arms wrapped around slender legs. He felt small fingers push into his hair, stroking the strands with a tenderness that sent shivers down his spine.

“I was much scared,” Nagisa admitted softly. “But then Rei-chan’s arms are around me, and I not scared anymore. I feel safe. You protect me, Rei-chan. Thank you.”

“I don’t believe you were truly in any danger,” Rei said softly, this realization hitting him with a stab of guilt. What had he done? To protect a slave instead of the prince . . . and now Sousuke . . .

Nagisa’s fingers curled into his hair, gripping gently. “It make me bad person, but I am glad it not you that jump in front of Rin-san. I not want Sou-chan to die, but it worse if it Rei-chan.”

“That doesn’t make you a bad person,” Rei said with a deep sigh. He lifted his head to look up into those wide, magenta eyes, which stared back at him with so much trust and admiration, it caused Rei’s chest to ache.

Leaning up, he pressed a kiss to Nagisa’s lips. The other responded quickly, wrapping his arms around Rei’s neck, as he gently pushed Nagisa back against the bed, moving to kneel on his hands and knees above him. Carefully, he extracted the circlet from Nagisa’s hair, setting it aside.

“Is this all right?” he asked gently, pulling back to look down into Nagisa’s face. The last thing he wanted was for Nagisa to be uncomfortable, and he most certainly didn’t want to remind him of Rin.

But Nagisa smiled, a radiant smile that left Rei feeling dazed, and ran his fingers through Rei’s hair once more. “I want Rei-chan to protect me always,” he said.

Rei felt an overwhelming wave of affection wash over him. But no, it was stronger than that. After what he’d done during the attack, Rei knew that what he felt for Nagisa was stronger than simple affection. He wanted to say it, but he hesitated, unsure if Nagisa was ready for such a confession.

So instead, he simply lowered to kiss Nagisa again, keeping his touch gentle. Nagisa kissed him back, arching into him. The feeling of that nimble body pressing against him almost caused Rei to moan, but he held it back, instead placing one hand against the small of Nagisa’s back, propping himself up on his elbow beside Nagisa.

He was content to simply lie there, moving his lips sweetly against Nagisa’s, breathing in the flowery scent of his skin, feeling the warmth of him. But Nagisa seemed to have other ideas, and after a moment his hands began to tug on Rei’s kaftan, pulling it up toward his head, knocking his turban off. This he pushed to the side impatiently, before gripping the kaftan once more.

Rei leaned back, reaching to curl his hand around one of Nagisa’s arms. “Is now really the best time?” he asked hesitantly, thinking of Sousuke possibly dying in the infirmary.

Nagisa bit his lip. “Rei-chan not want me?” he asked, blinking up at him.

Rei grimaced. “N-no, no, it’s not that!” he said quickly. He adjusted his glasses, leaning back to sit on his heels, though letting go of Nagisa almost physically pained him. “I just . . . I don’t want you to regret it.”

Nagisa tilted his head, lifting himself up on his elbows, as he studied Rei. “I not understand,” he admitted. “I not regret being with Rei-chan.” He shook his head.

“I just meant . . . with Sousuke in the infirmary . . . it seems a little callous to do this when he may be dying.”

Nagisa sighed, lying back down to stare up at the ceiling. “I not help Sousuke. I not . . . I not healer. But I not want to lay here and be sad. I want to be with Rei-chan and be happy.”

Rei chewed on his lip. “You want a distraction,” he surmised.

Nagisa turned his head against the pillow, blinking down at him. “This is bad?”

Rei couldn’t say what he wanted to say. He couldn’t make Nagisa feel guilty for not returning his feelings. Of course the slave wouldn’t feel the same. Why would he? After everything Nagisa had been through, it made sense that he would be wary of love. Rei told himself that it was enough for Nagisa to want to be with him, to let his guard down enough to allow Rei to touch him in this way. Rei wanted to show him that he was worthy of more than how the prince treated him. Then perhaps Nagisa would be comfortable enough to accept such feelings as love.

Maybe if Rei simply loved Nagisa it would help heal him.

“No,” he said then, shaking his head. “It’s not bad.” He moved back over Nagisa, kissing the tip of his nose lightly. “I’d be happy to help distract you.”

Nagisa smiled in what seemed to be relief. His hands started pulling on Rei’s kaftan again, so Rei sat back to pull it off, setting it aside. His shoulder twinged at the movement, a faint reminder of the scar. Doing his best not to feel self-conscious, he moved down once more to capture Nagisa’s lips in a deep kiss.

Tentatively, Nagisa’s tongue pressed against Rei’s mouth. Rei obliged, opening it and allowing Nagisa to explore curiously. He closed his eyes, fighting a moan at the taste of him. He gently ran his tongue along Nagisa’s, and Nagisa mewed softly at the contact. The kiss was warm and wet and comforting, in a way. At least Rei hoped it was. He ran his fingers gently through Nagisa’s hair, fingering the strands.

After a moment, he grunted, as Nagisa flipped them over, now straddling Rei’s hips. Surprised, Rei pulled back, his hands fluttering a moment, before settling on Nagisa’s thighs.

“N-Nagisa-kun?” he said hesitantly, hoping Nagisa wasn’t planning on simply pleasuring him again as a thank you.

“You not worry, Rei-chan,” Nagisa said with a small grin, slipping out of his vest and tossing it off the bed. He picked up the gauzy cloth from his dance, wrapping it around Rei’s neck and pulling him up so they were face to face. Nagisa’s grin widened then. “We feel good together, yes?”

Rei sighed in relief, moving his hands to Nagisa’s sides, rubbing them gently. “Yes,” he agreed, leaning forward to kiss him again.

A warm, almost happy feeling was starting to grow in his chest. It spread through him, from his head to his toes, heating his body as Nagisa released the cloth and dug his fingers into his hair once more and the kiss grew hungry, passionate. Rei leaned into it with a soft moan; unable to help it, especially when Nagisa began to shift in his lap, rocking down against him in slow, deliberate movements.

Nagisa moved his hips in languid, circular motions, and Rei could feel his body reacting, hardening, aching. He moaned again, then gasped as he felt teeth scrape against his bottom lip.

_That’s right. He’s experienced with this. He knows what to do._

Rei was equal parts grateful and ashamed for being grateful. Nagisa was only talented at such things because of his upbringing. Because he’d been taught from an early age. Rei moved his hands to Nagisa’s back, stroking the skin there tenderly, not wanting to think of how Nagisa had arrived at this state.

“R-Rei-chan,” Nagisa gasped softly against his mouth, his hips moving faster, pressing firmer against him. Between the thin fabrics that still covered them, Rei could feel Nagisa’s hardness, a bulge that brushed against his own with each sway.

Rei had to resist the temptation to lift Nagisa off him and rid them both of their remaining clothing. He didn’t want to take the initiative here. He wanted Nagisa to guide them, to show him what he wanted, what he liked or didn’t like. This moment was about Nagisa, and Rei couldn’t be selfish.

His body trembled, as Nagisa began to pull away. The flickering light from the lantern cast strange shadows across Nagisa’s face, and Rei couldn’t read his expression.

“N-Nagisa-kun? Are you all right?” he asked quietly, his voice wavering without his consent.

Nagisa gave him a smile, nodding. “I-I want to see Rei-chan,” he admitted softly then, fingers dipping to stroke the tent in Rei’s pantaloons.

Rei shuddered, stifling a small cry at the touch. Swallowing hard, he gathered his composure as best he could, lifting his hips off the bed to carefully remove the rest of his wardrobe. He realized then that this was the first time Nagisa was seeing him completely naked, and his body grew hot for an entirely different reason. Nagisa studied him, a smile playing about his lips as his eyes scanned over Rei’s form slowly.

“Do-do you find me beautiful?” he stammered, needing to say _something_ to break the silence. After he asked, he realized how much Nagisa’s opinion truly meant to him.

Nagisa’s smile widened. “You are much beautiful,” he insisted, leaning forward to kiss Rei gently.

Rei went limp with relief, wrapping his arms around Nagisa and pulling him close. The young man didn’t return to his lap however, his fingers instead working on the bow of the scarf slung around his hips. Getting that undone, he slid off his own pantaloons, before swinging his leg over Rei’s and settling down on his thighs.

“A-ah,” Rei gasped, unable to help it. Nagisa’s body pressed against his, and that fervent heat was back, surging through him with such intense force, he quivered in anticipation.

“Rei-chan is excited,” Nagisa said with a faint smirk. He reached down between them, wrapping his hand around Rei’s length, already slick with beads of white liquid.

A rather undignified whimper escaped Rei’s lips at the touch, and he pressed his forehead against Nagisa’s shoulder, inhaling shakily. He didn’t want Nagisa to do all the work, however, so his own hand moved, taking hold of Nagisa and giving it a few short strokes.

Nagisa’s tiny cry of pleasure was enough to send another shiver down Rei’s spine.

“Y-you not have to—” Nagisa began to whisper, before Rei lifted his head with a faint frown.

“No. You’re not just pleasuring me, Nagisa-kun. This is much more than that. I want you to experience this the right way,” Rei said insistently.

Nagisa’s eyes flew wide, and then his face relaxed into a smile. His other hand moved to stroke Rei’s cheek, and Rei leaned into the touch, turning his head to kiss Nagisa’s palm, ignoring, for the moment, the deep ache he felt in his member.

“Rei-chan is good man,” Nagisa said softly, starting to move his hand once more.

Rei wondered if Nagisa would still think that if he could see into his mind just then. He cursed inwardly, his hips rising slightly to encourage the movement of Nagisa’s hand.

Then suddenly his touch was gone, and Rei gasped, panting heavily. He watched as Nagisa got off his lap, standing and turning to search the room. Rei felt dizzy, but he watched with some confusion, as Nagisa began rifling through his wardrobe.

“Nagisa-kun?”

“Aha!” Nagisa exclaimed, humming happily as he returned to the bed with a small jar of oil. Rei recognized it as the curative oil he rubbed into his scar to help sooth the pain whenever it flared. “We need this.”

Rei’s eyes widened. “N-Nagisa-kun! We don’t . . . I mean, are you sure that is what you want?” He couldn’t help but think of how Rin used the slave, the way he had to penetrate him roughly. Rei didn’t want to do that to Nagisa. He didn’t want to harm him in that way or any way.

“It is what I want,” Nagisa said firmly, kneeling beside Rei on the bed once more. He pulled the stopper from the bottle, pouring the oil carefully over his fingers.

Rei could only stare, swallowing hard, as Nagisa rubbed his fingers together, before reaching behind him. Rei’s eyes widened, as Nagisa’s lips pursed, eyes fluttering closed, as he pushed his fingers into his entrance.

“Nagisa-kun!” he cried in alarm, catching the brief flash of pain that crossed Nagisa’s face.

“It is all right, Rei-chan,” Nagisa told him quickly, his voice slightly strained. “It not hurt much. I know how. You not worry.”

But Rei couldn’t help but worry, especially when Nagisa removed his hand (much too soon, it seemed), and straddled him once more. He rested one hand on Nagisa’s hip, the other moving into the young man’s hair. “Are you sure?” he asked again, swallowing hard.

The smile Nagisa gave him could have brightened the entire room. “Yes, Rei-chan,” he said, almost exasperated, it seemed.

Before Rei could say anything else, Nagisa poured more oil over his hand, wrapping it around Rei’s length once more to coat it generously. At his touch, Rei trembled, the heat returning. He barely had time to register what was happening, when Nagisa shifted forward, and then carefully lowered himself onto him.

“N-Nagisa-kun!” he moaned out before he could stop himself.

Nagisa was warm and tight around him, and he didn’t give Rei time to recover, immediately starting to rock his hips, and all coherent thought left Rei’s mind. He clutched the young man in his arms, burying his face in Nagisa’s neck and kissing it over and over as he groaned.

“Y-you feel so good, Rei-chan,” Nagisa murmured into his ear, and Rei was too overwhelmed by the pleasure to wonder if he was telling the truth.

It took him a moment, but he eventually gathered enough sense to move one hand, stroking it over Nagisa’s length once more. Nagisa shook, a gasp curling around Rei’s ear, followed by a quiet moan. Rei kept up a steady pace as best he could, but he could already feel himself nearing the edge. Nagisa’s hips moved so expertly, his entire being felt so incredible, Rei wasn’t sure he could hold back.

“R-Rei . . . Rei . . . Rei-chan.”

Nagisa’s voice was breathless, needy. Rei groaned again, burying his face deeper into the warm, soft skin of Nagisa’s neck.

“I-I . . .” The words tilted forward across his tongue, and Rei swallowed, attempting to stop them. Nagisa moved faster, pressed down against him harder, and Rei felt the room tilt, waver. It was too much. “N-Nagisa-kun, I-I . . . I lo—”

His fingers faltered momentarily on Nagisa’s length, before rolling over the tip, gathering the liquid that had started to leak there, before slipping back down the shaft. Nagisa whimpered, fingers gripping Rei’s good shoulder, burrowing into his hair.

_Don’t say it. Whatever you do, don’t say it._

But then stars exploded behind his eyes, his spine stiffening, his hips thrusting upward, as he climaxed. A sharp cry escaped his lips, before it dwindled to a puff and gasp for air, the rest of the words sliding out under the cover of his haze. “. . . love you.”

Nagisa stilled, and Rei noticed through his unsteadiness that he was still hard in his hand. Well, that wouldn’t do at all.

Before Nagisa could pull away, Rei grabbed his hips, lifting him off and gently moving him to the bed, turning to kneel over him. Nagisa was staring at him with wide eyes, but Rei didn’t stop to ponder at the expression. Instead, he leaned down; pressing kisses to Nagisa’s stomach and abdomen.

Coming to the erect length, Rei cautiously ran his tongue up one side and then the other. He was rewarded with a gasp from Nagisa, and the young man’s hips lifted instinctively. Rei took that as a good sign, moving to hold of the base before sliding his mouth over the tip, tasting the salty bitterness of the liquid still dripping from it. He gave a small suck, and Nagisa moaned.

“R-Rei-chan,” he whimpered, which encouraged Rei to suck again, and again, until Nagisa’s body was quivering, heels digging into the blankets, hands grasping at Rei’s hair.

It didn’t take long before Nagisa tugged rapidly on Rei’s hair, attempting to pull his face away, to warn him. But Rei remained where he was, swallowing everything that shot into his mouth as Nagisa trembled and moaned. Only after Nagisa had settled back against the bed did Rei lift his head, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. He crawled up to lay beside Nagisa, wrapping his arm around the smaller young man and pulling him close.

He nuzzled his face into the soft golden hair, breathing in the scent. Nagisa touched his arm lightly, not speaking. Rei would have worried at this, but his mind was blissfully blank.

However it was only a few minutes later that Nagisa shifted under his arm, turning to look up at Rei. “You check on Sou-chan, yes?”

Rei blinked, wondering why that seemed abrupt. But then he remembered that this was only supposed to be a distraction, that Sousuke’s well-being was probably still at the forefront of Nagisa’s mind. On the one hand this relieved him ( _perhaps he hadn’t heard me after all)_ , but on the other hand he felt . . . disappointed.

“Of course,” he said easily, kissing Nagisa’s forehead gently. He moved to get off the bed then, gathering his clothes to pull on. Before he left the room, though, he paused and looked back at Nagisa, still curled like a kitten on his bed.

“Will you wait for me here?” he asked hopefully.

“Of course, Rei-chan,” came the soft reply.

It was only after Rei had shut the door behind him that he realized how sad the words had sounded. He tried not to let that worry him, as he made for the infirmary at a brisk walk.

 

***

 

The sight that greeted him in the infirmary was not one Rei had expected.

Sousuke lay on one of the many beds that lined the room, his chest and right shoulder bandaged. His eyes were closed, but he didn’t seem to be struggling for breath, so Rei hoped that simply meant he was asleep. Then again, it could also mean that his breathing was too shallow to detect from where he stood.

By the bed was Aiichiro, wringing his hands worriedly. That wasn’t surprising. Rei knew how closely the two of them worked and had assumed that they were friends. What _did_ surprise him was the figure of Prince Rin, sitting in a chair beside the bed, slumped over with his face buried in the sheets. At the sound of Rei approaching, he looked up with a frown, and Rei noticed his red-rimmed eyes, the wetness on his cheeks.

“I-I apologize,” Rei said quickly. “I simply wanted to see how Captain Yamazaki was fairing. I didn’t mean to intrude.” He bowed deeply, a flush heating his neck as he realized that he’d just slept with this man’s favorite concubine. He hoped it didn’t show on his countenance.

“Who are you?” the prince asked, his voice thick with suppressed emotion.

“I-I . . .” Rei blinked, looking up at the other man. He suddenly realized that the two of them had never been formally introduced. “My name is Rei Ryugazaki, mi’lord. I was by your side at the party.”

Rin’s eyes narrowed. “Yes . . . I remember you now. Sousuke appointed you in Nitori’s stead. You were supposed to protect me.” His frown deepened, and he stood abruptly, hands clenched into fists. “You should have been the one to leap before the knife! You should have done your duty!” He turned to Aiichiro, pointing toward Rei with a trembling finger. “Nitori! Arrest him!”

Rei felt the blood drain from his face, and he looked to Aiichiro, silently pleading with him to disobey.

Aiichiro started, eyes widening in shock. “But . . . But what for, my prince?” he asked in confusion.

“For-for failing in his duties! For allowing Sousuke to get injured!” The prince was livid, his entire body shaking now.

“W-with all due respect, mi’lord,” Rei stammered, doing his best to maintain his courage and composure. “Everything happened so quickly . . . I didn’t have time to react. I’m not trained as well as Captain Yamazaki. I didn’t realize the knife’s trajectory until it was too late.”

“Tch.” Rin didn’t look satisfied with this answer, but he turned away, looking instead at Sousuke’s face.

Hesitantly, Aiichiro stepped forward, touching Rin’s shoulder briefly. The prince brushed him off, before sitting back in the chair, grabbing Sousuke’s hand with both of his and pressing it to his lips. Rei turned aside, feeling as though he were an unwanted witness to an intimate moment.

Aiichiro approached him, speaking softly. “The physician was able to extract the knife. He lost a lot of blood, but the blade missed his heart. Unfortunately it did hit his lung, and that was difficult to patch. But he’s going to be all right, though his stamina might be affected.”

Rei felt a wave of relief at these words, but he stole a hesitant glance toward the sleeping Sousuke. “Has he woken?” he asked worriedly.

Aiichiro bit his lip, shaking his head. “The physician says he needs time to gather his strength, but we’re still concerned.” He glanced toward the prince, before looking back at Rei. He lowered his voice further, leaning in slightly.

“I came into the room after the man started shouting. I saw what you did. I saw you dive to protect Nagisa instead of the prince.”

Rei’s heart thudded in his chest, starting to sink into his stomach with a feeling of intense dread. He swallowed hard against the dryness in his throat, glancing at the prince before looking back at Aiichiro. “The . . . the prince doesn’t know?”

Aiichiro studied Rei with unnerving blue eyes. “ _Our_ prince doesn’t know,” he said finally. “But I suggest you take care that your feelings for the slave do not overcome your sense of duty for your prince and your country.”

_They already have_.

Rei pursed his lips nodding. He turned to leave then, but paused, sparing one more glance toward the prince. Rin was holding Sousuke’s palm against his cheek, his fingers stroking the blue veins of the man’s wrist. He looked anxiously into Sousuke’s face; not seeming to want to look away until he was sure Sousuke was all right. It was a side of Rin Rei never expected to see. There was something in his expression, something that didn’t belong on the face of a pampered, self-centered prince.

“Is he all right?” Rei couldn’t help but ask, looking to Aiichiro.

Aiichiro sighed. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “The two of them are . . . close. It may not seem like it from the way our prince treats him, but Captain Yamazaki is his best friend. His only friend it seems, sometimes. I’m not sure what this will do to him.”

Rei chewed on his lip, hoping that Sousuke awoke soon. Perhaps he could help change the prince for the better. Perhaps, as a result, Rin would stop hurting Nagisa.

Bowing deeply, Rei turned away to return to his room. He opened the door; glad he could give Nagisa something that at least resembled good news.

“Nagisa-kun—”

He stopped short, frowning slightly in confusion as he stared in at an empty bed.

“Nagisa-kun?” He stepped further into the room, looking around for the young man. He noticed with a start that Nagisa’s clothes were gone. The jar of oil sat on the small table by the bed, beside the lantern. There was something propped against it, and as Rei drew closer, he recognized it as Nagisa’s jeweled wristband. The precious stones shaped like lotus flowers glittered in the lantern light, as Rei slowly turned it over his fingers.

It felt as though someone had reached into his chest and taken his heart, squeezing it tightly. He sank onto the bed, staring down at the band before slowly slipping it onto his left wrist.

So. Nagisa had heard him after all.

What did this mean, then? Was this a goodbye?

Rei closed his eyes, inhaling shakily.

_Please, Nagisa-kun, don’t do this. I know you don’t think you’re deserving of love, but you are._

_You are._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll take "inappropriate times to get frisky with your bae" for 300, Alex.
> 
> Up Next: Nagisa's POV, a very interesting conversation with Rin, and more angst


	12. Nagisa - Fear Cuts Deeper

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, but I'm sick and this was all I could manage. :(

_He loves me._

_He loves me._

Nagisa wasn’t sure if he wanted to laugh or cry. It was everything he wanted, everything he’d been too afraid to hope for, but this was the wrong time, the wrong place.

As soon as Nagisa had heard Rei’s words, whispered with such intense desire and affection, he’d frozen. He’d been hit with the realization that although the intercourse had been a simple distraction for him (a welcome one, a pleasurable one), it had meant something entirely different for Rei. Guilt slammed against his chest, making it difficult to breathe.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Rei wasn’t supposed to fall in love with him. It’d been fine for Nagisa to harbor feelings for the guard; as long as it was unrequited it was safe.

But Rei loved him.

Nagisa stumbled into the kitchens, gasping for breath. Haruka turned from the hearth, frowning when he saw him.

“Nagisa?”

“H-Haru-chan,” Nagisa gasped, clutching his chest. His fingers gripped the thin material of his vest, tearing a few tassels off. They clattered to the floor, and Haruka was immediately beside Nagisa, wrapping his arm around him.

“What’s wrong?” he asked worriedly, his bright blue eyes large in his pale face.

“He-he . . . Rei-chan.” Nagisa stopped, sucking in deep breaths of air. But it seemed that no matter how much he drew in he couldn’t fill his lungs. They burned, bringing tears to his eyes.

Haruka gently led him over to a chair, sitting him down and pressing his hand against Nagisa’s back. “Nagisa, did Rei hurt you?” he asked, his frown deepening.

Nagisa could only shake his head. Rei was perfect, no matter what he said to the contrary. Nagisa was the one who was hurting Rei. He’d been selfish, initiating the playful flirtation, sneaking into Rei’s room to pleasure him, opening up to Rei with his stories in the hopes that Rei would tell him his own. He’d desired the man, wanted to know him better, to find that happiness Gou spoke of.

But he’d gone too far.

“He loves me,” Nagisa managed to say, squeezing the words out past the bricks in his chest.

Understanding flashed across Haruka’s face, and his hand dropped to his side. “I’m sorry,” he said softly.

Nagisa buried his face in his hands. “What am I going to do, Haru-chan?” he wailed, allowing the tears to come, hoping they’d alleviate the pressure inside him. “If R-Rei-chan loves me, it p-puts him in danger. If Rin-san finds out, he’ll-he’ll have Rei-chan killed. It’s all my f-fault!”

Haruka remained silent, allowing Nagisa to cry. He stepped over to the hearth to pull his mackerel off the flames, walking back with a clean dust cloth. He handed it to Nagisa, who took it, wiping at his eyes and blowing his nose.

“I-I think . . . I think I love him too, Haru-chan. That’s the worst part. I know we can’t be together, but I want to be so badly. I shouldn’t have listened to Gou. I should’ve kept my distance. Rei-chan would be safe if I had.”

Haruka knelt by the chair, touching Nagisa’s arm lightly. “You can’t help who you love,” he said quietly.

Nagisa turned to look at Haruka with wide eyes, rimmed red with tears. “How can you stand it, Haru-chan? Loving Makoto when you can’t be together? Does it always hurt this much?”

Haruka pursed his lips. “I think you have it worse,” he admitted after a moment. “Makoto isn’t here, but I can still hope that we will be together again one day. You have to see Rei every day knowing you probably won’t ever be able to be together.”

Nagisa frowned. “That doesn’t make me feel better, Haru-chan!” he scolded, sniffling.

Haruka flushed, looking apologetic. “Sorry,” he muttered, standing to cut the mackerel. He arranged it on a plate with some rice and vegetables, before handing it to Nagisa.

Nagisa took it slowly, not having much of an appetite, but knowing he should probably eat something. He sighed, taking the fork from Haruka and reluctantly starting to eat. He was surprised when he felt Haruka’s fingers move through his hair gently.

“Makoto would know the right words to say,” Haruka murmured, almost inaudible. He sighed, bending to press his face against the top of Nagisa’s head.

“It’s all right, Haru-chan,” Nagisa said, setting the plate on the table. He turned to wrap his arms around Haruka’s waist, hugging him tightly. “Just having you here helps.”

Haruka’s hands rested hesitantly on his shoulders, before wrapping around his back to return the embrace. Nagisa nuzzled his face into Haruka’s stomach, breathing in his scent (he smelled mostly of smoke and fish). It was comforting, just holding him like this and being held in return. He could almost forget his anxiety, his grief. His guilt.

“I wish I could stay with you tonight. I don’t want to go back to my room,” Nagisa said with a soft sigh.

Haruka ran one hand over Nagisa’s hair gently. A sudden thought hit him then, and he leaned back, looking up at Haruka.

“Maybe I can sneak you into the harem! They’d come looking for me if I wasn’t in my room all night, but if you come with me, then I can hide you under my pillows if someone comes in!”

Haruka looked skeptical, but Nagisa, invigorated by the apparent genius of this plan, stood abruptly, grabbing Haruka’s hand to pull him toward the door. Haruka stalled with a frown, shaking his head.

“What’s wrong?” Nagisa asked, slowing to a stop. He bit his lip. “Do you not want to?”

“Wait,” Haruka said, slipping his hand out of Nagisa’s grasp. He walked over to the hearth, smothering the fire until it went out. Nagisa hopped impatiently from one foot to the other, as Haruka went about cleaning his area, throwing away the garbage, and rinsing the dishes.

Nagisa knew he had to go through this routine just in case someone ventured down here while Haruka was away, but he was starting to feel the despair creeping into his stomach once more, and he wanted to hold Haruka and make it go away.

Finally, Haruka returned to his side, taking his hand, curling his fingers around it tightly.

“All right,” he said softly, and Nagisa grinned with relief, pulling Haruka out into the hall.

The excitement from the party had worn down by now, but people still lingered, chattering in hushed whispers. Nagisa navigated through them as silently as he could. He sighed in relief as they finally reached the harem, but stopped short as one of the harem guards, a thickset man named Uozumi, held out a hand.

“Who is this, Nagisa?” he asked with a frown, pointing to Haruka, who looked back at him without expression.

Nagisa glanced between the two, relieved that Uozumi didn’t seem to recognize him. “He is, ah, he is friend?” he tried with a sheepish smile. “I meet him at party. Much handsome, yes?”

Uozumi frowned. “I’m not sure concubines are allowed to sleep with anyone other than the prince,” he said slowly.

Nagisa put a finger to his lips, winking. “It is our secret then, yes? I get you much stuffed dates as thank you, yes?”

Uozumi scratched his chin. “I do love stuffed dates,” he mused.

“I know,” Nagisa grinned, having bribed the man many times with that dessert.

Uozumi squinted at Haruka for a moment. “Hmm, you seem somewhat familiar. Do I know you?” he asked suddenly.

“No,” Haruka said evenly.

Nagisa jumped between them. “Ahh, I throw in nice almond sesame balls too, yes? All the sweets for handsome Uozumi-san.” He reached up to flick the edge of the man’s vest.

For a moment, Uozumi blinked at him, before he laughed, shaking his head. “You do know how to charm a guy,” he said. He jerked his thumb over his shoulder then. “Go in then. But make sure your ‘friend’ doesn’t make a habit of visiting you here.”

“Yes, Uozumi-san, I promise,” Nagisa said, bowing twice, before grabbing Haruka’s hand again and pulling him into the harem.

Haruka remained silent, as Nagisa led him down the hall to his room. He couldn’t help but feel nervous, knowing Haruka hadn’t stepped foot inside this place since his time serving Rin. The older young man didn’t seem uncomfortable; however, he didn’t exactly seem like anything. His face was impassive, revealing nothing. Worried, Nagisa walked faster, pulling Haruka along until they reached his room. Once they were safely behind his curtain, Nagisa turned to Haruka with an apology on his lips. 

“Haru-chan, I—”

“It’s different.”

Nagisa paused. “Huh?”

Haruka was looking around the room, examining everything closely with a keen gaze. “This room. It’s different.”

It took a moment for Nagisa to understand. When he did, his eyes widened. “This was your room?” he asked, before realizing that made sense. The prince’s favorite was placed in the largest, most extravagant room in the harem.

Haruka ran his finger over the ridge of one of the cushions on Nagisa’s bed, stroking it through the tassel on the end. Nagisa watched him, chewing on his lip. After a moment, Haruka moved to sit, folding his hands in his lap.

“Is it all right if I change?” Nagisa asked hesitantly, feeling as though he were interrupting something.

Haruka blinked at him, before moving to lie down on his side, his back to Nagisa. Breathing a shaky sigh, Nagisa quickly stripped out of his elaborate costume, changing into the simple tunic he wore to sleep. He approached the bed then, laying down and wrapping his arm around Haruka’s waist, nuzzling his head against Haruka’s shoulder gently.

“It’s almost like how we were before,” he said softly, trying for nostalgia, but instead just feeling the weight in his chest growing heavier. “Haru-chan . . .”

He trailed off, as Haruka turned, shifting down to bury his face against Nagisa’s chest. Nagisa started in surprise, as he felt hot tears wet the front of his tunic.

“Haru-chan.”

Unsure of what to do, he laid his hands on Haruka’s back, rubbing it gently, the way Rei always did when he held him like this. The thought of Rei brought new pain into his chest, and he inhaled shakily. He needed to not think of the man. Maybe if he focused on Haruka, on making him feel better . . .

Hesitantly, he brought his hand to Haruka’s face, touching his cheek to brush away some of the tears gently. His heart thudded in his chest, his stomach feeling tight, as he lowered his body to look into Haruka’s face. It was wet still, and his eyes were tightly closed. He looked as though he was trying to stop the tears, and Nagisa’s heart ached for him.

Tentatively, he leaned forward to press his lips against Haruka’s. Almost immediately, Haruka opened his eyes. He pulled away, staring at Nagisa in confusion.

“I just . . .” Nagisa started, attempting to find an explanation for his actions that made sense. He wasn’t sure how to explain the fact that only way he knew to distract someone, to make them forget their pain and worries, to make them feel better, was by giving them pleasure, and how, even though he didn’t see Haruka in that way, he was willing to use one of his only talents to help his friend, his family.

Haruka’s eyes searched his, a question there.

Nagisa swallowed hard. “You can imagine I’m Mako-chan, if you want,” he whispered then.

Realization shifted Haruka’s features, and his eyes widened. He shook his head, hair moving against the cushions beneath them. “No.”

“But—”

“ _No_.”

Haruka sat up, turning his face to frown at the wall. Nagisa sighed, turning his own face into the pillow under his head, stifling the urge to scream in frustration at his helplessness, at his situation, at his inability to fix anything. He wanted to be happy, with Rei, with Haruka and Makoto. He wanted Haruka and Rei to be happy as well. But there seemed to be nothing he could do. To be happy with Rei would put the guard in danger. And he had no way to make Haruka happy, it seemed.

He flipped over to look up at Haruka, who was still frowning, though now down at the blankets.

“I’m sorry,” Nagisa said in a small voice, the crushing weight of everything stifling him. He shifted closer to Haruka, pressing his forehead lightly against the young man’s side. “I’m sorry, Haru-chan.”

After a moment, Haruka’s hand landed gently on Nagisa’s head. “It’s not . . . it’s not your responsibility to make me feel better,” he said finally. “You should focus on your own happiness for once, Nagisa.”

“My happiness is going to get the man I love killed,” Nagisa said miserably.

Haruka couldn’t seem to come up with a good reply for that. In the end, he lay down once more, wrapping his arm across Nagisa’s shoulders. Nagisa snuggled in close against his chest, breathing a soft, shaky sigh. If he closed his eyes, he could almost imagine that he was back in the grooming school, sandwiched between Haruka and Makoto, back when the three of them had each other and were happy, despite their pending fates.

 

***

 

It was easy to avoid Rei the next few days, as Rin never summoned Nagisa. Nagisa made a point to stay with Haruka in the kitchens, or in the courtyards with a different guard escorting him, just in case Rei came looking for him. This, of course, made him feel worse, but knowing that he was protecting Rei made it worth the pain.

After three days of this, Nagisa decided to visit Sousuke, wondering if the man was feeling any better. He hadn’t been able to get any information from the random guards he’d asked, and he couldn’t seem to find Aiichiro anywhere. So finally, he bribed Uozumi once more and made his way to the infirmary.

When he saw Sousuke lying there, eyes closed, face pale, his chest tightened. Besides Aiichiro (and Rei), Captain Yamazaki was the only guard who seemed to truly care for Nagisa. He never raised his voice to him, never struck him or treated him like he was less than human. Not once did he demand anything from him, and despite the small scare before the party, Nagisa knew Sousuke would never hurt him. Nagisa had a feeling he would do almost anything for the man.

He rushed forward, wanting to shake Sousuke awake, or at least try to. He stopped short, however, when he realized that there were two others in the room besides the patient. Aiichiro stood against the wall, hands folded in front of him. On a chair beside the bed, slumped over in apparent sleep, was Prince Rin.

Nagisa felt dryness in his throat, and he slowly started to back away, when Rin’s head jerked up. He blinked blearily for a moment, and Nagisa froze, hoping the prince would simply fall back asleep. But then Rin’s eyes focused, growing wider as his gaze settled on Nagisa.

“You . . . what are you doing here? I didn’t summon you.” He looked more confused than irritated, which Nagisa took as a good sign.

“If you please, mi’lord,” Nagisa said, quickly kneeling on the ground and prostrating himself before Rin. “I want to see Sousuke-senpai. See if he better. I not mean to disturb.”

“You may rise,” Rin said softly.

Nagisa hesitated, before standing slowly. Once he did, he was able to notice the paleness of Rin’s face, the dark circles under his red-rimmed eyes. He looked terrible, and it shocked Nagisa, never having seen the prince in such a wretched state. He was usually well put-together, or slightly mussed from intercourse. Nothing like the disheveled man Nagisa saw before him.

“You all right, mi’lord?” Nagisa asked hesitantly, unsure if he should even ask, but something akin to pity had risen inside him. Or was it . . . sympathy? He couldn’t tell, but it unnerved him.

Rin’s eyes flickered to look down at Sousuke’s still face. “I can’t do this without him,” he said quietly, and the vulnerability in his voice stunned Nagisa further. “My sister was right. I’m not fit to be king. I-I have no idea how to take care of my people. I’m a useless excuse for a prince.” He reached forward to lightly run his fingers across the back of Sousuke’s hand. “He’s the only one who has any faith in me. I can’t lose him.”

Nagisa bit his lip, tilting his head. “You love him?” he asked, though it seemed so obvious now, he wondered why he’d never noticed it before. He supposed he hadn’t truly thought the prince capable of feeling something as pure as love.

Even Rin looked surprised by the words. “Love . . .” He picked up Sousuke’s hand, not saying anything other than that, simply stroking Sousuke’s knuckles with his thumb.

“You sleep? Not worry. Sousuke-senpai get better,” Nagisa offered, taking a small step forward. He stopped, not wanting to get within arms-reach of Rin if he didn’t have to.

Rin shook his head. “I don’t want to leave him. I want to be here when he wakes,” he said.

Aiichiro pushed off the wall, taking a step forward. “My prince, I have to agree with the slave. You need sleep. You’re exhausted, not thinking straight. Please . . . Captain Yamazaki would want you to take care of yourself.”

Rin hesitated, glancing from Aiichiro to Sousuke. He turned to Nagisa then, piercing him with an intense gaze. Nagisa stiffened, his hands clenching automatically.

“Will you stay with him?” Rin asked.

Nagisa was so surprised by the request, he dropped his defensive stance, staring wide-eye at the prince. “What?”

“I’d like you to stay with him. I know he’s fond of you. If he wakes . . . I’d like him to be able to see a friendly face.”

Nagisa blinked, wondering if he’d truly just heard Rin _ask_ for something, instead of demanding it. Still, it seemed dangerous to refuse, so Nagisa nodded, bowing slightly. “I will stay,” he assured him.

Rin looked relieved. He stood, somewhat unsteadily, and Aiichiro hastened to take his arm. As they passed Nagisa, Rin stopped. Reaching out, he lightly ran his fingertips along the bruises that dotted Nagisa’s neck. Nagisa suppressed a shudder and the urge to flinch away.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “For . . . for this.”

Nagisa stared at the prince in what was surely a rude fashion, but he couldn’t help it. He wondered if he’d fallen into a different world, where everything was the same except for Rin. He shrank away under the guise of a bow, slowly backing away toward Sousuke’s bed. He felt unsettled, like everything he’d known was unraveling before him.

As Aiichiro and the prince left, Nagisa turned to look down at Sousuke. Tentatively, he reached out, brushing the man’s hair off his forehead. He bent to kiss it gently, before moving to lie down on the bed beside Sousuke, resting his head on the man’s chest below the bandage. He could hear the faint but steady heartbeat, which brought him more relief than he’d thought it would.

“Love make things better, yes?” Nagisa said softly, still marveling at Rin’s behavior. “So why it not make things better for me?” He sighed, wanting to be happy for Sousuke, knowing how much the man cared for his prince, but instead all he felt was bitterness.

He hadn’t been lying there long, when he felt the soft touch of fingers on his shoulder. Shifting, he turned to look up into the concerned face of Rei.

“I’ve been looking for you,” the man said softly.

Nagisa swallowed, turning back to rest his cheek against Sousuke’s chest.

“Oh.” He closed his eyes, feeling as though a knife were digging into his heart, twisting and jerking.

“Are you all right?” Rei’s voice was full of worry, and Nagisa wanted nothing more than to sit up and fling his arms around the man’s waist, bury his face in his chest and let Rei comfort him.

But instead he simply held Sousuke tighter, pressing his face further into the warm skin. “Sou-chan not wake up. What if he die?”

Rei’s hand touched his hair, stroking it gently. “He’ll get better. He just needs time to rest. Do . . . do you want to come back to my room with me?”

Nagisa chewed on his lip. “Rin-san ask me to stay here. Keep eye on Sou-chan.”

“Ah. Then . . . can I join you?”

Nagisa curled his fingers into the sheets that covered Sousuke. “It not good idea. Rin-san might return. He be much angry if he find you here.”

“I suppose you’re right.”

Nagisa did his best to ignore the disappointment in Rei’s tone. He lay still, as Rei reached over and picked up his hand gently, uncurling his fingers from the sheet. Nagisa watched, heart pounding, as Rei pressed a small kiss on Nagisa’s wrist. His eyes caught sight of the band around Rei’s own wrist, glittering in the moonlight from the window. His breath caught in his throat, and he stared at it, as Rei released his hand and took a step back.

“Will I see you later?” Rei asked hopefully.

Nagisa turned back into Sousuke’s chest, exhaling with a shudder. “Of course, Rei-chan,” he said softly.

He managed to hold back his tears until Rei had left the room. Then he wept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up Next: Sousuke's POV, a reunion, and a solution


	13. Sousuke - An Unfortunate Compromise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still not at 100% but I felt better enough to write another chapter, so yay for that!
> 
> Thank you all my lovely readers for the well wishes. They really helped my mood this week! You're all so wonderful. <3

The first thing Sousuke felt was a warm body snuggled against his side. For a moment, in his haze, he thought it was Rin. He reached up slowly, touching the soft hair that rested against his chest.

_My prince . . ._

He struggled to remember what had happened. He vaguely recalled a party, speaking to Rin, and then . . .

The knife.

His eyes snapped open.

Morning sunlight streamed through the window, hitting his face at an angle that made it difficult to see. Sousuke blinked, squinting around the room. He recognized the infirmary, rows of beds like the one he was currently lying on stretching across a long, narrow room. On his bedside table sat a vase full of colorful flowers, and beside that stood a familiar man.

“Master Ko,” he said, frowning slightly at how weak and hoarse his voice sounded.

The physician looked up, his dark eyes brightening as they met Sousuke’s.

“Ah! You’re finally awake! That’s good news indeed.”

“Finally . . .?” Sousuke raised a hand to his pounding forehead, grimacing. “How long was I asleep?”

“Four days, Captain.”

_Four days?_

That didn’t seem possible. It hadn’t felt that long. He could remember the party as though it’d just happened. He could still hear the jangle of the concubines' jewelry, smell the sweet scented oils that coated Rin’s body. Sousuke struggled to sit up, but winced, as pain flared across his chest and shoulder. Master Ko hurried forward, adjusting Sousuke’s pillows so that he was propped up against the wall.

“Careful, now. You’re still healing,” the man said kindly.

“Mm, Sou-chan?”

Sousuke started, having forgotten about the body resting against his. He blinked down at Nagisa, as the slave lifted his head off Sousuke’s chest, rubbing his eyes with a fist, yawning softly. When his eyes focused on Sousuke’s face, they widened, and a smile spread across his lips.

“Sou-chan! You wake up!”

He flung his arms around Sousuke’s neck in a tight hug, causing Sousuke bite his lip in order to stifle a cry of pain. He shut his eyes a moment, before he waved a concerned Master Ko away and hugged the boy in return.

“Nagisa,” Sousuke said fondly, if somewhat strained. “Have you been here the whole time?”

Nagisa pulled back, shaking his head. “Rin-san ask if I stay. He need sleep. He stay here three days and three nights; wait for you to wake up.”

Sousuke felt his heart stutter out of rhythm. “He stayed by my side practically the entire time?” he asked, clearing his throat and wondering if he was dreaming. But then, he supposed, if it were a dream, he would have awoken to Rin lying on his chest.

Nagisa nodded. “He much worried. I worry too.” He reached up to touch the edge of the bandage that still wound its way around Sousuke’s upper chest and shoulder. “I am sorry.”

Sousuke frowned slightly, catching Nagisa’s hand in his. He lifted it to his lips, kissing the fingertips lightly. “For what reason do you have to be sorry?” he asked gently. “This isn’t your doing.”

Nagisa’s gaze skittered to the side. “I know.”

Sousuke could tell something else was bothering the boy, but before he could ask, Nagisa slid off the bed, bowing quickly.

“I go get Rin-san now. He be much happy to see you wake up.”

He turned and ran off, leaving Sousuke to lean back against the cushions with a sigh. He looked to the physician, dreading the question he knew he must ask.

“How bad is it?”

Master Ko gave him a small smile. “Not as bad as it could have been, thank the gods. However, the knife did lacerate one of your lungs, and the patchwork will take time to heal. I’m afraid you won’t be able to continue your routine as you have been. You may need to be placed in a new position altogether.”

Sousuke swallowed hard, one fist clenching the blanket that covered him. The thought of having to abandon his duties as Rin’s bodyguard had his stomach twisting painfully. Surely there had to be some way to remain by his prince’s side.

“Can’t you recommend treatment? Stretches. Exercises. Anything to get stronger!”

Master Ko shook his head sadly. “I’m afraid it’s not about strength. One of your lungs is now slightly smaller than the other. You simply will not be able to retain as much air as before. Your stamina will weaken, and I’m not sure the king will feel confident allowing you to continue to protect his son when you could collapse under too much strain.”

“Send him to me then! I’ll prove that he can remain confident in my abilities!”

Sousuke’s arm trembled, as he gripped the blanket tighter. A spasm of pain shot across his chest, and he gasped, quickly releasing his hold.

“Captain, please, you need to relax . . .” The man stepped closer, reaching for the cushions behind him.

Sousuke reached out and grabbed a fistful of Master Ko’s kaftan, jerking him close with a growl. “Go to the king and tell him to come to me,” he said, speaking through gritted teeth. “I am still the captain of the Kingsguard, am I not? You _will_ do as I say!”

The physician quivered in his grasp, and when Sousuke released him, he bowed quickly, hastening to back away toward the door.

“Yes, sir. Of course, sir,” he said.

Sousuke closed his eyes, pressing his head back against the wall behind him. Slowly, he did his best to ease the tension from his body. The amount of effort it took had him panting within minutes, sweat beading his forehead.

“Sousuke.”

The voice spoke softly, barely audible. But Sousuke recognized it immediately. He opened his eyes, looking into the wet ones of Rin.

“My prince.”

A smile curled his lips before he could hide it. He watched with growing curiosity, as Rin’s eyes watered further, the tears starting to slip down his cheeks. Behind him stood Aiichiro, looking relieved. He didn’t stop Rin from collapsing beside the bed, from grabbing Sousuke’s hand and pressing it to his forehead, his shoulders shaking.

Stunned, Sousuke could only watch with a tightening chest. What was this? He’d never seen his prince act in this fashion. It was equal parts endearing and alarming. Had something else happened while he was asleep? Had the princess fallen ill? Had they lost the war?

“Idiot. _Idiot_.” Rin’s voice came broken, thick with tears.

“My prince?”

Rin lifted his head, glaring up at Sousuke through red-rimmed eyes. “You _idiot_! Why did you jump before the knife? You had to have known it could’ve killed you! Why would you do something so reckless? So-so _stupid_?!”

Sousuke stared, eyes widening. “My prince, it is my duty as kingsguard—”

“To hell with your duty!” Rin stood abruptly, eyes blazing. “Did you even stop to consider would happen to me if I lost you? You, the most important person in my life. Did you not think of how it would destroy me?!”

Sousuke couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Certainly his prince was delusional. He glanced over at Aiichiro. “Nitori, has our prince been getting enough rest? He’s quite agitated—”

A punch across the face nearly knocked him off the bed. He teetered a moment, before quickly shifting upright, his wound burning, face aching. He rubbed his jaw where the majority of Rin’s blow had landed. Turning his gaze back to Rin, he blinked in disbelief at his fuming prince.

“You struck me.”

“You’re not listening to me!”

“When have I ever given you leave to strike me?”

Aiichiro tittered anxiously, glancing between the two men. “Should I allow you to continue this conversation privately?” he asked in a small voice.

“Yes!” Both Sousuke and Rin turned to frown at the young guard, who gulped and quickly left the room.

Once they were alone, Sousuke relaxed, but only by a small margin. His breath was coming more labored than he was used to, and he frowned, rubbing at the bandage that covered the wound. Looking up, he noticed Rin’s eyes watching the movement, the anger slowly dissipating from his features, replaced with worry.

_Was he truly this upset over my situation?_

It seemed hardly likely that his selfish prince would have so much concern for someone other than himself, yet Sousuke could tell the emotions on Rin’s countenance were raw and genuine. Slowly, he lowered his hand from his chest.

“My prince,” he began gently. “For the past eight years I have done everything in my power to keep you safe. I have fought off multiple assassins, guarded your side day and night. And when I had to be away, I assigned my most loyal and trustworthy men to take my place.” He pushed away the blanket from his chest, revealing it bare to his hips.

“Do you see these scars?” he asked quietly, gesturing to one on his side, then another on his abdomen near his navel, another across his ribs. Rin’s gaze followed them one by one, his expression tightening. “I received these while protecting you. And I do not regret a single one.”

Rin swallowed hard, shaking his head. “None of those were as severe as the one you have now,” he said quietly.

“That is true,” Sousuke admitted. “But I don’t regret this one either. I would jump before a thousand knives in order to keep you safe.”

“Because it is your honor to serve?” Rin asked, and Sousuke noticed the bitterness in his tone.

Reaching out, Sousuke picked up Rin’s hand, bringing it to his lips. He kissed the back of each knuckle lightly, and when he lifted to look once more into his prince’s face, he thought saw some color rising high on his cheeks. The resentment had fallen from his expression, and he stared back at Sousuke with wide eyes.

“Yes,” Sousuke answered simply. “The highest honor.”

Rin shifted on his feet, his other hand flexing absently. He turned his face away, scowling toward the window. “It shouldn’t have been you,” he muttered. “It should’ve been the other one. The nervous one with the eyeglasses. He did nothing to protect me. He failed his duties.” He looked back at Sousuke, a dark flash in his eyes. “I want him punished.”

Sousuke thought of Rei, wondering suddenly what had happened to the other guard during the chaos. He hadn’t seen him on the dais after the knife had been thrown. Then again, Sousuke’s vision had been filled with Rin at that time.

“Of course, my prince,” he said finally, realizing that if Rei had neglected to take action, he would need to discipline the guard. The thought did not please him.

“I want him sent to the frontlines. See how well he does defending against attacks _there_.” The petulant tone was back in Rin’s voice, and Sousuke frowned, releasing his prince’s hand.

“My prince, the frontlines are barely holding,” he cautioned. “You’d most likely be sending him to his death.”

“I don’t care. It’s what he deserves for allowing this to happen.”

Sousuke sighed, his chest aching once more, though this time the pain stemmed from his wound. He rubbed at it again, grimacing. He hadn’t had enough rest to deal with this type of nonsense. There had to be a perfectly reasonable explanation as to why Rei hadn’t leapt to his prince’s aid. Perhaps he’d charged the man who’d thrown it. Speaking of which . . .

“Could you please ask Nitori to return? I need to speak to him about what happened that night.” It took all his willpower to keep his voice civil and not grumble irritably the way he wished.

Rin blinked, the sullen expression fading from his face. “I . . . of course.” He walked toward the door, as though in a daze, and Sousuke realized that he’d just asked his prince to fetch a guard as though he was a servant.

Pinching the bridge of his nose between two fingers, Sousuke willed the growing headache to pass. He closed his eyes, not opening them again until he heard Aiichiro’s trembling,

“Y-yes, sir?”

Sousuke opened his eyes, glancing briefly between Rin and Aiichiro, before settling his gaze on the guard. “What did you do with the man who attacked our prince?”

“I . . . he’s in the dungeon awaiting sentencing, sir,” Aiichiro reported, snapping to attention. “Our prince requested he be put to death immediately, but His Majesty the King thought it prudent to hear his complaints first.”

Sousuke glanced toward Rin. “Do you not feel it wise to discover the reason _why_ your people want your death? Perhaps if you speak to the man yourself, you can come up with a solution to his concerns that doesn’t require violence.”

Rin frowned. “Why should I show mercy to a man who tried to kill me?” he asked.

Sousuke fought another sigh. “What kind of king would you rather be, my prince? One who strikes hard against everyone who disagrees with him? Or one who is patient and listens to the worries of his people and attempts to work with them to ensure peace? Surely the first would be a great and terrible king; many would fear him. But would any love him?”

Rin stiffened, his eyes widening. “Love . . .”

“Think it over,” Sousuke said, rubbing his aching chest once more. “For now, I believe I should rest. If you will excuse me, my prince.”

He struggled to lie down, Aiichiro jumping to assist. Rin blinked down at him, lips parted. Sousuke turned away from the sight of those lips, closing his eyes.

“Come, my prince,” Aiichiro said softly. “We should let him sleep. He’s still recovering.”

“Of course,” came Rin’s quiet murmur.

Sousuke listened to the sound of their retreating footsteps, the closing door, the lengthening silence. Shifting one arm over his eyes, Sousuke attempted sleep.

 

***

 

_He lay on his back in a field of desert sunflowers. Beside him sat Rin, chewing on the stem of a flower, staring off at the horizon. One arm was propped across a raised knee, the other twisted anxiously through the grass, tearing up pieces to let fly in the wind. The sun shimmered off his hair, and the long strands that blew across his face blazed like threads made of fire._

_"The air is peaceful here,” Sousuke commented, staring unabashedly._

_"Peaceful. Isn't that another word for boring?” Rin flashed him a grin full of sharp teeth, snapping the stem in his mouth in half._

_Sousuke chuckled softly. “Boring? After the training we just had? I’m surprised you have any energy left.”_

_Rin laughed. “You’re growing soft in your old age, Sousuke.”_

_Sousuke sat up, reaching over to knock Rin to the side. “Who are you calling old? Four years is not as long as you seem to think it is.”_

_“No, but a lot can happen in four years,” Rin pointed out, sitting up and brushing torn bits of grass from his bare chest. “It changed the way you saw me.”_

_Sousuke froze, his eyes widening. “What did you just say?”_

_Rin tilted his head, his shark grin widening. “You think I didn’t notice? The day I turned sixteen, you began acting different around me. You reached for my hand more often. You found more excuses to remain by my bedside.”_

_Sousuke felt heat rise to his chest. “You were being troublesome with your slaves. I had to keep an extra eye on you.”_

_Rin chuckled, shaking his head. He drew closer to Sousuke; leaning across him until they were face-to-face, inches away. Sousuke lay trapped beneath his prince, his naked chest lightly brushing against Rin’s with each inhale. He was so close. Sousuke could smell the sharp scent of the oils that caused his tan skin to gleam over taut muscle._

_“You started watching me as I took my slaves,” Rin said in a low voice, his breath caressing Sousuke’s lips, soft as a kiss. “Your eyes followed my every movement, and you_ ached _for me.”_

_“Th-that’s absurd,” Sousuke protested, though even he could tell he sounded weak. He cleared his throat, propping himself up on his elbows, forcing Rin to retreat slightly. “I am a member of the kingsguard. It is my duty to watch over and protect the king and his family. That is all. It would be inappropriate to desire anything more.”_

_Rin licked his bottom lip slowly, tantalizingly. Sousuke found himself transfixed by the movement, and his stomach dropped._

_“Is that so?”_

_“Y-yes, my prince.”_

_“Then what is this?”_

_Rin’s hand dipped below the waistband of his pantaloons, grabbing his erect member without grace. Sousuke gasped, then felt a growl rise up in his throat. He reached down, snatching Rin’s hand away by the wrist. He flipped them, pinning his prince below him in the grass of the field. Without stopping to think, he bent, kissing Rin hard, half to keep him quiet, and half to alleviate the incredible_ need _he felt. But it only grew, burning through him like the sun god on his way across the sky._

“Captain Yamazaki.”

_Sousuke paused. Leaning back, he looked down into Rin’s face. It began to waver, diminish into the backdrop of desert sunflowers. He reached for his prince, fingers brushing against the cold wisp of Rin’s cheek, before it, and the rest of the scene, faded into darkness._

“Captain Yamazaki. You requested my presence?”

Sousuke slowly removed his arm from his face, blinking against the blinding light of noonday. Frowning slightly, he propped himself up on his good arm. His eyes finally focused on the man looking at him with a mixture of amusement and exasperation. Sousuke’s eyes widened.

The king! He quickly looked down, making sure what he’d felt in his dream hadn’t manifested in physical ways. Thankfully, his scan revealed nothing humiliating, and he stopped the blood from rushing to his face.

“Mi’lord! My apologies for my current state! I’m afraid I cannot bow,” he said quickly, snapping to attention. A shock of pain jolted his chest, and he grimaced. Master Ko hastened forward, adjusting his cushions once more to help sit him against the wall.

“There is no need to apologize,” King Matsuoka said graciously, waving his hand. “I am told that you suffered a grievous injury that may impede your abilities to fully protect my son. Is this true?”

For a moment Sousuke frowned in confusion, wondering how he’d known. Then he remembered his order to Master Ko to fetch the king, and he swallowed hard.

“Mi’lord, I humbly request that I not be removed from my position as personal bodyguard to the prince,” Sousuke said, doing his best to keep his emotions out of his voice. “If you see fit to replace me as captain as the Kingsguard, I will not object. But please, sir, do not keep me from my prince’s side.”

_Damn. That came out a bit too earnest._

But if the king suspected anything, he did not show it, only regarded Sousuke with an almost fond expression.

“I’ll admit, I do think you are the best thing to have happened to my son,” he said slowly. “It would be a shame to have to place you elsewhere and watch him deteriorate. I’m merely concerned for your health. Do you truly believe you will still be able to be effective in your role as personal bodyguard?”

Sousuke nodded firmly. “I do, mi’lord. I would do anything to protect him.”

“I sincerely trust that,” King Matsuoka said solemnly. “However, this whole situation does put me in somewhat of a bind.”

“Mi’lord?” Trepidation twisted Sousuke’s stomach, and he clutched the blanket at his waist.

“I have yet to receive a reply to my marriage proposal,” the king said. “I fear the convoy may have never reached its destination. I was going to request that you go personally to deliver the letter, confident that you would go and return without trouble. But now that you are in this state, I’m forced to reconsider my options.”

Sousuke couldn’t help the relief that flooded through him. Perhaps one good thing had come of this injury.

“Would you recommend Aiichiro Nitori for the task?”

Immediately, Sousuke grimaced. He shook his head. “With all due respect, sir, Nitori is a fine, trustworthy man and an adequate guard, but he is young and inexperienced in combat. I do not think he’d fair well against an attack from the Nekorans.”

“I see.” King Matsuoka frowned thoughtfully, stroking his chin.

A sudden thought came to Sousuke. It was risky, to be sure, and he knew it would be unpopular with a certain young slave, but this marriage proposal was vital to the prospect of peace. He couldn’t allow it to fail. Not at the possible expense of Rin’s life. And it would serve one other purpose as well.

“Mi’lord, I do know of one man who could make the journey.”

The king raised an eyebrow. “Go on.”

Sousuke inhaled shakily. “There’s a man who was sent here from one of our forts on the border. He was wounded in battle, but had potential to become a member of the kingsguard. I’ve been training with him personally, sir, and his skills with a blade are quite impressive. He’s recovered well from his injury and even managed to disarm me in our last session.”

Now both King Matsuoka’s eyebrows climbed high on his forehead. “Did he? That’s not an easy feat.”

Sousuke shook his head. “No, sir. I believe he would be a good fit for this task. He is strong and diligent and determined. He would see it through to the end past any obstacle.”

“What is this man’s name?”

_Nagisa, please forgive me._

“Ryugazaki. Rei Ryugazaki.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up Next: Rei's POV, we finally hear about Makoto, and Rei receives his new orders


	14. Rei - Never Let Me Part from You

Rei understood why Nagisa would need space. His confession had been ill timed and poorly executed. He berated himself mentally the next night and then the next, as Nagisa continued to avoid him. At first it didn’t seem intentional. Rin’s devastation over Sousuke’s situation had left him not requiring Nagisa’s services, so Rei was not summoned to retrieve the slave.

He knew where Nagisa was, of course. He could have easily gone to the infirmary and spoken to the young man there. But he also knew how worried Nagisa was about Sousuke, and it didn’t seem like the right place or time to have that type of conversation. So he waited for Nagisa to come to him, like he said he would.

Only he never did.

Four days passed and when Rei heard Sousuke had awoken, he was relieved. Not only was his mentor all right, but also Nagisa now had no excuse not to see him. The fourth night, Rei waited eagerly in his room, seated on the edge of the bed. But morning came without Nagisa’s arrival, leaving Rei wondering worriedly if he’d actually ruined everything by saying what he had.

The fifth night, when Rin neither called for Nagisa, nor did the young man visit Rei’s room, Rei ventured down into the kitchens, wondering if he’d find Nagisa there. Instead, only the sight of Haruka cooking mackerel over the fire greeted him. Sighing, Rei moved into the room anyway, taking a heavy seat at the table.

“Would you tell me if Nagisa-kun hated me? Or at the very least was upset with me in some way?” he asked, wondering if he’d get any response out of the cook at all.

Haruka lifted his head, looking over at Rei with an unreadable expression.

“It’s not that I _meant_ to tell him in that exact moment! I knew it wasn’t the right time. I tried to stop myself, but it came out and now I’m afraid I’ve ruined our relationship,” Rei continued, when Haruka didn’t seem annoyed by his presence at least. “I know his experiences have made things . . . difficult for him. I suspected that he wouldn’t know how to give that type of love in return, which is why I determined never to tell him my true feelings, at least not until he’d decided on what his own were first.”

Haruka stood, lifting the mackerel off the fire and turning to place it on the table where a plate sat. He grabbed a second plate off the shelf beside the hearth, before turning back to the table to begin sectioning out portions of the fish.

“I can’t imagine everything he’s gone through,” Rei said after a moment of watching this. It felt strangely comforting to just let all his emotions out without feeling the need to be self-conscious about them. He wondered if this was how Nagisa felt when he talked to Haruka. “My own life has been relatively easy. My parents gave me love, and I had friends I knew cared about me. I never once considered the possibility that I might not be worthy of that love and care. But Nagisa-kun . . .”

Rei sighed, pressing his palm into his forehead. “Perhaps I’m placing too much pressure on him,” he mused quietly. “Would it be better to back away now? To pretend I never said the words? It’s true that he pursued me, but it’s likely he never intended for our relationship to grow past what it was. How was he to know that I would treat him differently than the prince? Maybe I should take this as a sign to simply resign . . .”

A clatter caused him to look up. Haruka stood in front of him, having shoved a plate of mackerel and vegetables onto the table before him. As Rei caught his gaze, he frowned, hands clenched at his sides.

“Don’t,” he said in a low voice. “Don’t give up on him. I can’t . . . I can’t make him happy. I don’t know how. I don’t . . .” He shook his head, inhaling shakily. He turned his face away then, his shoulders tense. “But he’s happy with you. He smiles when he talks about you. So please . . . please, whatever you do, don’t give up on him.”

The earnestness in Haruka’s voice stunned Rei; though he was already shocked to hear so many words come from the normally taciturn cook, and in flawless Makurian at that. Before Rei could reply, however, Haruka turned away, quickly gathering up the rest of the food onto a plate for himself, sitting down the table from Rei to eat.

Guilt began to eat at Rei’s stomach, turning his appetite sour, as he remembered his promise to Nagisa and Haruka. He’d received a letter from General Mikoshiba a few days previous, but had neglected to inform either of them of its contents. He’d been afraid of their reactions. That they would grow angry with him, though he supposed keeping it to himself hadn’t exactly been the best solution. He’d wanted to wait until he had good news to report, but it seemed wrong to hold back anything now.

“Haruka-san,” he began softly. “I’m afraid I haven’t been entirely honest with you.”

Haruka paused, setting down his fork but not turning to look at Rei just yet.

Rei sighed. “The truth is, the other day I finally heard back from General Mikoshiba concerning my letter requesting the whereabouts of Makoto.”

He heard Haruka’s sharp intake of breath, but other than that small response, the young man didn’t give any indication that the words had affected him. Still, Rei hastened to continue.

“He’s not dead! At least, not definitively. The fact of the matter is nobody knows if he’s alive or dead, because he and another soldier deserted the army a mere six months after they were placed on the frontlines. They haven’t been seen or heard from since.”

Haruka stared down at his plate, and Rei felt his anxiety starting to squeeze his chest. His hands fluttered, unsure of what to do. He adjusted his glasses, picked up his fork, set it down again.

“You have my sincerest apologies for not telling you immediately, but I feared you would grow angry and frankly, you’re rather frightening when you’re angry.” Rei couldn’t help but remember the sight of Haruka wielding that giant kitchen knife, ready and willing to end someone’s life without any regard for his own.

Haruka’s lips turned upward in a small smile, catching Rei off-guard.

“Are . . . Haruka-san?”

“He’s alive,” Haruka said, lifting his head finally. He turned to look at Rei, his smile brightening. It illuminated his face in a way Rei had never seen before. “He’s alive.”

Rei felt his heart stutter in his chest, as Haruka gave a small laugh, his vivid blue eyes sparkling.

_By the gods. He is beautiful._

Shaking his head to clear it, Rei swallowed hard, reaching across the table, though his fingers couldn’t reach Haruka’s arm. Instead they hung in the air, trembling slightly. “Now, Haruka-san, I don’t want you to fill yourself with false hope. We-we can’t know for sure that Makoto-san is still alive.”

“ _I_ know,” Haruka said abruptly, his grin diminishing to a tiny smile. “ _I_ know he is.”

Rei couldn’t think of anything else to say. He didn’t want to take that joy from Haruka’s face. He wanted it to remain there forever. So he simply drew his hand back, picked up his fork, and began to eat.

 

***

 

After he left the kitchens, Rei decided to try the harem in his search for Nagisa. The guards outside the entrance didn’t hesitate to allow him inside, recognizing him well by this time. Rei did his best to walk as silently as he could, knowing it was late and not wanting to disturb the other concubines.

He came to the end of the hall and gently pushed aside the gauzy curtain that shielded Nagisa’s room from the rest of the harem. Stepping inside, his eyes fell immediately toward the bed, where Nagisa lay curled on his side. His eyes were closed, and one hand clutched a drawing of him, Makoto, and Haruka. His blanket had slipped to the side, so Rei moved forward to carefully pull it back over the young man.

Nagisa shifted slightly at the new warmth, his eyes fluttering open. Rei grimaced inwardly.

“I didn’t mean to wake you,” he said softly.

“Rei-chan.”

The soft murmur of his name falling from those perfect lips caused Rei’s blood to warm, moving swiftly to his neck and face. He adjusted his glasses, swallowing hard, as he looked down at the young man who’d shifted onto his back and was now blinking up at him.

“You are dream?” Nagisa asked quietly.

“No, I’m not a dream,” Rei said, his voice hoarse. He realized then that it probably would’ve been a better idea to agree with Nagisa. Perhaps then he wouldn’t be frowning now.

“Why are you here?”

“I . . . you never came to see me,” Rei said, hating how petulant he sounded. He sat on the edge of the bed. “And I . . . I have news of Makoto-san.”

“Mako-chan?” Nagisa sat up, rubbing his eyes. When he lowered his hand, his gaze was sharp, staring at Rei with an intensity that made the guard nervous. “He is alive?”

“Haruka-san seems to think so,” Rei nodded. “The truth is, he deserted the army soon after he was placed there. If he truly still lives, my best guess would be to say that he’s been hiding out in Nekor, waiting for the perfect opportunity to return to you and Haruka-san.”

“Mako-chan has much patience,” Nagisa said, grinning slowly. “Thank you, Rei-chan. You make me much happy with this news!” He reached over to wrap his arms around Rei’s neck, squeezing him gently.

Rei couldn’t help but melt into the embrace. He placed his own arms around Nagisa’s back, pulling him close. He was unable to resist burrowing his nose into the crook of Nagisa’s neck, inhaling the flowery scent of perfume, feeling the warmth of his body against his.

“I’ve missed you,” he couldn’t help but say with a wistfulness pulled deep from his aching chest.

Nagisa pressed closer for a moment, before he pulled away.

“You not here for Rin-san, yes?” he asked hopefully.

“No, the prince did not send me,” Rei assured him, reaching out to caress the side of Nagisa’s face, stroking his thumb across the round cheek. The edge of the lotus bracelet he still wore brushed against Nagisa’s skin, causing him to twitch slightly. “Ah, forgive me.” Rei pulled his hand back, twisting the band around his wrist once.

“You like my gift?” Nagisa asked, and there was a strange note to his tone, one Rei couldn’t quite recognize.

“I love it,” Rei said, smiling. “Thank you.”

Nagisa grinned, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Rei-chan must be tired, yes? You go back to your room. Rest. We see each other tomorrow.”

Rei frowned faintly. “Why can’t I stay here with you? No one but the harem guards would know.”

Nagisa shook his head. “Too much risk.”

“Then why don’t you come with me? We could go to my room. The guards will simply think I’m taking you to the prince.”

But Nagisa was shaking his head again, and Rei felt something akin to desperation rise in him. He grabbed Nagisa’s shoulders, giving them a firm squeeze.

“Nagisa-kun! Please! I know you are afraid, and I know I shouldn’t have told you that I loved you, not in that way at least . . . but I’m not asking you to love me in return. I don’t want to put that pressure on you. I am content to simply have you in my life.” Rei’s heart was pounding quickly in his chest, and he struggled to keep his breaths even, as panic began to set in.

Nagisa stared at him, eyes widening.

“I don’t know what will happen to us, and I know it’s unwise to pursue anything of a romantic nature while we’re still in our current positions, but I don’t want you to push me away because you do not think yourself worthy of my love. You _are_ worthy. You’re worthy of happiness, of pleasure, of desire. I want to give those things to you, Nagisa-kun. Even if you feel you can never return my feelings.” Rei bit his lip and then sighed, allowing his hands to fall from Nagisa’s shoulders. “But if you do not wish for me to love you at all, then . . . I-I will do my best to stop.” It was difficult to say, but Rei knew he had to. He had to make sure Nagisa knew he had that opening. That choice.

“No,” Nagisa said in a small voice, eyes shimmering with tears. He blinked and a few escaped down his cheeks. He shook his head. “I not want you to stop.”

Rei felt a wave of relief, and he smiled. Lifting a hand to cradle the side of Nagisa’s head, he leaned forward to press his lips softly against the tears that fell, kissing them away.

“R-Rei-chan . . .” Nagisa’s hands were on his chest, pushing him back.

Frowning faintly, Rei retreated, wondering what was wrong. Hadn’t Nagisa just admitted to wanting Rei to love him? Why was he rejecting his caress if this were the case?

“I not want you to stop,” Nagisa continued quietly, gaze lowering to the bed beneath them. “But you not come see me, and I not come see you. Rin-san much angry with you. He hate you. If he find out that you love me, he will do something bad. He will have you hurt. Have you killed. I not want this.” He shook his head quickly. “That is why we must stop. You only escort me to Rin-san. Not see me in my room. Not take me to see lotus flowers. Not take me to Haru-chan. Not . . . not give me pleasure.”

Rei felt as though a spear had gone through his heart, tearing it from his body. He had to keep himself from physically reaching toward his chest. His blood felt cold now, as it drained from his face.

“N-Nagisa-kun?”

“I am sorry,” Nagisa said, bringing his legs up to his chest. He wrapped his arms around them, as though attempting to make himself as small as possible.

“Is this what you truly want?” Rei asked, his voice breaking. He remembered Haruka’s words, begging him not to give up on Nagisa. But how was he to continue holding onto Nagisa, if the young man refused to let him?

“I not want this,” Nagisa said then, his own voice thick with the tears that continued to slip down his cheeks. “But it is best.”

“Best for whom?” Rei asked desperately. “I thought I made you happy, Nagisa-kun! You certainly make _me_ happy!”

“You _do_ make me happy, Rei-chan! But this is why I cannot have you! Because if I have you, then you die, and I cannot lose anyone else!” Nagisa lowered his legs, leaning forward to grip the bedding, as he looked up into Rei’s face finally. His face was pale, and the anguish in his expression was plain to see. It hurt Rei to meet his gaze, but he did stubbornly.

“This is based purely on speculation. You cannot know for sure that anyone will find out, let alone the prince.” But even as he said it, Rei felt his confidence waver, as he remembered Sousuke and Aiichiro’s words of warning. If both guards had already noticed the shift in his relationship with Nagisa, it was quite possible that the prince would be next.

“Gou-chan say she try to make things safe for us, but I not know what she can do,” Nagisa admitted softly. He sighed, flopping back against the cushions then. He stared up at the ceiling for a moment, before turning on his side, curling into a ball with his back to Rei. “Just go, Rei-chan. You not change anything.”

Rei stared helplessly down at Nagisa, a hollow feeling widening in his chest. He reached out, wanting to grab Nagisa’s arm and pull him back around, to look into his face and tell him that he would not give up, would never give up. But he wasn’t sure what good that would do. Nagisa seemed completely convinced that any relationship they pursued would end in Rei’s death, and he didn’t seem willing to risk that.

Unable to come up with a counter-argument, Rei finally stood. He picked up the drawing that had fallen to the floor. It was of Haruka and Nagisa when they were younger, along with a boy Rei didn’t recognize. The attention to detail was astounding. Rei could see the brightness of the unfamiliar boy’s eyes, the joy in his face as he laughed, one arm around each of his friends’ shoulders. 

_Makoto_.

It could only have been him.

Haruka had captured Nagisa’s cheerfulness perfectly. He faced forward with a wink, two fingers pressed against his lips as though he were about to blow a kiss. As for Haruka himself, the young artist had gone into the least amount of detail; however he looked into Makoto’s face with such affection, Rei couldn’t help but wonder if Makoto had known back then how deeply Haruka felt for him.

And how had it been for them both when they’d been separated? Rei couldn’t imagine the pain.

As he turned his gaze to the back of Nagisa’s head, he tried to imagine how it would feel if he were forced to part from him. The immediate sharp sting in his chest made Rei realize that he would possibly not survive it.

Kneeling on the bed, he reached over to lay the drawing beside Nagisa’s hand.

“I will leave,” he told the young man quietly. “But this isn’t the end for us. I won’t allow it to be.” He kissed the side of Nagisa’s head lightly, and then stood once more without waiting for an answer.

He turned toward the door, walking through it reluctantly.

 

***

 

The next morning, Rei awoke to a loud banging on his door. Frowning in confusion, he stood unsteadily, pulling on his kaftan and eyeglasses before moving to open the door. A guard he’d never seen before stood at attention, a sealed scroll in his hand.

“Sir! My apologies for waking you! Are you Rei Ryugazaki, harem guard in the household of the royal Matsuoka Family?”

Rei blinked, not sure who else he would be. But he nodded, not awake enough yet to come up with a sarcastic reply.

“You have new orders from the king,” the guard said, holding out the scroll. He bowed then. “Good day, sir!”

He marched away without another word, leaving Rei feeling rather perplexed and annoyed in his wake. Shaking his head, Rei shut the door, staring at the scroll in his hand.

_New orders? Am I to become a member of the kingsguard after all?_

Still confused, Rei broke the seal, unraveling the scroll. A second, smaller scroll fell to the floor, but Rei barely noticed, as he began to read.

_For Rei Ryugazaki’s eyes only_

_Rei Ryugazaki, you have been tasked with the duty to deliver the enclosed marriage proposal to the royal family of Nekor. You will leave in three days time with a company of five other guards, handpicked by Sousuke Yamazaki, Captain of the Kingsguard and Personal Bodyguard to Prince Rin. You are not to return without an official reply from King Asano of Nekor. This mission is to be kept secret, and you are granted permission to use any means necessary to ensure the proposal reaches the king._

_This mission has been sanctioned by King Matsuoka, third of his name, Ruler of Makuria, Lord of the Seven Colonies, the Great Uniter. Long Live the King!_

Rei fell heavily back against the wood of the door, sliding down to the floor. He sat in stunned silence, reading the letter again and again until the words began to blur. He realized only then that his eyes had filled with tears. He blinked, allowing them to fall. Slowly, his hand fell to the side, the letter slipping from his grasp. He watched it hit the floor, not truly feeling anything aside from a deep and growing emptiness in his chest.

“No,” he whispered, grimacing then. He took off his glasses, setting them in his hair in order to press his palms into his eyes.

This couldn’t be happening.

Not now.

_Please, let this be a dream. Let this be a dream._

But when he lifted his head and opened his eyes, the letter and scroll still lay beside him, and the emptiness broke into a dozen sharp pieces, sending shards into his heart. He could do nothing but bury his face in his hands once more and weep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm starting to regret writing this thing . . .
> 
> Up Next: Nagisa's POV, his reaction to the news, and a meaningful goodbye


	15. Nagisa - White Lotus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just going to hand you all tissues beforehand. [passes around box of tissues]

Rin finally summoned Nagisa to his room on the sixth night after the attack. Rei made no attempt to talk to him, as he escorted the slave from the harem to the prince’s chambers. Nagisa attempted half-heartedly to make him laugh with a story featuring the Sousuke-senpai frog, but he gave up halfway through, not even sure what he’d planned for the ending.

“Nagisa-kun,” Rei said softly, as they lingered briefly outside the doors.

Nagisa looked up at him, biting his lip. The tender look in Rei’s eyes caused his heart to twist painfully in his chest, and he didn’t move away, as Rei brushed the back of his fingers across his cheek. Instead, Nagisa found himself leaning into his hand, unable to help it when day and night he longed for Rei’s touch. Before he could stop himself, he was leaning up on his toes. But Rei had no objections. He met him in the middle, kissing him gently. The ache in Nagisa’s chest grew, and he reached up to curl his fingers into Rei’s vest, tugging him closer. The kiss was as loving as it was desperate, and Nagisa’s eyes burned.

Much too soon, Rei leaned back.

“I’ll be waiting out here,” he said quietly.

Nagisa could only nod, turning to the door then and gathering his composure before knocking. Aiichiro opened the door slowly, seeming partly relieved to see Nagisa standing there.

“Oh good, it’s just you,” he said with a shaky smile. “Come in.”

He opened the door wider, allowing Nagisa to slip through.

“You look for someone else?” Nagisa asked with a grin.

Aiichiro flushed faintly. “I just . . . I’ll be relieved when Sousuke can take his place as bodyguard once more. Being both a kingsguard _and_ a bodyguard is stressful. I don’t know how he does it.” He shook his head.

Nagisa patted Aiichiro’s arm. “No worry, Ai-kun. You much good at protecting.”

Aiichiro smiled gratefully. “Thank you, Nagisa.”

“So you remember to watch much close tonight,” Nagisa teased, winking and sticking out his tongue.

Aiichiro’s eyes widened, and he stepped back, body stiffening. “Wh-what?”

“Nagisa, are you teasing poor Nitori?” Rin asked, as he stepped out from behind the translucent curtain that separated the sleeping area of the prince’s chambers from the bathing area. His hair was damp, resting on his shoulders, as drops of water slid down his bare chest. He wore only a simple, white skirt, and two other slaves came out from behind him, bowing deeply, before exiting the chambers.

Aiichiro and Nagisa moved to the side to allow them to leave, and Nagisa pasted on his best smile, skipping over to the prince.

“I am angel always,” he said brightly, picking up Rin’s hand and kissing the back of it, trailing his lips up the prince’s arm then. He felt Rin’s other hand move through his hair, gripping it gently. Nagisa felt a slight pressure, so he dutifully moved to his knees.

Before he could pull away the skirt, however, Rin’s voice stopped him.

“Wait.”

Surprised, Nagisa froze. He tilted his head back, looking up at the prince, not recognizing the expression on Rin’s face. His lips were pursed, eyebrows slightly furrowed. He stepped away, beckoning for Nagisa to follow him toward the bed.

“I want to ask you something,” he said, moving to recline against the cushions.

Nagisa sat down gingerly beside him, crossing his legs. He gripped his shins tightly, heart suddenly hammering against his ribs.

_Did he find out about me and Rei-chan?_

That was the question that burned across his mind, and it took effort to keep his face open and calm.

“When you watched over Sousuke, did he . . . did he say anything as he slept?” Rin asked hesitantly, and the vulnerability in his voice and features shocked Nagisa.

“Um, I not understand,” Nagisa said, rocking back and forth slightly. What was going on?

Rin frowned. “It’s a simple enough question. Did you hear him speak at all while he slept? Did any words come out of his mouth? Any . . . any names?”

Nagisa blinked. “Names?”

“Damn you, Nagisa!” Rin snapped, sitting up abruptly. He reached over to grab Nagisa’s arm, gripping it tightly. “Answer the question! Did he say my name?!”

Nagisa winced, as he felt Rin’s nails dig into his skin. He swallowed hard, unsure of what to say. He couldn’t remember Sousuke saying anything, but then again Nagisa had been asleep most of the time as well. He _could_ have said Rin’s name and Nagisa had simply missed it. But did he tell Rin no, he hadn’t heard anything and risk Rin’s anger and disappointment? Or did he tell the prince, “yes, Sousuke did speak your name,” which was possibly a lie and could get him in trouble if the truth was discovered with him in the wrong?

Nagisa decided to go with the third option.

“I-I am sorry, mi’lord. I-I not know.”

Rin sighed, pulling his hand away. He rubbed at his forehead, flopping back down against the mattress. “I see. I suppose it was too much to hope for in the first place.” He pressed his arm across his face, obscuring it from Nagisa’s view.

At a loss as to what to do, Nagisa paused, chewing on his lip. Did Rin want him to pleasure him now? Or had he summoned him simply to ask him that question? Nagisa glanced toward Aiichiro, but the pale guard stared back blankly.

“Mi’lord?” Nagisa tried, leaning forward slightly. He reached out tentatively, resting his hand on Rin’s chest, slowly shifting it down towards his navel. “You wish me to pleasure you?”

“I don’t know what I wish. Will it stop this ache in my chest?”

Surprised by the answer, Nagisa took a moment to respond. “I not know,” he admitted finally. He knew from experience that it hadn’t for him. Despite Rei’s affectionate ministrations, he’d only felt worse afterwards, though he knew that mostly had to do with his helpless situation. 

“It wouldn’t hurt to try, I suppose,” Rin said finally with a deep sigh. “You may continue.”

His face was still hidden from Nagisa, so he couldn’t tell if his touch was improving Rin’s mood or not, as he slid his hand further down, slipping it underneath the waistband of the skirt. He took hold of Rin’s member, sliding his hand up and down slowly to see if it would harden. It began to after a few strokes, so he uncrossed his legs, shifting to lie down beside the prince.

The skirt easily slid down over Rin’s hips, and Nagisa brought the half-hard length to his lips, kissing the tip gently. He glanced up at Rin’s face, but the prince’s arm continued to conceal his expression. Keeping his eyes on Rin, Nagisa ran his tongue over the tip, sliding it around the head, before lowering it down one side of the shaft and then up the other. It stiffened further, and Nagisa brought it into his mouth, sucking in a firm, pulsating rhythm.

It was only then that he got a full response. Rin inhaled sharply, hips lifting off the bed. Nagisa laid his hand against one side, steadying the prince, as he continued to suck. He expected Rin’s hand to fly into his hair at any moment, twisting and gripping hard. But instead it curled into the silk blankets beneath them, knuckles whitening.

“S-Sou—” Rin cut off abruptly, and when Nagisa glanced up once more, he saw the prince’s teeth catch on his bottom lip, tugging.

_Is he imagining I’m Sou-chan? Does he want him to pleasure him in this way?_

Confused, Nagisa tried to concentrate on his work and not the strangeness of the situation. Rin trembled, but his hips remained still, slightly raised but not thrusting upward the way he usually did. Nagisa normally never had to bob his head, because Rin always got lost in the pleasure and took control of things to increase the friction.

But tonight . . . It almost reminded Nagisa of the first night he pleasured Rei. Disturbed by this thought, Nagisa quickened his rhythm. He sucked harder, pulling back to focus on the head, and Rin’s breathing grew more labored, a moan escaping through his bite.

Nagisa tasted a bitter sweetness against his tongue, and he gripped Rin’s hip firmer, as the prince began to lift higher, arching against the bed. His fingers jerked up on the blankets, and his moans grew louder.

“S-Sou—” Rin gasped, breaking off again, as his head tossed back and forth.

That convinced Nagisa. The prince was most definitely imagining Nagisa as Sousuke.

Did Rin love his bodyguard? Or at least have feelings similar to that emotion? It baffled Nagisa, especially since he didn’t understand why Rin wouldn’t simply demand for Sousuke to be with him in this way. It seemed within his rights to. He never hesitated in demanding anything else from his guard. The prince was spoiled and selfish. Surely there wasn’t a reason for him to need to imagine this scenario.

Rin’s body began to shake, and Nagisa hurried his pace, leaning back only slightly to avoid choking, as hot liquid shot into his mouth. Rin stiffened, pressing his head back against the cushions, his arm finally lifting from his flushed face, in order to grip the edge of one pillow above his head tightly.

“ _Sousuke!_ ” The cry was sharp and raw and a moan immediately followed it, as the climax lasted longer than it usually did.

Nagisa swallowed everything he could, but the liquid was still escaping, even as he began to pull away. He wiped the mess from his chin with the edge of his vest, blinking, as he sat up. Rin relaxed slowly against the bed, his skin quivering, as his chest rose and fell quickly. His eyes were tightly closed, and Nagisa wasn’t sure if he should ask the question that nagged at his mind.

Instead, he settled for a safer one. “You feel better, mi’lord?”

“I . . .” Rin trailed off, still panting for breath. He pulled a pillow over his face then, and groaned.

Nagisa wondered if that was a good sign or not.

“Damn. Damn it all to hell,” Rin said, his voice muffled.

“If mi’lord want Sou-ch . . . Sousuke-senpai to do this, why you not tell him to?” Nagisa blurted, unable to keep the question silent any longer.

A derisive laugh came from beneath the pillow. “You’d think it’d be that easy, wouldn’t you?”

Nagisa blinked. Everything was that easy to the prince. Why should this be any different?

Rin sat up, moving the pillow aside. He ran his hand through his hair, ruffling the strands absently, as he looked at Nagisa, who stared blankly back at him. Then he sighed and turned away to lie down once more.

“You may leave. I don’t think I want any more tonight.”

Completely bewildered, Nagisa moved off the bed. He bowed, before he walked past a red-faced Aiichiro to the doors. He didn’t stop to tease the guard, simply opened the door closest to him and stepped outside.

Rei sat against a pillar, eyes closed, arms crossed over his chest. Nagisa’s heart swelled at the sight of him, and he smiled immediately, unable to stop it from widening across his face. Hurrying over, he knelt and leaned forward, studying the guard’s features closely. He truly was beautiful. His skin a magnificent brown from the sun, eyelashes dark and long against his slender cheekbones. His indigo hair brushed against his forehead beneath the feathered turban.

Overwhelmed with affection, Nagisa pressed a soft kiss against Rei’s cheek. The guard stirred, opening brilliant purple eyes. They blinked once to focus, before shifting to Nagisa’s face. Almost unconsciously, it seemed, a smile tilted the edge of his lips.

“That seemed fast,” he commented, stretching his arms above his head.

“Rin-san is upset. I try to make him feel better, but I am not sure if it works,” Nagisa admitted. “He want Sou-chan, not me. I not understand. Why he not tell Sou-chan to pleasure him if it is what he wants?”

Rei blinked. “Perhaps it’s because he loves Captain Yamazaki and wants him to _want_ to do those things to him. With him.” He adjusted his glasses. “When you’re in a high position like the prince is, people are afraid of the consequences if they disobey. So if he orders someone to do something, he can never know if it’s something they truly wish to do. Unless they tell him, I suppose.” He stroked his chin thoughtfully.

“I not think Rin-san can love anyone,” Nagisa admitted, still finding it difficult to believe that what had just happened had been real.

“It’s true he doesn’t seem like the type. But I think anyone is capable of at least one kind of love,” Rei said, moving to stand then. “Come, I’ll take you back to your room.”

Nagisa stood reluctantly. He reached for Rei’s hand, but drew it back when he noticed Rei’s frown.

“You said we shouldn’t do things like that anymore,” he reminded him gently.

Nagisa’s stomach felt like stone. He bit his lip, clenching his hands into fists. “I remember,” he said quietly, hating himself for his words, though he knew he’d said them only in Rei’s best interest. He recalled the kiss in front of the prince’s chambers, grimacing inwardly as he realized how reckless that had been. If Aiichiro had opened the door instead of waiting for the knock, or if anyone had simply passed by, trouble would have followed.

“I . . . I do need to tell you something, though,” Rei said hesitantly, after a few minutes of silent walking. “Would you permit me to take you to my room for a brief moment?”

Nagisa glanced up at him, noticing a strange tightness to his tone. Uneasiness joined the rocks in his stomach, causing him to hesitate. He stopped, and after a couple steps Rei did as well, turning slightly to look over his shoulder at Nagisa.

“You have bad news?” Nagisa asked, his voice small. He recognized the anxiety as fear. It stuck to him, increasing the pressure inside him, until he struggled to inhale.

“Please come to my room,” Rei said, holding his hand out to Nagisa. His eyes seemed sad, and they begged Nagisa to stay calm. 

Shakily, Nagisa stepped forward, taking Rei’s hand, the feeling of dread only heightening, as Rei’s fingers gripped his tightly. Each step felt difficult, like his feet were sinking into quicksand. Rei practically had to drag him down to the east wing. But he never grew frustrated or exasperated, simply faced forward with a grim expression.

Once they reached Rei’s room, and the lantern had been lit, the door closed behind them, Nagisa ventured a question.

“Is Mako-chan dead after all?”

Rei started, his eyes widening. “No, not at all! At least, not as far as I know.” His fingers twitched, and he released Nagisa’s hand, moving to the windowsill. He picked up a scroll that had been lying there, turning to hand it to Nagisa.

“I received this last night,” he said quietly. “I felt it prudent to tell you in private.”

Nagisa frowned, taking the scroll. If Makoto wasn’t dead, then what news could possibly be so horrible?

He unrolled the parchment, eyes scanning over the steady scrawl. He hadn’t read Makurian since Makoto taught it to him, so he struggled to understand at first. However, once the meaning of the words hit him, he felt cold fingers reach into his chest, grab his heart and lungs and squeeze until he couldn’t breathe. One hand lifted to his mouth to press against the quivering bottom lip, as his eyes burned.

_No . . . why is this happening? I was careful! I pushed Rei-chan away so this wouldn’t happen! So why . . ._

He lifted his gaze to Rei, seeing tears shining in the older man’s eyes, as he looked back at Nagisa.

“Wh-what did I do wrong?” Nagisa asked, his voice breaking on the Nekoran words.

Rei’s eyes widened once more, though this time in horror. “Nagisa-kun! Don’t say that. This isn’t your fault!” He stepped forward quickly, enveloping Nagisa in his arms.

Nagisa pressed his face against Rei’s chest, the kaftan growing damp, as his own tears began to fall. “But it has to be,” he said thickly, slipping back into Makurian. “The gods punish me. I not pure. I think bad things about Rin-san. I sometimes dream I kill him, and it make me happy to dream this. M-my hands and mouth act bad things to Rin-san’s body. My body act bad things. I not obey guards. I steal from kitchens. I-I feel for Rei-chan things I not supposed to feel.” He shook his head, the tightness of his chest not alleviating with his tears.

Rei’s arms gripped him more firmly, and Nagisa felt the warmth of Rei’s cheek against the top of his head. He trembled, burrowing his face deeper into the material of Rei’s kaftan, feeling the rapid beat of the man’s heart.

“I not want to lose Rei-chan,” he cried softly. “I want to be with him always.”

“You’re not being punished, Nagisa-kun,” Rei said gently, though Nagisa could hear the tears in his voice. “You’re not a bad person. The things you do, you’ve been forced to do them. It’s not your fault. As for your dreams of killing the prince . . . nobody could ever fault you for them, not after the way he’s treated you.” He pulled back, cradling Nagisa’s face in his hands.

Nagisa looked up at Rei, swallowing hard, as the man brushed his thumbs against his wet cheeks.

“As for not obeying the guards and stealing from the kitchens . . . nobody’s perfect, Nagisa-kun. You have a mischievous streak, but that doesn’t make you a bad person.” Rei shook his head, his voice starting to quaver. “And your feelings for me . . . Nagisa-kun, you’re human. You’re allowed to feel however and whatever you want to feel. Nobody can take that from you, and they shouldn’t try.”

Nagisa wondered if that was true, if he was free to feel any way he wanted. It didn’t seem very loyal, but it was so difficult trying to keep himself from feeling things in fear of Rin discovering them.

He leaned forward, pressing his forehead against Rei’s chest. “My heart hurts,” he whispered.

“Mine does too,” Rei replied, running his hand over the back of Nagisa’s head gently. “But this parting . . . it won’t be forever. I’ll be back. I promise.” He picked up Nagisa’s wrist, turning it and gently sliding the metal cuff down to reveal the pale skin. He pressed his lips to where the light blue veins showed just beneath the surface, and Nagisa’s shivered.

“You travel to Nekor in war. This has much danger,” Nagisa said, lifting his head to look up at Rei.

“I will fight through the danger,” Rei said nonchalantly, kissing Nagisa’s wrist again.

“But . . . what if you are captured by sand pirates?” Nagisa asked hesitantly, knowing those were real. Gou told him.

“I will defeat any sand pirates who try to capture me,” Rei said with a small smile, moving his lips to kiss the inside of Nagisa’s forearm.

Nagisa swallowed hard, suppressing a shiver. “But what about sand dragons?”

“I will slay any sand dragons that try to keep me from you.” Rei’s mouth was at the inside of Nagisa’s elbow, and the tickle of his breath against the sensitive skin caused Nagisa to giggle through his tears.

“But—”

Rei lifted his head. His hand moved to take the side of Nagisa’s neck, holding it steady, as he pressed his forehead against Nagisa’s.

“I will overcome any obstacle in my path in order to return to you,” Rei said with such fervor, it caused shivers to run down Nagisa’s spine.

_I love you_.

Knowing he should say it, but still crippled by fear, Nagisa tilted his face, curling his fingers into the side of Rei’s kaftan in order to pull him closer. With one hand he reached up, pulling the turban from Rei’s head and dropping it to the floor. He lifted Rei’s eyeglasses next, gently sliding them from Rei’s face. These he made sure to toss on top of the turban.

He kissed the man then, deeply, with all the emotion he felt in that moment. His lips pressed hard against Rei’s, but the other didn’t complain, simply adjusted to accommodate, lips soft and pliable.

Nagisa felt an incredible aching _need_ spreading through him. It felt like fire, scorching through the inside of him from his head to his feet. He trembled at the force of it. Releasing his hold on Rei’s kaftan, he moved his hands to the vest he wore, pushing it off the man’s shoulders and down his arms. Rei slid out of it, letting it fall to the floor. Nagisa shed his own vest next, the jeweled tassels clattering, as it landed beside Rei’s.

He leaned away from the kiss just long enough to jerk Rei’s kaftan up and over his head. Rei’s arms wound back around him immediately, pulling him close so their bare chests met and merged, each heaving at its own ragged pace. Then Rei’s lips were on his once more, pressing and sliding with an urgency that left Nagisa gasping.

Rei stepped forward, and they stumbled toward the bed, falling against it. Nagisa pulled Rei’s bottom lip into his mouth, giving it a firm suck. He bit down gently, and Rei moaned, pressing his tongue against Nagisa’s teeth. Nagisa relinquished his grip, welcoming the warm, wetness of Rei’s tongue into his mouth. He couldn’t suppress his own moan then, especially since Rei chose that moment to grind his hips down against his.

Nagisa could feel the hardness of Rei’s excitement from behind his pantaloons, and his own body responded in kind. He lifted his hips to meet Rei’s, as he pressed down again. The two moaned in unison, and Nagisa’s fingers gripped Rei’s back, digging into the muscle. He felt the lump of the scar but paid it no mind. In fact, he felt somehow gratified that the man no longer seemed self-conscious over it.

Rei knelt on the bed, his hands moving to grasp Nagisa’s hips, pushing down against his waistband. Nagisa lifted his hips once more, allowing Rei to slide the pantaloons off and away to the floor. He paused then, breaking the kiss in order to lean back. He blinked somewhat dazedly, as he stared down at Nagisa. His eyes wandered the length of Nagisa’s naked form, and Nagisa found his cheeks growing warm despite the fact he was used to scrutiny of this nature.

It felt different coming from Rei.

“You’re so beautiful,” Rei breathed, his fingers trembling as they brushed across Nagisa’s stomach.

Nagisa trembled, biting his lip. “Rei-chan is beautiful too,” he said softly, unable to think of a different response that felt right.

Rei smiled, and he bent to place a light kiss on Nagisa’s forehead. Moving off the bed then, he turned to the wardrobe, crossing to it to draw out the bottle of oil they’d used before. He returned to the bed, shedding his pantaloons. Nagisa swallowed. Despite the familiarity of the situation, it seemed at the same time completely dissimilar.

He felt no fear, no disgust, no shame.

Only a deep, overwhelming sense of affection and _want_.

He wanted Rei.

Every nerve in his body quivered in anticipation of him.

“Is this all right?” Rei asked quietly, as he crawled once more on top of Nagisa, kneeling on his hands and knees above him.

Nagisa nodded quickly. “Yes, Rei-chan,” he breathed, his heart dancing erratically.

“I-I don’t want to hurt you,” Rei admitted, touching Nagisa’s cheek with trembling fingers.

Nagisa shook his head. “You not hurt me. I trust you. It is what I want.”

With a tiny, relieved smile, Rei lowered himself onto Nagisa, flushed skin meeting. Instantly, Nagisa arched into him. He pushed his fingers into Rei’s hair, bringing his lips down to kiss. He kissed him hungrily, pushing his hips against Rei’s in order to feel his hardened length against his own. Rei moaned, rocking down against him, sending bursts of charged heat coursing through Nagisa’s body each time their members brushed together.

“R-Rei-chan,” Nagisa moaned, unable to hold the kiss any longer. He panted, squeezing his eyes shut, as Rei’s lips moved across his cheek and down his neck. Each place his mouth touched blossomed with a new flame, and he continued down to Nagisa’s shoulder.

Then Nagisa felt Rei’s knee pressing against his thigh, pushing it further to the side. Soon after, a warm, slickly wet finger massaged his entrance slowly. Nagisa gasped, eyes flying open as his hands moved to Rei’s back, gripping it tightly.

“Rei-chan!”

“Am I doing this right?” came the muffled reply. Rei’s finger moved in gentle circles, until he finally pressed down, slipping past the resistance with a single smooth motion.

Instinctively, Nagisa tensed, clenching around the digit. “Y-You . . .” he tried to reassure Rei, but no coherent words were forming in his mind. It wasn’t as though he hadn’t felt fingers back there before, but it was always his own. Rei’s finger was long and slender and moved with more ease than Nagisa’s usually did, due to the awkward angle.

Rei slowly continued to move his finger in and out, adding a second once Nagisa gave a quick nod to Rei’s quiet inquiry. The pressure grew as Nagisa widened, and a whimper escaped his lips before he could stop it. Rei’s mouth began to move again, planting small kisses along Nagisa’s collarbone.

“M-More,” Nagisa mumbled, not sure if he truly needed it, but wanting to continue feeling Rei fill him.

Rei hesitated only briefly before pressing a third finger into him. Nagisa inhaled sharply, hips lifting off the bed. He trembled, fingers sliding against Rei’s back as they struggled to find a better grip. Rei’s mouth sucked at the hollow of his throat, and Nagisa wondered if his entire body was going to melt into the blankets. His blood was _boiling_.

Rei continued with a steady rhythm, but it wasn’t enough.

“Rei- _chan_ ,” he complained, arching further.

“I-I just want to make sure you’re ready,” Rei replied breathlessly, lips tickling the base of his neck.

“I am _ready_.”

Rei paused, withdrawing his fingers carefully after a moment. Nagisa cried out softly at the sudden lack of pressure. It didn’t take long, however, before Rei was adjusting, lifting off Nagisa to coat himself with the oil, before positioning over him.

Nagisa blinked, a glaring inconsistency pulling him out of his haze. “You-you not want me to turn?”

Whenever Rin took him like this, Nagisa’s face was always buried in the cushions, his body positioned like a dog’s.

Rei stared back at him uncomprehendingly, before he flushed. “I-I want to see your face. This . . . this seems more intimate, anyway.”

_Intimate . . ._

“Is-is this how lovers are?” Nagisa asked curiously, biting his lip.

Rei’s throat constricted, and he nodded briefly. “I . . . I believe so, yes.”

Nagisa grinned, feeling a different type of warmth radiating through him. It made his heart ache in a way that felt nice, almost. He wrapped his arms around Rei’s neck, playing gently with the ends of his hair.

“Then this is what I want,” he admitted quietly, and Rei’s eyes brightened in understanding.

_But will it be enough?_

Nagisa didn’t have time to dwell on the thought, for Rei closed the distance between them, kissing him longingly, as he positioned himself and then slowly pushed into Nagisa.

Again the instinct to tense took over, and Nagisa stiffened, grimacing in the kiss. But Rei continued gently, cautiously, and Nagisa found himself beginning to relax. Once he was fully inside Nagisa, Rei pulled from the kiss, setting his forehead against Nagisa’s.

“I love you,” he whispered, shifting back to thrust once.

Nagisa moaned, fingers twisting into Rei’s hair.

“I love you,” Rei murmured again, with another thrust.

Nagisa bit his lip, tugging on it, as he pressed his forehead back against Rei’s.

“I love you.” Rei’s movement increased then, faster and with more insistence.

Nagisa felt that blazing fire rise up once more. He’d never felt anything like it before. It was consuming him. It brought with it pain, but it was a type of pain Nagisa didn’t want to end. He cried out, as Rei’s hand wrapped around his length. Already beads of liquid dripped generously from the head, and Rei used this to coat the shaft, stroking quickly.

Nagisa couldn’t bear any more, and yet the building pressure didn’t cease. He could feel himself teetering on the edge, and he dug his heels into the bed, lifting his hips up against Rei’s.

“Rei-chan!”

All he could hear at first were pants and soft grunts, but then he recognized his name, sliding past Rei’s lips on those labored breaths, barely audible.

“N-Nagisa-kun . . .”

“R-Rei-chan, I-I . . .”

Nagisa broke off, unable to finish the thought. He stiffened, a sharp cry emitting from his very core. He squeezed his eyes shut, seeing stars explode against the blackness. Or maybe he felt them explode. He couldn’t tell. In that instance, perhaps he _was_ the star, and his body was being torn apart, scattering across the sky in jagged shards of blinding light and blazing flame.

Then he was back on earth, back on Rei’s bed, and his body was intact, though quivering uncontrollably. Rei slid from him, collapsing beside him. From the sweat that damped the hair against his face, to the dazed expression he wore, Nagisa could tell Rei had climaxed as well.

He was glad.

It took a moment, but Nagisa soon felt the sticky, warm liquid that covered his stomach and chest. When he glanced at Rei, he noticed he was coated as well, and he grimaced.

“I-I’m s-sorry, Rei-chan,” he gasped, reaching out to touch the substance lightly on the other man.

“D-Don’t . . . apologize,” Rei replied, shaking his head. He leaned forward to kiss Nagisa’s forehead gently, not seeming to mind the moisture there. He sat up then, moving to grab a cloth that lay over the back of a chair. He returned to the bed, gently wiping the liquid from both their torsos.

Once they were clean, Rei tossed the rag to the floor, wrapping his arm around Nagisa’s back to pull him close to his chest.

“I love you,” he breathed, fingers lightly stroking up and down Nagisa’s spine.

Gradually, Nagisa felt himself relax, and his body stopped trembling. He breathed a shaky sigh, nuzzling his face into Rei’s shoulder.

“How long you will be gone?” he couldn’t help but ask, voice hoarse. The thought of being apart from Rei for just one night seemed unbearable just then.

“It’s about a month’s journey to the palace of Nekor,” Rei answered after a pause. “So if all goes well, I’ll return within two month’s time.”

“Two months . . .”

It was too long, much too long. But compared to the ten long years Nagisa had spent away from his past home, would two months truly be that difficult to endure?

“You take jewelry I give you. Dream of me every night,” Nagisa instructed. He grabbed Rei’s left wrist that held the band of lotus flowers. He kissed it lightly, before looking up at Rei’s face expectantly.

“That is a promise I most assuredly can keep,” Rei said, with a fond smile.

Nagisa stifled a yawn, cursing inwardly. He didn’t want to sleep. Sleep meant the night would pass more quickly, bringing afterwards the dawn of day when Rei would leave.

“I should return you to the harem,” Rei said, disappointment lacing his tone.

“I not want to go.” Nagisa tightened his grip on Rei’s wrist, burying his face in the man’s chest once more.

“I know.”

Despite his protests, Rei dressed Nagisa, his hands gentle, each touch tender and loving. Tears burned Nagisa’s eyes, as he watched Rei dress himself. He made a half-hearted grab at Rei’s glasses once the man had them in his hand, which made Rei smile weakly. After slipping them on, Rei bent, scooping Nagisa into his arms. He carried him out the door and into the hall, the same way he had the night Nagisa had fallen ill.

Like that time, Nagisa wrapped his arms around Rei’s neck, pressing his face into the man’s shoulder. Unlike that time, however, Nagisa felt hatred toward their destination, and that despise only grew as they drew closer.

Uozumi blinked in surprise when he saw Rei approach with Nagisa in his arms.

“Is he all right?” he asked, his voice gruff.

Rei nodded. “Simply tired. Our prince wore the poor thing down, I’m afraid.”

“Ah.”

Apparently this needed no further explanation. Uozumi allowed them inside, and Rei’s feet seemed to slow as they drew closer to Nagisa’s room.

“Please, Rei-chan,” Nagisa begged softly, though he knew it’d be no use.

They both knew that if Nagisa were caught in Rei’s bed there would be severe consequences.

Rei carefully set Nagisa down on his mountain of blankets and cushions, brushing the backs of his fingers against Nagisa’s cheek.

“I will return,” he promised quietly. “I swear on my life.”

Nagisa swallowed, fighting against the tears that burned the corners of his eyes. He didn’t trust his voice to speak, and so he simply nodded and watched, his heart hurting more than he ever thought it could, as Rei kissed the inside of his wrist, stood, and left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up Next: Sousuke's POV, Nagisa discovers who suggested Rei for the journey, and Rin attempts something new


	16. Sousuke - Consequences

Although Master Ko advised against it, Sousuke went down to the gate of the palace to see Rei and the others off. He knew the risk they were taking, and so he wanted to show gratitude for their willingness to serve, though he knew not all were completely acquiescent.

He paused before Rei and held out his good arm, his other in a sling to minimize his movements. It took a moment, but then Rei grasped Sousuke’s forearm.

“I know you go reluctantly,” Sousuke said gently. “But I hope you understand why you’re the best man for this mission.”

Rei’s gaze could have cut through metal, eyes glittering behind his glasses.

“I do,” he said flatly. “But I hope _you_ understand that I fully intend to return, and when I do, I _will_ be taking Nagisa from this place.”

Sousuke raised an eyebrow. “You’ve grown that fond of him, have you?”

Rei stood stiffly, facing forward with determination.

“I love him, sir.”

Sousuke fought to hide his surprise, but at the same time he felt something akin to appreciation. 

“Our prince will not be pleased if you steal away his favorite concubine,” he warned slowly.

Rei turned his steely gaze back onto Sousuke’s face. “Well, that’s your problem, now isn’t it?”

Stunned, yet impressed, by the young man’s gall, Sousuke found himself chuckling.

“So, this is the Great Butterfly.”

Rei bowed without replying, before turning to the horse the king had provided for the small company. Sousuke stepped back, watching as Rei looked over his shoulder at the palace. In a high window, Sousuke caught a glimpse of golden hair, gleaming in the sunlight. Rei raised his left arm, kissing a glittering band of jeweled flowers that encircled his wrist. Then he gave the order to ride, and he and the five soldiers accompanying him exited the gate at a brisk trot.

Sousuke wondered at the slight ache in his chest, as he turned to head back into the palace. Guilt nibbled at his stomach, but he reminded himself that Rei had been the best choice. There was no way Aiichiro could have survived the journey and although Rei had failed his last assignment, he had incentive to return.

A man would do anything for love.

And although Sousuke had apparently only scratched the surface of the depth of Rei’s affection for Nagisa, he’d grasped enough to know when he suggested him that Rei would fight past any obstacle to return.

Aiichiro greeted him in the hall of their prince’s chambers with a deep bow.

“Captain, I wanted to apologize. When I first I heard you’d recommended Ryugazaki over myself, I thought you perhaps found me inadequate. I-I’m afraid I harbored some resentment toward you. But I came to realize that my skills are not yet strong enough to undertake such an assignment. So I know you made the right decision. However, I swear that I will dedicate myself to improving. I’m going to make you proud to call me your fellow kingsguard!”

Sousuke couldn’t suppress the smile that tugged on his lips.

“I’m already proud to call you my fellow kingsguard,” he said, reaching out to rest his hand on Aiichiro’s shoulder. “But I admire your fortitude. If you so wish it, I will gladly train you privately.”

Aiichiro’s eyes brightened. “Thank you, sir! You won’t regret this, I promise!”

Sousuke ruffled the boy’s hair fondly. “Now go relieve Nakagawa.”

Aiichiro bowed smartly, before turning to leave. Sousuke made to follow, but he’d only taken a few steps when a small body slammed into him. Sousuke stumbled, his hand grasping Nagisa’s shoulder to steady them both. But Nagisa tore away from his grasp, flinging himself once more onto the man, his fists pummeling Sousuke’s chest and stomach.

“You send him away! Why? Why you send Rei-chan? I thought you care for me! So why you take him from me?!”

The anguish in the slave’s voice shocked Sousuke. At first he could do nothing but stare down at Nagisa, enduring the abuse.

“Nagisa . . .”

“No! I hate you! I _hate_ you!”

Sousuke blinked, unsettled by the sharp sting he felt at this fervent outburst. Somehow, it hurt worse than the blows Nagisa still dealt his body. Ignoring it for the moment, he grabbed Nagisa’s shoulder once more, shoving the boy away with enough force to knock him to the ground. Nagisa glared at him from the floor, his unusual magenta eyes glistening with tears. Sighing softly, Sousuke crouched in front of him, frowning.

“Before you hate me for things you do not understand, let me explain this situation you and your lover have gotten yourselves into: Because of his feelings for you, Rei neglected to perform his duties effectively. A mistake that almost cost our prince his life. As a result, our prince wanted to send Ryugazaki to the frontlines, most likely to be killed. I saved him from this fate by suggesting he lead this mission. This way, he has a chance to live. And I fully believe he will, or do you doubt your lover so greatly?”

Nagisa flushed, but the loathing had faded from his eyes.

“I not want to part from him,” he said quietly, his gaze falling to the marble beneath him.

Sousuke sighed again, settling down to sit beside Nagisa. “I know how you feel.”

They sat in silence, not moving despite the palace staff that walked to and fro across the hall, stepping around them. Gradually, Nagisa shifted closer to Sousuke, until he was leaning against his good side. Sousuke wrapped his arm around the boy’s shoulders, holding him close.

“I am sorry,” Nagisa said finally in a small voice. “I not hate you.”

Sousuke placed a tiny kiss atop Nagisa’s head. “I’m glad,” he said truthfully, feeling a wave of relief sweep over him that left him again feeling uneasy. “I’m . . . I’m sorry as well. I didn’t want to separate the two of you, I truly didn’t.”

“I believe you.”

Sousuke was unsure how long they remained there, but eventually Rin came into the hall, Aiichiro beside him.

“What’s going on here? Sousuke, aren’t you supposed to be in the infirmary?” Rin snapped, a frown marring his features.

Sousuke bit back another sigh, moving to stand instead, pulling Nagisa to his feet. “I apologize, my prince. I was merely comforting the boy.”

Rin glanced between them. “For what does he need comfort? He has everything he could possibly want. He’s treated well and cared for . . . and it’s not your duty as kingsguard to tend to him, is it?”

“No, my prince,” Sousuke said, actually sighing this time. He turned to Nagisa, resisting the urge to wipe the boy’s tears away. “Go on to your room,” he said quietly. “I’ll introduce you to your new escort tonight.” 

Nagisa hesitated, before nodding, turning to hurry away toward the harem.

“You needn’t be so inconsiderate,” Sousuke said to Rin, as he watched Nagisa go.

“You just spent an hour on the floor with a slave,” Rin said, still frowning. “You’re _my_ bodyguard. Not his.”

Sousuke pinched the bridge of his nose, shutting his eyes briefly. “That is correct, my prince. However, if I see someone in need, I will not hesitate to assist. It is the right thing to do.”

“Tch.” Rin looked away, scowling at a nearby pillar.

Sousuke supposed Rin wasn’t used to him giving anyone else attention. For eight years, his entire life had been devoted to his prince; he hadn’t even taken the time to see his own family. Yet here was a slave who’d somehow wormed his way into Sousuke’s heart, and he doubted Rin would be able to accept that.

“Is there something specific you required of me?” he asked finally, noticing that though Rin’s scowl had gradually faded, he was still standing looking at the pillar.

“What?” He turned to look at Sousuke with a blank look.

“Master Ko is expecting me back in the infirmary,” Sousuke said pointedly.

Rin blinked, before grinning in a foreign, almost tentative way. “No, he isn’t. I wanted to show you something. Outside.”

Now it was Sousuke’s turn to blink. He realized then that both Aiichiro and Rin were dressed in simple kaftans of blue and white, and Rin wore a black cloak around his head, neck, and shoulders. How he hadn’t noticed before, he was unsure. Perhaps he’d been distracted by his own exasperation.

“What is this?” he asked, fighting a smile, as he gestured to Rin’s attire. “My prince dressing as a commoner? _Willingly_?”

“I can’t very well venture outside the palace in my princely robes,” Rin said haughtily. “It would send my people into a frenzy. And how is Nitori supposed to protect me in that chaos?”

“Nitori? Not myself?” Sousuke slid his gaze over to Aiichiro, who gave him a tiny smile but no other expression to reveal what was happening.

Rin shook his head. “Master Ko told me you needed to take things easy, so I’m relieving you of duty for today.”

Sousuke wondered why, if that were the case, he’d run Nagisa off and scolded him for comforting the slave. Resisting the urge to ask this question aloud, he glanced down at his own simple kaftan and pantaloons, the clothing he’d been placed in in the infirmary. He supposed it would work, though he’d still require a cloak.

Before he could point this out, however, Aiichiro stepped forward, pulling a dark green cloak out from under his own dark blue one. He handed it to Sousuke, who draped it over his head, winding it around his neck and shoulders as best he could with one arm. Rin grinned at his efforts, stepping forward to help adjust the material so it fell more naturally.

“What is it you wish to show me?” Sousuke asked, trying to distract himself from the feel of Rin’s hands.

“It’s a surprise,” Rin said with a glint in his eyes Sousuke didn’t trust.

“It’s not dangerous,” Aiichiro offered, earning him a sharp glance from their prince. He flushed, but didn’t back down. “You’re worrying him, my prince.”

“He has nothing to worry about. My ideas are always brilliant,” Rin said, to which Sousuke couldn’t suppress a derisive snort.

“Your ideas are always terrible,” he said, even as he followed Rin and Aiichiro down the hall.

“You don’t have to sound so confident! What about that time we took those pies from the kitchens and ate them on the roof of the courtyard?” Rin asked, keeping in step with Sousuke.

Sousuke shook his head, recalling that day. “That stunt earned me ten blows with a staff because I put you in danger _and_ stole from the kitchens. Though I remember telling you _not_ to climb to the roof, and I’m pretty sure _you_ were the one to actually steal the pies.”

“Technically they were mine anyway, so you couldn’t call it stealing.” Rin shook his head.

“That might have worked, only you told your father _I_ was the one who took the pies.”

Rin waved his hand dismissively. “I was thirteen.”

“You were fifteen.”

“Well, you should have known better than to allow a fifteen-year-old to steal.”

“So now it’s _my_ fault I got blamed for something I didn’t do and was punished for it?”

Rin tapped his chin thoughtfully. “You were still eighteen at the time, I believe, so yes.”

Sousuke huffed in exasperation, resisting the urge to smack the snickering Aiichiro upside the head. “How was I supposed to stop you, exactly?”

Rin shrugged. “But come now, you have to admit that eating that pie on top of that roof was rather enjoyable.”

Sousuke grumbled, but even as he did, he remembered the sweet taste of the pie in his mouth, the way the wind had ruffled Rin’s hair, the sound of Rin’s laughter. He remembered how he’d marveled at Rin’s beauty, a thought that had lingered with him for two weeks following that moment, as he struggled to convince himself that the attraction he’d felt was simply a result of the excitement of the afternoon. He’d chased after Rin from the kitchens and climbed up onto the roof after his prince. His heart had already been racing, his face had already been flushed.

_That was the day I first realized I was in love, though I denied it for years afterwards._

“Is this going to be another ‘enjoyable’ adventure?” he asked finally, as they exited the palace and headed for the gate.

“Hopefully!” Rin said brightly.

Sousuke turned to look at Aiichiro. “You didn’t even try to talk him out of this, did you?”

Aiichiro smiled sheepishly. “I agree with him on this, actually,” he admitted. “You’re far too serious, captain. You never take the time to enjoy yourself with anything amusing or entertaining.”

“Because I don’t _have_ the time.”

“But now you do,” Rin said pointedly, glancing toward Sousuke’s sling.

Sousuke couldn’t think of a good argument for that. Truly hoping he wouldn’t regret this, he followed Aiichiro and Rin outside the main gate and into the city. It didn’t take him long to figure out what was happening after that. The streets were filled with people. Colorful banners and flags waved in the air, brightly designed lanterns hung between buildings, and various stalls selling sweets and toys were set up along the road. Children ran between the adults, chasing each other with streamers fluttering behind them. Kites flew through the air in the less densely populated areas. 

A fortuneteller stand sat between two food stalls, and another stand sold quickly drawn paintings of customers. The smell of rich spices lingered in the air, and there seemed to be a hot stew-eating contest going on in one corner of the marketplace. Various musicians and storytellers stood among the throng, calling for patrons to listen to their tales and songs.

“A festival,” Sousuke said, his shock causing his voice to come out dumb and blank.

“I’ve never been to a commoner festival before!” Rin said excitedly. “Nitori mentioned they were having one in honor of my upcoming birthday, so I knew I needed to attend. It’s like a giant party, only everyone is invited!”

Sousuke studied Rin’s face, the high color on his cheeks, the lips slightly parted in wonderment, the sparkle of his eyes. He felt his own features soften, and he longed to take his prince’s hand. But a quick glance to Aiichiro stilled his hand at his side, though the other guard was watching everything with an awed expression of his own.

“Is this what you wanted to show me?” he asked Rin softly, bending to place his lips near his prince’s ear.

Rin nodded, turning his head slightly in order to catch Sousuke’s gaze. “Do you like it?” he asked hopefully, that tentative smile returning.

Their faces were so close, their noses almost brushed together. Sousuke leaned back, swallowing hard past the lump that had formed in his throat. His neck felt hot, and he adjusted his cloak, loosening it.

“It . . . definitely seems as though it’ll be entertaining at least,” he admitted. “But I’m not sure how safe—”

Rin huffed, rolling his eyes toward the sky. “ _Honestly_ , Sousuke. Pull that spear out of your ass and _relax_ for _once_ in your damn _life_.”

He grabbed Sousuke’s hand then, startling the man into compliance, as he pulled him into the crowd. Immediately, Sousuke stiffened, agitation filling him at each brush of the arm or jostle of the shoulder. He tensed, eyes scanning the area for any possible threats. He practically jumped out of his skin when Aiichiro touched his elbow.

“Captain,” he said gently. “Please rely on my abilities. I may not be as experienced as you, but I _do_ know how to do surveillance well.”

“Right, of course,” Sousuke muttered guiltily, forcing his nerves to unwind, as Rin dragged him toward the food sellers.

Sousuke had already eaten breakfast, but he found himself forced to sample every sweet and kebab that Rin thrust into his face. He had to admit, however, that everything tasted wonderful.

Next, Rin pulled him over to the toy booths, watching with fascination as the seller demonstrated each toy. He seemed particularly interested in a top that spun at high speeds after one jerked a thread through the side to release it. This one he purchased, handing it off to Aiichiro to carry, before taking Sousuke’s hand again.

It was as though they’d been transported back in time five years. Rin was fifteen again, talking animatedly, gesturing with his free hand, as he exclaimed over the colors and sounds and events. Sousuke couldn’t help but find himself starting to enjoy simply watching his prince, and the changing expressions on his face as he experienced the excitement of his first festival. He hadn’t seen Rin look this way in years, so full of life and warmth and . . . _happiness_.

It was then that Sousuke realized that, in his own way, Rin had been tense in these years leading up to his coronation. The playful boy he’d met all those years ago had changed into a selfish, petulant young man who’d rather lie with his concubines and throw parties he barely participated in than do anything worthwhile. And while it was true he’d had those traits when he was younger, he’d still been interested in the world and its workings.

Sousuke remembered the way young Rin had pestered him with questions about sword fighting, the way he’d thrown himself into training with gusto. Only now Rin seemed disinterested in his old hobbies. This was the first time in the past few years that Sousuke saw actual _joy_ on his prince’s face. He realized he’d been so intent on performing his duties without letting his personal feelings interfere, he’d neglected to notice this subtle change in Rin. He determined he would ask about this later once they were in private.

Across the marketplace, a dance had begun spontaneously; the talented musicians playing an upbeat tune that made one’s feet want to move to the rhythm. Before Sousuke could protest, Rin led him over.

“Dance with me, Sousuke!” he exclaimed with a grin, practically bouncing in anticipation.

“Absolutely not,” Sousuke said, shaking his head. With the amount of people around, the possibility of him making a fool of himself was not appealing.

“Come now, old man, what’s wrong? Afraid you won’t be able to keep up?” Rin jeered, letting go of Sousuke in order to walk backwards into the ring of dancers, his hips swaying in a way Sousuke had never seen before. He beckoned to Sousuke with one finger, a deadly smirk settling on his lips.

Sousuke caught himself staring and shook his head, frowning faintly. “Who are you calling old?” he asked, stepping after Rin with determination.

He realized he couldn’t do much with only one arm, but instead of worrying about this, he closed the gap between him and Rin, grabbing Rin’s hip with his hand and pulling him flush against him. Almost immediately, Rin’s cheeks reddened, and Sousuke couldn’t help but feel pleased. He began to sway his hips to the music, keeping Rin attached so his hips moved as well. Carefully, as to not step on Rin, Sousuke began to step forward and then back briskly, shifting his weight with ease to the tempo of the music.

Because they were joined, Rin was forced to follow his movements, and he did so with surprising grace, his feet quickly catching up to Sousuke’s pace. Sousuke watched Rin’s face, as his prince focused his gaze on Sousuke’s shoulder.

_For all his teasing, one wouldn’t expect him to be this shy._

Sousuke couldn’t help but find it endearing, however, and he chuckled softly.

“You didn’t expect I knew how to dance, did you?” he asked in a low voice, ignoring the words of warning that ran through his mind. “Were you hoping to embarrass me?”

Rin’s throat constricted, and he looked away into the crowd with a faint frown. “You’re so big and bulky, anyone would’ve guessed you were a clumsy dancer.”

“I suppose there are still things to discover about each other,” Sousuke commented idly, thinking again to that conversation he knew he needed to have with his prince concerning the alteration in his behavior.

“I suppose so,” Rin muttered, meeting his gaze for a brief moment, before allowing his eyes to skitter away again.

Sousuke felt the overwhelming urge to grab Rin’s face and kiss him soundly. But the public setting, as well as the knowledge that he’d be overstepping his bounds in more ways than one, stayed his hand. In the end, he simply slid his hand away from Rin’s hip, taking a step back, as the song ended.

“Shall we continue on?” he asked, panting softly. His lungs ached with an unfamiliar pain, but he did his best to ignore this. He wasn’t going to become weaker as a result of his injury. He was determined to not allow it to hinder him.

Rin didn’t speak, simply grabbed Sousuke’s hand once more and pulled him through the crowd. Aiichiro joined them after a moment.

“I didn’t know you could dance, captain,” Aiichiro said, and Sousuke didn’t trust the innocent smile on his face.

“Mention this to no one,” he said flatly.

“I won’t, I won’t!” Aiichiro said quickly, lifting his hands in a placating gesture.

“This way next,” Rin said, leading them toward the fortuneteller’s canopy.

“Ah, three handsome young men! Have you come to hear your fortunes?”

The woman had a husky voice and appeared to be in her thirties. She sat cross-legged on a red velvet cushion, small white animal bones gathered in a pile before her. She was beautiful in a strange way, her eyes tilting up, her lips and nose thin. A bright red cloak covered her dark hair, and the rest of her attire consisted of a dizzying pattern of red, gold, and black. A slender hand beckoned them forward.

“M—Rin,” Sousuke protested, as Rin pulled him down to sit before the woman. “I do not believe in such witchcraft.”

Rin smirked. “Sousuke, it’s only to amuse ourselves.”

Sousuke turned to Aiichiro for help, but the young man was already sitting on the other side of Rin, obvious interest in his eyes. Sousuke exhaled in resignation, settling more comfortably beside his prince. Rin drew his money pouch, handing the woman a few coins.

“Before we begin, may I have your names?” the woman asked with a smile.

“I’m Rin,” Rin declared, much too loudly.

Sousuke winced inwardly, frowning as Rin nudged him. “Sousuke.”

“Aiichiro,” Aiichiro piped up.

“Lovely names. It is an honor to meet you,” the woman said, picking up the bones. She held them out to Aiichiro. “Will you please shake these in your hands and scatter them before me?”

“Um, all right.” Aiichiro appeared nervous, as he took the bones and bounced them twice in his hands, before dropping them on the ground in front of the woman.

She studied the bones, tapping her bottom lip with a long, pointed fingernail. She glanced up at Aiichiro, staring at him until he began to squirm slightly. She smiled then.

“Do not worry,” she told him gently. “I see nothing terrible in your future. You seem like a young man who is full of loyalty and determination. This will serve you well. Continue on your current path and I foresee great things coming to you. And ah, see this?” She pointed to what appeared to be a piece of a wing bone from a small bird. “This indicates admiration and affection. Someone is interested in you!”

Aiichiro started in surprise. “M-Me? Truly?”

“Indeed,” the woman said with another smile.

Despite Sousuke’s misgivings, he couldn’t help but hope that the woman was correct in her prediction. Aiichiro deserved to have more in his life than his duty. The boy was young and good and _pure_ , a combination Sousuke knew was rare in this time of war and poverty.

“Now you,” the woman said, handing the bones to Rin.

Rin eagerly shook them in his hands before spilling them out before the woman. She frowned faintly, and Sousuke found himself matching her expression. He glanced between the two of them, hoping that Rin would response maturely to whatever she said.

“You, young man, need some work still,” she said firmly. “I sense a darkness in you, though it is not one that cannot be overcome. You struggle with what you feel is right and what you fear, as they are the same. If you do not settle this conflict soon, you will find yourself wandering lost without direction for a very long time.”

Rin’s anticipation faded to disappointment and frustration, and Sousuke laid his hand on his arm. When Rin glanced at him, Sousuke shook his head, cautioning him against responding emotionally.

“Is there anything else?” Rin asked tightly, looking back at the woman.

“Yes,” she said simply. “There is possible love and happiness in your future, if you learn how to accept it. For now, however, it is closed off to you. I suggest you concentrate first on resolving the conflict. If you do not, I’m afraid the love and happiness will slip through your fingers, leaving you empty.”

Rin stood abruptly. “Sousuke, I wish to leave now. This woman isn’t worth our time. She’s quite obviously a fraud.”

But Sousuke stared at the woman, his interest finally piqued. From the way Rin reacted, he found himself wondering if she knew the root cause of Rin’s behavioral shift. She seemed to understand that he was under stress, but he couldn’t gather a clear picture from her vague words, though Rin seemed to know exactly of what she spoke.

“I’d like to try,” he said then, wondering if he’d understand anything she told him.

Ignoring Rin tugging at his cloak, he picked up the bones, shaking them three times before tossing them onto the sand. The woman’s eyes widened.

“Interesting,” she mused. “Your future is entwined with Rin’s.”

Rin’s hand stilled on Sousuke’s shoulder. Aiichiro froze halfway to standing. Sousuke frowned faintly.

“How do you mean?” he asked.

“These bones here, the ones that indicate love and happiness, they fell in the same way as Rin’s. Your future happiness is blocked as well, though this seems to be more of your own doing than of your circumstances. And this one here,” she tapped a finger bone of a rodent, “indicates conflict within. It’s strange. These are almost exactly the same as Rin’s.”

Sousuke felt his heart begin to pound faster.

“Ah, but this is different!” the woman exclaimed suddenly, causing him to start. “It appears you may have another path toward love and happiness. You have more than one option, though neither road will be easy."

Sousuke stared blankly at the woman, at a complete loss as to what other path she spoke. Did he have a possible future that didn’t include Rin? It didn’t seem plausible.

“What are you saying?” Rin asked sharply. “That he could chose another man to love? A different man from the one he already does?”

Sousuke gave another start, looking up into his prince’s face, seeing the anger there but not fully comprehending it. Could Rin have finally realized Sousuke’s feelings for him? If so, why hadn’t he confronted him? Did he even want Rin to confront him? That would force him to face the reality of his situation, and he wasn’t sure he was prepared for that.

Too many things were happening at once. His head and chest ached. He needed to lie down.

The woman tilted her head. “It could include a man, or woman, or it may not involve a person at all.”

_What is she talking about? Is she even speaking Makurian?_

“Sousuke! Is this true? Do you love another? It’s Nagisa, isn’t it? _Isn’t it?_ ”

Rin was shaking him, and the world swam. Shaking his head to clear it, Sousuke frowned, moving to stand.

“I love no one,” he snapped, having known that seeing this fortuneteller would be a bad idea. “We should return to . . . our home.” He gave the woman a short bow. “I appreciate your time, but I’m afraid you’ll need to find more gullible clients.”

He turned, striding out of the canopy and heading in the direction of the palace. Aiichiro trotted beside him, as Rin began to tug on his cloak once more.

“Sousuke, answer me!” Rin exclaimed. “I want to know the truth!”

“The truth is that woman knows not of what she speaks, and you should disregard her words,” Sousuke said irritably.

“I forbid you to love another, do you hear me? I will not stand for it!”

Something inside Sousuke snapped, and he whirled on Rin, grabbing his prince’s arm and gripping it tightly.

“Let me make one thing perfectly clear,” he started in a low voice, white hot anger coursing through his veins, setting them on fire. “You may be the prince, but you are an entitled, selfish brat, and I am tired of you treating me as though you own me. Who I have affections for is none of your business. Who I care for is none of your business. You cannot stop me from comforting those who need comfort, and you cannot forbid me to ever develop feelings for someone!”

He shook Rin, hard, watching the young man’s head wobble. Aiichiro appeared at his elbow, but Sousuke nudged him aside none-too-gently, his gaze focused on Rin’s face. The blood had drained from it, and Rin’s eyes were wide as he stared at Sousuke with something akin to fear, paired with bewilderment.

“I am _not_ your property. You cannot toy with me as though I belong to you. I’ve tolerated your tantrums and your selfish whims because my position requires me to, but do not believe for one moment that this behavior is acceptable. You are the crown prince. Your coronation is in less than three months. Do you think these people want a child on the throne or a man?”

Rin stared at him, before his gaze lowered to the ground.

“That is not a rhetorical question,” Sousuke snapped, shaking Rin again. “Answer me.”

“A-A man,” Rin murmured.

“You’re correct. So I think it’s about time you begin acting like one, don’t you?”

Sousuke waited until he saw Rin nod, before he finally released him. Rin stepped back, reaching to touch his arm where Sousuke had held him. Sousuke felt a sharp pain pricking his chest, as he struggled to breathe and calm his racing heart. Aiichiro’s eyes were large, as he glanced between the two of them.

Sousuke realized they were still standing in the middle of the festival, though nobody seemed to have paid his outburst any heed. Grateful for that at least, Sousuke took a deep, steadying breath that did nothing to alleviate the pain. He realized that what he’d done could amount to treason in some eyes, but he was tired of waiting for Rin to figure things out on his own.

“Let’s go,” he muttered then, just wanting to take a warm bath and sleep. He was finished with the stress of the day.

He turned to lead the way back to the palace, a much-subdued Rin and Aiichiro trailing behind. The silence between them was thick and uncomfortable, but Sousuke tried not to let it bother him. He purged his mind of all thoughts and emotions until he shrouded himself with inner silence as well. It was technique he’d perfected well over the years.

Once they reached the palace, Sousuke turned toward the infirmary. Before he’d gone more than a few steps, he felt something heavy thump against his back. He realized after a moment that it was Rin, pressing his forehead between his shoulder blades, leaning his weight against it.

“Sousuke, I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “I-I . . . I ruin everything. I’m sorry. I just . . . I’m scared. I almost lost you, and I can’t . . . I can’t do this without you. I know I’m not fit to be king. I know I’m not mature enough to rule. That’s why I need you. You can hate me if you want, but please don’t . . . don’t leave me.”

Sousuke stood still, processing Rin’s words as though through a wall. They reached his ears, but he struggled to accept them. At least at first. Then he realized what this confession truly was, and he sighed, releasing his silence and allowing everything to come flooding back into him. It hurt, but Rin needed him.

He turned, allowing Rin to press into his chest, wrapping his good arm around his prince and holding him close. It felt strange to do this, it was such an intimate position, and they’d never touched this way before. Yet he could feel some of the sting in his chest start to diminish. 

“I enjoyed my time with you today,” he admitted softly, knowing he needed to acknowledge that. “And I apologize as well, for shaking you. My frustrations got the better of me, I suppose.”

“You were right. Everything you said . . .” Rin muttered.

“I could have said it differently though.” Sousuke sighed, moving his hand up to touch the back of Rin’s head, stroking his fingers through the strands of hair. His fingertips tingled at the sensation.

“You don’t need to worry, my prince,” he said then. “I have no intention of going anywhere. My place is by your side. It always has been and it always will be.”

“I don’t know what to do or how to be a good king. My people are relying on me, and I’m completely helpless to do anything for them. You have to help me. Please, promise me you’ll help me.” Rin leaned back to look up at Sousuke; eyes rimmed red with tears that had yet to fall, a look of desperation on his features.

“Of course I will, my prince,” Sousuke said immediately. “What do you think I’ve been attempting to do all this time?” He chuckled softly. “You’ve simply refused to listen. You’re so stubborn.” The words came out more tenderly than he’d meant them to. He moved his hand, brushing the back of his knuckles across Rin’s cheekbone, deciding to ignore Aiichiro’s presence, though the guard had stepped off to the side and seemed to be trying to hide behind a pillar.

“I’ll do better, I promise,” Rin said earnestly.

It would have been so simple to lean forward and press his lips against Rin’s. But propriety and force of habit caused Sousuke to lower his hand and take a small step back. He bowed slightly.

“Then it is my honor to serve,” he said, fighting a smile.

As he straightened, he caught Rin’s gaze, and the grin his prince offered was dazzling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up Next: Rei's POV, his journey across Nekor, and an attack


	17. Rei - Across the Desert

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just going to apologize beforehand this time . . .

The sun’s heat fell mercilessly on the five travelers. Rei constantly had to lift his glasses, wiping sweat from his face with the edge of his cloak. Beside him, grumbling under his breath at the sand in his mouth, rode Hotaka Matsumura. He was a tall man, with dark purple hair and vibrant blue-green eyes. Apparently he was one of the guards stationed at the front gate, and he resented the fact that he needed to leave his shaded office in order to travel into Nekor on what he deemed was a foolish mission.

“Who would even _want_ to marry that spoiled brat of a prince?” he’d asked as soon as the palace walls had disappeared behind them.

Rei shared the sentiment but kept silent.

Two of the others were nearly identical, Ken and Kenji Iwakura. With black hair and red eyes and large, muscular builds, they each looked intimidating and yet were the most jovial of the group. Throughout the long hours they swapped stories and jokes, keeping the men entertained in the growing heat of the day. Their normal positions were as palace patrol guards. The only way Rei could tell them apart was with the knowledge that Ken had a scar on his chin.

On Rei’s other side rode a young man that appeared to be the same age as Nagisa, the youngest of the company. His name was Hayato Shigino, and Rei had yet to hear him speak. His pale violet eyes remained fixed ahead, his light pink hair hidden beneath his cloak, which remained forward over his head. Kenji had informed Rei that Hayato was a former solider from Nekor, a turncoat who now guarded the palace gates with Hotaka. It was he that led the group toward the Nekoran palace, as none of the others had ever been beyond the Makurian border.

Rei wondered if they could trust a former Nekoran, but each time the thought entered his mind, he scolded himself for it, remembering Nagisa and how he’d defied all stereotypes and expectations.

The final man was the oldest, a gray-haired man named Shin Tokuda. He seemed to dislike the brothers’ exaggerated tales, constantly interrupting them to point out inconsistencies and falsehoods. He was one of the palace’s physicians and a former soldier. Rei hoped they wouldn’t need his expertise at any time during their travels.

“All this damn sand. What I wouldn’t give for an oasis,” Hotaka grumbled.

“We could ask Shigino,” Rei offered, turning to the young man on his left. “Is there an oasis between here and the Nekoran palace?”

Hayato didn’t reply, simply kept his gaze ahead.

“I wonder if he doesn’t have a tongue,” Kenji mused.

“We should pry open his mouth and see!” Ken added with what Rei felt was too much enthusiasm.

“Absolutely not,” Rei said quickly, shaking his head. “He’s our guide. If he grows cross with us, he could have us wandering in circles for days.”

“We’re still in Makuria though,” Kenji pointed out.

“Do you want to explain to Captain Yamazaki that the reason our mission was delayed was because the two of you thought it would be amusing to attack our only Nekoran guide?”

That sobered the men and they rode in silence for a few moments. In the distance, Rei could see a pit that had been dug into the earth. Men with whips were gathered around it, shouting at slaves that stomped in what appeared to be mud. They tilted back and forth, naked aside from white loincloths. The spatter of mud across their bodies made patterns, and Rei realized with a start that the contrast of the dark mud and the paler brown of the bodies made them resemble an animal Rei had only read about in books.

He turned to Hotaka. “See those slaves making bricks?” he asked, nodding to the pit.

“Yeah? What of it?”

“The way the mud covers their forms, and they seem to be waddling . . . don’t you think they look similar to penguins?”

“Eh? What the hell are you talking about?” The man scoffed, shaking his head and urging his horse forward, muttering something about Rei being softheaded.

_Nagisa-kun must have seen those slaves, or some like them, on his way into Makuria as a child. And thus created his sand penguins . . ._

The thought made him smile, though a deep ache soon followed. He looked down at the lotus bracelet around his wrist, fingering it gently with his other hand. Shin caught the movement and trotted forward to ride beside Rei.

“You left a lover back in Makuria, did you?” he asked with a faint grin.

“Oh . . . yes.” Rei decided there was no need to deny it. These men didn’t need to know that person who held his affection was one of Prince Rin’s male concubines.

“I have a wife, you know. Gorgeous creature and the best cook a man could ask for!” Shin declared proudly.

“Nyah, who would want to marry an ugly old man like you?” Ken shouted over. “I bet you made that up.”

Shin bristled. “I’ll have you know she’s been my wife for twenty years, and we’re still completely dedicated to each other!”

“She must be blind and deaf then,” Kenji said, smirking.

Beside Rei, Hayato gave what appeared to be a laugh, but when everyone quickly looked toward the sound, he was staring blankly ahead as usual.

“So, what is your woman like, Ryugazaki?” Shin asked, turning back to Rei after a moment.

Rei blinked, attempting to think of a way to describe Nagisa without revealing his identity. “She . . . she’s very caring. She always puts others before herself and . . . she’s much too hard on herself. I try to help her see she deserves better, but some days I’m not sure she believes me. But she’s playful and cheerful and tells incredibly ridiculous stories at which you cannot help but laugh.”

Ken and Kenji were listening with interest. Even Hotaka had slowed his horse in order to eavesdrop.

“Is she a good cook?”

“Does she work in the palace?”

The brothers tilted their heads in unison. Rei chuckled nervously.

“Ah . . . no, she doesn’t work in the palace. And I’m not sure if she’s a good cook or not. She’s never fixed me anything.”

“She must not love you very much then,” Shin mused.

“I highly doubt that,” Rei said with a faint smile.

“Has she told you she loves you?”

Rei paused, biting his lip as a brief wave of doubt rushed through him. Nagisa hadn’t said the words, and yet the way Nagisa had looked at him during their final night together . . . the way he’d clung to him . . . surely those were indicators of love.

“She hasn’t needed to say it,” Rei said finally.

“She must be very beautiful then if she has such a hold on you and yet hasn’t said the words,” Shin said pointedly. “Or at least be amazing in bed.”

“Does she have nice breasts?” Ken leered, which earned him a kick in the leg from his brother.

“Don’t be perverted!” Kenji protested, before turning to look at Rei with curiosity. “Does she?”

“Ah,” Rei shifted, flushing. He wasn’t sure how to answer that one. They might ask for a portrait if he said yes, but he didn’t want to insult Nagisa, even in a hypothetical setting in which he was female.

“I like them,” he said finally with a vague shrug.

“There’s this handmaiden in the palace who has _amazing_ breasts. And she definitely has eyes for me,” Ken boasted smugly.

“No, she doesn’t! She just thinks you’re me,” Kenji exclaimed.

“That’s completely ridiculous.”

As the brothers bickered, Rei took the opportunity to ride ahead in escape. He breathed easier once the voices of the old man and twins faded into the background.

“You’re a liar.”

Rei almost fell off his horse in surprise. As it was, he jerked the reins to the side, causing the mare to shift off course. He quickly corrected her, before turning to look at the young man who’d appeared beside him. Hayato had turned his face and was staring back at him, his quiet violet eyes disconcerting.

“Wh-what did you say?” Rei stammered uncertainly, adjusting his glasses.

But Hayato didn’t reply, simply broke into a brisk trot, pulling ahead. Rei stared after him, his heart pounding in his chest.

_How did he know I was lying?_

 

The company rode three days without stopping, taking only short breaks to relieve themselves. They ate and drank as they went, and it was only when Hayato fell off his horse in exhaustion that Rei called for them to stop in a nearby town for the night.

The brothers immediately went in search of a brothel, while Hotaka, Shin, and Rei stopped by an inn instead, Hotaka supporting the half-asleep Hayato. With the money Sousuke had provided for such use, they booked two rooms, figuring the brothers could fend for themselves. Shin offered to room with Rei, but Hayato pushed off of Hotaka and staggered into Rei, slumping against him. Rei caught him before he could fall to the floor.

“I suppose I’ll room with Shigino,” Rei said, stupefied.

He hefted Hayato’s arm over his shoulder, grabbing their packs, before making his way painstakingly up the stairs to the room for which the innkeeper had provided a key. He shuffled inside, dumping the limp Hayato onto one of the two beds inside the room.

“I don’t suppose you’re aware enough to eat,” Rei mused, kneeling to pull Hayato’s sandals from his feet. He set them beside the young man’s pack, which he’d placed by the bed.

He carried his own pack over to the next bed, setting it on the floor. Hayato mumbled something, turning to bury his face into the pillow. Rei paused, wondering if he’d heard what he thought he’d heard.

“What was that?” he ventured to ask, wondering if Hayato would repeat himself.

It took a moment, but then Hayato sighed, shifting his head to frown over at Rei.

“You’re not like the others,” he said in Nekoran. “Your eyes are different.”

Rei blinked, wondering what that meant. He adjusted his glasses. “I do have quite beautiful eyes,” he said, to laugh off his growing unease. “I thank you for noticing.”

Hayato’s frown deepened, before he sighed, moving to get beneath the blanket. Rei cleared his throat, turning toward the door.

“I’ll be getting something to eat now,” he said, not sure why he felt the need to inform the other.

Hayato didn’t respond, and Rei hurriedly left, joining Hotaka and Shin in the tavern connected to the inn. They ordered food, and Rei noted that the brothers still hadn’t returned. He doubted they would before morning.

“That Nekoran is an odd one,” Shin said pointedly, as he nursed a tankard of ale. “I wonder if we can truly trust him. He only defected to our side recently, isn’t that right?” He turned to Hotaka for confirmation.

Hotaka nodded. “Approximately a year ago.”

Rei stabbed at his fish, noting with some disappointment that it wasn’t mackerel, before brushing that off quickly. “Captain Yamazaki trusts him and that should be enough for us.”

Shin stroked his chin. “I don’t like it. The king is always bringing in those slave boys from Nekor and the colonies. I suppose it makes sense to raise them here in Makuria, train them to think like us and believe like us, but deep down they’re all still barbarians.”

Rei’s hand twitched, but he swallowed down his bite of fish before taking a drink of his wine, using the distraction to come up with a reply that wasn’t filled with anger.

“I don’t believe they are all barbarians,” he admitted, though he remembered a time when he would have agreed with Shin. He realized suddenly just how much coming to know Nagisa had changed him in regards to his thoughts on the Nekorans.

“Have you met any that weren’t?” Hotaka asked curiously.

Rei paused, knowing to tread carefully. “Shigino doesn’t seem particularly barbaric to me,” he replied innocently, staring across the table at Hotaka. “Does he to you?”

Hotaka shifted, turning his gaze away, as he lifted his wine to drink. “Not particularly,” he muttered behind the rim of his goblet.

“They could still turn on us if they wanted!” Shin declared. “And with so many of them in the palace themselves, the king and his children are in more danger than they realize.”

Hotaka raised an eyebrow. “These boys have been broken in since they were practically babes. I highly doubt any of them still have the will to fight back.”

_Nagisa-kun does. He would fight if he didn’t fear for Haruka-san and myself._

“Shigino wasn’t raised by Makurians,” Shin said, pointing a finger across the table at Rei. “So I don’t care what you say. That bastard is not one of us. I’d sleep with one eye open tonight, if I were you.”

Rei finished his meal quickly, not wanting anything else to do with the conversation. He stood and bowed respectfully to his companions, dismissing himself from the table. As he climbed the stairs to his room, he couldn’t help but wonder if perhaps the old man was right in that they shouldn’t trust a Nekoran who’d defected for unknown reasons. Hayato being some sort of spy wasn’t out of the realm of possibility.

But even if it was foolish to trust Hayato, Rei trusted Sousuke, and the man had assigned Hayato to this mission for a reason.

The Nekoran was asleep when Rei entered the room. He walked quietly, slipping out of his sandals by the door and carrying them to his bed. Setting them down, he slipped out of his kaftan, cloak, and pantaloons, sat his glasses on the bedside table, before he got beneath the blanket in just his loincloth, as he often did.

Resting one hand beneath his head, he stared up at the ceiling, thinking of Nagisa’s smile, until he fell asleep.

It seemed to be only an hour later when he felt his bed shift and rock beneath him. Opening his eyes, he stared wide-eyed into the face of Hayato, as the young man loomed over him.

Rei froze, though one hand began to inch toward his sword, as it lay in its scabbard beside the bed.

“What is the meaning of this?” he demanded in a low, firm voice. “Get off me at once.”

His heart was pounding rapidly in his chest, fear shaking his fingers, as they wrapped around the hilt of his sword. Was Hayato here to kill him? Had Shin been correct after all?

“I’m not going to hurt you,” Hayato said quietly, his hand reaching to wrap around Rei’s wrist, pulling his hand away from the weapon.

Shock filled Rei, as Hayato moved his arm to pin it above his head, lowering himself in order to press a gentle kiss to Rei’s lips. Immediately, Rei reacted, bringing his other hand around to shove against Hayato’s chest, kneeing the young man’s stomach to flip him off and onto the floor. He sat up, his body trembling.

“What do you think you’re doing?!” he exclaimed, staring down at Hayato, who sat on the floor, looking away with a frown.

“It is my other directive,” he said flatly.

“Assaulting me in my sleep?” Rei asked in disbelief.

Hayato huffed, pushing back his mop of light pink hair off his face. “Captain Yamazaki requested I seduce you, in the hopes that you would stop pursuing the slave Nagisa before your affair gets you killed.”

Comprehension dawned on Rei, and he suddenly understood how Hayato had known he was lying earlier. But something still confused him, and he grabbed his eyeglasses to slip on so he could frown at Hayato more directly. It was then that he noticed the slight flush that colored Hayato’s cheeks. He wondered if that was from anger or something else.

“Why did he ask _you_ to do this?” he asked, resentment toward Sousuke twisting his chest. He understood Sousuke’s motives, and while he was shocked and somewhat pleased that Sousuke cared enough about him to concoct this elaborate scheme to save his life, he wished the man would mind his own business.

“I’m Nekoran,” Hayato said, bitterness lacing his tone. He pulled his legs into a crossed position, placing his hands on his knees. “Same as Nagisa. He even said I somewhat resembled him. He thought these things would be attractive to you.”

Rei stared, but Hayato continued to look away, not meeting his gaze.

“It’s not that I don’t find you attractive,” Rei said carefully, not wanting to insult the young man. “But my heart belongs to Nagisa-kun. However, I apologize for my poor reaction. I realize you were only doing your duty.” He held his hand out to Hayato to help him off the floor.

Hayato ignored his hand, though he turned his gaze onto Rei’s face, studying him for a moment. “You called him ‘-kun’, in the way of the Nekorans.”

Rei dropped his hand to the side. “Yes. Does that bother you?”

Hayato shook his head. “It’s unusual for a Makurian to take the time to learn the Nekoran honorifics. What little of the language they do learn is only used for ordering slaves around.”

Rei bit his lip. “I no longer wish any ill toward Nekor or its people,” he admitted softly. “I sincerely hope that there can be peace between our lands.”

Hayato stood, brushing himself off. “You truly are different from the rest. I don’t think I would have minded this assignment.” He smiled crookedly. “Degrading and disrespectful toward my culture though it is.”

“I apologize for that as well,” Rei said genuinely. “Your people are not barbarians, nor do they deserve to be treated as objects for pleasure and killing. My people have done yours a great injustice. I only wish I could make things right somehow.” 

Hayato bowed deeply. “For that you have my gratitude. You an honorable man, Rei Ryugazaki.”

“As are you,” Rei said pointedly. “Though I have to ask, if you don’t mind telling me, why did you defect to Makuria?”

Hayato glanced away. “I am searching for my brother. He was taken from our home when I was only six years old. I delivered myself to General Mikoshiba, in the hopes to join his army and find my brother among them. But he sent me to the palace to be vetted by Captain Yamazaki. It was only a few months ago that I discovered my brother had deserted the Makurian army, so I requested to be put on this mission in the hopes that our paths would cross in Nekor.”

Rei chewed on his lip, reminded of his inquiry concerning Makoto, and the second soldier mentioned in General Mikoshiba’s reply. But because the general had neglected to give a name for this second soldier, Rei couldn’t be sure that it was Hayato’s brother, and he didn’t want to give the boy false hope.

“I hope you find him,” he said finally.

Hayato smiled tentatively. “Thank you,” he said, giving another bow. “And please accept my apology for assaulting you. It will not happen again.”

Rei couldn’t help but smile in return. “I realize that I am quite beautiful and difficult to resist, so I will forgive you.”

Hayato blinked at him, before laughing.

 

***

 

Hayato returned to his usually stoic self the next day, but Rei couldn’t truly blame him after hearing what the others had to say about him. Besides, he had the feeling the young man was rather shy. The brothers boasted about their conquests the previous night, much to Shin’s dismay. Rei tuned them out as best he could, preferring to listen to Hotaka’s grumbling. He rode beside him in front, with Hayato on his other side.

They crossed the Makurian border into Nekor at the end of the first week. From then on they had to be careful about where they spent the night, and for the most part they set up camp in the desert, far from any towns or villages.

Hayato continued to sleep beside Rei, but he didn’t mind. The young man whispered to him stories of Nekor; describing the beautiful sights he’d seen while growing up in a town centered around one of the country’s largest oases. All manner of people traveled there to witness the flora and fauna and see animals one rarely saw anywhere else. It was a small paradise, a distraction from the ugliness of the war. But Hayato admitted that he could never truly enjoy it without his brother.

The other men teased Rei when they noticed how close the two were becoming. They asked if Rei had made the Nekoran his slave, if the boy pleasured him at night, to which Hayato didn’t react. But Rei bristled for his sake and told his companions to mind their own business.

Hotaka was the only one who seemed unaffected by Rei and Hayato’s growing closeness, but every once in a while he’d give Rei a warning glance, as though to remind him of what Hayato was.

A Nekoran.

An enemy.

But Hayato, with his bright eyes and quick smile in the dark of the night, seemed as far from an enemy as Nagisa. Rei found his chest aching less the more time he spent with Hayato, though Nagisa was never far from his mind, and he often spoke to Hayato of the slave in their hushed conversations by the fire. Hayato hung on his every word with interest, asking questions and confessing a desire to meet the young man.

Rei hoped that they would return soon in order for that to occur.

Three weeks into the mission, however, things took a turn for the worse.

They’d stopped to relieve themselves and check their supply amounts. Hotaka mentioned they would need to find some place to replenish their rations soon, which was met with grim agreement.

Rei had turned to Hayato to ask him if there was a safe town nearby that would allow them to purchase supplies, when the bandits attacked.

There were at least a dozen of them, and they rose from the sand like meerkats, naked aside from pale loincloths, their bodies caked with clay to blend with their surroundings. They descended on the company with shouts and hollers, each wielding a sword and a spear.

The horses reared in fright, tossing the brothers to the ground. They sprung up quickly, both drawing their swords. They stood back to back, yelling in reply to the war cries of the Nekorans.

Hotaka spun, sword already cutting down the first man who attacked, sending him to the ground with a gash in his throat.

Shin proved himself agile despite his age, as he leapt to the side to avoid a spear, snatching it from the air instead and turning it onto the Nekoran.

Rei jumped instinctively in front of Hayato, shielding him as he raised his own sword.

“Stay behind me!” he shouted to the young man, blocking a swing from one of the bandits. The man was strong, and the vibrations from the hit traveled down his arm and into his shoulder where his scar began to throb. 

_Not now. Don’t fail me right now._

Gritting his teeth, he parried another blow, kicking the man back, as another ran up to attack his unprotected side. Rei spun, sword flashing. He noticed Hayato had drawn his sword as well and was turning to engage with another Nekoran. Rei’s heart leapt into his throat, and he hastened to assist, slashing his sword through the man’s arm, finishing him off before Hayato could.

“I’m all right!” Hayato shouted at him. “I’ve fought before!”

But Rei didn’t want to see that gentle face spattered with blood. He didn’t want those kind hands to be responsible for death. If he was surprised by these desires, he didn’t have time to dwell on them.

“Just stay behind me,” he snapped, turning as a shout alerted him to another attack.

There seemed to be more men springing from the ground. The horses screamed and stomped, attempting to get away from the chaos. A few bandits had taken hold of their reins and struggled to keep them steady, while the others fought the company. Rei saw Shin go down first, the old man getting stabbed from behind, through his back and chest.

Kenji was next, falling to his knees, as he clutched the spear shaft that protruded from his side. Ken yelled as though he’d been the one impaled. He fought to his brother’s side, standing before him to fight off any that might attempt to finish him.

“Rei-kun.”

Rei heard Hayato’s voice in his ear, too clear to make sense with the commotion that surrounded them. But it was steady and as audible as though they were standing in an empty room. Rei turned to the boy, eyes wide. He felt something being pressed into his hand. He looked down to see the scroll that held the marriage proposal.

“Go. Complete the mission,” Hayato said, his violet eyes dark with intensity. “I’ll attack one of the men with the horses, while you take it and ride away.”

Rei shook his head. “Absolutely not. I’m not leaving you to be slaughtered! Besides, I don’t know the way.”

“You’ll find it. I believe in you,” Hayato said with a small, crooked smile.

“What about your brother? You have to come with me.” Rei wondered if this was a nightmare. He wished it were.

Hayato glanced at the battle around them, his smile disappearing. “These men hate me, and yet they are my comrades. I won’t abandon them.”

“No! I won’t allow you to die,” Rei said, shaking his head.

Hayato opened his mouth to speak, but his eyes widened, as he glimpsed something over Rei’s shoulder. Rei spun around in time to knock aside spear, preventing it from piercing his chest. But as he did, he felt a sharp pain in his arm. He stared, uncomprehendingly, as his hand that still clutched the scroll fell to the ground. It was attached to his forearm, and he wondered briefly what it was doing lying on the sand. It wasn’t supposed to be there.

“Rei-kun!”

He turned, killing the bandit standing there holding a bloody sword. The man died with his smirk still on his face. Rei's head swam, and his vision blurred. Slowly, he sank to his knees.

_No. I cannot die here. I need to protect Hayato-kun. I need to return to Nagisa-kun . . ._

His shoulder hit the sand, his grip relaxing on his sword at the impact. It slipped from his fingers, though they scrambled to find it again. He was vaguely aware of Hayato kneeling over him, but in his haze he mistook the wide violet eyes for magenta ones, and the way the sun shone on the young man’s pink hair made it shimmer into gold. He tried to reach for that beautiful face, but his left arm was pinned beneath him. And the other . . .

“N-Nagisa-kun . . . I-I’m sorry . . .”

Spots appeared before his vision, and Nagisa’s face slowly disappeared, as everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up Next: Nagisa's POV, the news of the failed mission reaches the palace, and the king comes up with a new solution


	18. Nagisa - You Promised

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugrughgrgugh, if it's any consolation, Rei isn't dead! However, he is in very poor shape and will die unless two specific former soldiers come to his rescue . . .
> 
> Warning: this chapter will hurt

“Nagisa, you’re pouting again.”

Gou reached across the table, tapping Nagisa’s arm with the back of her spoon. They sat in the kitchens eating a rich, creamy soup that of course contained mackerel, but was delicious even so. It had been nearly two months since Rei left for Nekor, and each day passed torturously. Even spending time with Gou and Haruka couldn’t seem to keep his spirits up. And although Rin didn’t seem to call for him as often as he used to, it didn’t make up for the glaring absence of Nagisa’s Rei-chan.

His new escort was a young man named Kazuki Minami, and while he was quick to smile and seemed easy-going, Nagisa couldn’t help his resentment toward the guard. He barely spoke to him, told him no stories, and of course teasing was out of the question. He wasn’t going to get comfortable with this new escort. His Rei-chan was coming back.

He’d promised.

“I not help it,” he complained now. “Almost two month pass and no Rei-chan.”

“Didn’t he say it would take _at least_ two months to return?” Gou asked pointedly. “He still has a week to make it back in time.”

Nagisa sighed. “A week is much long time,” he declared, flinging his arms dramatically across the table.

Gou giggled, poking his nose with her finger. “You’ve survived the last seven weeks. You can make it through one more.”

“No, I cannot.” Though even as he protested, Nagisa realized that a week was only seven days. In seven days he would see his Rei-chan again, and that wasn’t much time at all in the grand scheme of things.

He sat up to finish eating his mackerel soup. Haruka sat beside him, already finished with his own. When he noticed the others were done, he stood, gathering their bowls and utensils to carry to the wash bin. Nagisa stood, hurrying over to fling his arms around Haruka’s waist from behind.

“Thank you for the soup, Haru-chan,” he said, nuzzling his head against Haruka’s back.

Haruka patted Nagisa’s arm briefly, and Nagisa pulled away to turn to Gou.

“Rin-san become king in one month,” he said. “He not want me anymore after this, yes?” He couldn’t keep the hopeful tone from his voice, and he felt it shift to disappointment, as Gou shook her head with a sympathetic look.

“A king can still have a harem,” she said. “Even if he’s married. I don’t think he’d give you up just because he has a wife. In fact, I’m sorry to say, he may request you more because of her.”

Nagisa wrinkled his nose. “But he love Sou-chan. He can have him instead.”

“My brother’s an idiot. And Sousuke isn’t much better,” Gou mused, tapping her chin. “Though I suppose I _could_ try to nudge them in the right direction. It isn’t exactly proper for a member of the kingsguard to court a king, but as king Rin can technically have whoever he wants. Of course it wouldn’t be a legitimate relationship, what with Rin being married.”

Nagisa sighed. “Sou-chan not want that,” he said, shaking his head.

Gou matched his expression. “You’re probably right.”

The two of them stared gloomily down at the tabletop, until Gou pushed her chair back and stood, stretching her arms above her head. “I should head back before Momo discovers I’m gone and has a conniption.”

“Where is he?” Nagisa asked curiously.

Gou grinned deviously, pressing her finger to the side of her mouth. “I sent him searching for scarab beetles. I insisted it was very important that I have one.”

Nagisa couldn’t help but laugh. “In middle of night?” he crowed.

Gou giggled. “He didn’t seem confused at all! Simply went immediately to find one.”

“You are much naughty, Gou-chan,” Nagisa said with a proud grin.

Gou flipped her hair over her shoulder. “What are you talking about? I am an angel always.” She winked at him.

“Hey! That is what I say!”

Gou laughed and blew him a kiss before skipping out of the kitchens. Nagisa clung to the warm feeling in his chest, wanting it to stay throughout the night, as the dreams of Rei were never enough.

He turned to look at Haruka, who was methodically washing the dishes they’d been using. Chewing on his lip, Nagisa tentatively walked over and reached to curl his fingers into the back of Haruka’s tunic.

“Will you stay with me again tonight?”

Haruka paused, before turning slightly to give Nagisa a small nod.

Relieved, Nagisa went to sit back at the table to wait for Haruka to finish cleaning. He kicked his legs back and forth absently. Ever since Rei had left, Nagisa found himself growing more and more lonely in his room by himself, especially when his dreams were plagued with nightmares of all the horrible things that could happen to Rei while he was gone. In an effort to curb these fears, he began asking Haruka to spend the night with him.

They couldn’t be together every night, because neither of them wanted Haruka to be recognized and get in trouble. But once in a while they risked it and Nagisa felt safe and calm beneath Haruka’s arm, feeling his reassuring heartbeat against his back. He could almost imagine Makoto there with them, which, while painful in of itself, at least kept the nightmares at bay.

Uozumi didn’t like it, but Nagisa always arrived with a handful of stuffed dates, so the guard continued to let it slide, though he always warned that if Captain Yamazaki ever came by unexpectedly he wouldn’t warn them.

Nagisa doubted Sousuke would grow angry with him because of this. Of all people, he should understand the aching desire to be in the arms of a warm body at night. And while Nagisa sometimes felt guilty for using Haruka as a substitute for Rei, Haruka never seemed to mind. In fact, in the times Nagisa glanced at Haruka’s face in the moonlight from the high window above them his features appeared peaceful.

Nagisa hoped that Haruka was gaining some comfort from their nights together as well.

Just as Nagisa was about to grow impatient and ask Haruka when his tasks would be completed, the older boy turned from the wash bin, wiping his hands on a drying cloth, before hanging it on a hook on the wall.

Nagisa leaped to his feet, immediately grabbing Haruka’s hand and pulling him from the kitchen. At the last minute he remembered to grab the small basket by the door that held the stuffed dates (a basket Haruka restocked every night, just in case).

Uozumi sighed when he saw the two approach. “This again? One of these days you’re going to get caught,” he warned, taking the basket Nagisa offered him.

“Aw, Uozumi-san, you are much cute when you worry,” Nagisa said with a grin, flicking the edge of the man’s vest.

Uozumi grumbled but stepped aside. As he did, Nagisa noticed a slight flush coloring the man’s cheeks. Pleased that he still had his charm despite his depressed nature as of late, Nagisa skipped down the hall, tugging Haruka along behind him.

“We can still sleep together like this when Rei-chan comes back, if you want,” he offered, as they entered the room past the curtain.

Haruka looked around, always seeming somewhat unnerved by the place. Nagisa drew closer, leaning up to lightly kiss the underside of Haruka’s jaw.

“You’re all right, Haru-chan,” he assured his friend.

Gently, he led him over to the mountain of cushions and blankets that served as his bed. Once Haruka had laid down with his back to Nagisa, the slave stripped out of his concubine attire, donning his simple tunic. He absently rubbed his wrist, trying to remember the feel of Rei’s lips on his skin. He sat down on the cushions, drawing his knees up to his chest. Tenderly, he kissed his wrist, trying to recreate the touch.

It didn’t help. No matter how many times he did it, it wasn’t the same. It didn’t create the same sensations. Turning to look down at Haruka, he held his arm out to him.

“Haru-chan, can you kiss my wrist?”

Haruka shifted onto his back, frowning vaguely in confusion. “Why?”

Nagisa fidgeted. “I want to know how it feels.”

Haruka looked at the wrist before him. “It’s wet.”

Grimacing, Nagisa quickly wiped his wrist on his tunic, before bringing it back in front of Haruka. “Please?”

Sighing, Haruka sat up on one elbow. He took the back of Nagisa’s hand in his, lowering his lips to brush them against the blue veins that pressed against the fairer skin. Nagisa bit his lip, staring at Haruka’s face, as he lifted his head and looked back at Nagisa expectantly.

“It’s not the same,” Nagisa admitted in disappointment.

“I’m not Rei,” Haruka said pointedly, laying back down as he released Nagisa’s hand.

“I _know_ that.” Nagisa pulled his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. “I just miss him so much. Don’t you ever wish you could just . . . wish really, _really_ hard and Mako-chan would appear in front of you?”

He glanced at Haruka, but his expression was all the answer Nagisa needed.

“I just want him back. I hate it here. I’m tired of being cheerful all the time and pretending that I like what Rin-san does to me. I’m tried of acting like I’m happy to serve when all I want is Rei-chan and you and Mako-chan and all of us together far, far away from here.”

Haruka sighed again, which Nagisa took for agreement. Lying down, he pressed against Haruka’s side, and the older boy shifted, wrapping his arm around Nagisa’s waist and pulling him closer. Nagisa placed his head on Haruka’s chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart.

“I don’t want to be a slave anymore. I just want to be Nagisa,” he whispered, squeezing his eyes shut.

Haruka’s fingers trailed up and down his spine soothingly, and Nagisa exhaled with a shudder. He nuzzled his face against Haruka, breathing in his scent and trying to match his friend’s easy breathing. It took a few moments, but gradually Nagisa’s body relaxed until he found himself drifting to sleep.

  

“Nagisa.”

A stern voice stirred Nagisa awake. He shifted beneath Haruka’s arm, feeling the other’s breath ruffle his hair with a gentle sigh. He could tell Haruka was still asleep behind him, curled around him like a kitten with a ball of yarn, so he did his best to remain still, as he opened his eyes and squinted against the light to look up into Sousuke’s disapproving face.

His throat closed, as icy fear froze his veins. He swallowed hard, biting his lip.

“You not be angry?” he said quietly, doing his best to keep his voice from trembling. “Please.”

Sousuke sighed, moving to crouch in front of him. His frown softened, as his gaze flickered from Nagisa’s face to the arm wrapped around Nagisa’s waist, Nagisa’s fingers clasping Haruka’s firmly.

“Did the two of you . . .” Sousuke trailed off, but he looked at Nagisa with a meaningful glance that Nagisa understood immediately.

He shook his head. “We only sleep,” he assured the man.

Sousuke sighed, rubbing his forehead. “He’s not allowed out of the kitchens. You know this.”

Nagisa instinctively tightened his grip on Haruka’s hand. “You not take him from me,” he said resolutely.

Sousuke blinked. He rubbed his neck, looking away. “Listen, there’s something I need to tell you. It might be better if we spoke in private . . .”

“You say anything in front of Haru-chan that you say to me.”

“Nagisa . . . it’s about Ryu—Rei.”

Nagisa heard Haruka’s breath hitch, felt his arm tighten around him. So he wasn’t asleep. Nagisa’s heart had begun to pound harder against his ribs, pressing painfully against them. He struggled to inhale, staring at Sousuke’s face, the grim expression on it.

“One of the company we sent returned to us early this morning. He was covered in blood, completely in shock. It took a while to get the story from him, but apparently the group was attacked. They fought as best they could, but he believes he’s the only one who escaped alive.”

Nagisa felt the blood drain from his face. His entire body felt cold, despite the warmth of Haruka still holding him close.

“R-Rei-chan?”

Sousuke shook his head, his eyes sad. “I’m sorry, Nagisa.”

_No. This isn’t real. This isn’t real._

Nagisa squeezed his eyes shut, releasing Haruka’s hand in order to smack his fist against the side of his head.

“Wake up. Wake up,” he muttered, his voice trembling.

“Nagisa . . .”

“Wake up! Wake up!” Nagisa pounded harder, his fist quickening with the rapid beat of his heart. He trembled, clenching his teeth.

_This isn’t real. This is another nightmare. I just need to wake up. Wake up, Nagisa!_

Haruka’s arm lifted from around him, and he felt himself being pulled into a seated position, hands grabbing at his wrist to stop his fist. He resisted, struggling against strong arms that encircled him. He felt himself pressed against a wide, hard chest, but he continued to fight, legs kicking cushions and blankets, hands flailing at his face.

“WAKE UP! WAKE UP!”

His nails dug into his skin, drawing blood. He cried out, but he couldn’t tell if it was from the physical pain or the one in his heart.

“Nagisa, please.” Sousuke’s voice was in his ear, soft and earnest and broken. He vaguely heard him requesting Haruka’s help, and he felt thin hands tug at his wrists once more, pulling his nails from his face.

“No! Let me go! It’s not real! He’s not dead! He’s not dead!”

The words came tumbling from his lips, and Nagisa couldn’t tell if they were Nekoran or Makurian. His eyes burned, tears stinging the welts on his cheeks as they streamed down. He couldn’t stop them. He couldn’t do anything besides kick and scratch and scream.

Sousuke struggled to hold him steady, eventually managing to pin his arms to his sides. Nagisa flung his head back, catching Sousuke’s mouth and chin with a _crack_. The man cursed loudly, but didn’t release his hold.

They were cruel to keep him in this nightmare. Why wouldn’t they let him wake up?

“I hate you! I hate you!” he shouted, sobs wracking his body, his chest. “Let me wake up! Wake me up! Please! _Please_!” His lungs burned, his throat as well.

Eventually he realized that no matter how hard he fought, Sousuke was strong enough to keep him down. So his body began to sag, slowly slumping down toward the floor. His limbs felt heavy, and he hiccupped softly, as the tears continued to fall but the savage cries faded to quiet whimpers.

“I’m so sorry, Nagisa,” Sousuke said, his voice catching on the words. “I’m so so sorry.”

Nagisa barely heard him. There was a rushing in his ears, waves crashing heavily against his head. He relaxed his eyes, slowly opening them to stare at the arms that were wrapped around his waist. Angry red lines covered them, but Nagisa couldn’t feel guilty about that. He couldn’t feel anything.

He felt numb.

Then gentle hands cupped his cheeks, lifting his head. He stared into Haruka’s soft blue eyes; saw the sympathy and pain in them and felt his heart breaking anew. Sousuke’s arms finally moved from around him, and Nagisa fell heavily into Haruka’s chest, gripping the older boy’s tunic tightly, as his body quivered.

Haruka’s hands lay on his back, rubbing in small circles.

“R-Rei-chan,” Nagisa hiccupped softly.

“I know.”

“ _Rei-chan_.” Nagisa whimpered, burrowing his face deeper into Haruka’s chest.

“I know, I know.”

But how could Haruka know? How could he understand this agonizing pain that’d torn through Nagisa’s soul? Makoto was still alive somewhere out there. But Rei . . .

“Nagisa . . .”

Sousuke’s hand touched Nagisa’s shoulder, but Nagisa flinched and it fell away. He heard the man sigh heavily.

“I’ll advice my prince to use a different concubine for a while,” he said then.

Nagisa didn’t respond. He waited until Sousuke had left, before allowing Haruka to lay him down, his head in Haruka’s lap. He closed his eyes, feeling the last of his tears slide into his ears.

“He promised he’d return. He _promised_.”

Haruka remained silent, but he ran his fingers tenderly through Nagisa’s hair, his other hand grasping Nagisa’s tightly.

“He promised . . .”

 

***

 

The following week passed in a haze for Nagisa. He remained in bed, blankets pulled over his head despite the heat. Sousuke came by every day to try to get him to eat something, but Nagisa refused food. It was only when Gou came down herself, eyes full of sorrow and sympathy, urging him to nourish himself that Nagisa sat up and ate methodically.

All his movements felt as though he were living underwater. He could barely lift his arms, and moving his feet seemed impossible, so he remained on his bed. He sat for Gou, but he could never fully focus on her face, his gaze continuing to shift to the side, as he rubbed the inside of his wrist over and over again.

During the second week, Gou had news for him concerning the marriage proposal.

“Obviously my brother isn’t going to marry the princess of Nekor,” she said carefully, fingers twisting together. “So my father told me that he’s marrying me to the prince of D’mi. That’s our sister country to the east. We’ve always been friendly, but so far they’ve kept out of our affairs. They have a very large military, and my father hopes that with our union we’ll be able to conquer Nekor once and for all, by either forcing a surrender or simply invading.” She sighed, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

“I don’t truly _mind_ the idea of marrying the prince,” she continued when Nagisa offered no reply. “I know it's for the best of our country, and it's not as though he is a complete stranger. I’ve met him before a few times. He’s only a couple years older than I am, which is a relief. And he's nice and really handsome. He has incredible muscles.” She tried for a smile, but Nagisa only stared blankly back at her, before looking away. She sighed.

“I hope you’ll come to the wedding. It’s in two weeks. My father wants this done as quickly as possible. I think he’s trying to secure a victory before Rin becomes king and ruins everything, but I don’t think it’s going to work.” She reached forward, grabbing Nagisa’s hand, stopping its incessant rubbing against his wrist. “Please, Nagisa, say you’ll come. I want my best friend to be there supporting me.”

Nagisa blinked, that last sentence registering with him in a way the others hadn’t. “I am your best friend?”

Gou smiled, nodding quickly. “Of course you are. So please say you’ll come.”

Nagisa chewed on his lip. “I not . . . be good company.”

Gou shook her head. “I don’t mind. You can sit in the corner and eat all the cake if you want to. I’ll just be happy that you’re there.” She leaned forward to kiss his cheek gently.

Nagisa managed a tiny smile for her. For a moment he felt a stirring in his chest, slight warmth that spread through him slowly. But as soon as Gou left, the despair trickled in, snuffing out what little happiness he’d gained from Gou’s words.

 

***

 

Haruka visited as often as he could. He never seemed to know what to say, so he usually said nothing, simply sat or lay beside Nagisa, stroking his fingers through Nagisa’s hair. Sometimes he would kiss Nagisa’s face and neck, lips moving in soft, soothing patterns. Nagisa had been surprised the first time he’d done it, and he’d moved his face away, looking up at Haruka with a puzzled frown.

“What was that for?” he’d asked.

Haruka had looked at him with a helpless expression. “I don’t know what else to do,” he admitted, the pain evident in his voice.

 _This is how broken we are,_ Nagisa had thought, allowing Haruka to continue. Neither of them had experience with comfort outside of sensual touch, but somehow the way Haruka kissed him felt less provocative and more tender. He wondered vaguely if an older brother would kiss his younger brother in this way to console him.

One night, the night before Gou’s wedding, things went too far. Nagisa couldn’t blame Haruka for his actions, however. He knew he would have done the same if their roles were reversed; indeed he had once, though it hadn’t gone as far as this.

They were lying together on the improvised bed, Nagisa on his back with Haruka leaning slightly over him, mouth moving back and forth between Nagisa’s cheek and collarbone, trailing kisses to and fro. Nagisa was hit with an overwhelming attack of grief, and he stifled a sob with his fist, closing his eyes as his body shook.

There was an aching hole in his chest where his heart should’ve been. He could feel it as keenly as though it were physical present, and the pain crawled through the emptiness it left, tightening until he felt as though he couldn’t breathe.

“Rei-chan,” Nagisa gasped.

Haruka’s face appeared before him, concern etched deep into his features. Tears blurred Nagisa’s vision, until Haruka faded into a swirl of blue and black. He blinked, and his vision was restored, as the tears feet hot into his ears.

“It _hurts_ ,” he whispered. “I-I can’t stand it, Haru-chan. Please, please make it stop hurting.”

Haruka looked completely lost, and his gaze shifted around the room, as though hunting for an answer in the curtains, the wardrobe, the vanity. Nagisa reached for his tunic, clinging to the material. He knew Haruka couldn’t do anything to ease this pain, and he was about to apologize, when Haruka bent and kissed his lips.

It was heated, frantic, and Nagisa found himself reacting to it instinctively. He met that desperation with his own, clinging to Haruka, as their lips searched anxiously for some type of relief, some way to alleviate the anguish in both their hearts. Tears continued to slip from Nagisa’s eyes, wetting Haruka’s cheeks.

Haruka’s hand slid up Nagisa’s side, gripping him closer. Nagisa could feel his body shaking, and his own imitated the tremors. But even as he registered the warmth of Haruka, felt his pounding heart matching the rapid beat of his own, the horrible ache never diminished. Instead, it seemed to grow, and he wished it were Rei above him.

This burning need for Rei brought Nagisa to his senses. As he felt Haruka’s hand begin to travel toward the hem of his tunic, he reached for it, grasping it tightly, pulling from the kiss.

“Haru-chan, w-we can’t,” he panted, shaking his head. “I-I know why you kissed me, but it’s not . . . it’s not fair. You love Mako-chan, yes?" 

Haruka stared down at Nagisa, and his throat constricted. He nodded slightly. “Yes,” he murmured.

“And you want to do this with him, yes?”

Again, Haruka nodded, his gaze shifting to the side. Nagisa bit his lip, reaching up to run his fingers gently through Haruka’s dark hair.

“I want Rei-chan,” he admitted softly. “You want Mako-chan. So we cannot do this together. It wouldn’t be right. I would only be thinking of Rei-chan, which isn’t fair to you. And you would only be thinking of Mako-chan—”

Haruka frowned slightly, his gaze returning to Nagisa’s face. “No. I was doing this for you. To . . . help . . .” He stopped, looking away again.

“I shouldn’t have asked you to,” Nagisa admitted. “This isn’t something you can help me with, Haru-chan. Not in this way. I-I’ve learned that giving someone pleasure doesn’t take away their pain. It only distracts them. And I-I don’t want to use you for a distraction. You-you’re not supposed to treat the people you love in that way.”

_Rei-chan taught me that . . ._

He stroked his thumb across Haruka’s cheek, and the other leaned into his touch briefly with a heavy sigh.

“I want to take away your pain, but I don’t know how,” Haruka admitted softly, his voice strained.

“I-I don’t think this is something that anyone can take from me,” Nagisa admitted, that despairing thought settling on him with the weight of a dozen bricks.

Haruka pressed his forehead against Nagisa’s shoulder, and Nagisa ran his hand over the back of his head slowly, his other moving to rest against Haruka’s back. They lay in this way as the night lengthened, neither speaking, the silence thick with sorrow. Eventually, Haruka shifted to the side, and Nagisa turned, curling into a ball, pressing his back to Haruka’s chest.

“Do you remember when Mako-chan found the pomegranate tree?” Nagisa asked softly into the dark, closing his eyes as he listened to Haruka’s ragged breaths. “He ate so many his fingers and lips were red for days.”

Nagisa heard Haruka’s breaths begin to even. “I remember,” he said after a pause.

“That was the first time I saw you laugh.” Nagisa sighed shakily. “We all laughed. It was almost like we weren’t truly slaves, only normal boys beneath a pomegranate tree.” He swallowed hard, not sure where he’d planned to go with this reminiscence. In the end he simply fell quiet again and hugged Haruka’s arm to his chest.

 

***

 

Gou made a beautiful bride. She practically glowed with radiance in her wedding kaftan, the material made of the finest silk, rich in colors of red and gold. Her red hair was hidden beneath a headscarf of the same brocade, and her hands were dark with henna designs.

The groom appeared nervous as Gou and the king made their way toward him and his own parents, the king and queen of D’mi. Nagisa didn’t catch his name, but he seemed nice, though he couldn’t help but feel as though nobody would be good enough for Gou. He realized with a start that she would leave the palace to become the future queen of D’mi, and a new melancholy swept through him. He mustered up a smile for Gou when she searched for him in the crowd and their eyes met, but as soon as she turned toward her new husband, Nagisa inched backward through the congregation of people gathered to witness the important occasion, until he reached the back of the room.

Here he slumped against the wall, hugging himself tightly. He’d worn the tunic Gou had had made for him and sent to his room. It was a dark blue with pink brocade that she wrote in a note would bring out his eyes. He was simply grateful that he wasn’t dressed as a concubine. He’d be too easy to recognize in that attire, and Rin stood upon the dais along with his father to give Gou away. Nagisa didn’t want Rin knowing he was there.

“Are you all right, Nagisa? You look pale.” The concerned voice of Aiichiro brought Nagisa out of his ruminations.

Nagisa shrugged. “I am hungry, that is all. Much look forward to cake,” he grinned, but even Aiichiro could tell that it was forced, because the worried expression never left his face.

“I heard about Ryugazaki,” he said quietly, as the ceremony continued. “I’m truly sorry for your loss.”

Nagisa inhaled sharply, resenting Aiichiro for bringing up Rei when he was supposed to be happy for Gou. He frowned, pushing off the wall to straighten.

“He is only my escort. I not sad for him,” he lied.

Aiichiro’s brows furrowed slightly, but Nagisa turned away quickly before the young man could question him. The ceremony ended and the people cheered, the citizens of D’mi who’d arrived with their royal family yelling louder than the Makurians. Once the celebratory shouts completed, those invited to stay for the reception filed into the next room, where wine and cake were being served. Dancers from D’mi performed, their movements stiff and direct in a way that seemed to tell more of a story than the flowing, sensual movements of the Makurian concubines, whose main purpose was to seduce and attract.

Nagisa situated himself in a corner of the room, wondering if it would be all right if he simply slipped away to return to the harem. But he didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye to Gou, so he remained where he was, anxiously shifting from one foot to the other.

“Nagisa, I’m surprised to see you here.” Sousuke approached him with a gentle smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

Nagisa looked away. “Gou-chan ask me to come.”

“I’m glad you did.”

His voice sounded genuine, as did his words, but Nagisa couldn’t stop the anger that began to pound furiously inside his head, causing a sharp pain to flash behind his eyes.

“You are happy Rin-san not marry Nekor princess,” he spat. “You are happy the scroll not reach Nekor palace. So you happy Rei-chan die.”

The shock in Sousuke’s face almost caused Nagisa to regret his words. 

“You think I’m happy about what happened to Ryugazaki?” Sousuke asked, dumbfounded.

“Yes! You only care for Rin-san, so you are happy Rei-can die so Rin-san not marry someone else!” Nagisa clenched his fists, feeling them start to tremble.

Sousuke frowned. He lifted his hand, grabbing Nagisa’s chin to force him to look up at him. “Do you honestly think that your pain makes me happy? Nagisa, you may not believe me, but I _do_ care about you. And yes, I’ll admit that I am relieved my prince will not be forced into a marriage he would hate, but I sincerely wish that it had happened another way. I did not send Ryugazaki on that mission hoping he would fail!”

Nagisa didn’t want to believe him. He wanted someone to hate, to blame for what happened to Rei. He jerked his chin out of Sousuke’s grasp, glaring at the wall beside them.

“Nagisa, please. Don’t hate me for this. If you truly hate me, I-I . . .” He trailed off, appearing to struggle for words.

Nagisa glanced sidelong at him, surprised by the sudden vulnerability in the man’s voice. Sousuke sighed, rubbing his forehead wearily. After frowning at the floor a moment, he reached out, picking up Nagisa’s hand to kiss the back of it gently.

“I understand if you need someone to blame,” he said softly then. “If it will give your heart some peace . . . then I fully accept the blame. I-I’ll accept your hatred if it will relieve your pain in any way.”

Nagisa stared at the man in disbelief, his anger fizzling. He still desired a person to fault for Rei’s death, but he suddenly realized that he didn’t want that person to be Sousuke. The man had always been good to him. Had always been there for him. Had never treated him like a simple slave. How could he possibly despise him?

“I-I . . . I not blame you,” he said then quietly, and the look of relief that shifted Sousuke’s features told Nagisa he’d done the right thing. His chest still ached, but a small piece of his heart seemed to have found its way back into place.

It wasn’t much, but it was something.

Gou found him when most of the festivities were starting to wind down. Nagisa stood from his seat in the corner, bowing deeply. He was surprised when she grabbed him in a hug.

“I’ll visit all the time, all right? So don’t worry. I’m not going to let our friendship fade away.” She kissed his cheek, pulling away to beam at him.

“You are beautiful.” It was all Nagisa could think of to say, and although it was true, the word caught in his throat, as it reminded him of Rei.

Gou smiled gently, stroking Nagisa’s hair gently. “Things will get better,” she told him quietly.

“I am not sure I believe that,” Nagisa admitted. “Nothing is good without Rei-chan.” He shook his head.

Gou bit her lip, taking his hand and giving it a squeeze. “Write to me, all right? Let me know how you’re doing. I’ll do the same.”

“You will be much busy as new queen,” Nagisa pointed out.

Gou shook her head. “Toru won’t be king for another few years, so I’ll still only be a princess until his coronation. So I highly doubt my life will be much different from how it was here. Except, of course, I won’t have my best friend to sneak into the kitchens to see.” She frowned suddenly, and flicked Nagisa’s nose. “Promise me you won’t forget to eat.”

“I promise,” Nagisa said, rubbing his nose.

Gou smiled then and kissed his cheek once more. “Take care, Nagisa-kun,” she said in Nekoran.

Nagisa’s eyes widened, but then he found himself smiling. “You do the same, Gou-chan.”

The smile remained as Gou hugged him tightly, and he managed to keep the warm feeling present until he reached his room. Then the darkness crept in, and he curled beneath his blanket.

_How can things get better when Rei-chan is gone?_

That night, his dreams were full of butterflies and penguins and lotus flowers, and he wept silently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up Next: Sousuke's POV, Rin's birthday and coronation, and a confession


	19. Sousuke - My King

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was meant to be up last night but internet goblins had other ideas, so sorry about that! Thank you all for being so patient!

Sousuke’s feet tread heavily, as he made his way down the hall of the harem toward Nagisa’s room. He paused before he pushed aside the curtain, inhaling deeply to steady himself. Then his fingers gripped the material lightly, lifting it as he stepped into the room.

“Nagisa.”

The slave lay on his cushions, a blanket pulled up tight beneath his chin. He stared with such despondency into nothing that Sousuke felt his chest tighten. Approaching tentatively, Sousuke knelt on the floor in Nagisa’s line of sight. He pressed his hands against his knees, resisting the urge to brush the limp golden hair from the boy’s forehead.

“I know you probably do not wish for me to disturb you,” Sousuke continued quietly. “But my prince has requested that you dance for him during the celebration following his coronation. I told him you hadn’t been feeling well lately, but he insists. Do you think you can muster up enough strength to do this one thing? I know you don’t owe him anything, but . . . I also think that getting out of bed would be good for you.”

“I left bed for Gou-chan wedding,” Nagisa pointed out in a voice barely above a whisper.

“That was four weeks ago,” Sousuke said, pausing, as he studied Nagisa’s face, the griminess of his hair. “Have you bathed at all since then?”

Nagisa wrinkled his nose. “Why I bathe? I stay in bed all day.”

Sousuke sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Come, you’ll feel better if you bathe.” He stood, holding his hand out to the boy, but Nagisa only shook his head and burrowed deeper into his cushions. Suppressing another sigh, Sousuke bent, scooping Nagisa into his arms. Almost immediately he had to tilt his face away, the slave smelling quite ripe after so many days without cleaning.

A dull ache twitched in his upper chest where the scar from the knife still marred the skin. But he ignored this, carrying Nagisa out of the room and toward the bathing room of the harem.

“Sou-chan, put me down. I not want to,” Nagisa protested, pressing his hands against Sousuke’s shoulders.

But the boy was weak after weeks of barely eating, and his struggles did nothing. Sousuke entered the bathing area, scowling at the two concubines already in there until they hurriedly donned their clothes and scurried away. Once they were alone, Sousuke set Nagisa on his feet, holding onto his shoulders in case he attempted to escape. But Nagisa simply stood there, hands hanging limply at his sides.

“You’re so frustrating,” Sousuke complained, moving to gently lift the tunic up and over Nagisa’s head. He set it aside, telling himself to burn it later. Then he guided Nagisa into the steaming water of the bath, allowing him to take his time and adjust to the heat.

Once Nagisa was settled, he grabbed a bar of soap, dipping it into the water and then rubbing it between his hands until it lathered. Then he lifted Nagisa’s arm, scrubbing the underside and then the top, before moving across his shoulders to do the same to his other arm.

Nagisa sat quietly, not protesting but also not doing much to help Sousuke wash him, sitting there stiffly, forcing Sousuke to move him like a doll.

“It doesn’t have to be a long or elaborate dance,” Sousuke said finally to break the oppressive silence.

The blank look on Nagisa’s face was almost physically painful to see. Sousuke never thought he’d miss that irritating cheerfulness Nagisa always displayed, the way he would tear through the halls with Aiichiro chasing after him, his laughter echoing throughout the wing. He used to always get into trouble, cause mischief and have the harem guards practically tearing their hair at his antics.

But there was no smile to be found on this face, only sorrow. His eyes held years of grief, an emotion Sousuke had never seen there before, yet it sat naturally in his expression, almost as though he’d been feeling it long before Rei’s death.

Had his cheerfulness been merely an act this entire time? Had the moments of what appeared to be happiness been only a farce? The thought dragged Sousuke’s heart down into the base of his chest. His hands paused, and he rested the soap lightly against Nagisa’s spine, as he tilted forward, pressing his forehead against the side of Nagisa’s head.

“I’m sorry,” he said heavily, unsure for what he was apologizing, but feeling the need to anyway.

“I not tell him I love him,” Nagisa said softly.

Sousuke leaned back, studying Nagisa’s profile. The boy’s eyes were turned toward the water, tears sparkling in the corner of the one Sousuke could see.

“What?”

Nagisa sighed shakily. “He tell me he loves me, over and over. And I not say it back. I-I . . . I am afraid Rin-san take him from me if I say it. And now he never know.”

Sousuke brought the soap up to Nagisa’s hair, scooping up water in his palm to spill onto the boy’s head. “I think he knew,” he said then, massaging the suds into the golden strands, glad he could say _something_ to help. “How could he not? Your eyes shone whenever you looked upon him, and you called him ‘-chan’. I noticed the way he stopped holding your chain, and yet you never ran. You remained by his side. You trusted him. He knew that.”

“Trust not same as love,” Nagisa said, shaking his head slightly.

“It’s more similar than you’d think.” Sousuke pressed lightly against Nagisa’s shoulders until the boy slid down, allowing his head to touch the water. Sousuke ran his fingers through the locks as they floated, watching the bubbles from the soap slip away. He looked down into Nagisa’s face, the soft curves of his cheeks, the bright magenta of his eyes.

With his solemn expression, and his skin paler from lack of proper sunlight, Nagisa almost resembled the angel he always claimed to be. Sousuke felt a fierce protectiveness grip him. He wanted nothing more than to shield Nagisa from his pain, to draw him out of his despair. But what could he do? He wasn’t in a position to give the boy his freedom, and he couldn’t bring Rei back from the dead.

He pulled Nagisa back up into a seated position. His hands worked quickly to clean the rest of him, and then he lifted him out of the water, sitting him beside the bath. Standing, he walked to the shelves that lined the wall. He selected a sharp knife, followed by several bottles filled with fragrant oils. Sitting back down beside Nagisa, he pulled the boy’s legs into his lap, beginning to carefully scrape away the hair that had returned there.

Nagisa leaned back on his hands, watching Sousuke silently.

“I’ve never liked the way my prince has treated you,” Sousuke admitted after a moment. “I would say that he doesn’t know any better but . . . that doesn’t exactly make up for anything.” He sighed. “I’m sorry you’re in this position, and I sincerely wish I could help in some way.”

“You let me keep Haru-chan,” Nagisa murmured. “This helps.”

Sousuke finished with one leg and began on the next. “Even so . . . doing this feels wrong. Like I’m preparing a lamb for the slaughter.” He glanced up at Nagisa’s face, noting the surprise there. “I wasn’t lying when I told you I cared about you. In truth, you’re probably one of my favorite people here.”

A ghost of a smile flickered across Nagisa’s lips, but that was enough. Sousuke smiled, finishing and leaning forward to press a kiss to Nagisa’s forehead. He lifted the boy’s arms then, very carefully scraping away the hair in the pits, before moving the knife to the boy’s abdomen. Once Nagisa’s body was acceptably smooth in the requirements for a concubine, Sousuke selected an oil made from lavender, finding that one the most pleasing of the fragrances. He gently spread the oil over Nagisa’s form until the boy gleamed.

Then he stood, shrugging out of his kaftan. He pulled this over Nagisa, though it hung awkwardly on his slender frame, slipping off one shoulder. Guessing that couldn’t be helped, he gently pulled Nagisa to his feet, holding his hand firmly as he led him out of the bathing room and back into the harem’s hall. He parted with Nagisa reluctantly, lingering in the doorway.

“You don’t have to smile for him, when you dance,” he offered, knowing that was a poor consolation.

Nagisa bowed. “Thank you for caring for me, Sou-chan,” he said softly. “And . . . for your words.”

Sousuke’s lips tilted upwards in a gentle smile. He bowed in return. “It is my honor to serve,” he said, catching the startled look on Nagisa’s face, as he straightened.

He turned and left then, honestly wondering if he could convince Rin to part with his favorite concubine.

 

***

 

Rin’s coronation fell on the same day as his birthday; King Matsuoka had arranged it so. While the palace staff hastened to finish their preparations of the throne room, a growing crowd appeared within the palace gates, people pressing close to the front doors of the palace, eagerly awaiting the ceremony. It made Sousuke nervous, especially knowing that there were probably still those who did not wish for Rin to rule, but surely they wouldn’t attempt anything during the coronation ceremony.

As an extra precaution to ensure the safety of both prince and king, Sousuke had the entire kingsguard stationed inside the throne room, and he requested for the gate and door guards to double their numbers. Citizens spilled out from the gates and into the streets, everyone anticipating the moment when their prince would become their king.

When Sousuke stepped into Rin’s chambers to inform him of the approaching time, he was stunned to find his prince pacing back and forth across the front room, dressed in his night robes. A few slave boys scurried about, nervously pleading with Rin to stand still so they could properly dress and prepare him.

“You’re going to wear a hole in the floor if you continue,” Sousuke warned, a playful edge to his voice.

Rin started, turning toward him with wide eyes. “Sousuke! I-I . . . I can’t do this. I’m not ready! I know nothing of running a country or-or overseeing a military, and we both know my social skills are lacking and I’m confident most of my people hate me. How am I supposed to rule under these conditions?!”

Sousuke frowned, stepping forward to lay his hands on Rin’s shoulders. “Breathe, my prince,” he said gently. “You’ll have advisors to assist you, just as your father the king does. As for your public image . . . perhaps throw less parties and attend more festivals.” He smiled, reaching up to finger a strand of hair that had fallen before Rin’s face, ignoring the slaves’ presence for the moment.

“You’ll be by my side no matter what, right?” Rin asked, reaching up to clasp Sousuke’s hand in his.

Sousuke nodded. “You have my word.”

Rin visibly relaxed in response, and a nervous smile tilted his lips. “I feel like I’ve swallowed several rocks,” he admitted.

Sousuke lightly tapped Rin’s stomach with his fist. “I can force them out, if you’d like.”

Rin leaped back with a yelp, and Sousuke laughed.

Aiichiro opened the door tentatively, peeking his head in. When he saw the two of them standing there, his eyes widened, and he quickly stepped into the room.

“My prince! Your coronation is in less than an hour! You need to ready yourself!”

Sousuke glanced over Aiichiro’s own attire. He was wearing the white and red kaftan that marked him as a member of the kingsguard, his accompanying white cloak and pantaloons spotless despite the sand that the wind often carried through the windows of the palace. The leather of his sandals shone, and the scabbard at his side did as well, deftly polished. His hair had been combed and lay in perfect strands over his head.

“You look rather handsome today, Nitori,” Sousuke couldn’t help but say with an appreciative smile.

Aiichiro squeaked, a flush coloring his cheeks. “You truly think so?” he asked, beaming, as he ran his hands over his kaftan almost reverently.

Sousuke reached over to tug on the edge of Aiichiro’s cloak. “I wouldn’t be surprised if you caught some maiden’s eye today.”

Aiichiro’s hands fluttered to the side. “Oh, I-I don’t—”

“Sousuke, will you stay?” Rin’s voice interrupted Aiichiro’s flustered response, and Sousuke turned to watch the slaves carefully step forward to pull Rin’s robes from his shoulders, revealing his lithe frame, naked aside from his loincloth.

Sousuke wasn’t sure if the gods loved him or hated him in that moment. He glanced at Aiichiro briefly. “Ah, our prince will be at the throne room presently. You may tell the others.”

Aiichiro nodded quickly, bowing before exiting the room at a brisk pace.

Sousuke turned back in time to see the slaves beginning to coat Rin’s skin with oil that smelled of orchids. He inhaled deeply, his gaze never leaving Rin’s face, as his prince stared back at him with an intensity that made Sousuke’s knees weaken. Swallowing hard, Sousuke stepped over to where Rin’s kaftan lay across a chair. It was a deep purple with gold brocade, and beside it laid stark white pantaloons. These one of the slaves took, holding them before Rin, as his prince stepped into them.

Sousuke approached then, carefully sliding the kaftan over Rin’s head. His prince pushed his arms through, before allowing the material to fall down to his thighs. The front of the kaftan opened at his throat, baring a triangle of skin, Rin’s collarbones peeking from behind the material. Sousuke had to resist leaning forward to lick that exposed skin, and he took a step back to steady himself.

“Sousuke?” Rin’s eyes studied Sousuke’s face, as the slaves drew close to begin pulling his dark red hair back into an intricate braid.

“Y-yes, my prince?” Sousuke attempted to focus, reminding himself that this was the future king before him, and it was far more inappropriate for him to have these sorts of feelings for a king than it was for a prince.

“After the celebration . . . I’d like to speak to the man in the dungeons. The one who tried to kill me.”

Sousuke blinked, shock causing his heart to cease beating momentarily, before it picked up speed quickly. “What is it you intend to do, my prince?” he asked, uneasiness twisting his stomach.

“I want to understand him. I want to know why my people despise me. I want to . . . I want to make things right.” A flush colored his cheeks, and Rin looked away, rubbing the cuff of his kaftan between his thumb and forefinger.

Was this truly Prince Rin Matsuoka before him? Had he been replaced by an imposter?

Rin frowned at Sousuke’s lengthening silence. He looked back at Sousuke’s face, his frown deepening in irritation.

“What’s with that expression?” he asked, gesturing absently.

Sousuke hastened to rearrange his features. “Forgive me, my prince. I’m merely surprised. Honestly, I expected you to merely execute him.”

“You said yourself that if I wanted to be a king that people would love I should find solutions to problems that didn’t involve violence,” Rin said pointedly.

“Well, yes, but I never anticipated that you would actually _listen_ to me.”

Rin grinned, his sharp teeth glistening. “You shouldn’t have underestimated me. I’m nervous as hell, but if I’m going to do this . . . I want to do it right. I want to be a _good_ king.”

Sousuke stared, resisting the sudden urge to grab Rin’s arm, jerk him close, and kiss him as hard as he could. In the end he settled for bowing deeply, a smile threatening to split his lips.

“I believe you will be, my prince.”

  

The ceremony commenced without any delays, and Sousuke wondered if it was the presence of the D’mi citizens and royal family that the king had invited that kept any violent protesters at bay. Princess Gou looked healthy and joyful beside her new husband, and Sousuke was glad to see that she seemed to be thriving. She hugged her brother has he approached the throne, whispering something into his ear that had Rin smiling brightly.

Sousuke watched with his heart pressing against his chest, his breath catching in his throat, as Rin took a seat on the throne, his father stepping up beside it. In his hands he held a white turban, a single, large ruby set directly in its center. Gold thread weaved through the seams, glittering in the sunlight streaming in from the high windows of the room.

“With the powers invested in me by the gods, I pass the title of King of Makuria and Lord of the Seven Colonies to my son, Rin Matsuoka, on this, the twenty-first anniversary of his birth, as is tradition. May the gods grant him the wisdom and compassion to rule justly, with honor and stability. Long live the king!”

“Long live the king!” The crowd shouted in reply.

Sousuke inhaled sharply, as he watched the turban descend onto Rin’s head, settling gracefully atop his flaming hair. As it did, shouts and cheers rang out. A crooked smile tugged at Rin’s lips, and he raised a hand, the cheers growing louder as he did. In this hand, the former king Matsuoka placed a golden staff, its circular tip adorned with various diamonds and rubies.

_My prince . . . my king . . . he is beautiful._

Sousuke felt his heart swell with pride, and when Rin’s gaze turned upon him, his smile widening into a bright grin full of excitement and triumph, he couldn’t help but grin in return.

The celebration afterward was a wild event, with wine flowing generously and food disappearing quickly into appreciative mouths. However, Sousuke noticed Rin barely drank and refused most food offered to him. Concerned, Sousuke approached his seat, set on a dais above the crowd. He knelt before the golden chair, bowing his head respectfully.

“My . . . king,” he said, stumbling only briefly over the new title. “May I inquire as to your health?”

Rin laughed. “There’s no need to be so formal, Sousuke,” he chided. “It’s still me. And I’m fine. I just . . . my stomach still hasn’t settled completely.”

Sousuke glanced up, a taunt on his lips. But he quickly swallowed back the words. To jest with a prince was one thing. To insult a king was quite another.

_This is going to take some getting used to._

He stood, stepping to take his place beside Rin’s seat, eyes surveying the cheerful gathering before him.

“Nagisa agreed to dance for you,” he said finally. “But please don’t judge him too harshly if he refuses to smile. The boy is still unwell.”

“Did something happen to him?” Rin asked with a faint frown.

“It is nothing for you to concern yourself with,” Sousuke said quickly, knowing the last thing Rin needed to hear was that his slave and guard had become intimate without his knowledge.

“I haven’t been quite satisfied with my other concubines,” Rin said with a sigh. “He truly is the best of the lot.”

Sousuke held back any replies to that, simply lifted his gaze as the music changed and the concubines entered, feet stomping to jangle their anklets, wrists twisting in the air to make similar noises with their bracelets. Nagisa led the group, as usual, and Sousuke was surprised to see a smile on his face.

It was only when the boy drew nearer that he saw the expression didn’t meet his eyes. They were still dark, melancholy. But nobody else seemed to notice, as his body moved with a rhythm that was equal parts mesmerizing and provocative. Appreciative “ _ahhs_ ” and “ _oohs_ ” spread through the crowd, as they parted to make way for the dancers. Sousuke noticed the way Rin’s eyes brightened, his gaze settling immediately onto Nagisa.

Suppressing a sigh, Sousuke took a small step back. He watched the dance impassively, struggling to keep his gaze away from Rin’s face. When Nagisa approached the dais to tease his king with swaying hips and light brushes from his fingertips against Rin’s arms, thighs, and chest, Sousuke could see the tightness of his lips spread against his teeth. And when Nagisa spared a glance toward him, Sousuke saw the pain in his eyes, and he hated himself for his helplessness.

The dance ended after several more minutes, and the concubines filed out of the room to deafening applause. Rin’s face was flushed, and Sousuke got the feeling he’d be asking for Nagisa that night. Grimacing inwardly, he focused once more on the crowd, though in the back of his mind he tried to think of ways he could distract Rin and prevent him from requesting the boy.

 

***

 

The quiet of the dungeons felt stifling after the rowdiness of the celebration above. Sousuke walked alongside Rin, glancing toward his face every so often and only seeing determination there. Sousuke knew that he’d never been down to the dungeons before, and yet he didn’t seem fazed by the dank interior, the slumped figures of men behind metal bars, the haunted look in their eyes.

At least that’s what Sousuke thought. But then he felt trembling fingers touch the back of his hand. He started, tensing as Rin slid his hand into his, gripping it tightly. His mind screamed at him that this was inappropriate, but he ignored it, curling his fingers around Rin’s in return and holding the cold hand firmly.

“Where is the man who attempted to assassinate me during my last celebration?” Rin asked the warden once they came to the man’s office.

“Akira Hisaishi?” The warden gestured down the hall. “Third cell to the right.”

The man glanced briefly at their joined hands, but before Sousuke could grow flustered and pull away, Rin was dragging him down to the cell the man had indicated.

Akira Hisaishi sat cross-legged in the center of his cell, appearing to be meditating. His cheeks were gaunt, and his tunic hung off bony shoulders. Rin released Sousuke’s hand then and approached the bars. Sousuke watched, wondering where he planned to take this visit.

“Why did you attack me?” Rin asked, his voice calm and almost conversational.

Hisaishi didn’t open his eyes. “You are spoiled and immature, a child not fit to rule. Our people are starving, our homes are falling apart while you hold lavish parties and pointless celebrations.”

Rin’s teeth tugged at his bottom lip, and he gripped the cell door with one hand. “What can I do to make things better?” he asked. “Will it help if I spent the money I use on parties to instead rebuild your houses?”

Hisaishi’s eyes opened then, and he regarded Rin with surprise. His gaze traveled over the new king’s attire, noting the official turban on his head.

“So, they’ve made you king,” he said lightly. “A poor decision.”

Rin’s knuckles turned white, as he tightened his grasp on the metal. “You’re wrong,” he said, shaking his head. “I’m going to help fix things.”

“How?” the man asked skeptically.

Rin stood still for a moment, before he turned and called for the warden. When the man approached, he stepped back, gesturing to the cell door.

“Release this man,” he said.

Sousuke blinked, quickly placing his hand on Rin’s shoulder. “My king, are you certain this is wise? This man tried to kill you.”

But Rin waved him off, and Hisaishi looked as stunned as Sousuke felt, as the warden unlocked the cell and opened the door. Hisaishi took a tentative step forward, as though he were afraid Rin would change his mind. But the newly appointed king only regarded him thoughtfully.

“I am showing you mercy, because I’ve seen first-hand the poverty of which you speak and it haunts me as well. I can see how your situation could cause you to do desperate, despicable things. I’m going to give you and your family some money, to do with as you please, and I’m going to change the way the citizens on the outskirts of this city are treated. You will be given better housing and better access to food and employment. I swear it as your king.”

Hisaishi’s eyes were wide, and they widened further, as Rin deftly pulled Sousuke’s sword from its sheath, holding the hilt out to the man before him.

“My king!” Sousuke yelped, grabbing Rin’s arm without thinking. “What are you doing?!”

Rin ignored Sousuke, his gaze remaining on Hisaishi. “If you still wish to kill me, now’s your chance. But if you do, your situation and the situation of your neighbors and friends will not change. I trust you’ll make the right decision.”

“My king, don’t be foolish,” Sousuke pleaded, his heart hammering in his chest as he looked from Hisaishi to the sword to Rin.

“Stand down, Sousuke,” Rin said calmly. “I believe in him.”

Hisaishi took the sword slowly, and Sousuke shifted his weight to the balls of his feet, ready to spring forward at the first sign of hostility from the man. But instead all he did was kneel before Rin, offering back the sword.

“You’ve gained my respect, mi’lord,” Hisaishi admitted. “But how do I know you’ll keep your word?”

Rin accepted the sword, sliding it back into Sousuke’s scabbard, before reaching toward his turban. He plucked the ruby from its center (Sousuke winced) and handed it to Hisaishi.

“Consider that the first of my restitutions,” Rin said with a sharp-toothed grin.

Hisiashi stared at the large stone in awe, bowing low. “You have my thanks.”

Looking pleased with himself, Rin turned and began to walk toward the entrance of the dungeons. “Warden, make sure this man is safely escorted from the palace. If anything happens to him, you’ll have myself to deal with.”

The warden bowed. “Yes, mi’lord.”

Sousuke shook his head, waiting until they were back in Rin’s chambers before allowing all his frustration and anxiety to come rushing forth. “I knew being crowned king would change you, but I didn’t realize it would make you descend into complete insanity!”

“It worked, did it not?” Rin asked with a grin, removing the turban and setting it on his vanity. He fingers moved to begin unbraiding his hair, but he grimaced as a couple got caught in a snarl.

Sighing, Sousuke moved to assist, his fingers gently untangling the long strands of Rin’s hair. “He could have killed you.”

Rin tilted his head back to look up at Sousuke. “I noticed the way you tensed. I knew you would have saved me. But there was no need. I knew he would choose the right path.”

Sousuke’s shook his head, pushing Rin’s head forward once more in order to finish removing the braids in his hair. “I wish I had your faith in people,” he admitted.

He pulled his hands back, but before he could step away, Rin turned and grabbed his wrist. Sousuke’s skin burned at the contact, and he swallowed hard, as Rin tugged him closer.

“I’m king now,” Rin said, a pointed look in his eyes that Sousuke didn’t completely understand.

“Yes . . .” he replied warily.

Rin huffed, setting his other hand on Sousuke’s chest, stroking the thin material of his kaftan lightly. Sousuke’s heart faltered a moment, before pounding quickly against his ribcage.

“As king, I can practically do whatever I want. I can be with whoever I want.”

Realization hit Sousuke like a punch to the stomach, and he wheezed, quickly retreating.

“My king, what you are suggesting is highly inappropriate,” he said, after ensuring that his voice would remain steady.

Rin frowned. “It’s not inappropriate if I initiate it,” he said, closing the gap between them with a single, purposeful stride. “I know it took some time for me to realize my feelings, but I want you, Sousuke. I want you in the way I want my concubines. No, I want you _more_ than I do them.”

Sousuke inhaled sharply, closing his eyes and praying to the gods for strength. When he opened them again, Rin’s body was inches from his, and his king’s fingers were tugging gently on the hem of his kaftan.

“My king . . .” Sousuke reached down, wrapping his hands around Rin’s wrists, pulling his fingers from his clothes.

Rin tilted his head; his eyes focusing on Sousuke’s face with such intensity, Sousuke feared he’d be able to see straight into his soul. Clearing his throat, Sousuke stepped back once more.

“My king,” he tried again, shaking his head. “You’re being naïve. You will still need to produce an heir. You will still need to marry a woman of your choosing to become queen and rule by your side.”

Rin scowled suddenly. “I don’t want a queen,” he said sharply. “I want _you_.”

Sousuke sighed. “I cannot give you an heir.”

Rin twisted his arms out of Sousuke’s grip, grabbing Sousuke’s own wrists and holding them tightly. “Fine, but even when I do marry, I want you to stay by my side. I want you to be my lover, Sousuke! I thought that’s what you wanted as well!”

There was open frustration on Rin’s face, and hope flickered in his eyes, turning to desperation when Sousuke failed to respond immediately.

Sousuke gently shook Rin’s hands from his wrists, reaching to stroke the line of Rin’s cheekbone with his thumb. “Perhaps I’m being selfish,” he admitted then quietly. “But I do not wish to be your lover. I want more than that. I wish to be your one and only. Your moon and stars. Your everything.”

Rin inhaled sharply, his eyes widening.

“And that is something you cannot give me,” Sousuke continued, his chest constricting, his lungs struggling to expand. He exhaled shakily, bending to brush his lips against Rin’s. He knew he shouldn’t, but if he could be selfish for just one moment . . . perhaps it would be enough to sustain him.

Rin’s mouth opened for him almost instantly, and he felt the weight of Rin press against him. Slowly, Sousuke moved his hand to cradle the side of Rin’s face, as he deepened the kiss, lips moving in slow, careful strokes. Rin responded in kind, his fingers gripping the front of Sousuke’s kaftan.

Sousuke wasn’t sure how long they stood there, tasting each other in small, tentative nips and licks, while a growing heat pulsated in Sousuke’s abdomen. Rin’s tongue sought entrance first, and Sousuke welcomed him with a soft murmur. He wanted to grab the young man, grip him tight and throw him on the bed to take him with all the pent up emotion he’d been holding back all these years.

But instead he forced himself to break the kiss, to step away, to release Rin completely until the space between them grew to a safer distance.

Rin frowned, panting softly. “I can give you that,” he protested breathlessly. “I can give you anything you want. I am king!”

Sousuke couldn’t help but chuckle at the indignation on Rin’s face, even as his chest ached. “Oh, my king. My sweet, naïve king.” He reached forward, brushing the back of his knuckles against Rin’s flushed cheek. “You can give me many things, it’s true. But you cannot give me this.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Rin said flatly, his volume rising. “I’ll find a way! I _will_!”

The determination in Rin’s expression caused Sousuke’s heartbeat to quicken for just a moment, before he realized the hopelessness that was their reality and the despair threatened to choke him. He cleared his throat, shaking his head as he forced his hand to fall from Rin’s face.

“I hope you do,” he admitted quietly, before bowing deeply. “If you will permit me to go, I have some explaining to do concerning your actions in dungeons.”

Rin said nothing, but he didn’t stop Sousuke from turning toward the doors. Before he could reach them, however, Rin’s voice gave him pause.

“Do you think I did the right thing? In the dungeons, I mean.”

Sousuke glanced over his shoulder at his king, noting the anxious way he twisted his fingers. “I think you’ll be a better king than either of us expected,” he said, and Rin’s face flushed with pride.

Sousuke left with some of the pain alleviated from his chest, but not quite enough to lift his spirits.

 

***

 

After speaking with his kingsguard, Sousuke stopped inside the harem to check on Nagisa. The boy was back on his bed, covers pulled to his chin as usual. Sighing quietly, Sousuke knelt before him, tugging lightly on the blanket.

“You danced beautifully tonight,” he complimented, earning only the faintest of smiles in return.

“Thank you.”

“I . . . I might have done something foolish,” he admitted, not sure why he was telling Nagisa, but simply feeling the need to get some of the weight off his chest, and Nagisa was the only one who he knew wouldn’t judge him for his actions. “I confessed my love to my king.”

For a moment Nagisa appeared confused. “You love Rin-san’s father?”

Sousuke blinked, before laughing despite himself. “Rin is the king now, remember?”

Nagisa smiled sheepishly. “Oh. I forget.”

Sousuke shook his head, settling down to sit cross-legged on the marble floor beneath him. “In any case, it was a poor decision to tell him my feelings. Now he thinks he can somehow give himself to me, when he should know that’s impossible. His first and only concern should be for his people.” He sighed, placing his elbow on his knee, his head in his hand. “Ill-fated love is more painful than it seems in storybooks.”

Nagisa bit his lip. Pushing back his covers, he crawled over to Sousuke. He pushed his arm aside in order to climb into his lap, wrapping his arms around Sousuke’s neck in a firm hug. Surprised yet grateful for the affection, Sousuke encircled his arms around Nagisa’s small frame, holding him close.

The sweet scent of lavender still clung to him, and Sousuke took comfort in it, burrowing his nose against the crook of Nagisa’s warm, soft neck. His body shuddered, as he inhaled deeply, and he felt Nagisa’s fingers start to push through his hair in soothing strokes.

“The gods hate us,” Nagisa muttered.

Sousuke smiled faintly. “I can agree with them hating me, but I see no reason for them to despise you. You may be a mischievous devil, but you are an angel as well.”

“I am angel always?” Nagisa said, his voice barely perceptible against Sousuke’s shoulder.

Sousuke couldn’t help a small chuckle. “Precisely,” he agreed.

Nagisa leaned back in order to look into Sousuke’s eyes. His hands clasped either side of Sousuke’s face, as he stared at him solemnly. “Sou-chan is angel too,” he insisted. “He care for Nagisa always; he not hurt him or treat him like simple slave.”

“I’ll admit, I have grown quite fond of you,” Sousuke admitted, brushing Nagisa’s hair behind one ear tenderly.

“If . . . if Rin-san not be Sou-chan’s, then-then Nagisa can be Sou-chan’s and make him happy, yes?”

Taken aback by this offer, Sousuke could only sit there, as Nagisa pressed a soft kiss to his lips. Although his body responded positively to Nagisa’s sweet mouth, moving with expected grace against his own, warning bells clanged in Sousuke’s mind. And even as he felt himself leaning into the warm, comforting touch, he knew that it wasn’t what he truly wanted, and it wasn’t what Nagisa wanted either.

“Nagisa . . .” The name came as a murmur against Nagisa’s lips, and he had to lay his hands on the boy’s shoulders to push him away in order to stop him.

“We are sad, so we try not to be sad together, yes?” Nagisa offered, his voice trembling as tears burned his eyes. “Sou-chan is good man. Take good care of Nagisa.”

“I-I would,” Sousuke said, swallowing hard. “But I know this isn’t what you want.”

“I want Rei-chan,” Nagisa agreed, his voice breaking on the name. He turned his face away, rubbing at eyes with the back of his arm. “But Rei-chan is dead. I-I not have him ever again.”

“I would be a poor substitute,” Sousuke said, shaking his head. “I already belong to another.”

“I not care,” Nagisa insisted, turning back to look at Sousuke with wet eyes.

Sousuke sighed, trying to ignore his body’s reactions to the kiss and the feel of Nagisa’s slender form in his lap. He had to admit that it was a tempting solution to both their heartbreak. Rin had already offered Nagisa to Sousuke on numerous occasions, and Nagisa no longer had the man he loved. And since Sousuke couldn’t have the man _he_ loved, perhaps it would be possible to find some sort of solace in each other.

They were both desperate for some form of happiness to fill the gaping hole inside of them. It wouldn’t be a complete happiness. It wouldn’t be entirely real, and it wouldn’t fix anything, but maybe it could be enough to at least patch the hole. A makeshift heart.

Sousuke placed his hand on Nagisa’s leg, sliding it up the smooth side of his thigh, slipping underneath the tunic he wore. He ran his thumb against the crease where the boy’s leg met his hip, and Nagisa shivered, closing his eyes.

Bending his head, Sousuke pressed a soft kiss to Nagisa’s neck. The boy responded by tilting his head to the side, allowing more access. Sousuke continued to kiss up along the exposed skin until he reached the boy’s ear. He took the lobe in his mouth, suckling it gently. Nagisa moaned quietly.

Shifting onto his knees, he carefully removed Nagisa from his lap, placing him on the bed of cushions. He leaned over him then, bracing one hand against the red velvet of one of the pillows, as his other hand ran up Nagisa’s leg once more, pushing underneath the tunic to grip the warm skin of his hip.

Nagisa arched into his touch, pressing his hips against Sousuke’s and rotating them slowly in a way that soon had blood rushing south, thickening Sousuke’s member. He groaned softly, brushing his lips against Nagisa’s ear. He thought of Rin, of how much he wished this were he.

Sighing, he leaned back, watching Nagisa’s face as he began to pull his kaftan over his head. The boy watched him impassively, the way he chewed his lip the only indication of nerves. Sousuke paused, as he placed his kaftan on the cushions beside them.

“Nagisa,” he said quietly. “Are you positive this is what you want?”

Nagisa’s throat constricted, and he lowered his gaze to Sousuke’s bare chest. Without answering, he reached up to touch the scars that covered it lightly, fingertips brushing against the puckered skin.

“Nagisa?” Sousuke repeated, frowning faintly.

“Sou-chan is much handsome,” Nagisa replied finally, moving down to kiss at the knife scar above his heart, and then the one beneath his ribs and the one across his abdomen.

Realizing what Nagisa was about to do, Sousuke quickly rose to his knees, placing his hands on Nagisa’s shoulders. “Nagisa,” he said sharply, his frown deepening.

Nagisa flinched, scooting back, out from under his hands. “It not matters what I want,” he said, shaking his head. “Sou-chan is best plan to feeling better.”

Sousuke ran his fingers agitatedly through his hair. Everything felt _wrong_. The boy was desirable, of course. And Sousuke’s body had already decided that it craved him, but Sousuke couldn’t help but think that if they went through with this they would both regret it deeply.

“I’m sorry, Nagisa,” he said, sitting back on his heels. “But I don’t think I can do this. You’re very precious to me, but my heart belongs to Ri—my king. I can’t use you as a substitute for him.”

“But I _want_ you to use me,” Nagisa protested.

Sousuke shook his head. “No, you don’t. You want me to be a substitute for Ryu—for Rei. And believe me, if it wasn’t for my king, I would. I would take care of you and love you and be that replacement that you think you need. But I don’t believe that would make you happy. Do you?”

Nagisa adverted his gaze, turning his face toward the floor.

Sousuke reached out, taking Nagisa’s chin in his hand and lifting it to look into the boy’s eyes. “I know how much you’re hurting,” he said quietly. “I understand your pain. But don’t settle for something you don’t want to try and fill that need in you. It will only lead to sorrow and regret.”

Nagisa blinked up at him, his eyes starting to glimmer with unshed tears. Sousuke moved his thumb to brush away one that began to escape.

“Sou-chan is much smart,” Nagisa admitted quietly after a moment, bringing his knees to his chest to hug them tightly.

Sousuke placed a kiss on the top of Nagisa’s head. “Take the time you must to grieve. Don’t try to force yourself to be happy. Let the pain ease naturally. It will take time, but it’s a process you have to go through in order to find relief. Do you understand?”

Nagisa nodded silently.

Sousuke reached for his kaftan, pulling it back on before standing. “I’ll send Haruka in with some soup for you,” he said. “He can stay the night.”

A faint smile flickered briefly across Nagisa’s lips. “Thank you.”

Nodding and doing his best to ignore the ache inside him, Sousuke left hurriedly, telling himself that he’d done the right thing in condemning himself to a life of loneliness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up Next: Rei's POV, a certain two deserters introduce themselves, and Rei begins his recovery


	20. Rei - We've Come a Long Way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _[crosses fingers and braces self]_

When Rei opened his eyes the first time, he was slung across the back of a horse, securely fastened to its neck. His left arm hung limply at his side, its hand devoid of any weapon, and his other . . . he shifted his head to look down at his right arm. A sword belt had been used as a tourniquet, and pieces from a white cloak wrapped around the stump, now stained dark with blood. He didn’t have time to wonder how he’d gotten this way before he passed out once more.

He managed to wake a second time as the sun sank into the horizon. He noticed the slow, dragging movements of his mount’s feet and wondered vaguely how long the horse had been traveling, and how far he’d gone. He couldn’t sit up to look around, fixed as he was, so in the end he simply closed his eyes. Ignoring the dry scratchiness in his throat, and the way his face burned with the heat of the surrounding desert, he dozed.

 _Surely I must be dead by now_.

That was Rei’s first thought when he woke again. This time, however, he found himself moving past crude buildings, his horse searching for any indication of a place for respite. It stopped abruptly under a wide awning, and Rei could see they’d arrived at a marketplace. In the dawning light, people began to set up their canopies and display their wares, readying themselves for the crowd that would soon come to haggle and purchase.

Rei licked his blistered lips with a tongue devoid of moisture. He tried to call to someone, anyone, but his throat refused to make any sound other than a soft whine.

He wasn’t sure how long he sat there, slumped over the almost unbearable heat of the horse, his vision growing hazy. Just before he passed out for a third time, he thought he saw two young men around his age hurrying toward him. Reaching out, he tried to wave, to signal for help just in case they were headed elsewhere.

“It’s all right, we’ve got you. We’ve got you.”

Rei briefly caught a glimpse of kind, green eyes, before darkness consumed him for the fourth time.

For the next week, everything felt hazy. He drifted in and out of unconsciousness, vaguely aware of people moving to and fro above him. At one point he felt a sharp pain in his right arm, but he was too weak to cry out. Another time he felt a spoon full of warmth broth nudge against his lips. He couldn’t swallow on his own, and so he was grateful when he felt a gentle hand coax the liquid own his throat.

Finally, after two weeks of ministrations and doctoring, Rei awoke fully to find himself lying on a soft bed, covered in a thin blanket. He struggled to sit, almost falling over, as he attempted to prop himself up on his hands and found his right hand missing. He stared down at the clean bandage that covered the stump with some disbelief, touching it lightly with his other hand.

After a moment of contemplation, he propped himself up on his left hand, moving to lean against the wall behind him. He took in his surroundings, eyes flickering back and forth through the room. Without his glasses things were rather blurry, but he could make out a door across the room, which seemed to lead into a living area. He was in a wooden cottage, it seemed, and aside from the bed there was a wardrobe in the corner, small table beside the bed, and a desk by the window. The chair that belonged to the desk had been placed beside the bed.

Seated on this chair was a young man with pink hair, head bowed over his chest, arms crossed on his stomach. He appeared to be sleeping, and with his poor vision Rei assumed it was Hayato. His heart leapt in his chest.

“Hayato?!” he exclaimed. “You’re all right?!”

The young man started, jerking awake with a grunt, almost falling off his chair in the process. Rei glanced around for his eyeglasses and found them on the bedside table next to him. They were cracked, but he grabbed them anyway, swiftly pulling them on.

His heart sank, as he met the gaze of the pink-haired young man before him. Although his hair was the same shade as Hayato’s, and his eyes the same brilliant violet, he was obviously older, the lines in his face harder.

For a moment the two stared at each other with guarded expressions, before the young man’s face broke into a wide grin. This caught Rei by surprise, and he blinked.

“You’re awake! Finally! Do you know how boring it is to watch someone sleep? SO BORING!”

Unsettled by this young man’s enthusiasm, Rei shifted. “If you don’t mind my asking, who are you and . . . where am I?”

“Oh, how rude of me. My apologies!” The young man stood abruptly, bowing deeply. “Kisumi Shigino at your service! As to where you are, you’re in the home of a Nekoran farmer named Hazuki. I do hope you don’t hold his nationality against him, seeing as he treated your wound and all. I can tell by your hair and clothing that you’re from Makuria.”

Rei tilted his head, stuck on Kisumi’s surname. “Did you say Shigino?” he asked. At the affirmative nod, he felt his eyes widen. “You wouldn’t happen to be related to a Hayato Shigino, would you?”

Kisumi’s eyes suddenly narrowed, and all the friendliness left his expression. “He’s my brother. How do you know of him?”

Taken aback by this sudden change in demeanor, Rei adjusted his glasses, trying to ignore the twisting anxiety that had entered his stomach.

“I was traveling with him. He and four others. We were tasked with delivering a royal message to the king of Nekor, but we were set upon by bandits. I-I do not know whether or not Hayato-kun survived, but he must have if I’m alive. He’s the only one who would have covered my wound and sent me away.”

Kisumi’s eyes were widening now, and the color had left his cheeks. “Hayato . . . he’s a member of the Makurian army?”

Rei nodded. “But only in search of you, I believe.”

Rei paused, realizing abruptly that if Kisumi was supposed to be a member of the Makurian army, taken from his home as Hayato had told him, then him being here in Nekor must mean he’d deserted the army. And if he was a deserter then that meant . . .

“Hey, Kisumi-kun, why didn’t you tell me our patient was awake?”

A smiling, bright-eyed young man entered through the doorway. He tilted his head, looking at Rei with a friendly warmth that seemed unnatural to give a stranger.

Rei could only stare, recognizing him instantly from the drawings of Haruka’s that Nagisa kept so close to his heart.

“Good morning,” the newcomer said brightly. “My name is Makoto Tachibana, but Makoto is fine. It’s a pleasure to meet you!”

 

***

 

Kisumi didn’t allow time for pleasantries. He bombarded Rei with questions concerning Hayato, which soon led to Rei spilling his entire story, starting with the battle at the fort, which landed him in the palace in the first place.

At the mention of Nagisa and Haruka, Makoto’s eyes grew wide, practically sparkling with eagerness. He quickly began to ask questions as well, mostly about Haruka and Nagisa’s health, until Rei’s head began to ache, and his right arm itched uncontrollably, despite there being nothing to scratch.

Makoto noticed Rei’s fatigue first. He shut his mouth swiftly, turning to Kisumi.

“We should let him rest,” he said. “He’s still recovering.”

“I need to know exactly where this attack took place,” Kisumi protested, even as Makoto stood and tugged on Kisumi’s sleeve to pull him up beside him. “What if Hayato is still there? Hurt or wandering about without food or water?!”

“I-I’m not sure I could lead you back there,” Rei admitted apologetically. “I don’t remember how I even arrived at this place.”

“We found you in the marketplace, half-dead on a horse,” Makoto said, almost sheepishly.

“This bleeding heart couldn’t leave you alone like that,” Kisumi said, jerking his thumb toward Makoto, who smiled ruefully.

“I can tell you the general area where we stopped,” Rei offered, reaching for his pack, which lay beside the bed. He rifled through it, hoping that whoever had set him on the horse had placed the map in his pack as well. Thanking the gods under his breath, he drew out a worn, bloodstained parchment, which unfurled into a map of Nekor.

“Here,” he said, pointing to a point along the route the company had taken. “I believe that is the place.”

Kisumi frowned down at the map for a moment, before snatching it out of Rei’s hands. He turned to Makoto then.

“I need to go,” he told him softly.

“I know,” Makoto said gently, his fingertips brushing against Kisumi’s shoulder.

“You should stay here. Give Rei-san the grand tour of the farm.” Kisumi grinned. “Introduce him to Kiki.”

Makoto laughed, and Rei watched in bewilderment, not understanding the jest.

“Promise me you’ll be careful,” Makoto said then, tugging absently on a strand of Kisumi’s hair. “You’re so reckless sometimes.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t leave my best man behind,” Kisumi said with a wink. He saluted Rei with the rolled map, before turning and practically sprinting out of the room.

Makoto watched him go, and Rei couldn’t help but notice the worry in his expression. It made his chest twist almost painfully, though he didn’t understand why. It didn’t seem logical, since he recognized the emotion as jealousy. But for what reason did he have to be jealous of Makoto’s relationship with Kisumi?

It was only when Makoto turned back to him with a sad smile and asked, “Is Haru-chan truly all right?” that Rei realized that he’d felt that jealousy for Haruka’s sake.

“I’m not sure,” he answered honestly, pushing those feelings away as best he could. “Physically, he’s doing well. Otherwise . . .” He paused, not entirely comfortable discussing Haruka’s personal feelings with a stranger.

Though he supposed he shouldn’t consider Makoto a stranger, exactly.

Makoto was chewing on his lip anxiously. “But he has Nagisa, yes? He’s not alone?”

At the sound of Nagisa’s name, Rei felt an overwhelming urge to do as Kisumi had done and run from the room, find a horse, and gallop back to Makuria as quickly as he could. However he knew that course of action would be unwise. He doubted he could even stand currently, let alone ride a horse across the desert.

Besides, he’d need supplies and a new weapon and—

He paused his train of thought when he realized Makoto was still awaiting an answer to his question.

“He has Nagisa-kun,” he said, nodding. “But he wants for you. I sent a letter to General Mikoshiba requesting information of your whereabouts but learned you had deserted.”

Makoto flushed, rubbing the back of his neck. “I just . . . I couldn’t . . . there was so much _death_.” He bit his lip, chewing on it anxiously. “I didn’t want any part of it.”

Rei supposed he couldn’t blame him for that.

“Do you know how long I’ll need to wait until I can travel once more?” Rei asked then, already going through a list in his mind of the supplies he would need for his journey.

“It’ll be at least a few more weeks,” Makoto said apologetically. He paused then, seemingly struggling with something.

Rei waited patiently, until Makoto sighed and raked a hand through his brown hair. “Would you mind if I came with you? You’ll be traveling back to Makuria, yes?”

Rei blinked. “Of course I wouldn’t mind. I wasn’t planning on leaving without you.”

Makoto started, eyes widening. “You weren’t?”

Rei shook his head. “I made a promise, to both Nagisa-kun and Haruka-san. I told them that I would reunite the three of you. I don’t intend to break that promise.”

Surprisingly (or perhaps not quite so) Makoto’s eyes filled with tears. He reached forward, taking Rei’s left hand in both of his.

“Thank you,” he said, with such genuine gratitude that Rei found his cheeks heating. “Thank you for taking care of them. I worried they would be alone, that they wouldn’t survive. I was so afraid . . .” He stopped, too overwhelmed to speak further.

Awkwardly, Rei nodded, not sure what to say. “Just . . . come back with me and everything will be all right.”

_Please, gods, let everything finally be all right._

 

***

 

It took Kisumi two weeks to return. In that time, Makoto introduced Rei to the farmer, Hazuki, a kindly older gentleman with magenta eyes and graying blonde hair. Something about him struck Rei as familiar, but he couldn’t quite place what it was.

Hazuki showed him around the farm, introducing him to the infamous Kiki (who turned out to be a temperamental goat who enjoyed butting people in the backside to knock them over, something Rei learned by experience). However it was Makoto who spent the most time with him, tending to his wound and helping him change in and out of his clothes.

At first Rei was embarrassed by this assistance, but he soon became grateful, as dressing himself with only one arm proved difficult. Makoto’s patience seemed limitless, and he guided Rei through daily therapeutic exercises to help strengthen his body. His encouraging words were always genuine, and he seemed pleased with even the smallest of progress.

Rei was sure that without Makoto he would have spiraled into depression and despair. What was left of his right arm could not be called beautiful by any stretch of the imagination. He was scarred and broken, and there seemed to be nothing left of the Great Butterfly.

In the darkness of night, fear and disgust would descend onto him unexpectedly, and he’d tremble, stifling his sobs with his pillow. What would Nagisa think of his butterfly now? Rei couldn’t conceive how the young man could still find him beautiful.

Just the thought of Nagisa’s sweet face paling in horror, or worse, crinkling in disgust, had Rei trembling beneath his blanket. Although he wanted more than anything to be beside Nagisa again, he dreaded their reunion. He couldn’t express these feelings to Makoto either, ashamed and embarrassed by the illogical nature of them. But even though his mind could reassure him easily during the daylight hours, the minute he was alone in the spare room Hazuki had provided for him, the doubt would come crawling back, leaving his nights restless.

When Kisumi returned, Rei and Makoto were stretching in front of the house, Rei carefully rotating his right shoulder. It felt strange, unnatural, especially since he was positive he could still feel his fingers.

Kisumi rode in on the same horse on which he and Makoto had found Rei. Hazuki had nursed her back to health as well as Makoto had Rei, though now she looked as exhausted as her rider.

Makoto rushed forward, helping Kisumi down from the mare. “Did you find him?” he asked urgently, bright green eyes searching the violet ones.

From where he stood, Rei could see the pain behind those eyes, and he couldn’t help but feel sympathy for the young man.

Kisumi shook his head wearily. “I found where the battle took place; there were bodies everywhere. But none of them were Hayato.”

“That’s good, right?” Makoto prompted hopefully.

Kisumi’s lips tilted in a slight grin. “I suppose. I just . . . he’s the only family I have left. If I can't find him . . .”

Makoto glanced back at Rei. “It’s possible he returned to Makuria. Rei and I were planning on going there as soon as he’s well enough to travel. You should come with us.”

Kisumi blinked, eyes widening. “You’re going to Makuria?! Makoto! Don’t you realize what they’ll do to you if they catch you? The penalty for desertion is death!”

Makoto’s lips pursed. “Haru and Nagisa are _my_ family, Kisumi. I have to go.”

Kisumi frowned in frustration a moment, before sighing, slinging his arm across Makoto’s shoulders. “I guess I can’t be helped.” He looked over at Rei, grinning then and sticking out his tongue. “Let’s be reckless together.”

 

***

 

Rei, Makoto, and Kisumi began mapping out their route back into Makuria. Hazuki told them they could take whatever supplies they needed from his farm, but they didn’t want to leave him lacking, so they packed things in small increments throughout the following weeks, as Rei grew in strength and health and Makoto and Kisumi plotted the best way to sneak into the palace.

Rei felt he’d be able to return without incident, considering his position, but they still ran the risk of Makoto or Kisumi being recognized as deserters. They finally decided that Rei would enter the palace first and then, as nighttime fell, he would somehow open the gate to allow Makoto and Kisumi inside to assist him in taking the supplies they would need for the journey back to Nekor.

If they were caught stealing from the palace, they would no doubt be put to death. But Rei couldn’t think of any better options. Not with him needing to get both Nagisa and Haruka out of Makuria, and they most likely not having enough rations or transportation for the five of them (six if they managed to locate Hayato).

Although Rei knew the routine of the palace well enough, he also knew that Sousuke wasn’t an idiot. If he knew Rei had returned, he would most likely find a way to prevent him from taking Nagisa, as Rei had foolishly declared to the man’s face that he would be leaving with Nagisa the next time he entered the palace.

The night before their departure, three long months since his rescue, Rei found he couldn’t sleep. He tossed and turned on the bed, his stump burning with a dull ache that made him irritable. He threw off his blanket, padding out of the room and into the living area of the cottage. A few embers still burned in the hearth, though he knew Farmer Hazuki had most likely gone to bed hours ago. Not wanting to disturb the house with incessant pacing, he moved outside.

The air was cool and refreshing, and wind from the ocean to the north blew past, pulling at his hair. It was getting long. He’d have to cut it before he saw Nagisa (though he supposed it wouldn’t matter since he’d never look beautiful again).

A few soft bleats sounded from the barn up the hill, and he wondered vaguely if the sheep and goats were having as much difficulty sleeping as he. Wandering that way absentmindedly, he found himself at the entrance to the barn when he heard a soft voice singing. At first he didn’t recognize the song, the words too soft. But then the voice grew stronger and Rei froze, the familiar melody curling around his heart like a chain, tightening around it as it struggled to beat normally.

 _“Gently, gently_  
_The wind moves the grass_  
_Quickly, quickly_  
_The darkness will pass_  
_Softly, softly_  
_The loving father sings_  
_May angels shelter you in their wings.”_

Rei rushed into the barn without thinking. Makoto sat against a pile of hay with a lamb in his lap, his fingers stroking through the soft wool on its back. He looked up as Rei came bumbling inside, his song cutting off abruptly.

“Rei?”

“That song! Where did you hear that song?” Rei blurted, before realizing that, of course, Makoto had been like family to Nagisa. It made sense that the boy would sing it to Makoto and Haruka.

Which was why he started in surprise when Makoto replied, with eyes wide with confusion, “Hazuki-san sings it to the lambs.”

Rei blinked. “Nagisa-kun sang that to me. He said it was his mother’s song.”

Makoto stared back at him, his confusion shifting to realization and then to shock. He stood, carefully setting the sleeping lamb against its mother, before rushing to Rei and grabbing his arm.

“Do you . . . do you think—?”

“Hazuki-san is Nagisa-kun’s father!” Rei blurted, almost giddy with this new, startling information. Of course. _Of course_. How had he not seen it before? Those sad magenta eyes, the familiar curve of his smile . . .

Makoto laughed, a delighted laugh of pure joy. “Of all the places in the world . . .”

Rei wanted to run back to the house, to shake Farmer Hazuki awake and beg him to tell him all about Nagisa’s childhood. He wanted to know what Nagisa’s favorite color had been, what his first words were, what type of friends he’d made. He wanted to know about Nagisa’s mother, if only to be able to tell Nagisa about her.

But then he realized that he wouldn’t have to tell Nagisa anything. He could bring Nagisa back here to see his father himself. It made Rei ecstatic to think of giving that to Nagisa. To think he could possibly make the boy happier than he’d ever been.

“We have to get Nagisa back here,” Makoto said, speaking Rei’s mind.

Rei nodded, reminding himself that it would be rude to wake the old man in the middle of the night, even with the news that his son was still alive. Besides, he didn’t want to make any promises he wasn’t positive he could keep.

“We shouldn’t tell him,” Rei said.

Makoto stepped back, eyebrows thrown high. “Eh?! Why not? This is his _son_ we’re talking about. His son that he hasn’t seen in ten years!” 

“Exactly,” Rei said. “I don’t want to get his hopes up unnecessarily. What happens if we tell him and then something goes wrong with the rescue? What if we’re not able to get Nagisa back here? He would spend the rest of his life waiting and waiting, hoping to see his son again and never being able. It’d be like losing him all over again.” He paused, that depressing thought weighing his heart down to his feet.

Makoto was silent for a moment, before sighing, pushing his hair off his forehead. “I suppose . . . that’s a wise decision. But it feels wrong to keep such an important thing from him.”

“We’ll just have to swear to ourselves that we’ll return with Nagisa-kun.”

Makoto studied him for a moment, before nodding. “Right,” he said with determination. He smiled then, touching Rei’s shoulder lightly. “I’m glad Nagisa has someone like you in his life. He’s truly blessed.”

“I could say the same of Haruka-san,” Rei said quickly to avoid embarrassment.

Makoto’s expression suddenly shifted. The light dimmed in his eyes, and he turned away, moving to sit on a bale of hay off to the side. He sighed, ruffling the hair on the back of his head.

“Makoto-san?” Rei said slowly, worry tugging at his chest. He stepped forward, attempting to catch Makoto’s gaze. “Are you all right?”

“I’m terrified,” Makoto admitted softly. “I . . . I haven’t see Haru-chan in four years. What if he doesn’t want to come with us? What if he’s angry at me for running away to Nekor and leaving him behind?” His mouth twisted, and he appeared to be holding back tears.

Rei bit his lip, moving to sit beside Makoto after a moment. “I don’t know what exactly your relationship was before you were separated,” he admitted. “And perhaps it’s not my place to say, but I’m positive that Haruka-san still loves you. I think he would be relieved to see you alive and well. I don’t think he’s petty enough to hold any grudges toward you, especially not when he sees that you did come back for him. And there’s no way he would choose life in that place above you.”

Makoto stared at the floor of the barn. A slender cat approached, mewing quietly. He held out his hand, and the cat immediately began to rub her head against Makoto’s fingers, purring loudly.

“You’re probably right,” Makoto said with a soft sigh. He turned to look at Rei with a small grin. “Just the thought of seeing him again has my heart pounding so quickly I’m afraid it’s going to burst. I couldn’t sleep because of it. It’s been so long and so much has happened that it feels even longer.”

“I know what you mean,” Rei said, nodding. “I’ve only been apart from Nagisa-kun for four months, and it feels like a lifetime.”

Makoto’s grin widened. “You mention his name with such fondness . . . do the two of you have an intimate relationship?”

Rei felt his cheeks heating and was grateful for the darkness of the night. “I-I . . . we do,” he admitted finally, swallowing back embarrassment.

“I’m glad he has someone who makes him happy,” Makoto said quietly, turning back to the cat and scratching her lightly underneath the chin. “He deserves happiness of all kinds.”

“I agree.”

Together they sat in lengthening silence, until the sun began to rise above the horizon and Kisumi’s voice shouted their names from the house, much too chipper for such an early hour. With nervous yet exhilarated butterflies dancing in his stomach, Rei stood and headed out of the barn toward the house, Makoto beside him, to make the final preparations for their journey.

_I’m coming to you, Nagisa-kun. Just hold on a few more weeks._

_We’ll be together again soon_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up Next: Nagisa's POV, the Reigisa reunion, the MakoHaru reunion, and the daring escape


	21. Nagisa - Reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to quote a certain someone I know: PTERODACTYL SCREECH
> 
> (Also: Happy Birthday, Nagisa! I hope this chapter makes up for the hell I put you through this entire fic. <3 )

Nagisa had feared that once Rin became king he’d begin calling for him again, but in the days that followed that wasn’t the case. Nagisa couldn’t help but wonder if that was Sousuke’s doing.

One day, Sousuke managed to coax Nagisa from his room to walk with him through the east wing courtyard. He held the chain around Nagisa’s wrist lightly, matching his stride to Nagisa’s smaller steps. Nagisa squinted against the bright sunlight, not having been outside for five months, the duration of time that had passed since news of the mission’s failure reached the palace. After a few trips around the courtyard, however, he found himself walking easier, eyesight adjusted.

“Sou-chan?” he asked softly then. “Why Rin-san not send for me?”

“He’s been keeping busy,” Sousuke explained. He glanced down at Nagisa with a small smile. “I’ve been making sure he continues his sword training, and he’s also been studying the Makurian laws with surprising interest. Most nights he’s simply too exhausted for entertainment.”

Nagisa nodded slowly. “You think Rin-san make good king?” he asked curiously, still not sure how he felt about it.

Sousuke looked thoughtful, running a hand across the side of his face. “I hope so,” he said. “I have faith in him, but I know not to be naïve. He’s young and inexperienced. He’s bound to make mistakes. I just hope people are patient with him.” He glanced down at Nagisa with a small smile. “In the meantime, if there’s anything you want or need, simply let me know. I’ll do my best to accommodate.”

Nagisa blinked. “But I am only slave. You not have to serve me.”

“I think we’ve already established you’re more than a simple slave, Nagisa,” Sousuke said fondly, reaching over to tug gently on a strand of golden hair.

Nagisa grinned faintly. “Then I get much sweets? All that I want?”

Sousuke chuckled. “I suppose I can allow _some_ sweets. But don’t get yourself sick.”

“I not get sick,” Nagisa insisted, his chest feeling lighter than it had in a long time. He paused, turning to wrap his arms around Sousuke’s waist in a tight hug. “Thank you.”

Sousuke’s hand ran over the back of his head, resting on his back lightly. “There’s no need to thank me,” he said gently.

But Nagisa clung to him, burrowing his face in the man’s chest. He didn’t know what his feelings toward the man were, exactly, but he knew that he at least loved Sousuke in the way he loved Gou, though perhaps not as much as he loved Haruka. Still he wished Sousuke would let them be together, because the aching loneliness of Rei’s absence didn’t seem to be getting better.

Nagisa knew such a wish was selfish. Sousuke was in love with Rin, and even if they attempted a relationship, it wouldn’t be based on true feelings. Sousuke deserved better than that.

 _You deserve better as well, Nagisa-kun_.

Rei’s voice echoed through his mind, and he gripped Sousuke’s kaftan with trembling fingers. Sousuke’s hands moved to his shoulders, attempting to push him away. Nagisa resisted, pressing closer in silent protest.

“Nagisa.”

“No.”

With a long-suffering sigh, Sousuke moved his hands to Nagisa’s waist, lifting him up into his arms. Nagisa wrapped his legs around his waist, arms moving to encircle the man’s neck, as he buried his face against it.

“You truly are a pain sometimes,” Sousuke complained, but there was no malice behind his words. He kept his arms securely around Nagisa’s frame, as he began to walk once more.

They’d circled the courtyard thrice more when Aiichiro came running up to them, cloak fluttering behind him, hair mussed from wind. He stopped before them, doubling over as he panted.

“Nitori,” Sousuke said with a faint frown, peering down at the young guard from behind Nagisa’s shoulder. “What are you doing here? Are you not on duty?”

“Forgive me, Captain,” Aiichiro said, turning his position into a bow. “Nakagawa and Iwashimizu are with him. I just . . . I knew you were with Nagisa . . . and I came as soon as I heard . . .”

Nagisa peeked around to look at Aiichiro, curious as to what was going on. Sousuke moved to set him down, despite Nagisa’s mew of protest. He didn’t want to leave the warmth of Sousuke’s arms, the comfort of them.

“As soon as you heard what?” Sousuke asked, with some exasperation.

“It’s Ryugazaki,” Aiichiro blurted, eyes wide. “He’s alive. And he-he’s here. He’s returned!”

Nagisa froze. Icy fingers reached into his chest, tearing at the hole where his heart used to be. But then he felt it return, pounding loud and fast, pushing its way past the cold shock and spreading immediate heat throughout his body.

“Rei-chan?” He breathed the name in disbelief, as he stared at Aiichiro.

Sousuke glanced down at him, before turning back to the guard. “Where is he?” he asked.

“The infirmary,” Aiichiro said, shifting on his feet. “He was injured—”

Nagisa didn’t wait for Aiichiro to finish. He was running before he realized that he’d moved. He heard Sousuke shout his name, but he ignored him.

 _Rei-chan . . . Rei-chan is_ alive _!_

The word echoed through his mind in a cacophony of sound, banging against his ears, traveling down into his throat to cut off his breath. But he pushed harder, sandals smacking against the marble floor.

_Alive. He’s alive. Alive . . . alive . . ._

He burst into the infirmary, eyes scanning the room quickly. There was an unfamiliar man getting treated for a leg wound, and another slept in a bed by the window. Nagisa dismissed these instantly, his gaze focusing on a man seated on the edge of the bed across the room from where he stood.

Master Ko was inspecting something on his right arm, but Nagisa barely noticed what it was, his eyes fixed on the indigo hair, the crooked and cracked glasses that sat on the bridge of his nose, the bright violet eyes . . .

“REI-CHAN!”

The man had barely enough time to register the sound of his name before Nagisa flung himself on him, arms wrapped tightly around Rei’s neck. They fell back against the bed, Rei grunting softly. Nagisa didn’t notice, hot tears spilling down his cheeks and wetting Rei’s collarbone.

“Nagisa-kun,” Rei murmured, his hand pressing against Nagisa’s back.

Nagisa nuzzled his face into Rei’s neck, crying loudly, unable to hold back the intense emotions that were crashing and surging through him.

“You’re alive, you’re alive,” he sobbed over and over, his body trembling.

“Of course I’m alive,” Rei said, his voice thick with his own tears. “I promised I’d come back to you.”

Nagisa laughed through his tears, joy bubbling up past the relief. He couldn’t believe he was able to hold his Rei-chan again, to smell him, to taste him . . . He pressed his lips against Rei’s neck, peppering it with kisses. His chest ached, the shattered pieces of his heart snapping back into place with sharp finality.

“Nagisa-kun,” Rei said again, clearing his throat. “Perhaps this isn’t the best place . . .?” He sounded apologetic, but Nagisa instantly pulled away, grabbing Rei’s hand to pull him into a seated position, as he stood from the bed.

“Then we go to different place,” he said firmly, unable to take his eyes from Rei’s beautiful face. When he saw a flicker of pain cross his features, he paused, tilting his head.

“Rei-chan?” he said softly.

Rei glanced down at his right arm, and Nagisa followed his gaze, suddenly remember what Aiichiro had said.

_“He was injured—”_

Rei’s right arm ended at the elbow, a thick scar twisting across the base of the stump where the skin had been gathered and sewn together. Nagisa stared despite himself, his eyes widening. What had happened to him? Who’d done this to his beautiful Rei-chan?

Rei quickly pulled back to cover the scar with his hand, his face flushed, as he stared down at the floor between them. “I’m sorry,” he said softly, startling Nagisa out of his stupor.

Confused, Nagisa tilted his head, trying to catch Rei’s gaze. “Why are you sorry, Rei-chan?” he asked.

Rei grimaced. “I . . . I’m no longer beautiful. I completely understand if you’re disgusted with me. If you do not wish for me to touch you or-or if you do not wish to touch me . . . I-I’ll understand that as well.”

Nagisa blinked, his confusion only growing at these words. Rei looked completely vulnerable, his shoulders hunched. His eyelids fluttered closed, as though he were bracing himself for Nagisa’s rejection.

“Rei-chan,” Nagisa said slowly, shaking his head. He bent, placing a soft kiss to Rei’s trembling lips.

Rei’s head came up, and he opened his eyes once more to look into Nagisa’s face with a startled expression. Nagisa grinned faintly.

“Rei-chan is silly,” he said. “I not disgusted. Rei-chan is beautiful always.”

Rei sputtered. “B-but . . . I’m no longer whole! I’m broken and scarred—”

Nagisa grabbed Rei’s hand once more, giving it a firm squeeze. “Rei-chan is beautiful always,” he repeated with such finality that Rei stopped, blinking up at him with such awe and adoration that Nagisa felt his cheeks grow hot.

“We go to your room now, yes?” he asked hopefully.

Rei nodded, still dazed. He allowed Nagisa to pull him to his feet, and they ignored the concerned Master Ko’s words of caution, as they left the infirmary together. Nagisa walked quickly, not wanting to run into Sousuke or Aiichiro, not doubting that they would have followed him. Rei allowed himself to be dragged down the hall without protest.

“Wait,” he said suddenly, coming to a halt before they could enter his room. He stared down at the cuff and chain around Nagisa’s wrist. “Is the prince expecting you?”

Nagisa followed his gaze, before shaking his head. “No, I was walking with Sou-chan. And Rin-san is king now.” He pushed open the door to Rei’s room, stepping inside and tugging Rei in beside him, before shutting the door behind them.

“Ah, that’s right. It’s been over six months since I left,” Rei said, blinking.

“Too long,” Nagisa said, shaking his head. He paused, wanting to jump on Rei and kiss him furiously, but he was afraid of hurting him in his current state.

Instead, he gently led Rei over to the bed, sitting him down on the edge before moving to straddle his lap. He placed his hands on Rei’s shoulders, and Rei’s hand touched his side lightly. Nagisa caught sight of the lotus bracelet that encircled his wrist and grinned faintly.

“You still have it,” he said, touching the jewels lightly.

“Of course I still have it,” Rei said quietly, looking at Nagisa with such affection, Nagisa felt his heart beginning to press more urgently against his chest.

“I . . . I love you,” he said, putting all of his feelings into the words. The relief he felt at finally being able to say it made him almost dizzy, but the emotion in Rei’s eyes kept him grounded.

“I love you too,” Rei said, smiling slowly.

Nagisa couldn’t wait any longer. He snatched Rei’s glasses from his face, tossing them toward the pillows. He grabbed Rei’s bottom lip with his teeth, giving it a soft suck, before he shifted his mouth more fully over Rei’s, kissing him with a longing that ached through his body. Rei responded immediately, pressing back against him with urgency.

Rei’s chest was already bare from Master Ko’s inspection, and Nagisa ran his fingers over the curve of his shoulders, moving them back up to his neck to cup his jaw in both hands. He tilted Rei’s head back slightly, as he shifted closer, nudging his tongue against Rei’s lips. The man parted them, and Nagisa tasted Rei with a new hunger, a moan vibrating his throat.

Rei’s hand started to tug on Nagisa’s tunic, pulling it up around his waist. Nagisa pushed his fingers through Rei’s hair, not willing to give up the kiss just yet, even to shed his clothing.

It felt almost surreal, holding him in this way, feeling the warmth of his hand stroking his side tenderly. His skin shivered in response, and Nagisa had to wonder if this was simply a dream. But it couldn’t be, could it? He wouldn’t have dreamt of Rei losing his arm.

Still, the doubt lingered, and he pulled back to look into Rei’s eyes. Gently threading his fingers through Rei’s hair, moving the strands off his forehead, Nagisa bit his lip.

“This is real?” he asked hopefully, inhaling shakily.

Rei smiled, taking advantage of the new distance between them to pull Nagisa’s tunic over his head. Nagisa helped him, but his eyes never left Rei’s face, even as he returned his hands to Rei’s hair.

“This is real,” Rei promised, leaning forward to lightly kiss Nagisa’s lips, once, twice, thrice, moving his lips down against Nagisa’s neck, giving tiny sucks and licks until Nagisa was trembling.

Rei trailed his fingertips down Nagisa’s spine, pulling them back up slowly.

“I missed you so much,” he murmured against Nagisa’s skin.

Nagisa swallowed hard, leaning his head back to give Rei better access. “Th-they say you die,” he said quietly. “I-I think I lose my Rei-chan.”

Rei paused, leaning away to look once more into Nagisa’s face. He moved his hand, brushing the back of his fingers across Nagisa’s cheek. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “I never meant to hurt you.”

Nagisa shook his head quickly. “I not blame you,” he said, not wanting Rei to grow despondent. He kissed the tip of Rei’s nose lightly. “Things are all right now, yes? So we not have to talk about it anymore.”

Rei appeared ready to say something else, but after a moment he nodded and placed his hand against the back of Nagisa’s head, bringing him close for another kiss. Nagisa reached between them, tugging at the waistband of Rei’s pantaloons. Realizing that he would need to get off Rei in order to remove them, Nagisa sighed into the kiss, before moving quickly to do so.

Rei flushed, seemingly embarrassed by his already half-hard state. Nagisa wasted no time in settling back into his lap, rocking his hips against Rei’s almost immediately. Rei’s hand gripped his back, and his eyes closed as he moaned. Nagisa kissed his forehead, temple, and cheek, before moving his lips to Rei’s jaw and neck. He found a soft place to suck, latching on and feeling Rei’s skin quivering beneath his lips and tongue.

He tasted of sand and sweat, but Nagisa didn’t care. It was Rei and that made him delicious. He rocked faster, his body warming as blood rushed south to harden his length. Panting softly, he brought his lips back up to Rei’s mouth. The kiss was sloppy and wet, but neither seemed to mind, as their lips and tongues slid together greedily.

It’d been so long. So long . . .

“Rei-chan,” Nagisa murmured, moving his hand between them. He grabbed their thickened members, rubbing them both together, his fingers sliding up and down, as white liquid began to dribble from the tips, merging as it mixed and slipped down their flushed skin.

Rei groaned low in his throat, moving his head to bury his face against Nagisa’s shoulder. Nagisa gasped at the pleasure that rolled through him, tightening his stomach. He moved his hand faster, rubbing his thumb across the heads and pulling away with a trail of sticky liquid.

“R-Rei-chan,” he managed once more. “I-I need . . .”

Rei’s grip slackened, allowing him to get off his lap. Nagisa moved swiftly to grab the bottle of oil that still sat on the table beside the bed. He remembered the last time they’d done this with some fondness, before moving back over to Rei. Rei’s eyes followed him, desire burning in his gaze. Nagisa felt hot, and he swallowed hard, before straddling Rei’s lap once more.

He poured the oil over his fingers, moving them behind him. But Rei caught his wrist, stopping him.

“Wait . . . m-may I?” he asked hesitantly, a flush coloring his cheeks.

Nagisa bit his lip, slipping his fingers over Rei’s in order to coat them with the oil. For a moment they sat, simply stroking their fingers over each other, as though fascinated with the soft brush of skin. Nagisa stared at Rei’s long fingers, a nervous giggle threatening to spill, despite the fact that he’d felt those fingers inside him before.

“Nagisa-kun?” Rei asked, concern entering his gaze.

“I love you,” Nagisa said quickly, kissing Rei and guiding his hand back behind him, lifting on his knees to give Rei better access.

Slowly, Rei massaged his entrance with a single finger. The warm wetness of it caused Nagisa to shudder, and his hands gripped Rei’s shoulders. He gasped into the kiss, as he felt Rei push into him. After nearly five months without intercourse, the pressure felt almost foreign, but it didn’t take long for Nagisa’s body to register the familiar sensation.

Rei moved his finger slowly, and Nagisa fought back a whimper, pushing down against his hand without thinking. Rei carefully inserted a second finger, sliding them further inside him. He curled them gently after a moment, and Nagisa broke from the kiss, a sharp cry on his lips.

“R-Rei-chaaan,” he groaned, his heart hammering against his chest.

He felt heat coursing through him, almost unbearably hot. As Rei continued to move his fingers, Nagisa squirmed, gasping for breath as the incredible pleasure only grew. Everything around him began to fade, as he could only focus on Rei’s touch, the feel of his warm breath against his face, the taste of his tongue against his own.

Rei curled his fingers again, harder this time, and Nagisa stiffened, breaking from the kiss once more with another yelp. Stars danced briefly behind his eyes, and with a trembling hand, he reached back, grabbing Rei’s wrist to pull his fingers from him.

“Nagisa-kun?” Rei spoke his name as a question, his breathing labored.

“I-I need you,” Nagisa panted, reaching to grab the oil, pouring it over his hand before grabbing Rei’s leaking member once more.

He heard Rei’s breath hitch, as he coated it quickly, and then he moved forward, position himself over the length. Rei’s hand moved to his hip, stroking the bone that jutted against the skin lightly.

“Are you sure you’re ready?” he asked unsteadily.

Nagisa simply gave Rei a look, pushing down onto him.

At the feel of the heated flesh stretching him, Nagisa cried out softly, a sound that was quickly smothered by another kiss from Rei. He clung to him, trembling, as he slowly pressed the rest of the way down. Rei groaned into his mouth, and Nagisa broke the kiss in order to press his forehead against Rei’s. Closing his eyes, he began to rock, sliding up and then back down. Each time Rei’s tip brushed against that spot from before, he quaked, his vision sparking.

“R-Rei-chan,” he moaned, and he felt Rei’s lips against his ear, kissing it gently.

“Ah, Nagisa-kun,” he breathed, sending more shivers down Nagisa’s spine.

Nagisa moved faster, steadying himself by gripping Rei’s shoulders. His fingers brushed against the scar over his left one, but Rei didn’t seem to mind. Moving his own hand, Rei wrapped it around Nagisa’s length, giving it short, quick tugs that soon had Nagisa whimpering.

The sensations were starting to overwhelm him. The feel of Rei’s lips brushing against and behind his ear, the incredible heat that was building in his abdomen, the pressure that increased and decreased with each rock of his hips. He felt his mind going blank, only one thing circling his thoughts:

_Rei-chan. Rei-chan. Rei-chan._

“I-I love you. I love you,” he murmured, unable to stop the words from spilling out incessantly.

Rei didn’t seem to mind, only jerked his hand faster, until all Nagisa could see were stars. His body twitched, stiffening, and although he tried his best to keep moving his hips, his pace slowed, as his head fell back, and he climaxed with a small cry.

“Nagisa . . . kun,” Rei grunted, shifting his hips off the bed once, twice, to thrust into Nagisa as best he could. Then he began to shake as well, and Nagisa felt him finish inside him.

Rei flopped back against the mattress beneath them then, pulling Nagisa down onto his chest. For a moment they lay there, panting heavily in a sweaty entangled heap. Then Nagisa carefully detached himself, wiping off their chests with the edge of the blanket, before settling on the bed beside Rei. 

Automatically, Rei shifted the stump of his right arm away, but Nagisa reached out to touch it lightly, and Rei froze, watching Nagisa with wide-eyes. Very gently, Nagisa ran his fingertips along the length of the scar. After a moment, he shifted his gaze up to Rei’s face.

“It hurts still?” he asked quietly.

Rei’s throat constricted. “S-Sometimes,” he admitted. “I’m mainly disappointed that I cannot hold you in my arms anymore.” He bit his lip.

Smiling faintly, Nagisa sat up, rolling over Rei in order to lie on Rei’s left side. He grabbed his arm, pulling it around his shoulders.

“You hold me like this,” Nagisa said softly. “It is enough.”

He buried his face into Rei’s chest then, feeling the man’s grip tighten around him.

“I love you, Nagisa-kun,” Rei said after a moment of silence.

Nagisa couldn’t stop the grin from spreading across his face. “I love you too, Rei-chan.”

It felt so good to say it finally, without fear of repercussions. Nagisa was positive that no matter what happened next, Rei wouldn’t leave him. They would be together forever. The very fact that Rei had returned to him seemed to be a sign from the gods themselves that this was right.

That he was allowed to have this.

 

***

 

They lay on the bed together until the sun began to sink in the sky. Nagisa told Rei to tell him everything that had happened on his journey, and Rei obliged, though he faltered some over the story of the attack, and simply said that two men found him and took him in. Then he switched the question onto Nagisa, and an anxiety he didn’t recognize twisted in his stomach.

“I-I . . . I not good while you are gone,” he admitted quietly. “I . . . I kiss Sou-chan and-and ask him to be my lover.”

Rei stilled, studying Nagisa’s face with an unreadable expression.

“I-I’m sorry, Rei-chan!” he wailed, burying his face in Rei’s chest. “Please not be angry with me. I think you are dead, and Sou-chan is kind and I-I . . .”

“You were looking for comfort,” Rei said quietly, stopping Nagisa’s tears before they could surface.

Slowly, Nagisa lifted his head, looking down at Rei’s face in the gathering dark, having to squint some to make out the features. Rei lifted his hand, brushing his thumb across Nagisa’s cheekbone lightly, sending a prickling sensation across his skin.

“Of course I’m not angry with you, Nagisa-kun. You thought you’d lost me. You were upset and wanted rid yourself of the pain. I understand, I do.”

Nagisa bit his lip, nodding. “I not want anyone but Rei-chan,” he said firmly.

“I know,” Rei assured him with a small smile, leaning up to kiss him gently. He glanced toward the window then, as the sun disappeared from the sky, replaced by millions of tiny stars. He sat up then, tugging Nagisa close to kiss him once more before letting him go.

“Come with me. I have something I want to show you.”

He moved off the bed, picking his pantaloons off the floor and slipping them on with some difficulty. He made his way to the wardrobe, pulling a kaftan and cloak from the shelves. Nagisa stepped forward to assist, but Rei waved him off, managing to get them both on. Curious as to what was happening, Nagisa pulled on his tunic, straightening it as he tilted his head.

“What you want to show me?” he asked.

“It’s a surprise,” Rei said, lips twitching, as he struggled to hold back a grin. He picked up his glasses from the pillows, putting them on before taking Nagisa’s hand.

Confused but excited, Nagisa skipped alongside Rei.

Palace staff moved back and forth through the halls, finishing their duties for the night. Gradually the hustle and bustle ceased, leading to an almost eerily quiet settling over the palace. Nagisa began to grow nervous, as he realized Rei was leading him toward an exit that led to the outer courtyard of the palace. Beyond that was the great wall surrounding everything with only one gate to allow entrance. He’d never been outside the palace; it wasn’t permitted. All exits were usually heavily guarded, so it seemed strange that the hallway was empty. When Rei stepped up to the exit, a bad feeling twisted his chest, and Nagisa automatically pulled back, shaking his head.

“I not supposed to leave palace,” he said.

Rei raised an eyebrow. “That doesn’t sound like the Nagisa I know,” he said with an almost teasing smile. “Where’s the mischievous and adventurous Nagisa?”

Nagisa frowned and kicked lightly at Rei’s leg. “He almost lose Rei-chan,” he said pointedly.

Instantly the smile faded from Rei’s lips. He stepped closer to Nagisa, bending to place a soft kiss on top of his head. “It’ll be all right,” he said quietly. “Trust me.”

Some of Nagisa’s anxiety faded from his chest. He did trust Rei. Of course he did. Exhaling shakily, he allowed Rei to pull him through the doorway. As soon as they stepped through it, Rei turned to Nagisa, pushing him back against the wall of the palace gently. “Stay here,” he instructed, before turning and jogging toward the front gate, disappearing into the dark.

Nagisa pressed against the still warm wall behind him, glancing around the courtyard before him. It stretched out several hundred feet and encircled the palace completely. Small gardens full of flowers sat in rows, lines of rocks set as barriers between the grass and the intersecting paths, and in the center of the courtyard was a large fountain, a statue of the former king at its center. Nagisa wondered absently if they were going to tear it down to build a new one with Rin’s visage.

Nagisa’s heart continued to pound nervously, and he chewed on his lip, eyes straining to see if Rei was returning. He hopped from one foot to the other, before realizing that might draw attention to him. He sat down abruptly then, hugging his knees to his chest in an attempt to make himself as small as possible.

What was taking so long? What was this surprise that required Rei to leave the palace walls?

He was just thinking of jumping to his feet and sprinting toward the gate to find Rei (guards be damned), when he saw three figures running toward him, keeping low to the ground. Nagisa blinked. Who were those other two men? How had they gotten past the gate guards? Nervous now for a separate reason, Nagisa stood.

“Rei-chan?” he called softly, and he yelped softly as Rei grabbed his hand and abruptly tugged him back inside the doorway to the palace, the two men close behind.

“Let’s come away from the entrance,” Rei said breathlessly, pulling Nagisa further down the hall.

The four of them stopped once they reached a corridor with no windows or doors, one that would not likely have guards passing through any time soon. That was when Nagisa turned and looked at the two other men, their faces illuminated in the light from the torches on the walls above them. One of the men he didn’t recognize. He had pink hair and sharp violet eyes, a slightly darker shade than Rei’s.

The other was taller and had green eyes and brown hair and, after a moment of staring, Nagisa gasped.

“MAKO-CHAN!”

He threw himself on the man without stopping to think that it might be a bad idea. Makoto stumbled back a step, almost crashing into the wall, as he caught Nagisa in his arms. The pink-haired man placed a hand on Makoto’s back, steadying him.

“How are you here? How did Rei-chan find you? Were you the one who rescued him?” Nagisa words came babbling out in rapid Nekoran.

Makoto ran one hand over the back of Nagisa’s head, the other gripping him around the waist to hold him.

“I did find Rei. After he told me he knew you, I had to come back with him,” he said with a happy smile. “It’s so good to see you, Nagisa.” He pressed a kiss to the side of Nagisa’s head, hugging him tightly once more.

Nagisa felt as though his chest was going to burst from joy. Could that happen? He felt giddy, a laugh escaping his lips before he could stop it. Then Makoto was laughing too, and they pressed their foreheads together, as their laughter led to tears, and they clung to each other.

With a start, Nagisa suddenly remembered that he wasn’t the only one who needed Makoto. He scrambled to get down, and Makoto quickly released him, blinking dubiously as Nagisa grabbed his hand and began leading him out of the corridor.

“Nagisa-kun, wait!” Rei called after him, but Nagisa broke into a run, forcing Makoto to start jogging behind him.

“Nagisa, where are you taking me?” he asked with a nervous laugh.

“To see Haru-chan!” Nagisa exclaimed, thinking that should’ve been obvious.

Makoto halted abruptly, causing Nagisa to trip. He pin-wheeled his arm for a moment before settling back on his heels. Turning, he looked up at Makoto, not understanding the terrified look in his eyes. He tugged on the taller man’s hand, but Makoto wouldn’t budge, only stared down at him with wide eyes.

“R-Right now?” he squeaked.

Nagisa nodded. “Of course right now, come on!” He pulled on Makoto’s hand again, but then noticed how Makoto’s fingers were trembling.

“I-I can’t,” Makoto said in a hoarse whisper.

Nagisa blinked. “Don’t you want to see Haru-chan again?” he asked hesitantly. He suddenly remembered the pink-haired man and a sense of dread filled him.

Did Makoto not share Haruka’s feelings? Had he already moved on with this new man and was afraid of Haruka finding out?

Rei and the pink-haired man rushed to Makoto’s side, both of them panting.

“Nagisa-kun! You can’t just run off. We have to be careful to avoid the patrols,” Rei admonished gently.

Nagisa pointed at the stranger. “Who are you?” he demanded, ignoring Rei for the moment.

The man blinked, a faint grin tilting his lips. “Kisumi. It’s nice to meet you.” He bowed slightly, but Nagisa didn’t return it.

“Are you lying intimately with Mako-chan?” he asked, frowning, placing his hands on his hips.

Kisumi snorted a laugh, glancing sidelong at Makoto. “I would be if he’d let me.” He stuck out his tongue.

Makoto flushed. “Nagisa . . .” he whined.

This didn’t help Nagisa’s confusion. He turned to the worried-looking Rei, pointing at Makoto. “You make him stay here. I be right back,” he said in Makurian to make sure Rei understood completely.

Rei’s eyes shifted nervously around the hall, but he nodded in agreement. Nagisa turned then and sprinted toward the kitchens, determined to make everything better. If Makoto and Kisumi were not involved, then why was Makoto so afraid of seeing Haruka again? Nagisa had only felt pure joy and relief the minute he’d seen both Rei and Makoto, why would it be any different for Makoto and Haruka?

He found Haruka sleeping beneath the table, an extra tunic folded under his head, a thin blanket covering him. Nagisa knelt beside him, reaching out to shake his shoulder quickly.

“Haru-chan. Haru-chan, wake up,” he said insistently.

Haruka awoke instantly, his expression guarded. He sat up slowly, blinking at Nagisa with some perplexity.

“Come with me right now,” Nagisa said, holding his hand out.

Haruka appeared to be considering simply going back to sleep. He looked back at his makeshift pillow, turning back to Nagisa’s hand. His gaze slid up to meet Nagisa’s then, and something in his eyes must have told Haruka of the urgency, for he took Nagisa’s hand after a moment and allowed the small young man to pull him out from under the table.

Silently, Haruka followed Nagisa out of the kitchen. Nagisa’s heart raced, crawling into his throat. He forced it down with a hard swallow, telling himself he was doing the right thing. Everything was going to be all right once they saw each other.

Rei had his hand on Makoto’s shoulder, speaking to him in a low voice and blocking him from view. Kisumi stood beside Makoto, hands folded behind his head, listening with interest. He lowered his arms when he caught sight of Nagisa with Haruka in tow. He nudged Rei, and the man turned, stepping to the side.

Nagisa released Haruka’s hand, taking a step back.

Haruka stood frozen, staring at Makoto with eyes that grew wide and then wider still. Makoto shifted nervously, hands fluttering about in a way that reminded Nagisa of Rei when he grew flustered. He took a step forward, but Haruka didn’t move, only continued to stare, his face pale.

“H-Haru.” Makoto took another step, one of his hands extending toward Haruka.

Nagisa watched, holding his breath, as Haruka’s gaze shifted briefly to the hand offered to him. Slowly, his own hand reached out, his fingers trembling. As soon as their fingertips touched, Haruka moved, faster than Nagisa had ever seen him. He grabbed Makoto’s hand, yanking him forward, even as he stepped into Makoto’s chest.

Makoto tipped into Haruka, wrapping both arms around Haruka’s waist instantly. Haruka grasped at the back of Makoto’s kaftan, gripping and pulling, as though he were attempting to hold Makoto closer, though there was no space left between them.

“Haru, Haru,” Makoto cried softly, burying his face in Haruka’s hair. His voice broke on his words, his shoulders shaking. “I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry.”

He pulled back slightly in order to take Haruka’s face in his hands. From his vantage point a few feet away, Nagisa could see the tears on Haruka’s face, glistening in the flickering light from the torches. His own chest felt tight, as he watched Makoto press his forehead against Haruka’s, his thumbs brushing away the wetness on his cheeks.

“I’m here now. I’m here. Everything’s going to be all right,” Makoto promised through his own tears.

“Makoto.” It was the only word Haruka spoke, but the thickness of emotion in the name said everything.

Nagisa glanced toward Rei and Kisumi. Kisumi was watching shamelessly, an expression of comprehension on his face, as though he suddenly understood something important. Rei’s eyes were trained on the nearest pillar, which he was studying with intensity.

Nagisa looked back at his friends, his family, wondering if it would be rude to interrupt. But all they were doing was staring into each other’s eyes, and so after a moment the impatience overcame him, and he leapt forward, wrapping both his arms around the two of them, hugging them tightly.

“Mako-chan, Haru-chan,” he said happily, bouncing on his toes as he felt Makoto and Haruka lay their arms over his shoulders in return.

“I hate to be the one to halt this touching reunion,” Kisumi said, raising his voice. “But we should _really_ get going to avoid the next guard shift.”

Nagisa and Haruka both started in surprise. They pulled away from the hug, looking from Kisumi to Makoto and then to Rei.

Rei cleared his throat. “Ah, yes, sorry. I forgot to mention that we, ah, we’re taking you both back to Nekor with us? Tonight . . .”

“Tonight?” Nagisa repeated blankly.

Everything was happening so quickly. What about Aiichiro and Sousuke? Would he get to say goodbye to them? He supposed that wouldn’t be a smart idea, seeing as they would be required to stop him from leaving.

Makoto picked up Haruka’s hand, lacing his fingers through his. “Do you have anything you need to bring with you?” he asked, looking down at the young man.

Haruka shook his head, still in shock.

“Haru-chan’s drawings! They’re still in my room!” Nagisa remembered suddenly.

“Are those truly necessary?” Kisumi asked skeptically, earning him a look from everyone present. He held up his hands quickly. “My mistake!”

Rei took Nagisa’s chain, knowing they’d have to look official. “Go to the kitchens and get the rations we need. I’ll go with Nagisa to fetch the drawings. We’ll meet at the stables where I showed you.”

Kisumi and Makoto nodded; Haruka blinked dazedly.

They parted ways, Makoto asking Haruka gently to take them back to the kitchens. He hesitated only briefly before starting to walk, pulling Makoto along behind him. Rei turned to Nagisa once they were out of sight.

“Let’s go quickly,” he urged, and Nagisa nodded.

Together they rushed toward the harem, slowing to a stop before they got to the doors. Uozumi looked up, his bored expression shifting to one of surprise. “Ryugazaki?! I thought you were dead!”

“I’m sorry to disappoint you,” Rei said with a grim smile. “I’m actually returning Nagisa.”

“Where’s Captain Yamazaki? He’s the one who brought him out earlier.”

“He’s completing other duties. Please let us inside.”

Uozumi shrugged, opening the doors for them. Rei paused, glancing toward Nagisa’s wrist. “Can I have your key?”

Uozumi frowned. “Shouldn’t you have one of your own if you’re back on duty?”

Sighing, Rei dropped Nagisa’s chain, swiftly pulling Uozumi’s sword from it’s sheath and whacking the pummel of the hilt against the side of the man’s head with enough strength to knock him to the floor. Nagisa stared, wide-eyed. Rei sighed, rotating his sword arm slowly, as he dropped the weapon.

“I’m too stiff,” he muttered.

Nagisa turned to him. “Wh-why you hurt him?” he asked, his voice betraying his anxiety.

Rei stared down at him in surprise. “Nagisa-kun, this is a rescue. We can’t afford to be stopped and questioned.”

Nagisa couldn’t stop the sickening feeling that continued to twist in his stomach, even as they entered the harem and hurried to Nagisa’s room. He gathered up his drawings quickly, and when he turned he saw Rei had grabbed his box of jewelry from the vanity.

“Rei-chan?”

“We’ll need these to sell,” Rei said, apologetically. “Come, we have to leave now."

Nagisa followed, his pulse pounding in his throat. He couldn’t hold onto Rei’s hand with him holding the box, so he curled his fingers into the back of his cloak. They walked past the unconscious Uozumi, Nagisa’s stomach twisting again at the sight. Rei stopped beside the prone figure. He handed Nagisa the box, before picking up Uozumi’s sword. Nagisa clutched the box to his chest, trying not to focus his gaze on the gleaming blade in Rei’s hand.

They’d almost made it out of the south wing when they turned a corner and Sousuke appeared in front of them. They jumped back, a yelp escaping Nagisa’s lips. Rei automatically raised his sword, stepping in front of Nagisa.

Sousuke raised an eyebrow. “And what is going on here?” he asked slowly.

“I’m sorry, Captain,” Rei said calmly. “But I told you that when I returned I would be taking Nagisa from this place, and I intend to keep my word.”

Sousuke looked past Rei to look at Nagisa. Nagisa trembled, guilt pricking his heart. He couldn’t hold Sousuke’s gaze and lowered his eyes to the floor.

“Where do you plan to go with him?” Sousuke asked.

“Nekor.”

Nagisa glanced at Rei’s face, noticing the bead of sweat that made its way down the side of his face. He could feel his body shaking, and he hoped Sousuke didn’t try to stop them. He didn’t want either of them to get hurt. 

“You should know better than anyone the dangers that await out there,” Sousuke said with a pointed look to Rei’s empty sleeve.

Rei’s jaw clenched. “I can protect him.”

“With one arm? The boy doesn’t even know how to fight or defend himself. He’s safer here in the palace.”

“With you?” Rei asked, and Nagisa was surprised at the bitterness in his tone.

“Rei-chan . . .”

Sousuke’s expression tightened. “Consider Nagisa’s safety,” he said. “Don’t be selfish. Do what’s right for _him_.”

“This _is_ what’s right for him!”

“Stop it! I can speak myself!” Nagisa pushed out from behind Rei, stepping between the two. Rei and Sousuke glared at each other, and his chest felt tight. “Rei-chan, you not worry. I want to go with you.” He tugged on Rei’s sleeve until he looked down at him. Leaning up on his toes, he kissed the man gently. “I want to.”

Rei’s expression softened, and Nagisa turned then to Sousuke. His face was stony, but there was pain behind his eyes.

“I want to,” he said again, firmly, meeting Sousuke’s gaze.

“Nagisa . . .”

Nagisa took his hand, tugging on him until he bent and Nagisa could kiss his cheek. “I will miss you, Sou-chan,” he admitted softly. “But I want to go with Rei-chan. I not care of danger. If I am with Rei-chan, I am happy.” He allowed a tiny smile. “I am sorry.”

Sousuke sighed. “Don’t apologize,” he said, brushing his fingers across Nagisa’s cheek. “I want you to be happy. I’m just . . . worried.”

“I send you letters,” Nagisa promised.

Sousuke straightened, running a hand over his face. “My king will not be pleased.”

“You can handle him, can’t you?” Rei asked flatly.

Sousuke shot Rei a withering look. “Of course I can,” he said. He looked back down at Nagisa, and his gaze softened. He reached for Nagisa’s wrist, pulling the key to the cuff from the pocket of his pantaloons. He unlocked it, allowing the cuff and chain to fall to the floor. “Let me give you something for the journey.” He beckoned for the two to follow him.

After a dubious glance between them, they did.

Surprisingly, Sousuke led them to the stables, where Kisumi, Makoto, and Haruka stood waiting for them, packs full of rations and supplies at their feet. The three of them tensed when they saw Sousuke, so Nagisa quickly reassured them that it was all right.

“Is this Makoto?” Sousuke asked, gesturing to the young man who still clutched Haruka’s hand tightly.

Nagisa nodded. “Mako-chan, this is Sou-chan. He take care of me while I am slave.”

“It’s Sousuke,” the guard said, bowing slightly.

“It’s nice to meet you. Thank you for taking care of Nagisa,” Makoto replied, bowing in turn.

“It was a pleasure,” he said, giving Nagisa a glance that caused his stomach to flutter nervously. He stepped closer to Rei, curling his fingers into the man’s cloak once more.

“If you’re not here to arrest us, then what are you here for?” Kisumi asked curiously.

“To give you a means of transportation,” Sousuke said, stepping into the stables. He came out after a moment with three horses, already tacked. “This is all I can spare.”

“We have a mount waiting outside,” Rei admitted, before adding. “Thank you.”

Sousuke didn’t reply, simply stepped back and allowed Makoto and Kisumi to load the horses with their packs. Makoto swung onto one of the horses, a speckled mare, holding his hand out to Haruka to pull him up in front of him. Kisumi took the other horse, a black Arabian, and Rei handed Sousuke Uozumi’s sword, before pulling himself up onto the third horse, a pinto. He looked down at Nagisa expectantly, but Nagisa turned to Sousuke, wrapping his arms around him in a tight hug.

“Please be careful, Nagisa,” Sousuke said, as he returned the hug. “To think of anything happening to you . . .”

“I will be all right,” Nagisa assured him. “Thank you for being my friend, Sou-chan. Thank you for everything.”

Sousuke brushed Nagisa’s hair back, placing a soft kiss on his forehead, before stepping back. He moved to lift him, settling him on the horse in front of Rei. “Ryugazaki, I truly hope you know what you’re doing.”

Rei nodded, taking the reins in his hand. Sousuke led the way to the gate, calling for it to open. The guards seemed confused, but at their captain’s authoritative tone they hurried to obey, quickly pulling the levers that moved the large chains. The tall, heavy doors slowly began to open, and one by one they trotted through. As Rei and Nagisa exited last, Nagisa glanced back toward Sousuke, thinking he seemed a lonely figure standing alone in the dark, open courtyard. He lifted his hand in a slight wave, truly hoping he’d be all right and could find happiness himself.

“I can’t believe he helped us,” Rei muttered. “I was expecting to attack more than one guard tonight.”

“He love me, I think,” Nagisa said quietly. “So he want me to be happy. And I am happy with you, Rei-chan.” He tilted back his chin, giving Rei a smile.

Rei smiled in return. “Are you happy right now?”

Nagisa looked forward toward the city before them and then at the sky above, the stars winking at him as though they knew something he didn’t. He leaned back against Rei’s chest, feeling the warmth of him and the steady beat of his heart.

He glanced over at Makoto and Haruka riding beside them. Haruka had turned in the saddle, arms wrapped around Makoto’s neck, face buried against his shoulder. Makoto had one hand on Haruka’s back, the other holding the reins. When he saw Nagisa watching them, he smiled, bright and joyful. Nagisa felt his heart fill with an emotion that felt foreign, yet it brought a grin to his face, a real one. He no longer felt that familiar aching pain in his chest; instead it felt full, whole. All the pieces of his heart had been put back together, not a single piece missing.

Looking back at Rei once more, he beamed.

“Yes,” he said cheerfully. “I am happy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up Next: Epilogue with Sousuke's POV, in which Rin finds the answer to their problem


	22. Epilogue: Sousuke - My One and Only

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You all have been so completely wonderful and amazing that I don't really have words to properly give my thanks. This month has honestly been one of the roughest ones for me (in my personal life), but being able to write this story and interact with all you incredible people made it worthwhile. 
> 
> I sincerely hope you enjoy this last chapter (which turned into complete SouRin smut without my intention . . .).
> 
> Edit 9/13/15: Here are some lovely fanarts that the wonderful [muchacha11](muchacha11.tumblr.com/) over on tumblr made for this fic!
> 
> [MakoHaru reunion](http://muchacha11.tumblr.com/post/125743785512/iam-such-a-nerd-for-fics), [ some gorgeous Reigisa](http://muchacha11.tumblr.com/post/125953740742/whats-that-you-say-you-havent-read-blue-lotus), [ Reigisa kisses and cuddles](http://muchacha11.tumblr.com/post/126072593372/you-hold-me-like-this-nagisa-said-softly-it)

_I did the right thing_.

Sousuke sat on the edge of his bed, staring at the marble floor beneath his feet. It was rare that he had the time to relax in his room, but when he’d gone to Rin’s chambers, his king had dismissed him, asking for Aiichiro instead. He’d been confused; especially considering Rin hadn’t seemed irritated with him.

He preferred to be working. Sitting around ruminating on his thoughts was dangerous, especially when his mind kept sending doubt to his heart. It’d been a week since he allowed Ryugazaki to remove both Nagisa and Haruka from the palace. So far, Rin had been too exhausted with his own duties to realize his favorite concubine was missing. But Sousuke had no doubt he would call for Nagisa soon, and then he would have to explain to his king why the slave was no longer in Makuria.

 _I did the right thing_.

Sighing, Sousuke stood, unable to sit still any longer. He left his room, making his way to the training area. He selected a wooden practice sword from the wall, stepping onto the mosaic in the center of the room. Slowly, he went through the different positions and strikes, moving his body with as much fluidity as he could. At one point, however, he had to stop, his breathing more labored than it should have been.

He rubbed his chest where the scar from the knife wound sat above his heart.

He returned the sword to the rack, picking up a cloth to wipe his face, sliding to the floor. Closing his eyes, he did his best to regulate his breathing until the air moved easier through him. As he sat, Nagisa’s face came unbidden to his mind. He grimaced, thinking of the boy out there with no combat or defense training. Ryugazaki was good, but with only one arm, how could he possibly be enough to protect the boy?

Sousuke hadn’t expected to miss Nagisa as much as he did.

And now with Rin insisting he get more rest, Sousuke found himself feeling lonelier than ever.

“Captain Yamazaki!”

Opening his eyes, Sousuke watched impassively as Aiichiro hurried over to him.

“Shouldn’t you be with our king?” Sousuke asked, raising an eyebrow.

“It’s Nakagawa’s shift,” Aiichiro said with a small grin. “Besides, our king actually sent me to fetch you. He has news that he must share with you immediately.”

Sousuke blinked. “News?”

He watched Aiichiro, who was beaming back at him for no apparent reason. Confused, Sousuke pushed himself to his feet, tossing the now sweaty cloth over one of the racks. He followed Aiichiro down the hall, staring at the back of the young guard’s silvery head.

“What news does our king wish to share with me?” he asked finally, unable to keep the question inside.

“I’m not at liberty to say,” Aiichiro said, glancing back at him with a smile. “But I think you’ll like it!”

Sousuke frowned, not having seen Aiichiro this cheerful in a while.

What was going on?

Nakagawa allowed them to enter Rin’s chambers, which were now much larger than his previous ones. The former king Matsuoka had decided to retire to a house by the ocean on one of the island colonies to live out the rest of his days, leaving Makuria in Rin’s hands completely. Already Sousuke could tell the stress was getting to Rin, has he struggled to manage the war and provide for his people. He’d been speaking with the king of D’mi about requesting a cease-fire with Nekor to possibly come to a peaceful solution between the three of them, but contacting the Nekoran king was proving to be difficult.

Meanwhile, the poorer citizens of Makuria were still starving, and Rin continued to send rations to the outlying towns, despite his advisors’ protests that there wouldn’t be enough for the palace officials. Sousuke remembered how proud he’d been when Rin turned to the men and said, “We can afford to tighten our belts, but I will not stand for my people dying in the streets when I can do something to prevent it.”

“Where is he?” Sousuke asked Nakagawa, stepping into the front room.

Nakagawa pointed to the slumped form of Rin at his desk. “He fell asleep a few minutes ago,” he admitted apologetically.

Sousuke approached the desk, looking down at his king. Rin’s hair was splayed across several important looking documents, though his head rested on a large law book, his soft breath rustling the pages. Scattered around him were more books, and Sousuke moved to stack them quietly, pushing them to the side.

Carefully, he brushed Rin’s hair from his face, but the young man didn’t stir. Not wanting to disturb him, Sousuke shrugged out of his cloak, laying it across Rin’s shoulders before turning to Aiichiro and Nakagawa.

“The two of you can stand guard outside,” he said. “I’ll stay here.”

“But, captain, it’s supposed to be your day off,” Aiichiro pointed out softly.

Sousuke walked to a large cushioned chair, settling down in it with a small smile. “It’s all right. I prefer to watch over him.”

Aiichiro and Nakagawa bowed after a moment’s hesitation, leaving the room quietly. Sousuke settled back in the chair, looking over at Rin and watching the rise and fall of his back as he breathed. Sousuke sometimes wondered if it was natural for someone to be so entranced by someone else that they could watch them sleep for hours and never grow tired. It’d always been the case for himself, even back when Rin was younger.

Sousuke remembered a time when Rin was twelve, soon after Sousuke had become his bodyguard. Back then, the boy had irritated Sousuke with his spoiled nature and frequent tantrums. But as he slept, Rin’s expression smoothed to one of peace and contentment, a look Sousuke never saw there while he was awake. Sousuke had found himself able to stand by his prince’s bed for hours, simply watching the boy sleep, until the next guard came to relieve him.

His feelings had been closer to fascination than romantic then, but now he watched Rin with a new fondness, one that had grown since that day on the roof . . .

Rin twitched, sitting up suddenly.

Sousuke stood swiftly, stepping over to the desk. “My king?”

“What happened?” Rin asked, looking disoriented as his eyes scanned the room.

“You fell asleep,” Sousuke said with a faint smile.

“I did?” Rin wiped at his mouth, a spot of drool coming away with his fingers. “Ah. Unfortunate.” He blinked, tilting his head back to look up at Sousuke once more. “What are you doing here? I told you to go rest.”

“And then Aiichiro came looking for me and told me you wanted to share some news with me?” Sousuke said pointedly, wondering if Rin truly didn’t remember.

Rin stared blankly back at him, before grinning. “Oh! Yes! I wanted to tell you that I found it! A solution!”

“To . . . the war?” Sousuke asked hesitantly, still confused.

Rin shook his head. “No, no, for us! I told you I’d find a way to give you what you wanted, remember? And I’ve found it!”

It was Sousuke’s turn to stare now, and he did, eyes wide with disbelief. Had Rin really discovered a way for the two of them to be together? It seemed so improbable, Sousuke had to stifle a bitter laugh.

“My king, I highly doubt—”

“Read this!” Rin slammed the open book that’d been on the desk into Sousuke’s face.

He stumbled back, reaching up to pull the book away with a frown. He looked down at it, eyes scanning the pages before him. He recognized it as one of the books that described the different aspects of Makurian law. It was thick and heavy and Sousuke wondered if Rin had read the entire thing. He couldn’t imagine his king having the patience for it.

“What am I supposed to be reading, exactly?” he asked after a moment, glancing up at Rin.

“Idiot! It’s right there!” Rin pointed to a section under the word “Marriage Laws.”

Sousuke focused on the paragraph, reading aloud quietly. “. . . or if a suitable bride or husband cannot be located, the king or queen may choose to adopt an heir from among the citizens of Makuria, provided the child is already a member of a prestigious household and possesses not a depraved reputation.”

He lifted his gaze to Rin, who was grinning ecstatically.

“You want to adopt already? Doesn’t that seem a little ambitious considering everything else you’re dealing with?” he asked, worried about Rin overworking himself.

Rin blinked. “Are you seriously that dense?” he asked, snatching the book from Sousuke’s hands. “Don’t you see what this means? I don’t need to get married in order to have an heir. I don’t need a queen.” He shook his head, tossing the book back onto the desk, before grabbing Sousuke’s hand.

“Sousuke, this means I can give you what you want. I can be yours and-and you can be mine. My one and only.”

Sousuke’s heart began to pound rapidly, his throat tightening. “I-I . . .”

His mind told him it was still a bad idea. Years of instinctual denial and repression flooded to the forefront of his thoughts, shooting doubt and worry into his heart. So many things could go wrong. If the king of D’mi didn’t approve, he could remove his military support. Would the neighboring countries even take a king seriously who preferred a relationship with his bodyguard to one with a queen?

Would Rin even be able to rule properly if he had someone to worry over in that way? Would he still be willing to put his people first, above all else?

“Sousuke, say something,” Rin prompted, the light fading from his eyes. “Do . . . do you not want me after all? Did I misinterpret everything _again_?”

“No, no,” Sousuke said quickly, hating that disappointed look on his king’s face. He lifted his hand, pushing strands of red hair back behind Rin’s ear. He allowed his fingers to linger, sliding them down the length of the hair until he got to the tip, which he twirled slowly. “I do. I want you. I . . . I love you.”

_Idiot. You can’t just say it like that. It’s not proper. Inappropriate . . ._

But Rin was smiling, leaning his head toward his touch. “I . . . I’m not sure I completely understand this type of love,” he admitted. “But . . . I’m willing to learn if you’ll teach me.” He lifted his own hand, brushing his fingers across Sousuke’s cheek, leaving fire in their wake. “I want to be able to love you the way you love me.”

Sousuke caught Rin’s hand in his, placing it against his cheek, before kissing the long, elegant fingers gently. “If we do this,” he said then, looking across at Rin, “I don’t want you to lie with your concubines anymore. Set them free. I’ll be enough to satisfy you.”

Rin’s eyes grew wide, a flush coloring his cheeks. “Eh?!”

Before he could protest, Sousuke pulled him closer by his hand, bending to press a firm kiss to Rin’s lips. Immediately his mind screamed at him to stop, but Rin seemed to melt against him, and it was easy to ignore his reservations. He’d gone too long, waited so many years . . .

Sousuke grabbed Rin around the waist, lifting him without breaking the kiss. Rin wrapped his legs around him, hands cradling Sousuke’s face, as he pressed his tongue against Sousuke’s lips, seeking access. Opening his mouth, Sousuke greeted Rin’s tongue with his own, a low growl sounding before he could stop it. Rin responded with a soft whimper, which was a sound Sousuke had never heard before. 

He liked it.

Stepping forward, he pushed the books and papers from the desk, placing Rin on top of it instead. Once he was settled, he leaned back, pulling his kaftan off over his head and tossing it aside. Rin was wearing only his robes, as he often did while lounging in his chambers. Smirking faintly, Sousuke captured Rin’s lips once more, pushing the robe off Rin’s shoulders, tugging at the knot around the waist until it fell away and he could part the folds, baring his king.

Rin shivered, and Sousuke stepped away to briefly admire the lithe body before him. Rin’s hands clutched the edge of the desk, and his chest heaved with panted breaths. He stared at Sousuke with wide eyes, dark with desire. Sousuke had no doubt his own were the same. He took note of Rin’s length, half-hard and growing firmer. He slid his hand around it, tugging gently. Rin gasped, but Sousuke stifled any sound with his mouth, his other hand pushing through Rin’s hair.

_You shouldn’t be touching him in this way._

Sousuke grimaced, pulling back his hand, realizing he should probably allow Rin to take the lead. “I-I’m sorry, my king,” he panted quietly. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

Rin shook his head. “I-I want you to. Do whatever you’ve wanted to do all this time. That’s what I want as well.” He smiled breathlessly.

Sousuke stared, wondering if this was a dream. It seemed real, however, and as he leaned forward to press his lips gently against Rin’s once more, it felt real also.

He moved his lips to Rin’s neck, kissing against the warm, soft skin, as he pressed two fingers against Rin’s mouth, pushing them past his lips and tongue. Rin paused, before realizing what he wanted and giving his fingers a suck, lavishing them with his tongue until they were soaked with saliva.

Sousuke removed them then, pushing Rin further down against the desk and nudging Rin’s legs further apart with his thigh. He ran his tongue along the side of Rin’s ear, before pressing a finger against the young man’s entrance, massaging it in slow circles. Rin shuddered, another whimper escaping. Sousuke bit back a smile. He could feel his own body responding, his pantaloons starting to tent, as his body ached. But he knew that Rin had never had this done to him before, so he told himself to go slowly.

Carefully, he pushed a finger into Rin, pausing when he heard Rin’s breath hitch. He lifted his head, looking down into Rin’s flushed face. “Let me know if it’s too much,” he murmured softly, stroking sweaty strands of hair away from Rin’s forehead.

Rin was tight around his finger, too tight. A sudden fear of hurting the young man gripped him, and Sousuke glanced toward the bedroom doorway, knowing there’d be oil in there. He removed his finger gently, taking Rin’s hand then to pull him off the desk.

“S-Sousuke?” Rin asked, looking at him in confusion.

“This is your first time, so we’re going to do things right,” Sousuke said firmly, leading him toward the room.

“It’s hardly my first time,” Rin scoffed, rolling his eyes.

Sousuke glanced back at him, raising an eyebrow. “With this it is,” he said pointedly, causing another flush to color Rin’s cheeks.

When they got to the bed, Sousuke gently pushed Rin down onto it. He picked up the jar of oil from the bedside table (placed there precisely for this use), before shedding his pantaloons, shivering faintly as his length sprung free from its confines. Rin’s throat constricted, and he looked away, as Sousuke poured the oil over his fingers.

“I’ll go slow,” Sousuke promised, despite the lust that was growing stronger, urging him to take Rin immediately.

He knelt over Rin, bracing one hand on the mattress beside him, the one coated with oil moving between Rin’s legs, finding his entrance once more and pushing past the resistance to slide a finger inside. Rin’s body trembled, and his face was still turned away, so Sousuke set his teeth lightly against Rin’s ear, nipping gently, running his tongue along the edge.

“Ah, ah, Sousuke,” Rin gasped, fingers gripping at the blankets beneath them.

Sousuke felt his heart stutter at the sound. How long had he waited for Rin to say his name like this? In a voice thick with desire and affection? His breath caught, and he pressed a second finger in beside the first, causing Rin to cry out sharply.

“Look at me,” Sousuke said, his voice lower than he’d meant it to be, husky with want.

It took a moment, but Rin turned his head back, opening his eyes to look up at Sousuke. His face was flushed, and his sharp teeth bit into his lip, threatening to break the skin. His body was still shaking, and his hips jerked with each thrust of Sousuke’s fingers. Believing he found the right spot, Sousuke kept his eyes fixed on Rin’s, as he curled his fingers, pressing hard.

Rin twitched, his fingers pulling up on the blankets as another cry escaped his lips. He eyes closed, head tilting back as his hips lifted off the bed.

_How can a man be this beautiful? It seems almost unfair . . ._

Sousuke kissed at Rin’s exposed throat, sliding his lips down the curve of it until he reached the hollow at the base. This he ran his tongue over, listening to Rin’s pants and tiny moans, as he began moving his fingers once more. Lifting his head, he stared at Rin’s face, grunting again softly, “Look at me.”

Rin opened his eyes, slanting his chin down in order to once more meet Sousuke’s gaze. His body quivered, and the look in his eyes was one Sousuke had never seen there before, not even while he took his concubines. It was hazy, dark, full of longing and need.

“S-Sousuke,” he gasped, his voice unsteady. “N-Now . . . please . . .”

Realizing what he wanted, Sousuke removed his fingers. Rin inhaled sharply, settling his hips back against the bed, his hands loosening their death grip on the blankets. Sousuke grabbed the jar of oil once more, pouring more into his hand, only to spread it over his member until it slid easily through his hand. He felt his body responding to his own touch, but he tried not to focus on that, much too used to it. He wanted to feel Rin, to finally be that close to him.

He moved his hands to Rin’s hips, lifting them in order to position himself correctly. He paused, watching Rin’s face, as his king looked back at him. He waited, until Rin exhaled shakily with a nod.

“Now.”

Sousuke tried to restrain himself, but the minute he entered the tight heat of Rin, he shoved forward until he was completely encased. Rin yelped, fingers tightening once more on the blankets. Grimacing faintly, Sousuke leaned down to kiss Rin’s cheeks and nose.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured, stroking Rin’s hip slowly with one hand. He ran it down the silky skin of his thigh, before moving it back up to curve of the hip and then the softness of his side. He shifted his hand then to the small of Rin’s back, beginning to move in small, careful thrusts.

Rin groaned, moving one of his hands to Sousuke’s arm, gripping it. Sousuke didn’t mind, and he kissed back down Rin’s neck until he reached his collarbone. He gave it a small nip, resting his teeth against it then, as he began to thrust a little harder.

The pleasure was astounding, better than what he’d imagined. Rin quivered around him, clenching in short, unintentional ways that caused his own body to shake. Sousuke wasn’t sure he’d be able to last long, so he tried to stay slow, not wanting the moment to end too soon.

But Rin growled softly after a few minutes, tugging on Sousuke’s arm.

“Sousuke, _more_ ,” he demanded around a moan.

“I-I’m not sure I can last,” Sousuke admitted breathlessly, grimacing. 

“ _More_.”

Groaning softly, Sousuke quickened his pace, his fingers curling into Rin’s back. His thrusts were met with more moans from Rin, which steadily began to increase in volume. His hips pushed against Rin’s, and he panted, his heart pounding so wildly he was sure it was about to burst.

Suddenly, he felt Rin pushing at his shoulders, shoving him back. He paused, withdrawing slowly in confusion.

“M-My king?” he managed.

“You’re too cautious,” Rin said, gruffly.

Sousuke blinked, as Rin sat up and pressed his hands against Sousuke’s shoulders once more, until the guard fell back against the bed. Realization quickly dawned on him, but before Sousuke could warn Rin to be careful, his king had straddled his hips and lowered himself onto him in a single, swift movement that had them both shouting to the ceiling.

Rin didn’t waste time getting settled, but immediately began moving, rocking up and down in quick, hard bounces that caused Sousuke’s head to spin. He could do nothing but stare in wonderment, as Rin’s head fell back, hips bucking, as sharp gasps emitted from his parted lips.

“Ah, Sousuke, _Sousuke_!”

Sousuke’s heart was going to leap from his chest, he was sure of it. He reached out, taking Rin’s hands in his own, forcing them open so he could lace their fingers together. Rin trembled, gripping his hands tightly, as he kept up his vigorous pace.

It was too much. Sousuke couldn’t last. The heat was building too quickly, his nerves quivering and bunching, his entire body tensing. He could feel pressure building behind his eyes, sparking light across his vision. Although he didn’t want to remove his gaze from Rin’s face, he found his eyelids fluttering closed, as his back arched and what felt like an explosion pitched his body into a short convulsion.

“ _Rin!_ ”

The name escaped before he could stop it, and he felt the world tilt and roll. Rin didn’t release his hands or stop moving, and Sousuke felt himself starting to sink into the bed, his muscles feeling as though they were dissolving, the heat overwhelming. Then Rin yelled his name, stiffening, and Sousuke opened his eyes in time to see the white liquid shoot from his length, splattering across his stomach. 

Rin’s shoulders began to sag, and Sousuke noticed how hard he was breathing. He quickly sat up, catching Rin before he could fall over. His body was still trembling, twitching in small spasms. Sousuke wrapped his arms around him, rubbing his back soothingly.

“Are you all right?” he asked worriedly, afraid that it had been too severe for Rin.

Rin nuzzled his face into Sousuke’s neck, sighing deeply. “I-I didn’t want you to have all the fun,” he murmured.

Sousuke shook his head, stifling a chuckle. He could feel Rin’s rapid heartbeat against his chest, matching the quick pace of his own. He moved, gently lifting Rin off him. He noticed the wince on his king’s face and tried to fight back the guilt.

“Does it hurt?” he asked, grabbing his pantaloons to pull on.

“Only some,” Rin admitted, frowning faintly at the pillows.

“It’s your own fault for being so intense,” Sousuke pointed out, before lifting Rin off the bed, carrying him toward the bathing room.

Rin huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. Sousuke pressed a soft kiss to the side of Rin’s head, lowering him into the warm water once they arrived. He brushed aside a strand of sweaty hair from Rin’s face, tucking it behind his ear gently.

“Do you want me to fetch your slaves to bathe you?” he asked.

Rin shook his head. “Would you join me instead?”

Sousuke blinked, not accustomed to such a request. “If it is my king’s wish,” he said, shedding the pantaloons once more before stepping into the water, settling down beside Rin. He picked up the soap, dipping it into the water before rubbing it between his hands until lather appeared. He picked up Rin’s hand then, kissing the back of it, before running the soap along his arm.

“I’d prefer it if you called me Rin while we're alone,” Rin admitted softly after a moment.

Sousuke couldn’t help but smile. “All right . . . Rin.”

Rin grinned back at him. “And I shall call you . . . Cuddle Bear.”

Sousuke’s smile disappeared. “No.”

“You can’t tell me no, I’m the king, remember?” Rin laughed. 

Sousuke dropped the soap, splashing him hard in the face instead.

“Hey!” Rin exclaimed, smacking the water toward him in retaliation.

Sousuke moved out of the way, chuckling as Rin followed him with another splash.

“Is that any way to treat your king?!”

Sousuke grabbed Rin’s wrist before he could splash him again, yanking him close. Immediately, Rin froze, a flush coloring his cheeks.

“I know exactly how to treat my king,” Sousuke said calmly, before kissing Rin with a tenderness that his former actions belied.

Rin melted against him without protest, returning the kiss with a contented sigh. Sousuke stroked his fingers through Rin’s hair, pushing it away from his face. As he leaned back, he smiled again, unable to help it as he looked upon his beautiful king.

Rin lifted his hand, brushing his fingers against the skin beneath Sousuke’s eyes. “This look . . . is that love?” he asked quietly.

“It is, my . . . Rin.”

“Will I always see it there?”

“For as long as I’m here.”

Rin smiled. “Thank you. I’m glad.”

It still felt surreal, and Sousuke wasn’t completely convinced he wasn’t in a dream. But as he finished bathing Rin and the two of them returned to the front room to look over the details of the Marriage Law once more, he felt that perhaps the gods had decided to be kind after all.

He had no illusions that their future from this point on would be perfect. He knew Rin was still growing and maturing and would most likely make mistakes. But perhaps with the gods’ favor, and his determination to never leave Rin’s side, the two of them could make it through whatever hardships they faced.

Together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thank you so much for reading this fic! If you'd like to stay in touch, my tumblr is [shions-heart](http://shions-heart.tumblr.com/). :)
> 
> Also, this story will have two short (around 3-4 chapters each) companion pieces! One will be for MakoHaru and will give some backstory on how they became friends and how their relationship grew while in captivity, as well as have Nagisa's reunion with his father. The second will focus on Hayato's journey to find his brother and the help he receives from the guards Ai and Momo.
> 
> I really hope you enjoy them! 
> 
> Stay awesome, lovelies! <3


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